An Opinion About Roles And Stereotypes
FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…
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Human beings have a knack for stereotyping and the male LGBT community doesn’t make it any better. Asking or telling someone that one is Top, Bottom or Versatile tends to create a mental picture in the mind of the other person (with or without facial contact). It’s automatically assumed that the Top is alpha masculine, is the “Man”, has everything going on for him, has a huge dick, is very macho, doesn’t shed a tear, is either the suit-and-tie guy or the shirt-and-jeans guy. It unfortunately is also stereotypically ingrained that the Bottom is the “Female”, weak at heart, feminine in many ways than allowed by society, weaker generally.
In reality, those ‘roles’ aren’t what define us. They are the things we enjoy in bed and not a personality or character. It’s that flawed mentality that has corrupted the shallow thinkers and sadly, initiates, and that has caused the sort of infraction that we have in the community today. The Bottom soon believes that (because) he is Bottom and so should become more feminine, softer, be pampered, more relying than reliable. The Top sees himself as being Top and so should become more masculine than he already is or can be, stretch himself further, become a walking dick, get an inflated ego because he believes he’s a rare specimen provided to the community and should be worshiped. Then there’s the Versatile, the one who likes to take the dick just as well as give it; because of the stereotype of Bottoms, he chooses to be Top, and VersTop when probed further.
Ok, enough about problems. Way out? Instead of asking what role a person plays (That, in itself, is what creates the stereotype in the mind), it’s better, safer and more polite to ask what they ‘prefer being’ in bed, as opposed to what they ‘are’. A response of the kind: “I prefer to bottom in bed”, “I only bottom in bed” or “I prefer to top in bed”, gives a clear picture, doesn’t create a wrong impression in minds and is a more polite way to pass that message across. That doesn’t stop the one who prefers to bottom in bed from being a commanding figure in his office, or his home or community. That doesn’t make the one who prefers to top more of a man, or prevent him from shedding a tear every now and then. They are preferences, not definitions. They shouldn’t define how lives are led. The sooner the gay male community learns that, the better we would become.
Written by Regal Sweetheart
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100 Comments
Gad
January 16, 04:19Regal, expression of one’s opinion is welcome but for clarity we should always add the caveat “this is my opinion”. What you wrote is how you feel and how you see it. It doesn’t mean that it’s the truth. What you just did was like telling people, tops and bottoms alike that the way they feel is not okay.Many bottoms I have met wants to be pampered,treated like a lady etc. That’s how they feel. Personally, I can’t connect with a guy who though he plays bottom well but has no touch of feminism. That’s the way I feel. I think it’s as natural as being gay. I’m not a fan of the west but in places where gay marriage is legal,there is always a man and wife figure @ the marriage ceremonies. I’m yet to get a report that the status of who is the man or woman figure has ever been an issue. On a final note, being bottom/top or playing btm/top are mere semantics and doesn’t make the top more man and the bottom less man. Mutual respect and understanding is the defining factor.Goodmorning. Good day
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 04:20Gad, the title of the post is ‘AN OPINION…’
So you could chill on the indignation.
Jeez!
Peak
January 16, 06:33Gad I think you just commited the same crime you accused the write of with ur “I can’t connect with a guy who though he plays bottom well but has no touch of feminism.” Line. Aside from having roles we are more comfortable with in bed, we equally have how we prefer out boy/men when it comes to personality makeup and physical appearance. We get that! but saying that his writeup (which is spot on if u ask me) is one sided and u end up putting out ur own spin on the matter, which sounded even more one sided than what is written. Either way u missed the part where u were suppose to give us “a way forward”
Max
January 16, 08:36@Gardener, oh sexuality is natural?? Didn’t know you knew that..
***oh dear, where are my manners***
Gad
January 16, 13:21Saying the type of guy that goes for me was only an example. My point is clear on this but if you chose to misunderstand it, I’m sorry, I can’t help you.
Chizzie
January 16, 07:03I agree w you Gaddie dear…and your lexical structures have really improved this yr. keep it up e hear? *hugs*
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 07:27Gaddie dear? :O
Mercury
January 16, 08:12I think say na only me see am.
Max
January 16, 08:34Wtf @Chizzie
Chuck
January 16, 10:44you don dey take amu from gad?
Gad
January 16, 15:41Improvement on Lexical structure? Can you be clearer?
Chizzie
January 16, 15:54I mean the way you put your words and sentences together @ Gad.
Gad
January 16, 19:41Hmmm. Okay. Let me reserve my comments
Pete
January 16, 04:40What about the versbottom? #AskingForDM
Peak
January 16, 06:47Hahahaha @pete how u take know
simba
January 16, 05:40@ regal cool u try to educate us cus personally I believe tht roles played by one on bed doesn’t define them.. tht u topped me, shouldn’t make u think amma call u Sir or Daddy, or fix ur breakfast or iron ur cloths.. for me bed roles, are separate from my everyday life.. but unfortunately stereotype has come to stay, lots of us are plain ignorant while most have accepted bed roles to define them too..
trystham
January 16, 06:21U r expected to iron their clothes??? Oshi!!!
Lothario
January 17, 08:23I swear, that jumped right out at me…..Why do I have unironed clothes then? Shit! These trifling bottoms…..
McGray
January 16, 06:35Seriously it makes me purge when i hear a (gay) guy saying he needs someone to pamper him, someone he can lie on his chest, someone that he can watch d sun sets holding hands, true love that cannever be quenched etc. Gosh! That’s silly. For Kraisake we are MEN, tough skinned to such bullshit emotions. How can a full grown man be needing pampering?? It really makes me sick. And d worst part, ‘he broke my heart’ which heart?? Seriously guys shld just wepu aka enwe na ofe oo….
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 06:55McGray please don’t mix up the subjects! Seeking and having an emotional connection with another man is not emasculating (horrible word).
I do like lying down hands entwined, head on chest and watching grey’s anatomy, I do like holding hands and walking in the sunset (never done that tho) and yes I have have my heart broken too!
Men have the capacity to love other men too and be hurt by other men
MacArdry
January 16, 07:07I knew there’s a reason I liked you,DM.Despite your sometimes overactive imagination.
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 07:17When you mix a compliment with shade, what is it called?
Shadi-ment?
LOL
Thanks tho!
Me and this my imagination sef, I should start writing magical realism like Nnedi Okoroafor
MacArdry
January 16, 07:50Nah,no shade intended.I tend to be somewhat blunt atimes,call it as I see it.
‘Sides,our world would be such a boring,drear place,with no color,were those imaginations not engaged in overdrive when it’s called for.
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 07:56I still don’t get it, this Dennis’ ‘overactive imagination’.
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 08:40Well PP you know me personally and they don’t!
It’s not surprising
Peak
January 16, 07:18@McGray where do I begin with u this morning?
Dude personally I think you are one of the many things that is wrong with community. So cos I’m a full grown man, just means I’m not allowed to have emotions? I get the whole pampered part and all the argument about men being men, but behind close doors? Hell yeah I like to cuddle and talk all kinds of crap.mind U, I don’t fall under the grouping of ppl you discribe above, but u should understand that some ppls existence transcend way beyond a quick 5min bangbang!
Summing up my entire existence (cos that what my sexuality is about) as nothing but sex is what I don’t take likely. I want to talk, connect, dream and build, make future plans, be inspired and inspire. All that comes from being able to relate with man that gets u and share ur view and aspirations regarding life. Do I want to hold hands with men that inspire these feeling, even if our affair is gonna last but a while? Hell to the fucking yeah! Does laying on my chest help him feel better and at home, and forget about his troubles momentarily? Why not. There is more to our sexuality than just shagging up with a guy till ur dick spits cum. I feel like me existence is being cheapened when some IGNORANT guys thinks their sexuality is nothing more than just stripping 4 the nearest available guy, and we ask ourselves why the community has high prevalence of dark-bitter-twisted-men, HIV, STI, ppl who think they are worth nothing beyond sex and god knows what else. We have situations that this write up is trying to address cos of ppl who hold ur kind of view
Good morning
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 07:35Peak, i absolutely love this your comment. I suppose those of us who aspire to spend the rest of our lives living with and loving a male better half are not masculine, by McGray’s standards. Talk about mixing up the point of the update he claims to agree with
Sheldon Cooper
January 16, 08:30I’m in love with Peak. Hmmm goosebumps allover. You just took the words out of my mouth.
I like to bottom. I like to top. I like to cuddle, lie on your chest and have you lie on my chest. Sue me! What I do in bed shouldn’t define how I ‘act’ outside the bedroom. I love to wear my combat shorts, big t-shirts, timberland, skinny jeans and pants, hoods (I ‘m crazy for hoods)etc
Just don’t put me in box. I love it outside the box.
Max
January 16, 08:49Omg, I have a crush..
**covers face
Pedro Mann (@D1kPedro)
January 17, 17:19Thanks. I don’t want to be too infuriated by “that” guy’s comment. One guy I was chatting with on Facebook told me a lot of persons have brroken his heart, so he’s on a “revenge” breaking others’. You can imagine that one. I was just speechless. Competition for “how many hearts I’ve broken”
chestnut
January 16, 07:36Oh Mcgray! Purge? Really?…*sigh*…
Maybe “pamper”, in this context, is not the best choice of word (or maybe it’s actually accurate), but the truth remains that we are human beings, and every normal human being, whether gay or straight or top or bottom, has emotions, and we crave love and affection…we want(NEED) that physical and emotional contact…that human touch. Everyone wants to be physically close to the one they love,as an expression of the emotions they feel. Even straight guys like to hold and cuddle their women. Does that make them less-than-men? The difference is that they,are naturally wired towards women, while we, are wired towards men. So we all have to work with what we’re given; if u like men,cuddle a man,if u like women,cuddle a woman. Or are u talking of excessive and unnecessary mushiness bordering on foolishness- (it exists,even in straight couples)?
KyrxxX
January 16, 08:36*Face Palm* Here we go again with this mindset that is really annoying! Is it a crime for a man to be emotional/all this u mentioned?
I think this notions R just fueled by our kind of society where men r meant to b rigid, hide their emotions nd thus die early from heart related issues(Who wouldn’t with such load?).
This same topic was discussed on Coolfm Abuja this week nd God bless a particular guy for speaking like a human being while other guys were speaking like goats! Men can be emotional nd show it too.
I love to b pampered, I believe in d white picket fences, happily ever after, holding hands, watching d sunset nd yes……… TRUE LOVE! It doesn’t make me any less of a man!
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 06:51Everybody here knows how I feel about labels, stereotypes and the male-female archetype!
I agree with the writer 100percent! Leave It in the bedroom.
Someone here said someone may not be a top because he used the word “rubbish”. These stereotypes are just crap!
I am attracted to feminity in a man, however I don’t expect him to cook and clean up after me. I also should not be expected to pick up all your bills too, cos if I can earn money so can you!
We need to discard these things and open ourselves to sexual experiences without inhibitions
chestnut
January 16, 06:53Sorry Regal, but unfortunately, these sterotypes will continue in d gay community. Ppl will always (conciously or unconciously) assign a certain pride or shame to paticular roles. If someone wants to insult u, they’ll call u “bottom”(funny enough,it’s mostly bottoms that do this). Even if u say (truthfully) that u’re top or verse, they will still call u a liar and a bottom. The other day, someone wanted to insult someone else on this blog, and felt that a painful way to do it was to imply that “real” tops don’t have slim legs/slim frames (I wonder how the way God shapes a person’s legs or body, determines the role he plays)…
Oh, but karma is a bitch (muhahaha!) because someone else also accused that first “someone” of lying about his “topness”, because he used d word “rubbish” in a sentence (I didn’t even know “real” tops were supposed to have limited vocabulary or not allowed to use some bona fide english words). Now, I will concede that A LOT of tops DO take (and enjoy) the ‘D’ from time to time, but they would rather get stomped on by dancing elephants,than admit it, because of the derision that would follow; if everyone knows u fucked 99 ppl harder than a porn-star,but find out that the 100th person fucked u, it becomes: “dat one? Na bottom ‘she’ be o! ‘She’ just dey pretend for those first 99 ppl wey ‘she’ fuck” (funny enuff,this logic doesn’t work the other way; get fucked by 99 ppl and fuck the 100th person,and it becomes: “dat one? Na bottom ‘she’ be o! ‘She’ just dey pretend for dat 100th person wey ‘she’ fuck).
It would be funny,really,if it wasn’t so ridiculous.
*goes back to watching my EBUBE NWAGBO movie*…(Dennis,do u want to join me? Bring Mrs. M too…hehehe)
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 06:57Chestnut
Two words
Face Palm
Peak
January 16, 07:35Wow! Are we still doing baggage claim? 2days in a row? Why aint no one tell me writing a poem can help get u some some!!!
*picks up a pen and paper and starts writing a poem 4 A-non, simba, Max………….aaaah! On a second though, I will scratch that last name, that nigga Is a feisty one, a poem is not gonna cut it 4 him
simba
January 16, 07:43Peak.. ur an intelligent person, I do appreciate when u mention my name :: wink wink lol.. ur comment today is on point just like always..
chestnut
January 16, 07:44@Peak: baggage claim keh? I don’t even know what u mean,lol. Read my comment well o! I’m only responding to today’s post…or is there something about my comment that doesn’t tally with the issue that is up for discussion today? Pls show me where so I can make adequate modifications.lol
Max
January 16, 08:58@Peak dear, you’re my first crush of 2015… The poem might actually work.. ☺
Peak
January 16, 08:03Cheasty luv! Even stevie wonder can see the sub-shades that you threw “topness”, “legs”,”rubbish” No?
chestnut
January 16, 08:22Peak, I still know not of what u speak…(And never put ur trust in Stevie Wonder’s eyesight). *straight face*
jamie
January 16, 06:53@McGray, I think you don’t believe that ‘he broke ur heart’ because you have never loved. My instincts tell me you are one gay who feels that ‘gay’ is inferior to ‘hetero’ and so is a game rather than loving…
On the issue, I think that being a versatile most time arises from the intention to be manly, especially when the bottom is aged. Be with him and he may never attempt to top. But there are also true verses! It’s not just about the sex, it’s about how the mind is working.
I think that the solution to these stereotypes lies within us. A number of us are illiterate about a lot of issues concerning us that, sometimes I am even grateful about the way some homophobics think about us. Maybe we have never really thought of reading, cos everything seems to be found on internet!
Even if we stereotype, there are different types of people, and occassionally, we come across them. It isn’t rare for a top to flare up when he finds a bottom who doesn’t give in to sex easily, and who thinks much about giving and taking respect!
chestnut
January 16, 07:16U’re doin it again,Jamie. Ppl see an older top/verse, and in their minds,prefer to believe “I’m sure he’s bottom; it’s age that is making him ‘play’ top now”. Why do we insist on regarding EVERY gay man as an “undercover bottom”? I know it’s human nature and human pettiness to want to believe (what we think is) the worst about ppl (perhaps it makes us feel better about our own flaws), but being bottom is not a flaw. People will readily and eagerly believe the logic of a “pure-bottoming”, so why is it hard to believe the logic of “pure-topping”? Like I said b4, I know a lot of tops take(and enjoy) dick occassionally,then lie about, but since I also know some genuinely pure-bottoms exist, why shouldn’t I believe that pure-tops exist too?
Gad
January 16, 15:47The question I think we should ask ourselves is “if I’m a top do I see my bottom as inferior”? And vise versa
Chizzie
January 16, 06:55So one should use the words “I prefer to” as opposed to “What role”? To be really honest thats arrant nonsense and doesn’t really change anything.
I am bottom, and in ways fit the stereotype. I am feminine…soft…emotionally fragile *coughs*…hec even light skinned. And I prefer a Top who fits the stereotype as well. Masculine, Dark skinned..hard looking et al.
But that’s as far as being gay is concerned! Outside the bed room and in other aspects of my life the so called stereotype doesn’t hold! I am extremely strong willed and assertive…and hard working and relentless. I can carry two gallons of water at a go! I watch anime and read manga. I hate bright colours, I do not listen to Beyonce, ( cant stand her )… I study maps ( weird hobby) ..I watch Crime and Investigation religiously…I listen to weird indie bands and I’m obsessed w Music trivia.
the only thing that alludes to the fact that I am bottom is dt I am effeminate. These roles ( Top, Bottom, Vers) come w their various attributes and there’s absolutely nothing wrong w that, they do not define a persons life in the long run.
in my mind Tops will always be the Man and Bottoms the Woman. and that’s how it ought to be. Outside the bedroom we all revert to being Men.
chestnut
January 16, 07:23You can carry two gallons of water at a go? What does this have to do with manliness biko?
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 07:30My grandma could balance a big pot of water on her head and make several trips to the stream back in the day yea?
Gad
January 16, 19:49Granny must be a masculine top.hahaha
Ace
January 16, 07:30Trust me, some people use the weirdest things as a test for masculinity. I had to stop speaking fluent English when i am anong some group if friends because apparently, fluency is a bitchy bottom thing. I am like Nigga! Have you seen the dumbest use of English by some bottoms in those wackass Facebook pages?
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 07:37Dear God in heaven! English language too?!
Mercury
January 16, 07:39Ask am for us ooo….
chestnut
January 16, 07:51My dear Pinky, are u surprised that grammar can be a litmus test for sexual preference? Were u not here when someone accused someone of not being a top, because he knows the word “rubbish”? *sips tea*…
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 07:57Lmao!!! Apparently the dictionary is divided into top and bottom linguistics. And ‘rubbish’ really shouldn’t be uttered by tops.
Chizzie
January 16, 09:00Yes chestnut…”rubbish” shouldn’t be uttered by Tops. And dt is in my opinion, a very prolific one at that seeing as it has given u sleepness nights.
so how abt you let it rest, sip ur imaginary tea and remain quiet. Negro.
chestnut
January 16, 09:14Hahaha! Chizzie, u’re one to talk about sleepless nights and letting issues rest…remember those issues that u’ve refused to leave in 2014?
I relly hope ur reiteration of “rubbish” as an exclusively “bottom-word” is an attempt to save face, otherwise…well, I always regarded you as a very intelligent young man; have I overestimated u?
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 09:23*turns on fluorescent light* Got a little dark in here.
Mercury
January 16, 10:05I swear!!!!, for a moment der I had to grope around for my phone.
Chizzie
January 16, 10:40its flattering to know that you hold me in such high regard Chestnut and you clearly have an affinity for my comments, even when they are not addressed to you as in most cases, which is a good thing too, I’d rather have comments that incite and provoke, than one’s that are generic, mass conforming and bland…
At the end of the day, its very apparent that u pay very close attention to my comments, which is flattering still. Remember to take notes too, and maybe write down your retort somewhere, should incase you forget.
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 13:28Wait what happened to the lights?
***groping in the dark***
Peak
January 16, 07:54LAMO…….1st of all it interesting to see a bottom that can’t stand beyonce!
@chestnut and DM I was like Duh!!!!!!!
@Ace guy I had to stop looking up words in the dictionary to expand my vocabulary and stopped speaking fluent english cos apperently it means u are gay in the straight circle. To then fluent engish is for girls who are trying to “form” to get attention
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 08:00Hahahahahahaa! Peak, that straight stereotype I’m very familiar with. In uni, i was actually called a faggot by some dude who sneered at me for speaking too much big English. I laughed so hard. The sheer stupidity, trying to make me feel bad for his lack of intelligence
Vhar.
January 16, 10:20This prolific opinion from someone who carries two kegs?
Rubbish = bottoms.
See how stereotyping will never end?
If thinking about you will rain dollars for Chestnut, Its of a certain knowing that He’d settle for cowries. Simply because its you.
#Snaps finger.
Go back to carrying your kegs.
And balance it on your head.
We know you’re effeminate.
Be One.
chestnut
January 16, 12:04Oh chizzie! Of course I hold u in high regard. And of course I pay attention to ur comments; how could I not? A day without ur comments on KD seems incomplete to me (no sarcasm) cos I find u and ur comments fucking hilarious! U’re like an adorable chubby clown in a circus!
Um…u think ur comments are “thought-provoking”? Seriously? Chizzie,I think u’re confusing “thought-provoking” with “attention-seeking”. But that’s ok; we give u the attention…we LIKE to give u d attention,because…well,if u don’t feed d court-jester,who will entertain the court,really? *shrug*
Chizzie
January 16, 13:04right, all that was a load of gibberish; and i think the rule of thumb is if you must play the witty one, try not to make it seem like you are trying too hard.
And speaking of entertainment, I see you’ve decided to play the pseudo-shady one this year? which is a far drop from the semi intellect that was last yr. Why the sudden change though? are my comments that inciteful or are u still feeling frisky from vhar’s Ode to Lesbianism?
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 13:38Chestnut!
You have a dark soul
OMG!
***ROTFL***
chestnut
January 16, 14:05“Pseudo-shady one”? LMFAO. Trust me chizzie, if/when I decide to “shade” u, you will know…and I definitely wouldn’t need to “try”; your entirety lends itself to easy shading. But u and I are cut from a COMPLETELY different cloth, that’s why I have never thrown shade at u (and probably will never go down that slope). So,u fancy yourself a talented shade-thrower? Lol.that’s fine, if that’s what validates u and gives u a weird sense of self-worth (for now – hopefully,in time,you’ll find something real and substantial to make u feel good about urself).
I’m still the same dude from last year though; my “semi-intellect” is still intact (BTW, did I forget to thank u for the new-year shout out u gave me?)
The poem (ode to lesbianism,as u call it) seems to have hurt u in a very deep place.but why?is there something more to this than u’re letting on? Cos u seem to be having nightmares and anxiety-attacks about d poem. U need to let it go,dude,so u don’t get a stroke(it’s quite common in fat people).
Now frankly chizzie,I am too tired and too hungry to carry on this conversation with u right now, so u’ll have to do my part and yours at the same time. It’s all love though.u know I still luh u,right?
Chizzie
January 16, 14:20I clearly struck a nerve hence the long epistle you just wrote, i find it pitiable that you have to explain yourself to someone online who you haven’t even met, and its a shame cus I didn’t bother reading all of it. Now run along and try to test your new found venturesomeness on someone else.
Dubem
January 16, 15:34Dennis has an overactive imagination. Chestnut is a semi intellect. And early last year, trystham was ugly. Oh, let’s not forget that Vhar and Chestnut are lesbians.
Chizzie knows all things and sees all things. Guy, you really must introduce me to the guy who deals you with all the stuff you’ve been smoking ever since you got on this blog. Because, often times, you seem to not know your head from your ass.
Dubem
January 16, 15:35Oh, and comparing your intellect with chestnut’s, insinuating that you’re the superior of you two… Just take a deep breath and listen to that your unintelligent opinion that only bottoms say ‘rubbish’. Have you listened to it? Heard it good and hard? Now, do you see how absolutely ridiculous you sound sometimes.
I think you mistake the laughs you cause on KD for endorsement of your ‘intelligence’. It’s not. You’re not intelligent. You’re controversial. And people here thrive on controversy. Better stick to that. Because going around toting sexist opinions like the things you say sometimes just makes you look like the little boy trying hard to be heard among the big boys.
Chizzie
January 16, 15:45” and comparing your
intellect with
chestnut’s”,
is your (compromised) immune system affecting your eye sight now? when did I compare my intelligence to nut’s ? Guy, swerve. And what you call all-knowing is really an opinion. don’t be so foolish
Dubem
January 16, 15:54I knew you’d go there. My compromised immune system, yea? It’s a testament of how small you are that you’d go so low. Keep mouthing off like that and I promise you, you’ll be the next person to talk about a compromised immune system here. 2014 was the year of the cock, yea? Who knows what all that cock will amount to in 2015.
Mercury
January 16, 17:21I died!!!!!, whoa chestnut, whoa!!!
Gad
January 16, 15:16So on point
Ace
January 16, 07:25I see roles as the rail the gay train travels on. Different rails, different trains with different people. There are things we expect from a top or bottom. These expectations forms how we connect to different folks in the neighborhood. We all can agree that there are guys that we will never believe to be tops even if they carry stamp for dick because we expect certain idiosyncrasies from a top (and yes you can even know who a top and bottom is by how they write. I TALK AM, MAKE UNA SHOOT ME). Some things are just what they are no matter how we may try to fight it.
We have serious issues facing our kind. Lets appreciate the diversity that exists in our world.
chestnut
January 16, 08:00Yes, u CAN know (or guess) who is top or bottom from how they write when it’s statements like: “gurl, I need to let my weave down tonight” or “I expect anyone I’m dating to cook my meals and and help me keep my house tidy”, but when it’s general statements like “I need to tidy my room and clear out all the ‘RUBBISH’ “, does that really tell u anything?…(Ok,I really should stop looking for trouble now.lol
Ace
January 16, 07:53And guys, why is this post suddenly reminding me of someone’s comment that year about “buff Briana” and “macho Mary”? #Dead! Lol.
Mercury
January 16, 07:55All these drama about stereotypes is not even my bidness, I’m versatile or was(health issues made me quit bottoming), the fact that I love a gud ole flip – fuck has nothing to do with my character, mannerisms e.t.c…..after all what happens in bed, should stay in bed. Let people spew all the ignorance they want, I know my truth and it works for me.
JustJames
January 16, 08:23Exactly. And please.. which one is someone is a man and the other a woman in bed. Did the other guys prick suddenly turn to pussy when you started? iConfuse
Mercury
January 16, 10:11I wonder oooo.
Gad
January 16, 18:03Even you James…hmm
Pete
January 16, 08:25While I accept most of the stereotypes hold true,it is not all the time. There are individual likes & dislikes. I enjoy giving & receiving dicks depending on prior agreement. I’m no closet bottom as somebody tagged it here nor I’m confused about what I want. It is just the way I roll
Mercury
January 16, 10:12Period.
KyrxxX
January 16, 08:49*Applauds loudly nd sits down* I love this ur opinion gan oh! Anybody that finds anything wrong wit it deserves dinner with Shekau in Sambisa!
I so hate that “whats your role” question! It makes me cringe! I don’t ask(first) unless when asked nd when am done(after a lot of maneuvering) I just go “yours?”. I like the way u placed d asking, very diplomatic!
An advice to us, every guy u meet shouldn’t b a potential shag nd thus the question. Enjoy d personality first nd any other thing would follow in due time. I have great friends whom I met nd we’ve been together for years yet I don’t know their so-called “roles” bcos am enjoying what am getting i.e. The person b4 d role.
Max
January 16, 09:17Ok, this stereotype thing makes me sick.. So sick that I wanna slap out the stupid mentality from some people. Not everyone you meet is a “potential shag”, so asking them what they enkoy in bed is rude, I find it rude. I feel sad and annoyed at the same time that two gay dudes can’t just meet up and have a productive convo. I know men are harder to get than jobs these days(good men), but that doesn’t mean we should overcompensate for what we ain’t getting
Some like taking it in, some don’t, some prefer it both ways. But the truth of the matter is, everyone can take a D… But not everyone wants to, B’s have been demonized in the gay community just like women has been in histor . B’s are called sluts, while T’s are just T’s. Everything B’s do, the name calling (gurl,sista, etc) is a learned trait, they give in to the gaybourhood categorization, in that category, they’re expected to behave in a certain way. Most guys lie about their preference bcos of what others might think of them. I’ve heard some assholes say something like- how can I let a guy fuck me??. And they’re the so called tops who enjoy doing it to another person. Personally I think all the so called tops should be denied ass for a year. They should try taking it in for once, after then, maybe they’ll shut up their big mouth. Being gay has made me more open minded and more compassionate, because I know what its like to be marginalized by the society. Its funny and also disappointing to see that the same marginalization goes on in our own circle. Targeted towards men who enjoy taking the D. Please this should stop. We re in the 21st century and supposed to be moving forward, not backward. Just because he enjoys the D doesn’t mean he’s weak and inferior.
Lord II
January 16, 09:39And sorry oo but Max why do I think you have a little complex whenever stereotyping is mentioned. Sorry to burst your bubble there but it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. It’s still in NY and will be in any village dat hasn’t yet gotten their first gays.
We have said plenty here that to make life easier we have to know what your preference is up front and yes I agree with u that it shouldn’t define us outside the bedroom but it should be clear IF shagging is in the minds of the two people when they meet at first only not to cause confusion in bed and so forth. However, it still shouldn’t define WHO we ARE innately!
Vhar.
January 16, 10:08I was eagerly waiting you to materialize Lord.
I swear, I was.
You didn’t disappoint.
There’ a category in my head.
You fall into it.
Max has no complex.
You built yourself one.
Read again.
Mercury
January 16, 10:38And how does that burst his bubble?, he doesn’t care about the role definition, he’s referring to d stereotypes that come with em, and he has every right to kick against stereotypes, hell we all do….it like when they say all akwaibomites and cross riverians(calabar people) like y’all say it , are sluts, dog eaters, e.t.c……those are stupid stereotypes and seeing as it affects me(akwaibomite that I am) I’ll kick against it…….too bad narrow minds can’t comprehend. As for asking about roles before hand…..so as not to confuse things later in bed, can’t u get to d bridge before crossing…..abi na by force to penetrate.
Peak
January 16, 10:12Dear writer,
stereotypes will always exist in the community. The only shot at change that we “Might” have is to enlighten ourselves, be open minded, work on our willingness to learn and adapt. A lot of “us” started young and just thought its all about sex, and 4 sex to happen, som1 has to be the man and som1 has to be the woman.we never really took the time to study/find ouselves and learn more about our sexuality, how it fits into society and in relations with other gay men.I’m drawn to what straight folks refer to a “guy’s guy”, very masculine, a lil ting of arrogance here n there, ambitious, focused yada yada. Does that make me a flaming bottom? No! Nothing turns me on more than, a man who is a whip cracker in the street, but a complete dove in the sheets and after all is said and done its back to business once we walk out the door. That ppl, is what I call a Man!!!!!
I ve learnt that we are quite diverse in the community. But its time we start acting appropriately. Cos u bottom don’t mean I ve to pay ur bill! Cos u like to top don’t mean u get to throw money on ppl and dish out commands! Regardless of what we like to do in the bedroom, we must learn to respect ourselves and others. Its all about knowing ur place and acting accordingly.
Chuck
January 16, 10:55why are you attracted to arrogance? that one goes past homosexuality
Max
January 16, 11:49I don’t think its really arrogance.. I understand what he means.. I think he used the wrong word for it.
I’m drawn to power.. Emotionally powerful and stable people, confident, high self esteem( I think that’s what he referred to as arrogance).. And also men who can hold down their own when serious issues come up.
obatala
January 16, 12:54nice write up. I learned sumfin new
Colossus
January 16, 13:25“Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish!!!! This is utterly ridiculous, it should not be made a topic of discourse at all. Like gentlemen, let us all put this behind us and look to the future, a future without stereotypes.”
Oh dear God, I just spoke the word “rubbish” and uttered fairly good English. I feel my mannerisms changing and my ass hole widening. Praise the Lord, I’m now a bottom.
Dennis Macauley
January 16, 13:45Oh Colosus!
Thou art shady
ROTFL
Ace
January 16, 14:37Lol colossus. But sha, me i go vex if i find out say the guy wey i bottom for dey bottom for someone else. I go just vex oh but i no go too think am.
pinkpanthertb
January 16, 14:59Hahahahahaa!!! Colossus, you need help.
Max
January 16, 15:36Seems like everyone now throws shades like a piece of paper around here.. Pls is 2015 a shade year??
Mercury
January 16, 17:28Hahahhahahahahaaa…..I love u man.
Sheldon Cooper
January 16, 16:25I’m gonna go out of my way and start wearing bright colours on KD. It’s becoming very dark here recently.
Is there a school of shades? I need to enrol ASAP.
Lord II
January 16, 16:46Abi ooo when someone could actually say Crap why shouldn’t he get shaded….. abeg where the rainbow colours jo….lets have some light in here!
Mr Kassy
January 16, 22:51I just don’t know what to say after reading all your comments with mixed feelings.Pls is it just me but I think this blog is fast turning into that vicious VITROLVILLE called Linda Ikeji Blog.I still maintain that every gay man can take a dick except the interference of EGO and FEAR of PAIN.