A REBUKE FOR KITO DIARIES

A REBUKE FOR KITO DIARIES

I am appalled and completely taken aback by the lack of decorum, the sovereignty of intolerance and deluge of vile bile that we witness from time to time in the comments section of Kito Diaries. It is totally beyond me why a people who have borne the brunt of man’s inhumanity to man, who have experienced firsthand the sting of intolerance, would remain totally oblivious to the message that is being distinctly communicated to them in the form of pain. One would expect that a person who has been rejected by society would by his experience become very keenly aware of the need for love and acceptance in any community.

But you do yourself no favour to harbour any such expectation from certain segments of the LGBT community. We have heard people say that experience is the best teacher. But KDians have proven that experience, especially of intolerance, is impotent, ineffective and bereft of didactic benefit. If not, why would we eviscerate, shame and insult one another, on many occasions without provocation, without a modicum of restraint and without a shred of hesitation in the comments section of Kito Diaries?

Interestingly, it is the constant upheavals in the comments section that has become the centre of attraction, where vampire queens sit in the spotlight and unabashedly rip out throats and guzzle the blood of other members of the LBGT community. This is our grotesque selfie that we present to the world, while protesting against its intolerance towards us. An appeal against discrimination was never more eloquent!

For many of us, this blog is just a place for entertainment, where nothing really serious is happening. Such an attitude only goes to show how shallow our interest is in the LGBT cause. All the kito stories we have read here, in addition to the discrimination and prejudice we have personally suffered have failed to make us realize the seriousness of our quest or the legitimacy of our endeavour. When severe pain fails to rouse a person, he is either deeply unconscious or dead. Of course we can laugh and have a good time, but we must never lose sight of what Kito Diaries is really about. Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that many of us are clueless in this regard. There are also those who think it’s a place where you get to puke freely from the fountain of bitterness flowing within words that you would never utter in real life, in a disturbing quest for cheap popularity. I find it impossible to grasp why a human being would appear to derive pleasure from inflicting pain on another, and not only that, also going ahead to justify it or excuse it. Even harder to understand is why a person would for any reason think that cruelty is an acceptable basis for ANY kind of reputation. Puzzling to the mind also are those who think that cruelty to another human being is an agreeable form of entertainment. So instead of being wary of these individuals who may inadvertently sink this LGBT ship of freedom even before it has tasted any wind in its sails, we form circles around them and applaud them. Isn’t something fundamentally wrong with us? The foolishness of this idea is proven by the fact that when you are at the receiving end of the insult, you don’t find it amusing! You want to know the true spirit behind such an attitude? It’s selfishness. When another is being hurt, it doesn’t matter. But don’t you dare hurt me!

How can we teach tolerance to the world when we neither understand nor practice it? Pink Panther, in his admin post, quoted someone who said that the LGBT community is too busy fighting itself to fight for itself. If such a comment from a heterosexual does not make us feel ashamed of the ugliness we have together created in the comments section of this blog, then we are probably beyond redemption.

The relative freedom we have enjoyed in the comments section was ample opportunity for us to reveal our lack of civility, common sense or self-control. And we did not disappoint. We never miss an opportunity to shove our imagined superiority (which actually stems from a deep inferiority complex) down people’s throats, not realizing that civility is the fruit of proper education and the mark of true superiority. Civility is also the opposite of barbarism, the latter manifesting itself as a lack of self-restraint, uncouth utterances and a total disregard for rules. It is a lack of culture and refinement that makes a person unaware that there are lines that must never be crossed and words that are better left unsaid, especially in public. Words are powerful. That is precisely why we sometimes cry in anguish or shout in exhilaration when we read personal stories of KDians on this blog. People even get emotional when reading fictional stories, and yet we somehow have managed to deceive ourselves into believing that insults to a person in cyberspace do not matter. If that was the case, why would insults even exist to begin with in cyberspace? If nothing important is going on, why would you insult or fight another at all? Or is cyberspace some sort of playground where we think we can discard our shallow-rooted inhibitions, freely rehearse villainy and try vigorously to outdo one another in a competition of evil? And if that is the case, why on earth should the cyberspace of Kito Diaries be such a playground?

Kito Diaries is of noble conception, borne of an urgent need to give a voice to the heavily suppressed LGBT community in Nigeria. It was supposed to be at least one place in this dark and dangerous clime where LBGT would feel at home, feel loved and unconditionally accepted. It was supposed to be a place where we can let down our defences, share our pain, become vulnerable without fear of rejection or condemnation – an oasis of hope, solace and comfort.

But ladies and gentleman, just negodu! How about we give ourselves a round of applause! We took the first fortuitous event on the Nigerian LGBT horizon, a precious child entrusted to us, a haven of happy rest, and turned it into a den of incessant squabbling and bickering, a hell-hole filled with venomous snakes. We have successfully made it the complete antithesis of everything it was meant to be.

Since we are convinced our brains are near bursting with intelligence, I would like us to provide any proof to substantiate our delusions of brilliance. What has this collection of the smartest brains in the Nigerian LGBT community done to further the cause? We excel at pettiness, are verbose with insults and show a great deal of cleverness in demeaning one another. Sentiments are unbridled, personal interest is constantly allowed to overshadow that of the collective, criticism is harsh, reflexive and barely constructive. How will people open up and become vulnerable in such an unfriendly environment?

Kito Diaries is not a self-regulatory living thing. It’s just a page on the Internet, but it comes alive when it teems with KDians. We are its life, we are its story, and we are its death. Kito Diaries will be regulated when we regulate it, it will be successful in its endeavour only by our deliberate collective effort. If there is no restraint, no rules, no self-control, then anarchy is inevitable. If we do not wake up, future generations will remember us as monumental failures, a forgettable blip on the Nigerian LGBT radar. The childishness must stop!

In case you are not aware, KD has a purpose and an agenda. If it never had one, then for the sake of all the kito trauma we have experienced, it’s about time we gave it one! Should we fail to do this, then we have proven ourselves to be willing victims to the homophobes. If we are not interested in saving ourselves, then everything is pointless. Let the dying die, let the innocent sheep be slaughtered by the wolves, let the perishing perish and by all means, let the kito trauma continue! We live to be entertained, abi? We scroll through our phones, read about near-death kito experiences and say “Eiyaa”, then drop our phones and go back to sleep. Mr and Ms intelligent, if you have a good brain as you claim, let us put them to good use and see how we can solve the Nigerian LGBT problem. For those who think it cannot be solved now, we can at least make life easier for members of the LGBT community.

For this movement to be a success, the immature must grey overnight, children from their cribs must speak like sages, and we absolutely have to join forces. Only then will we become a formidable opponent to the enemy. If we are not ready to do the needful, then we should shut up and swallow homophobic pill in shameful silence, while we await a future LGBT generation yet unborn, who are passionate for the cause and endowed with a sense of responsibility; children who will succeed where their forbears failed; children who will put us to shame. They will blame us because we had the Internet (which many in this same generation have weaponized for revolution) and chose to use it for catfights and pettiness, leaving the needful undone. Is this the heritage we want to leave behind?

Dear friends, it is not too late. We can change the world but it begins with you, it begins with me, it begins with Kito Diaries.

Written by Sensei

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  1. Mandy
    October 13, 07:01 Reply

    You’d be surprised to see that there’d still be those who will see this entirely illuminating write-up as the kind of admonishment to react badly to, and instead of taking the well0-meaning correction, will proceed to get defensive and look for who to sling nonsense at.

    I saw a comment yesterday, which apparently PP has now deleted, where a commenter was saying he’s done with KD because of the admin’s chastisement on the moderation of comments, and he’s fuming and comparing KD to Perez Hilton’s blog. I read it and was like, seriously? How can people thrive so much in discontentment, want trouble to be formented so much that they resent the voice that calls out for peace? I didn’t bother to reply the dude. If he’s wants to be done with a Kito Diaries that preaches for more consideration amongst KDians, then by all means, good riddance to bad rubbish.

    Preach on, sensei!

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    October 13, 07:08 Reply

    Thankyou Sensei!

    Always the voice of reason.

    There are people whose mission is actually nothing but to see the blog pack up and vanish and we must not allow these vipers amongst us succeed.

  3. Wiffey
    October 13, 07:20 Reply

    *Insert Standing Ovation, hearty cheers and an Award for Best Speech on KD here⬇*

    Wow I never imagined that we still had a voice of reasoning here. To be really sincere I have never read any KITO story on KitoDiaries not 1, I’ve always known of the blog but never bothered to check it out.

    Why because the severity of being “Kittoed” is no joke, it’s an experience I never want to think about, sharing with anyone or further more have people who didn’t go through the experience judge, comment or make mockery of the pains I and my Family went through. I can’t even read someone else’s story Because it will simply remind me of the darkness I so much want to forget.

    I still hope for a better tomorrow, I still believe in my sexuality and in the fact that someday I could be proud of being who I am but the truth is I am not sure I’m willing to mamake the sacrifice. Not Again

    • Dennis Macaulay
      October 13, 07:31 Reply

      Sweetheart sometimes writing about it is therapeutic! But I understand your pain! The sun will eventually shine.

      **opens arms for bear hug**

  4. Mwaniki
    October 13, 07:44 Reply

    I am not Nigerian; I am Kenyan. And my experience with sexual minorities in repressive societies is that we tend to be damaged, and we must consciously explore our damagedness and trauma and resolve to heal.
    A psychotherapist has written that experiencing positivity ironically brings our negative feelings and side to the surface. And that can ruin the positive experience. But when we understand that the negativity is from our unresolved past, we can give ourselves the love that will heal us.

  5. PeePee
    October 13, 08:00 Reply

    I stopped commenting on KD when it became apparent that hauling insults and ridiculing of other people was becoming the norm. I hope to see a change with this post. I love the initiative and brain behind it. Some decorum just needs to be instilled.

    Till then, bye!

  6. ikhines
    October 13, 08:20 Reply

    Is this the moral prefect? Abeg go siddon!

    • KayDee
      October 13, 09:42 Reply

      Ikhines or whatever U call yourself, people who know a lot about the history of this forum and been here from inception are trying to be civil but you who just joined the forum is here talking. Sometimes keeping quiet is good for your health. Help yourself!

      Bye!

  7. Colossus
    October 13, 08:22 Reply

    “But ladies and gentleman, just negodu!”
    In all the seriousness of the post, I had to laugh at that.

    Well said Sensei, well said. Everybody should take note. We really do have to choose our battles wisely, not every battle has to be fought.

  8. papasmurf
    October 13, 08:24 Reply

    Oh! Its official… I love u!!!
    I once said that such people are a dying breed. Voices like yours Sensei are the voice of the “new generation” of the LGBT community.
    It is NOT compulsory to leave a comment every time you read a post. How about just taking a lesson learned and pay it forward in your local community, whether LGBT or the hetero society?

  9. McGray
    October 13, 08:50 Reply

    Sensei! Sensei! Still d best after d Admin! *abeg wia is my boo Teflondon?*

  10. Mike Daemon
    October 13, 09:03 Reply

    If this platform becomes too serious, a whole lot of people will restrain from commenting. I think people see this platform as a purely entertainment forum.

    • Henrie
      October 15, 06:45 Reply

      I don’t think the OP had any problems with entertainment. His grouse seems to the unnecessary puerile discord that exist among KDians. I think that’s a legitimate concern.

  11. Peak
    October 13, 09:12 Reply

    I’d like to formally apologise to the readership, for whatever ugliness my brush strokes helped create.

    I had a “me” moment without sparing a thought to how my outburst might affect others. For this reason, I do sincerely apologise. Regardless of whatever justifiable course I might have had for reprisal, people suffered some degree of discomfort and I’m not exactly thrilled with that.

    Everything that happened, has been a live, learn and grow experience for me.

    Thank you Sensei.

    Once again, I am sorry.

    • sensei
      October 13, 09:20 Reply

      Peak, I have always held you in high regard. I have read enough of your comments not to judge you on the basis of one outburst. It was a human moment, which we all have from time to time. Your apology only proves that you are indeed respectable and intelligent.

      • JBoy
        October 13, 09:23 Reply

        Peak, it’s fine.

        Speaks great of you.

        Thanks again, Sensei, for this…

    • Max
      October 13, 10:55 Reply

      Damn, you’re so predictable. ??

  12. Khaleesi
    October 13, 10:12 Reply

    Wow!!! that was deep!! i totally agree Sensei, a casual interaction with many LGB Nigerians will show you that most are not fully aware of the issues at stake; this is also linked to the homophobic attitude that our sexuality is a temporary bump on the smooth road to heterosexuality … if you have not decided to own yourself and be true to yourself, how then can you face serious life issues squarely? For whatever its worth, Preach on!!!

    • Henrie
      October 15, 06:50 Reply

      You just pointed out my main worry with the Nigerian LGBT community. A large chunk of us believe our sexuality is just a phase. And i think this is a problem with fighting for acceptance.

  13. Kristopher B!
    October 13, 10:13 Reply

    Although I rarely comment on here, but right from it’s inception last year up until now, I start my day almost everyday by checking up updates on KD… Except on those days Pinky has so much fun he’s too tired to update us the next day… #Sideyees. Truth is there will always be drama on this blog in one form or another! We are humans and that’s a characteristic that makes up our being, the only issue should be, as mature individuals, we should have the “Common Sense” to draw the line and know when not to cross a particular boundary… With that said, CHIZZIE, I don’t know why you keep getting riled up in these nasty situations of calling out people with what they’ve shared on here! I am one of those who genuinely look forward to your comments, because it is sometimes cut throat and “on its own lane” but PLEASE try and keep it clean and reduce all the meddlesomeness. I’m afraid if these call outs ain’t tackled KD might end up being a bland blog, with barely any reasonable stories as no one will want to share or people won’t tell everything for fear of such attacks… Let’s learn to at least tolerate ourselves! Pinky its been a while.

    • Pink Panther
      October 13, 11:20 Reply

      LMAO. Kristopher, it is my God who will answer you.

  14. Sinnex
    October 13, 10:13 Reply

    Hmmmmmm…..

    ‘When you have nothing to say, say nothing at all’

    I think I am going to be humming this always.

    I also think I have a migraine.

    #okbye

  15. Hema
    October 13, 10:19 Reply

    You have spoken well my brother.
    I have never been an advocate of the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ so mudslinging and petty drama has never been my forte.
    Unfortunately, I am just a shade in a myriad of colors.
    Thank you for your word.
    Hope someone will read and learn.

  16. Teflondon
    October 13, 11:22 Reply

    Well written i must admit. even though i didn’t get to read it all thoroughly. Thanks Sensei for always being the voice of reason. Most times its easy for people like myself to get carried away easily and we need more people like you in the world to throw caution to the wind and bring us back to earth.

    KD should be a place were we are encouraged to be ourselves i believe, Not a place filled with Politically correct people. it should be a place to learn, educate, enlighten and entertain. it should be a place were we can freely tell our stories without any fear or complex of any sort. its a place we should feel fabulous.

    if you are observant, Since i re-joined KD after my initial hiatus, i have never intentionally set out to hurt another on here. i have always gone about my business without actually provoking anyone. for all the insults i get for every comment i make, i never retaliate. i make statements/comments here based on facts, my beliefs and values. i believe we are all different and can never seen things the same way ALL the time and that was why i set out to start commenting on KD initially but it seemed this action had infuriated a few people and then the witch hunt started.

    I’m never one to be angry for long, keep grudges or seek chaos and or Anarchy. so for this purpose i sincerely apologize for whatever part i might have unknowingly or knowingly played a part of. I just love to have fun really, life is just too short not to have fun while you are alive and kicking BUT maybe i like to push the boundaries a little at times at the expense of the blogs main Objectives, so for That i apologize.

    P.S
    McGray so am still your boo? Those people (with the powers) have refused to make it official.
    btw what happened to Diablo (he disappeared as Chizzie appeared. coincidence?)

    Oooh!! All the different colorfully Characters of KD? priceless!

    • Chizzie
      October 13, 12:16 Reply

      Ever the conspiracy theorist, I’ll be sure to check on ‘Diablo’ whenever my handler triggers that personality to appear,… or I could send him a msg via BBM and tell him that you think we are one of the same again, after all thats how we became friends in the first place.

  17. Brian Collins
    October 13, 11:46 Reply

    Where’s TeamKizito’s prized ‘Hmmm’ when you need it? (where in the world is he even?)
    I knew after the second paragraph who the author was. Who else can appeal to my reasoning better than Sensei.Beautifully written.
    I all truth, when i first heard about KD, i thought it was going to be a blog where we’d exchange kito stories and consoled each other singing ‘We shall Overcome’ and then moved on to the next kito story. But i got on and started reading and i realised the kito stories were just a tip of the iceberg. I was exciting. The knowledge acquired, the encouragement supplied, the tea parties being hosted by our wonderful gossip mongers(i wonder what happened to those), the virtual acquaintances/fruendships made, and obviously the vitriol marinated in malice being served daily was to die for.
    I came to KD and remained a part of it because i wanted to better myself as a young gay man and KD has helped a lot with that. A lot if people here have to stop thinking of it as just a medium of online entertainment as Sensei said.
    A lot of people don’t have any purpose for being here, which has been very evident and quite sad actually. Being the bitches we are, all we want to do is make people miserable because we are angry at the world. We do need to change really.

  18. Chizzie
    October 13, 12:23 Reply

    *gasps* Pinky, What happened to my comment? But I didn’t say anything mean, and I thought I was being nice. Why does this keep happening ???

    • Teflondon
      October 13, 13:51 Reply

      My Dear, you are not alone in that. My comments got deleted from yesterdays post too and some other days. I’ve learnt to accept this! However, the Admin sees them, screens them before deleting and i believe my message would have been passed across in the process regardless.
      one thing is certain however, ill never stop saying things as it is or should be. ill never shy away from it no matter the humiliation and impartiality i face. i feel i owe it to the 100’s of silent readers (who by the way approach me daily through various means and tell me how much they admire my resilience and guts) *gushing*

      • Pink Panther
        October 13, 14:04 Reply

        *standing ovation for you* Cheers to Teflondon! You’re such a role model, a beacon of the KD society. Whatever shall we do without your unflinching and enviable truth.

  19. Delle
    October 13, 12:55 Reply

    In as much as I really don’t know you guys individually and otherwise, I just want to appreciate your level of maturity and the way you all handle issues here. Of course there are fights, which I myself (as humanly stupid as I am) enjoy sometimes. But then again, I guess that’s why we are homosapiens.
    I truly respect this message, Sensei, it was truly deep like someone correctly wrote.
    Once again, I’m really glad to be here, to learn and see things beyond my carved out horizon. The way things are perceived in the gay world out there isn’t the way it should be…this cause we are truly fighting, irrespective of whatever differences we may have, must be fulfilled. Kito diaries still is one of the best I’ve come across in recent times, and I’m saying this as a new recruit. Thanks all once again (esp u Sensei 4 bringing this out of my within). Love u all plenty!

  20. ronniephoenix
    October 13, 14:32 Reply

    I myself have been a part of the disruption of peace on this wonderful site, but then I would never have done so if people like(I am not afraid to call names) chizzie, tef, posh, etc hadn’t provoked me.

    I find it ridiculous that on a blog on which the majority are over 18, still behave immature and petty.
    This is saddening and not portraying a good image for the nigerian LGBTIAQ community

    • Teflondon
      October 13, 16:17 Reply

      **humming and whistling**

      Mirror! Mirror! on the wall….

    • Jamie
      October 13, 17:14 Reply

      That name tef, reminds me of a lot of things…!

  21. Francis
    October 13, 17:39 Reply

    ???

    So we are still on this matter?! O ga oh. Una BP no dey rise at all?! Hian.

    Vicious beings will forever exist offline and online. The only way to deal with them is to ignore and hit the block/delete button from time to time till they get the message.

  22. Jamie
    October 13, 17:39 Reply

    My Angelic self was nodding while reading…

  23. Suony
    October 13, 18:11 Reply

    Mes amis,

    I’m a rookie in the comment section for very obvious reasons. One shouldn’t have to get the Linda Ikeji blog-experience on here.
    I savour every moment spent on here getting lost in your beautiful stories. It’s amazing!
    We get angry and lose it sometimes, yes. We’re humans after all. In the end, we’r still a family.
    I look forward to more stories, hopefully, I’ll share mine too. 🙏

    Salut!
    S-G

  24. Eddie
    October 14, 03:20 Reply

    Hmmmm… I just observe most times and refrain from commenting because it seems KD has its own “clique” aka self appointed moderators who enjoy the faux feeling of importance and superiority they derive from being meanies…. truth is,nothing would change that and this “repentance” I see would be short-lived… just saying

  25. bryannn
    October 14, 03:51 Reply

    sapiosexual me is already in luv with you SENSEI………..If dis was food, u just made me a glutton……tnx so much for this, your diction is superfluous

  26. Henrie
    October 15, 06:55 Reply

    Thank you, Sensei. You’re just wonderful.

  27. OroboHunter
    October 15, 09:01 Reply

    finally a post worthy of commendation. The writer said it all really. My last comment was probably over a year ago.. the reason is not far fetched. I want to be practical here, if you see or read a comment here that you don’t like for any reason, just ignore it. As simple as it sounds, only mature and disciplined people can do it tho… that being said every one has a right to vent or rant, i feel whatever comments we make here should not be censored. If anyone wants to run their mouth.. by all means allow them. with time we will learn how to apologize. i said ‘we’ cuz we are all guilty… please read Eddie’s last post.. the cliques yall have here…….. Special S/O to alphapapi n deolalfc. have a nice day yall.

  28. Dashawn
    October 15, 16:21 Reply

    Well said Sensei, Well said. I was just discussing with my fellow sisters a day before yesterday, how vitriolic the comment section of KD can be. I’m glad that someone actually decided to pen down my exact sentiments. As for the bitter ones, try changing your diets, smiling more often and taking more strawberry blonde icecream from cold stone cremmery. It is well!

  29. peaches
    October 16, 20:32 Reply

    I am just humbled… And am saying that with a straight face. Too much drama in the air lately.

  30. Jake
    October 18, 11:55 Reply

    I came across Kito Diaries through a reference from a friend I thought will belong to a much more sensible association of LGBTs so I came with high expectations which to a large extent was met as a result of the quality of the articles and write-ups that adorned the space. However, I was quickly taken aback by the same repeated issues that have driven me from associating with LGBT Online Communities in this part of the world, shallow responses, beguiled insults and hapless comments to a well meaning post. This article however should call a lot of us to order. We cannot be taken serious when we do not take ourselves seriously, we can never be respected and accepted for who we are when we cannot act in the same manner. Let’s hope this will inspire some common sense in the Nigerian LGBT Community and elicit positive and mind shaping responses.

    This is my first comment here ever. Thank you all!

    • JBoy
      October 18, 16:04 Reply

      Thank you, Jake, for your comment.

      Please keep commenting…we’re glad to have you here.

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