EMOTIONS ARE MESSY
There’s nothing I hate more than laundry, I thought to myself one hot sunny Saturday afternoon as I spread the last T-shirt on the laundry line in the backyard. At least I’m done this time.
I headed back inside, locked the back door, and made my way to the living room, collapsing promptly on the couch. Minutes later, boredom set in, and I reached for my phone. I saw the blinking notification light, and it was a BBM message from Chibuzor, my friend with many delicious benefits.
‘Hey,’ he’d said.
I grinned to myself and replied, ‘Heeey, you sexy thing.’
He replied instantly. ‘Hahaha! You are such a clown.’
‘Honk, Honk,’ I typed back.
‘Loool.’
‘Wanna come over?’ I typed, but I did not hit the send button, as I noticed he was typing. I waited for his message to drop as I checked out his DP. I hadn’t seen this one before. It was a car selfie. I admired the play of light over his chocolate skin and the somewhat shy smirk on his face. I mentally licked my lips as I anticipated rolling my tongue over the soft juicy pink lower lip. I shook my head at myself and went back to the chat. His message had dropped.
‘I’m sorry for the long silence towards you,’ he said.
‘Ah, it’s nothing. We’re both busy people,’ I replied. Frankly, I hadn’t noticed it had been almost a month since we last spoke, and guilt gripped me. My mind flashed back to the last time we saw, and my feeling of guilt worsened…
We had just finished doing the dirty on my living room carpet, and we were cuddling in each other’s arms, when I felt a funny sensation. I turned to look at him, and noticed a silly, gooey expression on his face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked gingerly.
He sighed deeply and looked away, before he replied, “I know this isn’t supposed to be part of the plan, but I think I’m falling for you.”
“Oh dear…” I muttered in response.
“I know, right?” He chuckled weakly.
I couldn’t say anything. I just stared at his handsome face, trying to come up with a reply that wouldn’t hurt him.
I liked Chibuzor, I really did. But I just couldn’t see anything between us deeper than sex. I didn’t just feel that deeper connection between us. He was probably just having post coital élan.
“I can’t date you, Chibuzor,” I said finally. “You know I just can’t see you in that light…”
“Oh, you can fuck me, but you can’t date me, right?” he snapped, getting up suddenly and stomping into the bathroom.
I opened my mouth to say something, but he was too far away, and all the speeches that came to mind sounded terribly feeble. I simply lifted myself off the carpet and waited for him to leave the bathroom so that I could also clean up.
After we were both cleaned and dressed, which happened during several minutes of awkward silence, I decided to take the bull by the horns.
“Listen, Chibuzor. I don’t know why you are upset. When we started having relations, we were both clear; it was just a physical thing. Now you’re catching feelings, and it’s my fault?”
He sighed deeply again. “I know. But the feelings are there now, and if you can’t or won’t return them, then we can’t continue having sex.”
I blinked several times, utterly shocked. No sex? What?! What was I supposed to do with my konji then? I am not the kind of person that has several bed partner options, and Chibuzor had been the only one warming my sheets for almost a year. But I had to act cool.
“Fine then, if that’s what you need for your own peace of mind,” I replied.
He looked slightly shocked that I’d agreed so easily, and then he looked slightly let down. Perhaps he had wanted me to fight harder for him? “Alright then, I guess I should be leaving…” he said, and soon after, he left.
That was over a month ago. Now here he was on my BBM apologizing for absence. I didn’t care, as long as he could come here quickly and work my body out.
‘OK cool then,’ he typed back, adding a smiley face.
I smiled, and was about to ask if he could come over, when he dropped another message.
‘So….I met someone….and I’m kinda in a relationship.”
The declaration hit me with the force of a bowling ball in my midsection. I stared at my screen for several moments, trying to come up with a response, but it is hard responding to something that you don’t even know how you feel about.
‘You there?’ he pinged.
‘Yeah, I am,’ I finally reply. ‘That’s great news.’
‘Yeah, it really is. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m telling you.’
Yeah, I actually am, you traitor, I said in my mind, but instead, I type, ‘I’m your friend, people share these important details with friends, right?’
‘True, but that’s not the only reason,’ he replied. ‘I need closure with you, Santa. I couldn’t have just left things between us the way they were.’
‘I completely understand,’ I replied.
‘So are we cool?’ he asked.
‘Of course!’ I replied. ‘In fact, you’ll gist me all about the lucky guy later. I’m cooking at the moment. Maybe we could even all hang out sometime.’
‘You’re really a good guy, Santa.’
‘No, you are the good guy. Thanks for sharing this with me. Some other guys would have just continued sleeping with me and their boyfriend. Your boyfriend is lucky really.”
‘Haha! Wash! Ok, then, we’ll gist later, right?’
‘Surest thing.’
I put down my phone and stared up at the ceiling, perplexed at the strong emotions coursing through my chest. I didn’t have feelings for Chibuzor, right? So why was I feeling so bereft?
Written by Santa Diaba
About author
You might also like
ANSWERING THE SIREN CALL
To be caught in an emotional turmoil was the last thing I expected I’d have to deal with when I resumed school for the final semester of my university education
NEEDING TEDDY
We waved at Babajide as he got into his car, and watched him drive off before going into the house. It was just some minutes past 12am. A few hours
12 BANGS A SLAVE
He was a strapping young lad, sixteen years old. He worked in our house, not very smart looking. Just a kid with freckles doing manual things. He wore linen shorts
51 Comments
Dennis Macauley
December 17, 07:02One part of the equation catching feelings while the other is not
***sigh***
We have all been there!
Sometimes you just want a fling or a sex thing but something else happens to you and you fall madly for someone and you cannot get out!
Feels great tho!
Chuck
December 17, 07:08These aren’t real feelings. They’re just slight envy because Santa has to give up something (sex with Chibuzor). It’s the same way you like one of your toys better when other kids want to play with it. Love is constant, and does not depend on the threat of loss to show itself.
Santa should grow up.
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 07:26What of the other alternative? The one Hollywood likes to sell. 🙂 that the feelings must have been lying dormant, and only the threat of you losing the person can make you realize you really had them all this time… lol
Chuck
December 17, 07:44Hollywood stories are constructed to be entertaining. Life isn’t.
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 07:49Touche. 🙂
Ace
December 17, 12:30You definitely gave me a new perspective chuck. It is possible the feelings Santa is getting is just of realizing that the doors to his fuckery has been closed… officially.
Samaurai
December 17, 08:29I could hug you now, Chuck.
You’re so on point.
simba
December 17, 07:11Ur just bin jealous Santa.. doesn’t mean, u ve suddenly loved him.. nah just the realisation, he could do and be happy without u.. I guess u ve just lost a good soul brother.. I warn u,..better not try deceive him and fuck him again to avoid complicating his current relationship. If u love him, wish him good and become a brother.. sorry for ur loss man
Deola
December 17, 07:13You don’t know the value of what you got till you lose it…so the saying goes.
Lord II
December 17, 07:13It’s not “the love” feeling that you have its just the sudden realisation of the fact that your only trusting sex bud has just found someone else besides u!!! Trust me the feeling will wane…..give it time.
Nuel
December 17, 07:58Some pple ehn… The true of d matter here as i see it is Santa is not bold to admit his feelings.
chestnut
December 17, 07:58“Santa”? Lol…
chestnut
December 17, 08:12Meanwhile, “Santa” (I still can’t get over how cute ur name is,lol), I understand ur perspective, to an extent. To me,it seems u guys were already dating; I mean,he was ur ONLY sexual partner for a whole year, u were probably his only one too,for that year,seeing how he had affections for u, u guys are friends and enjoy each other’s company and probably interact/communicate regularly…what exactly is different btwn this and a “relationship”? I guess he just wanted a LABEL. He could have left things the way they were and continued to enjoy d ride (literally and otherwise), instead of insisting on “written” evidence of what u two already had.
Andrevn
December 17, 09:15Yea Breastie *oops….manicured fingers to rogued lips* chestie the whole label thingy probably spoilt this one.
So much for apply stickers to everything!
(heart banging against breast not again i meant to say chest)
Chai! Me don die!
chestnut
December 17, 09:28Andrevn, u’re looking for my trouble o! U ppl were here wen it happend o…lol
Peak
December 17, 08:05Its the classical situation of “Not knowing what you had till its Gone!”
Colossus
December 17, 08:10Akuko Mike Ejiaga! Feelings? What’s that?
Dennis Macauley
December 17, 08:44How come this does not surprise me
Colossus
December 17, 10:40Lol. Bros chill, I’m not that hard. That’s right, HARD!!!!
#TeamKizito
December 17, 08:22You can’t eat your cake and have it, bae.
Hmm..
Max
December 17, 10:53Exactly…
AC/DC
December 17, 08:27Lolzzzz.
‘Santa diaba’ bawo.
Someone have been watching telemundo too much ooo.
Nnukwa akuko ajambele.
Eros
December 17, 08:50Lol. I thought i was the only one that saw that. Next someone will be bearing Emiliano who drinks tequila at the end of every paragraph.
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 11:38It’s the choice of name that irks you? Seriously?
FKA Chizzie
December 17, 08:48Serves u right.
After awhile, it dawns on u that theres more to life than the usual consensual bang, or the threesome at a friend’s or having bareback orgies and group sex while ur wife and kids are at home anticipating thier dads return, or joining and/or creating online groups for orgy rendezvous.
It’s called growing up, and folks generally at one point have to make a conscious effort at doing that ,especially before they can bring up issues of ‘maturity’ and offer to ‘counsel’ others when they themselves are in deep need of counseling and are living breathing caricatures of everything an irony is.
Mrs Macaulay
December 17, 09:01This is coming from a personal bitter place!
***sets tea kettle on table***
Guys??
simba
December 17, 09:18Chizzle.. easy babe… splash u ice water…
Khaleesi
December 17, 09:26***settles down beside Mrs M crosses long graceful legs and pours a cup of steaming green tea*** i have to see the insides of Chizzie’s personal bitter place & @whom this early morning vitriol is directed …
chestnut
December 17, 09:45Hian! Chizzie, u do realise we’re not talking about “royalty” here,right?
Peak
December 17, 09:46Kila gbe kila ju!
What’s the long ass-sideways essay for? Are we reading the same post? I really need to go back and read again cos I skipped the part where santa had/organised ogies or had threesome! *squints closely. Hmmmm am I thinking what Mrs M might be thinking?
gad
December 17, 12:27I’m sure we are not reading the same post
Andrevn
December 17, 09:07Oh my good lawd!
Emo’s are messy like plantain sap to your fingers….
Time and only time will thaw stones to sand, so trust me the feeling will pass unless you want to apply stringent measures which will make you look dumbass childish…..
This is a prove of the friendship you’ve always wanted, so be a big bro and let him lean on you……
#Experience.
Khaleesi
December 17, 09:22This is a great piece! Emotions truly are messy and frequently you cant control the direction of your emotions …
@Santa, you need to know that often when you’re having sex with someone especially on a regular basis, your spirits start to connect, you’re going through the pain of losing that connection … it will take time but you’ll get over it …
Dennis Macauley
December 17, 09:32“Chibuzor”
“Chizzie”
Mrs M, can I have more tea please?
Is anybody seeing the correlation? And the bitterness?
chestnut
December 17, 09:49Chai dennis! U like quarrel pass fight.
Dennis Macauley
December 17, 10:09@chestnut
Boo what have I done?
***Blows air on my coffee and takes a sip***
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 11:40Hahahahahahaa!!! Dennis, you’re evil. You don’t mean… *voice fading away meaningfully*
Peak
December 17, 12:36Dennis na wa oooooo
I thought I was the only one who noticed when someone went all JET LEE and started bringing up terms like “orgy, threesome, group sex” and I was like ” Pause! None of the above terms were used in the story. ………..oh well wetin small pikin Iike me know?
Mrs M please I would like ve a cup of that tea too
Legalkoboko
December 17, 13:26Wait, what did he say?
” ***Blows air on
my coffee and
takes a sip***”
Lol!
You just reminded me of my childhood tea drinking technique!
Dimkpa
December 17, 09:46If you had not ‘spoken’ to him in a month and were neither bothered nor aware of it till he texted you, then you don’t have feelings for him. There’s no way that can be love. You may be mourning the loss of a sex buddy. It may be it is time to reconsider the just sex thing as people will leave when they find something more meaningful with another.
techie
December 17, 10:01yea, emotions can the messy. especially the one you’re currently feeling… envy.
anyways it’s easy to find lays in a big city if that’s all you want. I suspect you found replacement(s) already… all the best to you and chibuzor in your pursuits of happiness 🙂
#TeamKizito
December 17, 10:01Hmm.. When I made such choices as Chibuzor’s and got kito messages afterwards..
Nawa, when you don’t wanna love the baker but you’re deeply in love with the cake & sausage. Wtf
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 11:42kizito, that story…Hmm, I’m still waiting for it o.
JustJames
December 17, 10:15At least chibuzor got to move on with his life instead of having a pretend relationship…
Dennis Macauley
December 17, 10:43@james this has shade written all over it!
Max
December 17, 10:59I hate “pretend” relationships…totally hate it.. Some folks wanna enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship and also being single @ the same time.. I’d say the other dude made the right choice and moved on.. And also informed him..I think that’s the best part.. The dude and I have similar M.O…
Andrevn
December 17, 11:48I’m suddenly in a fix here…anybody care to help explain?
@ Chestnut….me is just learning the act fast as your protege’
#Greetings Shifu Chestnut!
Mr Kassy
December 17, 12:19Maybe you dint think he would ever consider parting ways with ur “living dildo”.probably cos at each lustful encounter he usually confesses moanfully how u make him be in third havens,and then you thought he wouldn’t ever risk losing the horny ride.Sorry man,he is now in LOVE,I think a fleshjack can do u good.stop the envy jare*hides throbbing dick as cousin knocks*
Ace
December 17, 12:56I wish someone could record my reactions and expressions each time i read the stories and comments *passes knowing glance at Chizzie* I am like “huh”? “really?” “awww :'( ” “damn bitch” “my thoughts exactly!” “Nigga shut the fuck up”
Now to the story, Nope you are not in love. We all have that sad feeling when we realize someone we fucked with is fucking/ going to start fucking someone else. Give it time.
P.s Pink panther, i am trying hard not to send stories cos all the one coming to mind will either land me in trouble or get shade thrown at me. “Should i go ahead and continu?”
pinkpanthertb
December 17, 13:07Lmao. Go ahead and continu 😀
THREE IS A CROWD | KitoDiaries
September 28, 05:51[…] and the most recent ping was from Chibuzor, a former friend with benefits. (Remember Chibuzor, from Emotions Are Messy, who moved on from me to a steady boyfriend) He’s still a friend of course, but sans benefits, as […]