06-effeminate-060912It was a Friday and I was happy. It had been a terrible week at work, with me throwing tantrums a few times from the pressure. I was happy to get home, have a few drinks and hook up with a nice guy (don’t we all?). So after I got home, logged into xxxxx.com (sorry I had to cross that out), I had a new message (clearly Aphrodite was happy with me). I read the message, he dropped a blackberry pin and I went ahead to read his profile. I loved it, the profile picture was hot, I was drooling until I saw…“likes straight acting guys only”. I just sighed, logged out and went into the room to sleep.

I hate the term ‘straight acting’, and I will tell you why. We live in an extremely homophobic society, a society that doesn’t believe in the diversity of humans. A society that regards any sexual relations out of that between a man and a woman as abnormal. Now when we use the term ‘straight acting’, are we endorsing the position that heterosexuality is the right way? And that in order to validate ourselves, do we have to behave in a certain way that is deemed straight acting?

Now what is straight acting anyway? Apparently we use the term to describe gay men who are not effeminate; gay men who are masculine and don’t portray any ‘gayness’ (is that even a word), so that when we hang out with them or they visit us, our friends and family will not sense their homosexuality and by implication suspect us too.

I have often said that being gay is a very difficult life to live, in advanced countries built on the principle of fairness and freedom; there is still a lot of discrimination. In spite of the advances that have been made, there is still so much discrimination. The discrimination that worries me however is the one we have amongst ourselves right in the community. This is the one that bothers me because it clearly makes no sense.

Gay men (and women) come in all shapes and sizes. There is the masculine, there is the feminine, and there are those in between. Now what happens to the guys who are feminine by nature? Do they have to become ‘straight acting’ to validate themselves? I happen to have some girly friends myself, and I started getting close and hanging out with them when I stopped caring.

I am a strong believer in ‘to each his own’, and I certainly believe that everybody should be free to set the rules they want to live by. But if we cannot embrace the diversity that is amongst us, then why do we get offended by homophobia?

Written by Dennis Macaulay

Dennis Macaulay is a Brand Executive in Port Harcourt. Follow him on twitter @Eko_bloke

Don’t forget to please follow us on twitter: @panther_blog or to SHARE and DROP YOUR COMMENTS. And for any submissions, let us have your stories at pantherptb@yahoo.com.


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  1. RedLips
    April 26, 08:47 Reply

    Great piece!!in times past I used to be scared to death of being found within a 10mile radius of even mildly feminine guys. I was pathologically afraid that people would notice abd I would be outed, I missed out on so many great friendships and fun. Seeing as we live in a highly intolerant society I still prefer that my friends draw little attention to themselves and to me, but I certainly am not going to let the opinion of bigots keep me away from great friends just cos they happen to be gay.

  2. jay92
    April 26, 09:26 Reply

    Some of our gay guys have a strong control issues… Like d way they throw there hands, roll there eyes in public….for Gods sake.. Do they really have to make it obvious everywhere they find there selves…they should have a little control when in public and leave there shele ways indoor when with there boyfrnds or lovers…

  3. Lucio
    April 26, 10:17 Reply

    This piece has my full support. I don’t do guys who hate effeminate men. If we all can’t live together in our diversity then the bigots have won.

  4. Chizzie
    April 26, 14:30 Reply

    I used to have issues w my self for being too camp.. I hated it, cause it always made me so self conscious. I thought I was never going to get a bf cause no one would date a flaming ho, as time went by..I was able to put some of it in check but some elements I couldn’t drop eg the eye rolling and my hands, I can’t express myself enough without gesticulating like I am talking to a mute. But then I realised that some guys didn’t mind or were indifferent abt it, with them I felt so comfortable. so I decided I was going to tell a guy from the get go that I am abit camp, and I try not to bother myself w the ones that are all u must be straight acting. I also tend to like tops that are a tad bit effeminate. ..so guess that makes me slightly lesbian?

  5. Dennis Macauley
    April 26, 14:52 Reply

    @Jay92, they don’t intentionally roll their eyes or wave their hands and have high pitched voices; that’s just the way they are. Just d way u are gay! U did not choose it! Be nice

  6. “Straight-acting” is a stupid term.It’s internal homophobia.What is so wrong with being effeminate?Some gay men are & some aren’t.Can’t we just love all?Why is there such hatred in the gay community?
    IMHO it reeks of misogyny.What is so wrong with anyone being feminine?We all have both feminine & masculine sides.What is so wrong with expressing them?

    People are sadly still stuck on feminine being less than.This is why people freak the fuck out when men dare to express their feminine sides.The Q in their minds is,Why would ANYONE want to be feminine? Women are deemed fine to feminine because that fits the outdated gender roles.Women are viewed as less than.

    We all need to free ourselves from the dumb views society has instilled upon us.We need to love each other,our differences & similarities.

    – signed a straight girl aka fag hag

    Peace & Love to all my fellow humans <33

    • CeJayx
      April 29, 22:50 Reply

      Fsg Hsg, OMG!!! i’d love to meet you, you’re awesome!! cant believe we have open minded girls in this bigot overrun country … you’re like a breath of fresh air …

  7. andre
    April 27, 16:50 Reply

    Well said sweerie. First nd foremost wahs dis trash about being straight acting and all? Serzly I hate d term. Secondly pple re what they are bcuz they were born that way! They do not choose to b effiminate nd all. I always had dis ish of loosing fwends cuz I wuz girly in nature,nd dat made me an introvert. I started bcoming Conscious of ma actions wen ever I wuz in public. It actualli made me lonely. Long story short(I knw u re actualli feeling bored now, abeg nor vex) I met ma wonderful bestie (a st8t gal) who accepted me 4 me nd helped me build up ma confidence nd ma wondaful bf who likes mua 4mua. Finally we do not need dis discrimination amongst our selves, all we need is love!!! We need 2 love pple 4 who day re nd nt we want them to be!!!

    • alpha papi
      April 29, 16:22 Reply

      In my opinion I dnt see anytin wrong in stressin dis str8 actin issue….yes we r gay nd bi bt we also hv our diffrent preferences, nd der is notin wrong in expressin ones preference.The fact dat u like fem dudes or comfortable wit dem doesn’t mean evrybody else shld ,I’m not against fem dudes o,but I’m not into dem.Pple like wat dey like,period.

  8. sensuous sensei
    April 29, 15:14 Reply

    There is the other side of the coin. I love and totally accept all human beings as they are. And one of my most prized, precious friends as as feminine as 5 girls in one. But he I love him all the same. It doesn’t even matter. However, I have a right to chose what I prefer sexually. And I find that I am turned on my masculine dudes. I didn’t chose it. That’s what is is. Different strokes for different folks. Let’s be careful lest we turn this into another discrimination regarding SEXUAL PREFERENCE. And then end up being like the people we criticize.

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