RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 5)
By the grace of God – This is my least favorite (Nigerian) expression right after “Manage it”. My aversion to this phrase has nothing to do with my faith or beliefs; it just irks me because in it is embedded an abdication of responsibility. For example, you take your fabric to a tailor and ask him if it will be ready next week, and he says, “By the grace of God.” My response is always something like: “God’s grace is always available, and God is not the one sewing the cloth Himself. You know how many jobs you currently hold and you know how fast you work. So how about you consider these factors and go ahead to give me a realistic time frame for collection.”
This abdication of responsibility is also seen in our country’s leadership; we pray to God to end insurgency rather than taking a sustained military offensive against the terrorists. As a young Catholic boy (yes, you read right, I even fancied being a priest at some point before ‘worldly pleasures’ distracted me), I remember scoffing at that “prayer against bribery and corruption in Nigeria” (do they still say that prayer in Catholic churches?), because even at that age, I knew that God would not come and end corruption in Nigeria; it is Nigerians themselves who will put an end to it. At some point, you have to take responsibility for your life.
A few days ago here, we were discussing the piece about validation and the writer talked about categorizing people based on financial means in the gayborhood. This rings very true, and the reason why it’s so much of an issue on this side of the road than on the other side is simply because being gay is an expensive sexual orientation. I mean, for starters, to have sex, you need to buy KY jelly of 1000 naira (which you may exhaust in one session). Lol. So having some measure of financial independence is critical to surviving in these waters. Men are visually stimulated and gay men are mostly vain too, so you need to wear nice clothes, smell nice, take care of your body etc to get any attention in this big meat market. And these things cost money. I mean, meet a guy on grindr and chat with him, and the second or third question is always “What do you do?”, and if you don’t give a satisfactory answer, you are given the BBM rapture treatment (lol). I know straight men that are unemployed and have no dime to their names, but still have very good-looking girlfriends who believe they are riding out the drought with them; but when I was fresh out of school and hustling for a job, no one wanted anything more than just sex with me. Some things are just that way.
I was with a few friends the other day having drinks, when they mentioned that one guy (whom I know) got married the week before. Now this was strange because I had this guy on BBM and he did not mention the wedding neither did he even share a picture of the ceremony. I know that I am not really one to change photos everyday (I can use one DP for one year without changing), but at least it was his wedding, so I was curious. When I got home, I buzzed him and asked him if he did get married. First he was evasive and cagey, trying to find out how I knew. Then he finally acceded and apologized, saying that he did not want to invite many people to the nuptials. I prodded further and got the full gist: he lived at home with his family (wrong move for any adult gay man), and his brother stumbled upon him and a guy in an uncompromising position and reported to their father, who is this very prominent politician in Rivers State. This confirmed the father’s suspicion all along, and the old man gave him an ultimatum – to either get married immediately or be cut out of the family. And this friend of mine is a businessman, who is mostly into small government contracts, with all his businesses built on the connections that come with his family name. So he buckled and got married, against his wish (and naturally did not feel joyous enough to tell his friends). I am not one to kick the wounded, but I reminded him that I’d told him to move out of the family mansion a long time ago; being gay and living at home with family (in Nigeria) DOES NOT EVER WORK. His mom kept making him stay with excuses that she needed him around, and that besides the house was big enough to accommodate him. Now he is in a marriage he absolutely detests; and to make it even twisted, the new wife knows he is gay and has been assigned by his parents to watch his every step. I feel really sad for him; I shudder at the thought of being forced into something like this. I always say that Nigerian families take a lot of things for granted.
My computer packed up recently and I needed a new one. My mind was set on buying a particular brand when I went to the gadget store. I was looking at different models of the said brand when I locked eyes with the most beautiful man I have ever seen manning a stand for another brand of computers. I suddenly found myself standing in front of this guy (who couldn’t have been more than twenty-two years), and I had no idea how I got to his stand. He started pitching a laptop to me to buy, trying to sell me on its features, but to be honest, I did not hear a word of what he was saying. His sales monologue sounded like a distant echo while I took in his features – his white teeth, his jaw line (my weakness), big succulent lips. I thought that Max is the only guy who combines a strong jaw line and juicy lips (besides Dammy Krane, of course), but this guy looked like a black Greek god. When he turned to place something on the shelf, I caught a glimpse of his cakes and I swooned and fell into the lagoon.
Anyway, before I could stop myself, I heard myself say, “I will take it.” My inner subconscious called me a slut and I slapped him shut. I ended up buying a brand I wasn’t sure was durable or fully understood how it works; this kid seduced me into making a purchase and on the drive home, the guilt started to sink in.
Much later in the night, I was struggling to set up my accounts on the device and I just couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Then my phone buzzed with a Whatsapp message, and it was the guy. I wondered briefly how he got my number, and then I remembered I filled an invoice. I responded to his hello.
Him: How are you enjoying your device?
I wondered if he was flirting with me or if he was just very good with customer care.
Me: Do you always check on all your customers?
Him: It’s called after sales service sir, and I do make an exception for some.
Okay, so he was definitely flirting with me, and I recalled the exaggerated gesticulations with his hands when he was selling the device to me. His femininity was subtle, like a bait; just enough to stir your interest.
Me: Drop the sir, I hate it. Makes me feel old.
Him: Dropped… So, enjoying your device?
Now positive that he was definitely flirting with me, I went in for the kill.
Me: No, I’m not. It confuses me, and this is the result of allowing a distractingly handsome young store attendant talk me into buying a device.
Him: Lol, it can’t be that bad. I know you are not used to the interface. It will grow on you eventually, and you will be happy you met me that day.
Me: I doubt that very much.
Him: How can I make it up to you?
Me: Have drinks with me and maybe help me set up my accounts, settings and all.
Him: Will do, when?
We met up the following evening. He helped me set up the settings and we had a few beers . . .
And that is where the story ends for all of you. *blows air gently on my coffee and takes a sip*
See you guys next week.
XOXO
Dennis Macaulay
About author
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130 Comments
shuga chocolata
February 11, 06:46OMGeeeeee,
DM you have officially earned a badge from me as the next _________ after DEE.
I can totally relate to the gay naija living with his family, most times the family is the causer but that your friend F’d up.
Nice entry, when I keep seeing all this grammar for dictionary just wanna drive me CRAY.
Silvery Cat
February 11, 06:50I thought I was the only one that hated that term “by God’s grace”. As for the guy who’s been sequestered/cloistered (or is closeted) for life, let’s break him out. But I agree with U, if U can’t pay Ur own bills in this country, U are screwed and not in the fun way.
Gad
February 11, 14:10I don’t think I have much issues with the term “by God,s grace” .its better than when someone who can render assistance to you declines but adds soothingly “God will sort you out”. That was what a man who I lent money for his flight ticket when he was stranded told me many years ago when I was equally stranded and needed cash so badly.It has been over 15yrs but I kept remembering it.
#TeamKizito
February 11, 06:58Hmmm. I dunno where to… Nvm.
*blinking*
Ueze
February 11, 07:09LOL.
I whispered “idiot” at that ending note.
You can go right ahead and scratch the Nigerian out of that expression. Katy Perry has a song with that title and, expresses similar convictions as you accuse Nigerians.
Personally, I acknowledge a silent prayer in God’s name for all to go as planned but I also won’t fail to remind the ‘user’ that they’ve got work to do.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:13My sentiments exactly Ueze
shuga chocolata
February 11, 07:11Oh my DM this one you replying me again today gosh, I’m in a very ecstasy mood today.
For the record I judged you NUT but maybe with a walNUT or peaNUT.
Hahahahahahahah.
Max
February 11, 07:12Now I know where you’ve been.. So you been out cheating with some hoe… Sorry store attendant.
But these store attendants can like to be fine sha. I always find myself buying more than I need in eateries. They employ a torrent of cute lads to attend to customers. And they keep asking if you want this and that ..and I’ll keep saying yes so they could keep talking. Oh lawd.. How long has it been since I got laid?? ***RunsToCheckCalender***
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:16“Do you want ketchup sir”
Me; “is there anyone that is served with you by the side”?
I thought I was the only one. Kilimanjaro keeps me cumming back to their GRA restaurant because of the guys there!
Judge NUT
Brian Collins
February 11, 11:03Oh Dennis don’t you know it. My friends and I keep going back there. They have more twinks at that Kilimanjaro than Colby studios. And they sure like guys oogling them. From the ones behind the counter to the cleaning guys. Lawd!!!!
I was grateful to God one day i wanted to buy icecream and the really pretty girl said it was #650 for two scoops. I just smiled and asked her if the was any that was cheaper and she gave me the cones for #250 (i had 2 other friends with me and i was paying). If it had been one of the boys behind the counter, i woulda wrecked myself that day.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 11:37Brian Collins! Slut much! Tufia
Mercury
February 11, 12:47Uhhhh, Dennis Pot meet Kettle helloooo.
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 07:16You need to see the hottie in the KFC next to where I work. I have taken to going there for ice cream every afternoon just to get the chance to ogle him. *sigh* *looking at watch* Shoot! It’s just 8am?!
Max
February 11, 07:20Ok heres another, I go to a particular filling station bcos two of the attendants there have nice cakes and D.. One doesnt wear undies and the other wears a right one. By now you must have guessed the one with the cakes and the one with D. **RunsOff
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:21PP did you notice that Patrick guy that served us at cold stone creamery that day we were there?
Yes I memorized his name! I even did a facebook search later!
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 07:22Hell just keeps getting fuller and fuller in the Slut section.
Lord II
February 11, 07:47Now I knew about DM but Pinky and Max you guys too like the help??????
Hmmm we plenty oooo!
Mercury
February 11, 08:43Jesus!!!!!, Y’all are a bunch of slut-bags.
Colossus
February 11, 12:31Hmmmm. No wonder you’re getting fat
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 12:45Hehehehee dont you start with me Colossus
Ace
February 11, 19:48Oh God Pinky… Maybe it is about time you started “The hoe/slut series”. The sluttiness you guys are sharing here ehen? Jessssuzzzzz!
JustJames
February 11, 07:22Ashewo kobo-kobo! That’s what all of you are! Nonsense!
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:33James judge NUT
Max
February 11, 07:44And the student hoe shows up..
Nothing wrong in unleasing our thirsty sides once in a while..
JustJames
February 11, 07:51Student hoe!? Is that what I am known as? *fakes righteous indigination*
Mercury
February 11, 08:40Ohhhh iyammi, Max don’t do this to yourself, go out a fuck Luke a rabbit, what with the self inflicted blue balls.
shuga chocolata
February 11, 07:12Ecstatic mood I meant to write.
*damn autocorrect*
Max
February 11, 07:17Ehee, living with ur parents- Bad idea
Ain’t paying your bills- you’re screwed
Being forced into marriage- you’re a wimp
And I hate the “by Gods grace” phrase too. People need to get their ass off the chair and start doing things instead of waiting on God.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:18Shuga are we playing the “say what you really wanna say and blame it on autocorrect” again today?
Looks around for mercury
#TeamKizito
February 11, 07:24Biko, what’s the relevance of this BBM channel? #AskingFor… :s
shuga chocolata
February 11, 07:30Oh maxxy see you see ya life in mama peace’s voice.
There is this phyne brother @ coldstone @leisure mall in lere part of lagos by name PAUL all in capital I usually go there to and specifically asks or wait for him to DO my iceCREAM, gosh only his smile I almost messed myself up once because of him *side eyes*
He will be like should I add m&k TOPPINGS, how about peaNUT, walNUT? Let me add coffee to give you that sweet-bitter taste you desire and after all said and done he will be like your bill is 2,750 sir, will pay and his next word is, do call again and me will be like you bet I would.
Now I can’t help but eat iceCREAM daily, I’m getting BIG.
Max
February 11, 07:47I’m going to that coldstone this weekend.. Anyone wanna tag along?
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 08:16Maxie darling, im right here. 😀
JArch
February 11, 08:19*Strolling by with my healthy greek salad in hand*
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 08:20Greek ‘salads’ are not healthy. Who are u fooling
JArch
February 11, 08:27Get your mind out of the gutter Pinky. Its to early to have those kind of ‘nutty salads”
Mercury
February 11, 08:50While y’all binge on ice cream, I’ll just sit here crunching on my fat, juicy carrot stick…#teamhealthyeating
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 11:39Mercury I hear cucumbers are healthier
shuga chocolata
February 11, 11:59Max!
Max!!
Max!!
I’m here oooo, Saturday or sunday?
Whenever I’m free!!!
Colossus
February 11, 12:34Carrot or cucumbers, doesn’t matter, they are both recommended. What matters though, can you open wide enough?
Mercury
February 11, 12:52@ Dennis carrots are hard and crunchy and sweet, cucumbers are squishy, bland and gross, I’ll pick a carrot anytime…..@ Colossus I’m sure my mouth can handle a carrot.
Max
February 11, 13:08@Sugar, Sunday
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 13:33Mercury who are you biko? You sound like one of my friends
Colossus
February 11, 15:55Oh darling, whoever said anything about your mouth?
Ace
February 11, 19:54Sluttttttssssssss on display! Sluts are officially in the building. Sluts Unveiled : The boypussy KD edition. I can’t with you guys!
Mercury
February 11, 21:39Oh Dennis, no fear we know each other. @ Colossus you’re nasty boo.
Lord II
February 11, 07:35Awwwww D this is one of the most interesting pieces I have read on KD! Gbam! I enjoyed it so much and I could relate with almost everything u said up there….awwww and you have another MRS DM eya…Oya introduce her to your KD fam biko let’s tear her to shreds like we did the last one abi??? So u dare not!
Also in fact I have or sorry had a friend who was gay and ofcoz NaIJA pressures forced a wife on him not ever telling that he had HIV and got her pregos….long story short he died and soon after his child followed and that’s how they found out…
Well what else is new…
Pete
February 11, 08:15You love this piece. Are you sure you saw the ‘by God’s grace’ part? #askingforpp
Gad
February 11, 14:36Na wao. No tests before marriage? No autopsy report?
Lord II
February 11, 15:29Dear Gad the autopsy report was what found him out….hian! But sorry I guess Muslims (of which he was) don’t do tests before marriage abi?
Stickysly
February 11, 07:35“..and we had a few beers…….”
DM, hanging the post like this is……….
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 07:48Hello
*waves*
shuga chocolata
February 11, 07:43DM when was the game played?
*asking for myself*
Chizzie
February 11, 07:55okay…im in a merry mood today primarily because Florence Welch, the goddess of all this avant has decided to grace us mortals, with a 2min album teaser. But this presumptive pile of crap written by a charlatan almost ruined my mood..
Where do i start; Being gay is expensive? How about you try being straight or wooing a girl with expensive gifts and means before u can bed her, or being a lesbian and purchasing a strap on that sells for on average > 10k. and if you are so opulent as you profess then purchasing KY jelly shouldn’t be an issue. Also KY Jelly? like ppl still use that?
and the last bit about meeting a guy,is an insult to everyone’s intelligence. if anyone believes that badly made up bull,then they are equally as mentally ill as the writer. I don’t see how a scenerio like that would be possible in ur case especially with those frail legs of yours.
Pete
February 11, 08:13Chizzie, you are in a merry mood & said all these. Remind me not to cross you when you are in a foul mood
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 08:17Hahahahahaaa! Aswear, Pete.
Gad
February 11, 17:11I use to think you are from a fearless ancestry @ Pete
Ace
February 11, 19:58Hahahahhahahahaha! I swear! Chizzie’s comments should come with a warning ” don’t read in public”. I laughed like a jackass.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 08:14Breathe sweetheart!
I know you hate me, just don’t hurt yourself in the process
LOL
Max
February 11, 08:53@Chizzy hahahahahahaha.. You never disappoint.
Mercury
February 11, 08:59I swear.
Khaleesi
February 11, 09:45Chizzie!!!!!! How can one bitch have so mich vitriol in her? ?? ****sweaty face*** beware all this vitriol doesnt start eating you up inside and poisoning you …. smh ….
trystham
February 11, 10:25the desperation to get those scented ones tho…which orifice reeks abeg?
Colossus
February 11, 12:37Florence Welch has a 2minute album teaser? Oh boy, I’m pumped in all the right places. Today is definitely a good day. *Heading to Google*
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 12:46Who is Florence Welch?
Max
February 11, 13:09God question @ PP
DeadlyDarius
February 11, 16:32Florence and the Machine. C’mon guys!
Colossus
February 11, 17:22My brother, you should have just referred him to Google.
Ace
February 11, 20:00Pinky??? You are kidding right? You have officially lost your gay license. Lol
pinkpanthertb
February 12, 03:48Lol. 🙂
Gad
February 11, 14:45ChiZzie, are yo sure you are not having a type of crush on the writer? On a more serious note,the word charlatan is a strong one. Not cool at all
Mitch
February 11, 23:01Oh Chizzie! Hate much?
C’mon, quit all the vitriol spilling bae. Some of us find KD a safe haven. Don’t mess that up for us. Please!
And lose the vitriol before it causes you gangrene! #JustSaying
JArch
February 11, 08:16Max, PP, DM shey you guys have finally revealed ya true colours. Y’all were busy calling me and khalessi airplane sluts cos we ogle hot flight attendants while y’all were busy forming virgin Mary and Martha
Now fowl yansh don open, DM is now using a laptop that he will never grow into, Max is buying petrol when he doesnt need to, Pinky is going to become a plus-sized model….Issorai…. All these thirsty hoes-tumers God is watching you with 3D glasses
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 08:18God I laughed really hard reading your comment.
Jarch you are a mess
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 08:19Hahahahahahahahahaa!!! Jarch, you’re an honest-to-God delight.
Hoes-tumers… Im dead. Lmao!!!
Max
February 11, 08:54Lmfao @ Jarch
Gad
February 11, 14:48Lwkmd
Ace
February 11, 20:03Hahahahahhahaha Jarch! This is too much to read at once! All the comments are killing me! I have learnt the secret of enjoying KD. Coming at a later time.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 08:27Being a fat guy I get that you cannot understand how someone works out often to keep a slim frame and “frail legs”.
This hatred and obsession with someone you don’t know and who doesn’t even care about you is the unhealthiest thing ever. Chestnut has warned you about having a stroke which is quite common in fat people.
Judging from persona we all know who is mentally unstable.
Don’t hurt yourself on account of me, its not worth it!
*hugs*
Chizzie
February 11, 08:53once again your presumptive reasoning blankets any form of intelligence your brain tries to muster. Assuming I were fat as you have callously put it, id rather be fat than you; a 28 yr old man who one day is a pharmacist and then d next is mingling with expatriates and who’s only form of relevance is an anonymous blog. and pls do not mistake irritation for hate. I do not hate you, I just find you very irritating and I am amused by your audacity. How you can spill such lies and assume that uve had ppl convinced bemuses me.
and obsessed? the only time I am aware of your existence unfortunately is when i come on this blog, and its hard to miss especially seeing as your comments are spewed all over the place. I wonder when you have the time to indulge in this life of yours.
Thats that, now get lost with those chicken legs of yours. I’ve got things to do!
Khaleesi
February 11, 09:51Chukwu Nna!! This is a mortal blow, blood and guts flying everywhere … ***dials 911, throws off bright orange stilettos and rushes over to Dennis with a first aid bag*** ***stay with me Dennis,stay with me … you’ll be just fine… i promise*** (in desperate emergency rescue medic’s voice)
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 10:24Khallie you are hilarious
Lol
Gerrout jooo
Silly
Sinnex
February 11, 12:15…on a serious note, is this guy for real? Can someone have so much hatred for one he doesn’t know? It is quite amusing…and disgusting. I wonder why people still acknowledges his posts.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 12:53Sinnex some people are twisted like that!
Max
February 11, 08:56Omg.. Ya’ll having a diva off here and didn’t invite me?
Biko Where’s the pop corn?? Pp I ll get you for this..
Mercury
February 11, 09:02I’ll bring, the candy and soda…..shit is about to ho down.
Max
February 11, 10:46I love candy.. Especially chocolate candy..
Brian Collins
February 11, 11:09Max just has a slutty way with words. This ya ashawo no get part two.
Max
February 11, 13:11@Brian, Limme oh
Mercury
February 11, 08:35Really dude, really???, that’s all we get?, just beer?, Dennis (Ukwuoma) Macaulay, how dare you serve tea and and not let us drink it, how dare u dangle this plump, juicy carrot in our faces taunting us with it. If I catch you I’ll pinch your cakes so hard you’ll…Oh sorry what am I saying.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 08:46Mercury you are messed up for this comment. Are you going to blame poor autocorrect again?
#HellAwaitsYou
Pete
February 11, 08:52Pinch his cakes? Mercury, what do you have agst DM’s cakes? Last I saw it @ TEDEXPH, it wasn’t impressive #myopinion though
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 09:34TedExPH? I was at that event and now I am feeling somehow this one that people who I don’t know are seeing me and talking about my body parts.
Jesus!
First it was mercury, now Pete! Pete did we talk that day?
#AskingForMySanity
Pete
February 11, 10:05No, we didn’t talk. Yea,Mercury it’s pinchable
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 10:26Pete if we did not talk how did you know its me na?
#AskingForMyParanoia
Pete
February 11, 10:40Name tag. I should stop talking before you ask how I know your real name
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 11:18Me and these imaginary events that I attend with my imaginary friends.
Wait name tag? Start talking cos I certainly wasn’t wearing DM on my chest!
Pete
February 11, 11:48DM, you missed REAL
Kosi
February 12, 07:47They r afraid!!we r plenty that know them…. Hehe
Mercury
February 11, 09:04Yeah auto correct did it again. @ pete, its pinchable at least ain’t it?.
Mercury
February 11, 08:37Y’all should lemme outta your messes, Auto correct my ass.
Khaleesi
February 11, 09:38Dennis!!!!! You’re a hell-bound slut!!! You have a first class reservation to hell aboard an airbus A380 super-jumbo jet!! Absolutely love this piece!! Nigerians will continue to wait for the ‘grace of God’ to come down and end insurgency, corruption,unemployment,insecurity etc … make we all siddon dey wait dey look ourselves while others put in the hard work thats required to move a society forward ….mtchwwwwwww ….
As for your friend who was forced into a charade of a marriage, i feel so deeply sorry for him, u wouldnt wish that on even my worst enemy. But then as a gay (Nigerian) man, this is a very real danger that can erupt at any time … you need to very early in life start thinking seriously about being self sufficient by generating your own income. Too often our families are very eager and willing to use threats of financial abandonment as potent weapons in order to get us ‘in line’ … i frankly don’t know how long your friend can put up with living in such a corner of hell. He needs to take some hard, drastic and painful decisions – and fast! He needs to grab strength from wherever he can find it ….
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 09:41There’s something Nigeria didn’t wait for the grace of God to take care of – criminalizing homosexuality.
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 09:45And on the bright side, if the married friend is the kind of gay man who detests pussy, he wont have to suffer the indignity of sex with the wifey
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 09:50The twisted part is that she knows and now she watches him like a hawk! It’s a sad situation, but me I will walk away from the business ten times over than fall into a trap like that
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 09:46Khallie na the same plane carry me and you ooooo
Lol
Gad
February 11, 15:03Don’t mind them! After lazying about under the guise of God’s grace they will start seeking asylum in societies that hard work and God’s grace has moved forward
Tony Odekunle-Brown
February 11, 10:24And just when it was getting sweet he ends it….
Next week oh!!!!!!!!!
Pete
February 11, 11:00I know Naija ladies are desperate for marriage but this certainly is the height.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 11:28Pete if I mention the name of his family you will know why she dived in
#OldMoney
Pete
February 11, 11:46DM,whisper it
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 11:51Not until you tell me the TedEx story
Pete
February 11, 12:01Trade by barter. You go first
Brian Collins
February 11, 11:13Thunders (not one) must fire Dennis for this kind of ending.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 13:40Sweetie if thunder(s) fire me, who will take you to beer barn one of these evenings?
Gad
February 11, 12:09Wao. Speechless!!!
tobby
February 11, 12:33lol…
That end cracked me up..
King Mufasa
February 11, 13:39I certainly can relate to one of the story lines in today’s write-up.
The other day, my device got damaged… so I took it to a genius bar to go get it fixed, and as Ifa would have it, the guy that attended to me was pure fire, he had me on instant overdrive.
He said is name was Benjamin pronounced “Bounjamon”, He had this extremely cute aura around him for someone with piercings, all I wanted to do was lick the piercings he had on his face and around his ears and I would have been sated.
I made sure to stare intently at his face, hold his hands for a slightly more inappropriate time and laugh at almost any comment he made… long story short, I ended up googling him upon getting home but to no avail. I have booked another appointment for Monday… I would be going in prepared this time with the sole aim of never getting that device fixed.
Hello Max…. I’m still crushing.
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 13:52You are crushing on Max? Join the queue cos we plenty! Your spot is at the end of the line.
Those lips of Max (swoons)
pinkpanthertb
February 11, 14:06With the sole aim of never getting that device fixed… LMAO!!! See mission statement nah
Gad
February 11, 15:26Ehm before monday,s trial I suggest you go to DM for tutorials to avoid being kitoed
Mercury
February 11, 21:48Ore mi, so this is what you have become?, chai!!!!!, Oh we really create a monster, your own thirst tho?
Heiress
February 11, 14:53So wait the wife also knows about him and they have her watching his every move? Well far be it from me to say that marriage is not going to last but hey what do I know. Heiress or not moving out of the folks house at a certain age is mandatory especially for the trust fund babies that are gay. If not, well everybody in the family house will be in your business.
On another note, DM I will like to pitch a product to ya!! (In my sexy voice haha)
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 15:05Portharcourt.boi@gmail.com
Dennis Macaulay
February 11, 15:09But I like after sales “servicing” oooo
Lol
Lord II
February 11, 15:48Hmmmm now why am I not surprised ha! Carrots and Cockumbers….
Khaleesi
February 11, 23:20still cant fully wrap my head around how a woman will knowingly get joined in marriage with a gay man – just cos of money!! ***pukes convulsively at the depths of greed to which some ladies can descend*** … I wish her a sexless, unhappy marriage,may she memorise the names of all the dildo and sex toy dealers in the land as well as the names and specs of the best dildo brands on the market – Amin!!
Mitch
February 11, 23:47Amen to that, Khallie!
Lord II
February 12, 05:34Lol! Oh khalee….but that’s if she isn’t a lesbian in the first place oooo…hmmm these women these days ha!
lluvmua
February 12, 10:39Slut101