Dear KD: I’m Caught Between My Fear And My Desire

Dear KD: I’m Caught Between My Fear And My Desire

Since I moved outside Nigeria, I have been either too busy or uninterested to hook up with anybody. Contrary to what all my friends believe, I am not exactly having the ultimate sexual experience. I am either caught up with school, work or some activity (cue in church).

Recently, a friend suggested I download Grindr, and after much contemplation, I did. The place was just filled with freaks, and just when I was about to uninstall the app while I was at the gym, I got messaged by some good looking brother. We chatted a little and after a while, we exchanged numbers and I progressed to uninstall the Grindr app.

After several days of chatting over the phone and finding out the guy (let’s call him Jacob) was also a member of the gym and he had always crushed on (lusted after) me for a while, I agreed to go meet him at his crib. Fast-forward moments after the usual chit-chit, we start taking our shirts off.

And then, I see it…

Several body marks and native inscriptions (did I mention he is from Benin, Nigeria?). This really put me off because I was brought up to believe people with body marks have some form of spiritual problem and the fact that he is from Benin – the poster-boys for black magic – didn’t really help.

I ended up bringing up a story about having an appointment and promising to come back at some other time, just so I can get out and get my head straight.

Am I being unnecessarily paranoid and superstitious? Do we have any Benin guys that may be willing to share what these body inscriptions may mean? Almost two years of no sugar is long enough, so help is needed ASAP. Thank you.

Submitted by Ace

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  1. MacArdry
    April 10, 05:20 Reply

    Body marks put you off having fun,for real?.

  2. kendigin
    April 10, 05:23 Reply

    Op you have nothing to fear. From my own experience, those markings are actually local medical remedy that is administered to cure an ailment (which has no english name).
    its said that thats the only way to save a child who is afflicted with such. My cousin has the mark all over his belly. He would have died otherwise.

    I have to say u shldnt be quick to flee. People who have such mark have really gone through a lot cos its a horrifying experience. Forget the unsightly marks, the procedure is excruciating and painful. So discriminating against them is unfair.

    Instead making decisions based on unwarranted fears, u ought to have at least given him the opportunity to explain.

  3. Dennis Macaulay
    April 10, 05:35 Reply

    Tribal marks? Cos I have a few on my hands from when granny sweetest thought I was going to die as I fit the bill of an abiku (story for another day).

    It doesnt mean anything hun! Get your fuck on…..Ooops

    • Silver Cat
      April 10, 06:19 Reply

      Kitodiaries Version of The Originals’ Elijah the Noble, an abiku?
      Is there any justice, any fairness in this world?
      Just as i was about to start hating U for being so perfect.
      *wailing unconsolably*
      Someone brew me some Twinnings Lapsang Souchong tea. I’m burying my idealized version of Dennis

      • Dennis Macaulay
        April 10, 06:30 Reply


        Think on the bright side! Me and you can have a palace under the sea! PP will wait on us

    • Gad
      April 11, 06:44 Reply

      I have always had this suspicion. I think I mention it once upon a time

  4. Pete
    April 10, 06:06 Reply

    Max, It’s not just plain is traditional healing which is effective too. The Chinese modernized their acupuncture, that it’s accepted globally now. Out problem here is that our tradomedical practitioners are too secretive & do not subject their practice to scrutiny

    • Khaleesi
      April 10, 07:12 Reply

      Omg Pete am so loving this your comment! I’d never linked those body markings in any way to acupuncture, but now i can see that our trado-medical practitioners weren’t/aren’t as quack/stupid as a lot of us think. Chinese acupuncture is now a widely accepted and highly regarded form of medical treatment, who says African traditional medical treatment cant be globally accepted?

  5. Stickysly
    April 10, 06:20 Reply

    “…Benin – the poster-boys for black magic…”

    An example of a typical Nigerian stereotype that really annoys me.

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 10, 06:22 Reply

      LOL. We have a lot of them cultural stereotypes, don’t we? Like Igbo men being avaricious lovers of money…

      • Dennis Macaulay
        April 10, 06:34 Reply

        Biko I love money! Anybody that doesnt can chose poverty!

        Yimu to that one

      • McGray
        April 10, 12:54 Reply

        Pinky ppl do say that. But i wonder who hates money? Me mah eh, ah love money die oo. Watch those ppl saying Igbos love money a lot and see how their face will look like when a Gala seller runs away with their #950 change as them moto waka comot.

    • Ace
      April 10, 07:20 Reply

      I am sorry if this was taken wrongly but I have Benin friends that are scared to go home because they may not come back alive. Let me let that sink in. No hate here, heck! I’ll fuck with a chief priest if he is hot. No hate dear.

    • Andrevn
      April 10, 11:42 Reply

      Down boy! @_sly

      -aside from Benin being a ghost town(lol,tho i’m kinda stuck here for the now),there are very nice people down here….that you should know.

      The incisions you noticed on your potentials’ body is a remedy for postnatal illness that is characterised by convulsions,diarrhoea and whatnots……..quite effective i must add as some of these once frail looking children have grown sturdily into adulthood.

      So take a chill Dear, and get your freak on,it’s (the markings) not alluded to diabolic ministrations in anyway.
      Approaching him abt the markings in a non-discriminatory manner (cause enduring the marking process is no childs’ play;pun intended) will help to alleviate your fears.

  6. JArch
    April 10, 06:39 Reply

    Ace I wouldn’t call it paranoia, first of all the U.S can be quite overwhelming to be honest, so it takes a while to adjust to their rhythm and also a little longer to create some “me time” in the middle of all that rhythm to be able to hunt properly for some lovey dovey, thereby making it seem you no longer have interest in hooking up. I take it that you have a preset preference in men and you don’t do pity sex either.

    Onto the issue body markings, I’d suggest you approach it from the angle/mindset of him having a tattoo. Secondly it helps to be upfront with him and ask questions about how they came about. It worked for me with a guy I met from kaduna, he had this markings all over him- chest arms and belly. I asked questions and he said they were administered because of an illness he had. Nowadays whenever I see him shirtless I don’t feel revolted anymore. Now that I think about it though, those markings seem to disappear subconsciously unless I really take a deep and proper look again.

      • JArch
        April 10, 14:35 Reply

        You’re welcome HRS…. Hope I can shorten your name cos am lazy like that hahaha

  7. Sinnex
    April 10, 07:05 Reply

    It might be strange but we are in the same shoes. Before I meet anyone I usually ask them if they have incisions in any part of their bodies. I really don’t know, but the sight of insisions actually freaks me out.

    For instance, there was this contestant of Mr Ideal Nigeria who I used to crush on, but I discovered that he had like 4 incisions on his chest. All my feelings for him just vanished the same way it came.

    • Ace
      April 10, 07:26 Reply

      I know right. Tattoos are hot. Incisions triggers some kind of safe mode in my head. I really appreciate Jarch’s take, maybe I need to let my guard down and talk about it with him.

  8. Ace
    April 10, 07:10 Reply

    I kept telling myself that. ” Juju no dey work for here” but I am just paranoid like that.

  9. Teflondon
    April 10, 08:07 Reply

    Ace Darling.. Pls just ask the dude what the incisions are for.. I’ll probably be freaked out myself.. If I experienced it.

    When I first read the story all that came to my mind was “Run Baby Run” but after going through some comments.. I guess I’ll steak with Pete on this..
    I’m sure after your dude explains.. You be just fine.

    Still alittle bit freaked out from the description your experience **shudders**

  10. JustJames
    April 10, 08:47 Reply

    It’s paranoia. I’m pretty sure if the incisions were made to cause harm they’d be less conspicuously done.

  11. Ringlana
    April 10, 11:15 Reply

    Am benin Guy, That’s. Medical. Remedy. Dat needs Traditional healing, cus you pierce and apply Ointment,It noting dear…

  12. Brian Collins
    April 10, 13:50 Reply

    Ace dear, please go get your freak on. What’s that people get when there’s no sugar in their blood?

  13. Handsomely Inclined
    April 10, 13:57 Reply


    You see prick and yash to devour ,you go dey carry eye see number stretch marks and tribal marks…..well done;

    • Max
      April 10, 14:28 Reply

      How many pricks and nyashes have you lodged in your archive?

      • Ace
        April 10, 16:38 Reply

        Lol… I can’t! Max and Handsomely Inclined.

  14. wazzosgrotto
    April 10, 15:34 Reply

    I love you guys. You give me jokes everyday of the week. Continue 🙂 x

  15. keredim69
    April 10, 15:55 Reply

    Ahhh Ace, think of him as some *Stocky/muscular/Athletic/slim rough Black American thug with a long dick and a phat booty. And the scaring on his body are gun shot/knife wounds from gang related warfare and markings are from the gang’s initiation. Also imagine that he just got out of jail.
    That usually works for me 🙂

    *Choose your body preference

  16. mike daemon
    April 10, 20:33 Reply

    @pinky a whole lot of them are true, like I have an igbo friend who said he is very much ready to do anything to make (kpugi)even if he’ll live for a short period of time, I was stunned!

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