Dear KD: I’m In Love But At Crossroads

Dear KD: I’m In Love But At Crossroads

I like to think I am versatile. The problem is I have never been able to bottom comfortably. The pain is unbearable. I have tried a lot to remedy this, from using adequate lubrication to going for small dicks. Shit, I even had to take Cataflam to numb the pain once. And did I mention I did the whole meditation thingy to prepare myself psychologically.

Nothing worked, so I gave it up. For five years, I haven’t played bottom and watched my sex life dampen. I was celibate for a year. Not that it mattered; I was never a sex freak.

However, I met someone recently. I have loved him silently and patiently waited for him because he was in a relationship. After the break up, we got close, very close, and soon began to sext a lot. The attraction is mutual and I believe he likes me too… Maybe it’s just in my head.

However, during one of our naughty chats, I told him I don’t bottom. He was disappointed, but things didn’t change between us, rather it got more intense.

I finally asked him out and he politely declined. Gave me a line about liking me but not being ready for a relationship.

But I can’t help but feel he rejected me because I can’t be bottom. I am seriously considering giving it a try if it means I get to have him. I am seriously at a cross road here and I need help.

Submitted by Bee

Previous IBK's JOURNAL (Entry 18)

About author

You might also like

Dear KD 60 Comments

Dear KD: We Need A Solution to This Kito Story

The story is not one you aren’t familiar with. A recent acquaintance of mine in school was recently invited by a fellow who we all know is queer. When my

Dear KD 5 Comments

The Proposal: I Am A US-Based Gay Man Looking For A Woman Interested In An Arranged Marriage

I am David, a 29-year-old gay Nigerian based in North America. I am currently looking for a lesbian, bisexual or (perhaps) straight woman willing to enter into a marriage of

Dear KD 7 Comments

The Proposal: A Queer Women And Queer Man Are Looking For Serious Commitments

I am Stella (not my real name of course), and I am in my mid-30s, ready to settle down with a gay/bisexual guy and also build a family together. I


  1. Francis
    February 06, 08:40 Reply

    We all have to compromise at some point in time BUT the koko is to weigh whether the compromise would be totally worth it.

    Just last week I overdid my tigernuts and ended up with something close to hemorrhoids. I swear the pain lasted for 48 hours and I had to work with that pain. Sitting down was war as I had to position my ass in a way that reduced the pressure on my butt hole.

    Now if that’s the kind of pain you have whenever you bottom, beech find an exclusive bottom biko. That pain IS SO NOT WORTH IT!

    Sex is meant to be fun not a dreaded chore!

    • KryxxX
      February 06, 09:15 Reply

      Loving your analysis Francis. But biakene biko, what about those who can’t play top for anything in this world? They are so grossed out about it. Like they see a hole which isn’t the mouth and they go as limp as a combination of Buhari’s economic plan and Trump’s bald wig. And on the other hand, playing the bottom always leaves them in pain? Celibacy be looking joyous like Bey’s twin announcement! Should they kuku join the Tibetan monks or Mother Theresa’s sisterhood of the celibate but still salivating at the next available penile print? This is a huge issue oh!
      Ndi KD bikonu, ejoor, help out.

      And oh Francis, that “Tiger Nut” shaa oh?! Must have been very huge! Ngwa byeeeeeeeeeee ? ????

      • Francis
        February 06, 09:35 Reply

        ???? See this one. You and who is competing for size queen of the century? Waka far biko. lol

        P.S: Not every gay does penetration things. Your market don shrink sha ’cause e be like say e hard to find those kain gays. The grace and mercy of the Lord be with you in your search. ???

  2. Mike Daemon
    February 06, 09:04 Reply

    I think the whole issue about compromise especially when it comes to sex roles is something that needs to be carefully addressed. We are who we are right? So I think we should not allow ourselves to be pressured into doing things that we are not entirely comfortable with. My advice is Be You, Do you, and stay safe.

  3. Delle
    February 06, 09:38 Reply

    I don’t think there’s anyone worth compromising your health for. You can’t take a dick? That’s it. It’s really sweet that you want to and have thought of helping but your sweet thoughts won’t magically make bottoming easier so I advise you go for your head this time.

    Anyone you tell this to who loves you truly, won’t want you to shun your health just to please him. Be selfish, Bee. No one would shoot you to hell for it.
    Take care.

  4. shuga chocolata
    February 06, 09:48 Reply

    @francis said it all BEE,
    I’d advice you to be you, do you anytime.
    if he loves you then roles won’t be an issue, someone here has a column and if I remember, I vividly read that both plays same role yet they are kicking it together still.

    @Francis Biko what did you write about tigernut giving you a pain in the ASS, now I’m worried because I chew that stuff like madt, ABI is it something else ??

    @ndi KD how are you all doing? it’s been a while.

    • Francis
      February 06, 09:59 Reply

      Hey boo ??. Na exam things abi residency don start?

      My tigernuts waka started because of weight loss things. When I eat them without drinking loads of water, constipation ensues and its’ exit out of my system na serious pain. Like say dem dey use sandpaper on my insides.

      If I hydrate well BUT make the mistake of taking the tigernuts spaced out throughout the day, na all day long purging go get me and the pain no be here also.

      I think my body just reacts differently to tigernuts. I can’t stop so I just try to eat them less and not everyday

      • ambivalentone
        February 06, 10:36 Reply

        Tiger nuts being ‘ofio’ abi? Funny u shud mention them. I had loads yesterday. Yum!!!

        • Francis
          February 06, 10:55 Reply

          Yeah, na him.

          Too yummy to avoid. lol

      • Delle
        February 06, 13:44 Reply

        Hian! See me thinking Tigernuts was another name for ‘you-know-what’.

        *flees to Rev. Fr*

  5. KingBey
    February 06, 10:57 Reply

    Get a douching kit….some good Poppers….water-based lubricants like Durex or KY….music…..and a fine man with a good dick. Then you’re good to go.
    Step 1: Douche with warm water. This clean you up and helps to relax the anal muscles thereby reducing the chances of pains or hemorroids.

    Step 2: Play a nice music you enjoy and get on with your poppers. The music will relax your body and soul and also put you in the mood….while the poppers will relax your anal muscles and put you on a kind of highness and relaxation.

    Step 3: Lube up your man-hole generously with KY or Durex Water-based Lubricant.
    Vaseline or anything that contains Oil is a No No.

    Step 4: Ensure you have a fine man with a nice dick. Average size always the best. You can move up to XXL in time…..If he’s Versatile, it’s better for you as flip sex is always the best.

    Good luck darling. ???

    • Francis
      February 06, 11:35 Reply



        • Francis
          February 06, 15:14 Reply

          Sex and Drugs should NEVER mix. If it works for you and your partner, that’s fine, enjoy BUT abeg no dey promote am as a fix for everyone. You people think all these hotel sex romp deaths and etc na just bad luck things.

      • shuga chocolata
        February 06, 15:10 Reply

        You just said my mind. boo,
        popper is a no go area,

        Ndi BDSM ekelem oooo.

        BIKO no one should go for shots like POPPER or TRAMS.
        Those shits are bad and kills often when abused.

        *drops mic ? * Ngwa bye.

        • Francis
          February 06, 15:17 Reply

          I just dey hear of TRAMS. When that one enter market?

      • Tangie Bloom
        May 04, 19:16 Reply

        Please how do you end up in ER? Do you drink it???

        Poppers are to be sniffed only o.

    • Tangie Bloom
      May 04, 19:18 Reply

      Also poppers are safe and completely legal in the UK. They even sell them behind the bar.

  6. Absalom
    February 06, 11:39 Reply

    In addition, playing with your hole an hour before sex to loosen it up may help. If it doesn’t, then maybe bottoming ain’t for you. ?

  7. Bain
    February 06, 14:41 Reply

    douche,lube generously,
    Get a dildo,and practise…

    • shuga chocolata
      February 06, 15:17 Reply

      NB:- this account has been hacked Mbok.

      Dildos are so 50s haven’t you heard of butt plugs?????

      fix it there and you need not worry about openness…….
      That shit does magic.

      shiiiiiii, what did I just write????

      • Francis
        February 06, 15:20 Reply

        ????? As a celebrity that you is nah

  8. DI-NAVY
    February 06, 17:47 Reply

    @bee, I can only advise you from my own experience. Heaven knows I have never enjoyed buttoming for once.Even if i do, i do not feel anything. Its horrible. Once the guy nuts, off i go and wash up.i hardly get hard when I am being penetrated. I have practiced over and over again and even explored. Its not just working out for me and sometimes I embarrass whoever i indulge with because they believe i do not feel them enough. The thing is, its a matter of the mind. Even if you lay with c Ronaldo or David Beckham, if you cannot enjoy being penetrated you just can’t. Its obvious you are so in love right now but I assure you that all you are going to do is compromise. If you don’t feel the passion in the love making, definitely it will be like the other sex you had. Anytime he talks about sex, you will cringe. Just give yourself time, love alone cannot guarantee good sex remember .lol. you can still love him and the sex will be so bland like white rice without stew.
    I started enjoying sex recently because the guy I met studied my body and he knows how i enjoy it and when. He listens to my body mechanism. you can still take the smallest dick and it will still be the most painful you have ever taken. You can still take the biggest dick and you won’t feel pain too. Size doesn’t matter, it depends on the sex comprises of perfect strokes, passionate kisses, tender love bites, connection, lushy carresing,sweet moans et al that can make you relax. If he is verse and you guys definitely feel something for each other. you can work things out.
    OAN, poppers is a no no no!! you will probably lay there like a corpse ready to be taken to the city morgue. So are you definitely gonna take it anytime you want to have sex with him because you will not feel the pain at that time, what about when it’s not available? lol. It is not also good for the health as well.Take your time buddy.

    • Francis
      February 06, 18:27 Reply

      The Love Doctor himself has arrived ???

      • DI-Navy
        February 06, 18:32 Reply

        Biko shift. love ni. we are tryna help a brother jare. lol

  9. Edo
    February 06, 18:42 Reply

    Ewwwwww. pervert boy oshi. you’re having pains but still want to go ahead with anal sex… collect sense biko. Go try a pussy. .you may just love it.

    • Francis
      February 06, 18:44 Reply

      We don tick your name for foreign bodies roster, ngwa coman be going! Ewu

Leave a Reply