THE FAIRY GODMOTHER

My friend, Pelumi (for the purpose of this story) was a 28-year-old virgin (of sorts) as at three years ago. He had never had sex; foreplay, yes, and a bunch of wanking sessions. But anal penetration was something he’d never gotten around to. He wanted it, he wanted the feel of a dick inside him, but he had a mortal fear of dicks, as everyone he’d seen, he always claimed to be ‘Big’. I used to wonder at his luck – I mean, how could Fate keep providing an unambitious virgin Bottom with big dicks? Then I got intimate with some of these guys he’d always qualified as too well endowed, and I realized, to my disappointment, that Pelumi’s fear may be more the problem than the dicks. To me, it began to seem like he was exaggerating the sizes of these dicks because he was too afraid to try them; his fear was giving him the reason not to get adventurous.

Then there came that afternoon, when he came to visit me at my place.

“Ah, JBoy, I need to get laid!” he wailed. “My whole body is on fire. These roh-roh trips are just not doing it for me anymore.” As I laughed, he added, “It’s been too long.”

“Been too long since you have dome what exactly?” I sneered.

“Go joor. Everybody cannot be like you.”

“Abeg holitdia! Yes, everyone cannot be like me. But no one wishes to be like you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Eh now! No one wants to be served meat only to say no with the reason that the meat is big. Not tasteless, not sour. Just big. What then is your definition of ‘small’?”

“I am not talking to you,” he sniffed.

I began laughing again as he reached for my phone. Soon, he was scrolling through my picture gallery. I had the pictures of lots of male acquaintances on my phone, and soon, Pelumi was asking for verifications as he scrolled.

“Who is this, JBoy?”

“He’s my colleague.”

“Is he?”

“No.”

“Who is this one?”

“My friend.”

“Is he?”

“Yes.”

Picture after picture, we continued with the verification process. He didn’t linger on any of the photos; clearly, he hadn’t gotten what he was looking for. Pelumi’s weakness in men is good looks. For you to sustain his passing interest, you have to first of all be gorgeous.

Finally, he happened on a picture and from the way he straightened and the shine that came into his eyes, I knew we had come upon the mother lode.

“Who is this, JBoy? Who is this o?” He turned the phone screen to me.

The person staring back at me was Akeem, a friend. Chocolate skinned. Captivating eyes. Dashing smile. Chiseled face with well-carved hair connecting his hairline down the sides of his face to his full beard.

“He is my friend. And yes, he is. We belong to the same LGBT group on Facebook.”

“I like him.”

“But I thought you only go for fair guys.” That’s another thing about Pelumi; he’s dark skinned and has a preference for light-skinned guys.

“Eh, it’s not cast in stone that I must like only fair guys,” he objected.

“Ok o,” I said.

Akeem and I had never been intimate. And Pelumi wanted him. But he didn’t want to go after him. He wanted things to work out without the impression given that he was thirsting after Akeem. I realized then that Pelumi has an issue with being perceived, in whatever dose, as a desperado. So I knew, for his sake, I had some work to do.

Following his visit, I called Akeem.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet,” I began after we were through with the pleasantries. “We’re very close. He’s sort of naïve and doesn’t know much. You and I have never shagged, so I don’t know what you have below your waistline, but you should know, in case you two get to that level of intimacy, that he is always very scared and calls almost every size of dick ‘big’. I’m hoping you’ll get to know him and that you two will like each other.”

Shag each other and make babies together, I added silently.

Akeem laughed and asked for my friend’s picture.

I ended the call and sent him Pelumi’s photo via BBM chat. Moments later, he typed. Hmm, he looks interesting.

My, you’re already liking him, I see, I typed back.

Maybe.

Slut.

Go joor.

Good luck anyway. I’ll give him your number and pin. And thanks for making my job easy.

He sent a laughing smiley and typed: Was it a job?

Yes o. Do you know what it means to have a friend who is horny and naïve? I just want him to get laid, and I hope you’ll make it very memorable for him.

I’ll try.

Thereafter, I got back to Pelumi. I gave him Akeem’s number and BBM pin. He wanted to know what we’d talked about and I selectively reported back to him.

In the following days, they apparently got acquainted, and I was getting feedback, gushing feedback mostly from Pelumi. About two weeks later, they fixed a date for Akeem to spend a Friday night at Pelumi’s place. Pelumi called to tell me about the development. He sounded both excited and panicked.

“It’s Friday o! What am I going to do? Tell me what to do!”

I rolled my eyes. “What do you mean ‘tell you what to do’? Am I the one to hold your hand while crossing the main road?”

“Abeg tell me joor. How will I get myself ready?”

“Just make sure your bowels are free and clean. Since you’d be coming back from work, shower first. Make sure you’ve got lube and condoms.” As I went on and on with my education, I felt like such a hoe.

“Thank you,” he said when I finished.

“You’re welcome. And don’t forget to have fun.”

On Saturday afternoon, Pelumi called, wanting to see me. I was at work and would have to get ready for church when I get home.

“Oya now, bring your church things to my place and go from here tomorrow. Gist plenty!”

Okay nau! I agreed.

I went to his place that evening. Pelumi was cooking white rice and fish peppersoup. He was positively glowing, absolutely bubbling.

Hian!

“Okay so, gist me, what happened?” I queried as I sat on the kitchen stool while he bustled around.

“No, no, not now. Let me finish cooking first. In fact, we have to finish eating too before I’ll download it for you.”

Okay now!

The end of dinner couldn’t come fast enough.

Eventually, we were done eating and were reclining in our seats with cups of water and toothpick.

Then Pelumi said, “JBoy, thank you very much.”

There was so much feeling in those words. The gratitude was heavy.

And without much ado, he went right into the story of how he was disvirgined.

“So Akeem was driving over yesterday night, and called to say he was in my estate but wasn’t sure how to get to my address. I told him to ask a bikeman to lead him to the address. After the phone call, I realized that my heart was beating very fast. There were so many questions and doubts – hope I won’t fall my hand, hope I won’t be a disappointment, hope he won’t be a disappointment.

“Within minutes, I got a call that he was at the gate. I went out to meet him and felt my stomach get invaded by butterflies. The guy I was looking at was even finer in person. As I took in the sight of him, some evil spirit overtook me, overriding all my fears.

“I invited him into the house. He went in before me, and I’d just locked the door and turned to face him when he gathered me into his arms and kissed me. Oh boy, the bobo can kiss. It caught fire. Passionate. Connected. I was floating. I was high. My God, I wanted him bad.

“It was by sheer force of will that I pulled away from the kiss to inform him we had to take a bath. But the bath was more foreplay really. We were all over the bathroom stall with our hands, mouths and tongues. Of course he was naked and when I saw his dick, I suppressed my natural recoil. I told myself I would try with it, because I found the owner irresistible.

I wanted to serve dinner after our bath, but he was hungry for something else. He bundled me to the bedroom and laid me on the bed, instructing me to not do anything. And then, he proceeded to make love to me with his lips and tongue. To God who made me, JBoy, there was no part of my body that Akeem’s tongue did not get to.”

At this point, I was fanning my face vigorously, while wondering what was hot – the living room or just me.

He continued, “At a point, I started feeling guilty because I was not doing anything to him. I reached for his dick but he pulled away my hand and said, ‘Please respect my instruction and do not touch me. Tonight is all about you.’ Upon hearing those words, what was left of my heart melted.”

“If it were me,” I said, “mine would have melted and evaporated. Chai!”

“My dear, there was nothing he didn’t do to me with his mouth. He licked, sucked, nibbled and stroked every part of me. I got so high that I actually burst out with, ‘Enough please! Get to the koko!’”

“Oh no, you didn’t,” I gasped.

“Oh yes, I did.”

We laughed.

“When I said it, Akeem laughed o. And then, it was time for the main-the main thing. One thing to note, all through the foreplay, this guy was hard as a rock. At no time did his erection weaken, in spite of the fact that I didn’t touch.”

“Was it big?” I asked.

“Not big-big.”

Ah, I thought with amusement. Finally, another type of qualification. We’re making progress.

Pelumi was still talking. “The thickness of his dick graduated, got fatter from the head down toward his groin. I felt encouraged since the cap wasn’t that fat. It would feel like a one-step-at-a-time kind of penetration.

“So he asked, ‘Do you have a condom?’ I said yes. And I produced the condoms and lube. He liberally applied the lube to my ass, fingering me as he did. Then he pulled on a condom, lubed himself very well and began to go in. I was afraid he would just ram it in, but he said, ‘I’ll take it easy. Don’t be scared. It won’t hurt you. But if it does, tell me and I’ll slow down.’ That reassurance made me respect and trust him.

“So he started going in. I felt the cap and I tensed. He stopped. Then he lubed my dick and began wanking me as he leaned forward to kiss me. And as he wanked and we kissed, he eased inside, slow and steady, pace by pace. And before I knew it, I could feel his groin hitting against my rump. I couldn’t believe that that entire length of dick had gone into my ass. I just couldn’t believe I had a dick inside me, and I’d not felt it go in.

“He began increasing his pace and was thrusting faster. Then he left my lips and went to my nipples. The moment his mouth wrapped itself around my nipple as he banged me, something disconnected in my head. I went crazy. Impulse took over. I lifted myself up and flipped Akeem around so that he was suddenly down on his back, and I was on top, bouncing up and down on his dick.”

“Oshey power bottom!” I exclaimed with a loud laugh. “You, riding a dick! Jesu! There is room for overtaking, nne! The student is now overtaking the teacher!”

Pelumi was laughing as he went on. “I honestly don’t know what came over me. All I could feel were sensations, passion, desire. I was just going up and down, aiming for maximum impact. I held my dick and was wanking myself, wank and bounce, wank and bounce. I was racing for the top. I could see heaven approaching.”

“Hallelujah!” I cheered, waving my hand to the Most High.

“And then, just as I was about to explode, he seemed to sense my orgasm, and he sat up at once, grabbed me, and began pounding up with increased speed. Then he began cussing harshly. As I exploded, I could feel his dick jerking inside me as he ejaculated into the condom. That mutual orgasm was just explosive. Breathtaking. Mind-blowing.”

He stopped talking, and as if on cue, we said nothing for a moment, both of us taking a moment of silence to appreciate the gloriousness of good sex.

Then Pelumi said, “After our ejaculation subsided, I flopped to the side with my back to Akeem. It was an awkward shuffle because Akeem still wanted to remain inside me. And so, with my back to him, he gathered me into his arms in a cuddle. And then he whispered into my ear, ‘Thank you.’”

Written by JBoy