Dear KD: How Can I Take Down A Homophobic Gay Man Who Won’t Let Me Be?

Dear KD: How Can I Take Down A Homophobic Gay Man Who Won’t Let Me Be?

I have known this guy (let’s call him X) for some time. We are not lovers, not even friends, just two people who are acquainted with each other based on work and the fact that we’re both gay. We often find ourselves working on the same projects.

However, for some time, X has been antagonizing me.

This started during one discussion at work about gay rights. I expressed my opinion about gay rights being human rights. Out of everyone in the group, I expected him to be pro-gay. Imagine my shock when he was among the few who condemned gay people as criminals and expressing support for the antigay law. And he seemed to resent not only that I was being pro-gay, but that more people in the group were on my side.

I realized he was internally homophobic. And this made other things start to make sense. He is quite effeminate, but he is always striving to “man up”, talking tough, trying so hard to give off masculine vibes whenever we are among fellow guys, forming alpha male, almost as though he needs to be accepted.

I’d feel sorry for him over this, if he didn’t start bad-mouthing me to other people after that group discussion. In fact, right after that argument at work, as I was leaving the group, I overheard him telling some of the guys that the reason why I am supporting gay rights is because I am gay. This muthafucker legit outed me.

I tried not to let it bother, especially since no one followed up on his snide talk. But he persisted with his acts of resentment directed at me. If he is not acting all cold and aloof toward me, he’s making all these spiteful references to my sexuality, finding ways to bring up insinuations to other guys about how I am gay. I used to ignore him, but recently, I have started feeling like enough is enough, especially since I know that this is a gay guy himself attacking me like this.

I don’t want to simply ignore anymore. I need advice on a good way to put him in his place, to cut him down. I don’t like him. And he obviously has his issues with me, and I need to know a way to get him to back off of me.

Thank you.

Submitted by Honey Comb


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  1. Mitch
    June 08, 09:15 Reply

    How much bigger than him are you?
    If he’s smaller than you, wait for a day when he’s badmouthing you. While he’s at it, slap the living shit out of him.

    Just one hot slap!
    No talking, no ranting, no overdoing it.
    Just knack am one hot slap.

    The trash will take itself out.

    There’s no need descending to his level. Because idiots like him would beat you with experience if you dare descend to their level. All you’d end up doing is soil yourself.

    Like I said, no need to shalaye.
    Slap his stupid back into hiding.

    • S.Freude
      June 10, 03:17 Reply

      lol….just don’t get fired from work when you don’t have another lined up

  2. Quincy
    June 08, 09:21 Reply

    If i were the one (of course i have been, once), passive-aggression would have been the way to go.

    Do that for a while then go all the way and out you. Because no be only get craze for head. Then I will out you even more online. I will drag you, raze you and damage you.

    If you put me possible risk, I’ll put you in definite risk.

    Seriously i have guys who do this. You may share his info, so that some people can talk to him. I would gladly do it.

    But if he keeps targeting you, do ANYTHING you want to do. Just make sure you can handle the backlash.

  3. Black Dynasty
    June 08, 09:54 Reply

    Hmm sighs, you’d have to talk to him one on one and set clear boundaries with a warning, and if he crosses said boundary, then please go ahead and do what you’d have mentioned in the warning.

    In your shoes, my conversation would be along the lines of, “stop talking about me, stop bad mouthing me and back the fuck up out of my life. After this conversation we’ve had, you continue and i go beat shege comot your body outside work. It’s fine to hate yourself, but leave me out of it and don’t ever let me hear my name out your mouth again. This is a final warning.”

    • Delle
      June 08, 11:01 Reply

      I really wish I could “beat shege out of someone’s body” 😭

  4. Delle
    June 08, 11:00 Reply

    Oh dear!

    Good ole confrontation! I understand not everyone is verbally lucid but you can plan your words and meet him at a strategic time.

    Make him understand how you do not appreciate his uncouth behaviour towards you and how you will not tolerate any more nonsense from him. You could throw in a little bit of a threat into the mix: basically about outing him because you know why he’s being such a sniveling ox. Nothing rattles an IHed man up more. Trust

    Be firm but not overly abrasive so that he doesn’t think you bother him so much. He needs to be swatted like a pesky fly and not dealt the blow of the SWAT team. Puts him in his place.

    Don’t try to make conversations with him afterwards. Be civil but distant seeing as it’s a workplace.

    Should be fine.

  5. Francis
    June 08, 12:19 Reply

    If your ogas are not homophobic in the sense that you can’t get fired just for being gay, nigga I say drag a bitch in the open one day.

  6. Gbolly
    June 08, 12:52 Reply

    You can set him up and get him outed
    It works so as to keep his wagging tongue below…
    There was a guy in my school who was always calling me a girl
    And always referring to my that I like penis
    He even wrote my me and (he can draw) and Drew semen flying from a penis on top
    I was embarrassed
    And this made seniors in the hostel punish me because it sounded Hilarious and I was kinda true
    Because I was girly and I was like the vanity queen
    No one steps on my bed no one wears my sleeper no one touches me after I bathe because I plainly said it makes my body itch
    Long story short
    I seduced h one night while I offered to remove the dirt in his navel, his dick was not even they big bit I was not expecting him to kiss me
    So he was turned on and behaving like a beaat so I left his grip and left the room(he was bigger than me)
    The he was always begging me to do it with him and I objected and this made his ranting more
    He told see girls in his class
    But o was happy they shut him up and said Gbolly (I) was just being girly cos I liked hanging out with girls
    So I told one of my friend about this and how I plan to set him up, he was to invite my insulters friend to my hostel and I whispered in my insulters hear(Mike)
    To come to my hostel
    Long story short
    We didn’t fuck he just carried me and he was kissing me then I gave them the right timing and they saw him
    I was not even erect cos I didn’t even like him
    I just laughed and that was how he stopped though he tried getting back at me but I was smarter than him
    I was a master planner
    That is it he stopped
    And I even told girls to ask him about me and he just shoved them off
    So they embarrassed him for black mailing me.

    But that guy is gay and insult gay people
    If you are bigger than h give him slap
    That he will never forget and Don’t utter anything

  7. Pezaro
    June 08, 13:32 Reply

    Simply get his social media handles, set him up with a hot friend who would make sure to extract indicting information from him through chat, voice and video calls, so much so that it will be impossible for him to deny.
    Confront him with those , take a seat , grab your popcorn and watch the bastard’s brain get reset.

  8. trystham
    June 08, 14:52 Reply

    The comments have been amusing. I however agree with them. If u don’t drag him, it might probably not end. Just be prepared to have the last word, and make sure ur shots are hits back to back. Nothing as painful as thinking back on a fight and not throwing some very choice insults. Go with God

  9. Yusuf
    June 09, 08:43 Reply

    You overheard him….and did nothing. That was your first mistake. Anyways hopefully from the posts made earlier, you have decided to drag his ass.

  10. ChubbyLover
    June 14, 07:15 Reply

    Just ignore him. People like him are in fire need of attention. Starve him of this, he will die off naturally.

  11. Enyi nwanyi
    June 15, 00:23 Reply

    When next he makes ANY comment just ask him BOLDLY so that everyone will hear it.

    This one that you are always talking about gay people all the time, are you gay??

    Don’t bother to exchange with him, just drop your comment and let him struggle to define who he is.

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