The way I break up is something else. If I don’t text you for a fortnight, hmm, just know it’s over between us. It’s either I’ve lost interest or an incident led to the silent treatment which in turn would lead to the silent death of our relationship. I get bored easily in relationships.

Chestnut’s words are true: ‘Twinks and Teenagers tend to fall in love with more than two persons for lots of naïve reasons. They be like: I love Max ‘cause he’s witty. Roy isn’t witty, but I love him ‘cause of his fashion sense. Remy is nothing like them; but he’s rich and he spends. You gotta love a guy who isn’t ‘Aka Gummish’. Ifreke is just too cute and sexy, he knows how to work with his tools; I love him. George is very smart and intelligent, I’m sapiosexual for this one. I love him. Ah, Henry is the sweet talker; he tells me what I need to hear. He cheers me up with his sweet words. I love him, too. Tayo has got me with his musical knowledge and talent; oh, and his voice is mesmerizing. I love him. Why, I love them all! And, they love me too.’


Dear Diary knew everything. I told it everything, I think. Yea, I told it about the sexcapades, the birthdays, the issues, everything – I think. I wrote about Kel one time, and his beautiful image popped into my head; I drew his profile off-heart. It was perfect. I was surprised at myself for drawing such a matching profile.


Well, we had broken up afterwards and the search for a replacement was on.

2go wasn’t it anymore; the minds there were just feeble. Site for sex freaks. I use the app now for one thing only.

That aside.

I never knew any other dating/hookup site. So, I was just rummaging about my contact list and chatting up peeps; this led nowhere. Skipping the part where I met some 2go men onwards to when I broke free from my cage and joined the choir in my church. It was then he met me. Donald.

Call him Donald.


Very Igbotic.

Fat dark lips.

Bow legs.

Bulging belly.

Big head.

Big arse.

Dwarfish arms.

I still wonder at the fact that his lovers think and say he’s got a nice body. In quote, “Dem go say, ‘chei! You’ve got a nice bod’.” Bleh!

Anyway, so one day after choir rehearsals, on my way home (I love walking), he fell in step beside me. I greeted him, he responded. We talked, or rather, he talked.

Donald: How far?

Me: I’m fine.

Donald: Where do you stay sef?

Just then, he received a call. Laughed like a dog. Blushed. Babbled. I was irritated, but I didn’t disclose.

And he ended the call and was all about, “Nna, my boyfriend ehn…”

I blinked.

“Wetin you think sef about this gay marriage thing and government new bill wey dem pass?”

I blinked again and replied, “Uhm, well, e no make sense sha. I no support the marriage own sha but the anti-gay bill no just make sense at all.”

He laughed. Apparently this guy’s gaydar was very active. It was flaming. He knew. We talked about his boyfriend(s) mostly, till we got to my bus stop. His is awfully close, by the way.

“Gimme your number,” he asked, “so I fit dey call you make I know when you dey go practice.”


I gave it to him. Feeling like, well, I’d be getting along with a fellow chorister at least.

So, two weeks after new guy (Yours Truly) joined the choir, he’d already found his way with solfa notes. He was doing well. Donald was liking him the more. Donald ogled him.

“You know you, this guy… See this guy… This guy, you’re disturbing me…” The regular with Donald. Well, I was getting used to him. I was smiling with him now. And famzing whenever he was conversing with other choristers. We soon began talking about body creams and all, me and him. We gossiped about fellow choristers and who was screwing who in the entertainment industry.

It went on to sexcapades. It went on to Badoo. ‘What’s Badoo?” I asked.

“Hian. It’s a hookup site na…”

Ah, Badoo. That explained the UcheBadoo, ToluBadoo and things like that I occasionally got a glimpse of on his phone.

Badoo. Open the gates! Google helped.

I was on to it. In no time, I had an account…

…On Badoo.

Written by Kizito

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  1. simba
    April 03, 04:35 Reply

    Oh natural.. u were like a kid wandering in the wilderness with no shepherd. Lucky u, u do stumble on things.. nice write up bro.. cheers

    • Philip
      April 03, 07:18 Reply

      We need one relationship hook up post , at least once a month

      • pinkpanthertb
        April 03, 07:23 Reply

        Oh really? We do? Pray tell, how would such a post work? I’d love to hear your ideas. (God forbid they say PP is not listening to the voice of the readership)

      • Philip
        April 03, 10:08 Reply

        There is a way SDK does her’s . people will be asked to drop in the comment Section, the ideal person you want to meet. The only acceptable means of contact will be emails which the person will drop

  2. trystham
    April 03, 05:22 Reply

    This simba sef. Hian!! U sleep in Pinkie’s computer ni?
    Kizito just all of listed Donald’s selling pointz. No one is as ugly az we think them to be…excpet some ppl sha. *returns to sleep and avoids nightmare path*

  3. yours_truly
    April 03, 05:54 Reply

    I like.
    I had to re-read the “yours truly” part to calm my nerves. Also the twink part is quite correct atleast that’s how I act, one Would say they are quite indecisive.
    Great piece

  4. Max
    April 03, 06:03 Reply

    Lol.. Teenagers with multiple lovers- Absofuckinglutely true.

    Your mind is a tangled mess btw, but I like it.
    Nice one.

  5. McGray
    April 03, 06:22 Reply

    I hate it when i hear something like Igbotic. Wat sorta nonsense is that? I hv never heard words like Hausatic or Yorubatic yet their language and actions reflect on them. I can see Igbotic has become the general trend in this house. Must every Igbo man form yankee so as to avoid being labelled Igbotic?

    • trystham
      April 03, 06:29 Reply

      Pele, ma binu. Same way a Yoruba’s attitude wud be termed “market woman” and hausa ‘mallam’. Get ofa it buroda

  6. Gad
    April 03, 06:25 Reply

    The young shall grow…

  7. Khal
    April 03, 07:08 Reply

    You have officially become a choir boy bro!

    • #TeamKizito
      April 03, 08:12 Reply

      I know, right.

      *side-eyeing the men who would raise the microphone matter*

      • trystham
        April 03, 19:32 Reply

        I saw ‘microphone’ and I tingled all over. The head, then the shaft that u grip on while u minister…*snaps out of it*

  8. shuga chocolata
    April 03, 07:09 Reply

    And he just had to drop the pen when I yeaned for MORE,

    Nice read kizi *thumbsup*

  9. JArch
    April 03, 07:37 Reply

    Kizito hmmmm….. you’re just a mess for this (and I mean it in a good way)

    Creating your own experiences in the gay-o-sphere is an interesting phase. In the end it shapes you the gay man you’ll become in the future

    Nice piece Kizito

  10. Brian Collins
    April 03, 08:17 Reply

    Ehn ehn, so are we going to expel the ‘zi’ and have just ‘ki to’ left? #AskingForDennis’PeaceofMind.

  11. Sinnex
    April 03, 09:37 Reply

    The only thing that got me was ‘Thick black lips’ and ‘bow legs’…I like!

    I am no twink but you just described me. Or maybe I am a twink at heart…who knows…I can be a twink for you. What am I even saying. Anyway, I guess I’d be following….this is nice

  12. Jamie
    April 03, 16:15 Reply

    …the way people talk about 2go ehn…
    You would start wondering: ”if all of them think it’s so annoying and childish, who made it that way then???”

  13. wondabuoy
    April 08, 08:38 Reply

    Hookups make us less committed in whatever relationships we have. Because we discover there are options -many of them. Someone mentioned to me on Facebook that he never visits a particular dick twice. If we all agree to focus on, and work towards a better relationship with our bfs, straights will start to envy us and… Apparently Donald was just a “fun-freak” and was seeing “yours truly” as a next stopover/junction

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