Dear KD: Is Sex Really That Important?

Dear KD: Is Sex Really That Important?

I am 26, never been in a relationship or really felt what love is, although this is something I want to happen for me someday.

I’ve met some fellows, been around, but those didn’t really end well because there was no connection.

But the issue here is I don’t think sex is something I really want to do, even when I eventually get into a relationship, and I fear I might just be single for the rest of my life like this.

So I guess what I want to know is: Is sex really that important in a relationship?

Submitted by Mash Mellow

Previous Lemonade: The Poetry (A Gay Man's Perspective)
Next What do you do when you’re sleeping with your boss and he’s married to a woman?

About author

You might also like

Dear KD 25 Comments

Dear KD: I Have Difficulty In Getting An Erection

I have had difficulty getting an erection for people I’ve tried getting down with. Today was the fourth time it’s happened in the last four months. Either I don’t get

Dear KD 65 Comments

Dear KD: The Husband Is Giving Me The Greenlight

So, I am friends with this couple, closer to the wife though. But just this year, after working with the both of them, I became just a bit more comfortable

Dear KD 15 Comments

Dear KD: I Desperately Need Help With My Bottoming

Hello guys. I just want to pour my heart out about stuff I’ve been going through. First, I struggled with accepting the fact that I’m gay. I am also effeminate


  1. beejay
    August 06, 08:46 Reply

    Regardless of what the norm is, you’re not alone. Don’t push yourself so far to fit into someone else’s shoes, if you’re not into sex, you’re just not into it. Get rid of the fear and swim with the tides; the most interesting people, you’ll find, are interested in more than just your body.

  2. Colossus
    August 06, 09:08 Reply

    It differs for different people so if sex is not important for you, find someone of like mind. That’s going to be hard sha

    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 17:18 Reply

      Well I really do hope I find someone of like mind and yes I know it’s going to be a struggle well it has been a struggle from the beginning anyway

  3. Lemuel
    August 06, 09:12 Reply

    It’s important darling. Sex ties the bond and makes the ? stronger. You don’t totally love someone without constantly wanting to consume the person. It also prevents any of you from drifting.

    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 17:22 Reply

      Would have loved to agree with you there!
      But with people saying they actually do have sex with no strings attached makes me just think.
      And then again I think moments shared and memories is enough to let two people in love not drift apart tho.

  4. Absalom
    August 06, 09:34 Reply

    Sex is just sex; there is no objective good or bad value placed on it that works for everyone. Some people like sex, others are indifferent about it, others like the feelings and other gestures surrounding the act, some prefer their sex dirty, others vanilla, still others don’t are disgusted by it.

    We can’t all be the same. Else there would be no asexual people, for instance.

    You’ve understood yourself. Just find someone who is like you. Or at least understands you enough to be with you.

  5. Kingbey
    August 06, 09:52 Reply

    Sex is absolutely important in a relationship. Especially when you Bae up with someone you’re physically attracted to. There are times when you may consider drifting or breaking apart but then you remember the mind blowing sex and you make a quick U-turn. Makeup sex as a popular way to resolve issues is there for a reason.

    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 17:25 Reply

      Sex making one do U turn ok na
      Even when the person is a loser?
      I don’t think so

  6. trystham
    August 06, 10:48 Reply

    I like sex and frankly, I cannot imagine being in a relationship without collecting the D. I think you should also translate that into ur no-sex ish. Just find someone with a no-sex love thingy and viola!!!

  7. Rich
    August 06, 12:04 Reply

    My dear sex is important.

  8. Boytoy
    August 06, 12:19 Reply

    Dear Mash Mellow,

    I must say that your kind is unique and probably hard to come by but on the contrary, sex happens to be an integral part of any intimate relationship (whether gay or straight). However, this is relative primarily because someone could meet you for a quickie or longie or a one-night stand, ends up loving you thereafter and vice versa (may go both ways)

    This is relative and differs from individual to individual. Kindly bear in mind that most guys are in for the sex and it would take a lot of influencing, patience and/or a charming personality to make a dude stay.

    I hope this suffices.

    Warm regards.


    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 20:12 Reply

      Hello Boytoy(nice pseudo tho!Lol)
      Thanks I totally understand all you’ve said,but as a Demisexual there must be connection emotionally before closure can take place!so I might never get to meet a good guy through quickie,Longie or the like.Lol

  9. Jane
    August 06, 12:38 Reply

    No, sex is not important at all.
    It is gross, messy and tacky.
    Take that from a straight, but asexual lady who knows what relationship is all about.

  10. IBK
    August 06, 13:29 Reply

    Sex is only as important as each individual makes it out to be. I know someone who isn’t very into sex.. A couple of people actually. Don’t worry you’re not alone. It’s a lonely road but you aren’t alone.

    Develop yourself while you find someone you can make it work with. Perhaps learn to shift your boundaries too..

    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 17:31 Reply

      This finding someone thing is tough, because meeting someone and word is put at there that I’m not interested in sex that’s just the beginning of the end!
      But still I’m hopeful.

  11. Foxydevil
    August 06, 14:58 Reply

    First of all, I need to know the reason you are not having sex.
    Having gay sex is a cumbersome affair, the Anus is an unnatural place for penetration, it lacks the naturally moist of the vagina and at such sex in a homosexual relationship can either be a total disaster to very pleasurable depending on how it’s handled.
    Are you avoiding sex because you are scared of contracting STDS ?if so there are many ways for you to reduce the risk of you getting them, while still enjoying healthy dosage of sex .

    Is sex not something you want to do because you don’t just feel sexually attracted to anyone? In that case you might just be an a homosexual asexual, you crave the companionship of men but you can’t bring yourself to get physical with one…. That’s a difficult situation but most people have learnt to live with it, and learn how to be intimate, be it through hand job, blow job ,deep kisses and long deep embrace.

    Perhaps psychological factors OR Sapiosexual? You did mention you felt no connection ,maybe you will open up to your partners more if you find that one person your heart truly embraces ,some people equate love to sex and it is completely OK.

    Is sex really important?
    Frequent sex might reduce your chances of developing prostrate cancer in the future.
    Sex gives pleasure
    It builds a bond between two people and oddly can make a relationship stronger
    Sex allows for a heightened level of intimacy that might not necessarily be there if all you do is hold hands and read lady bird stories.

    Not having sex though :
    Might save you a trip to the lab every now and then .
    You get to keep the twenty years of your life that might be shortened by frequent gay sex .
    You reduce the risk of you ever having oral cancer..
    You reduce the chances of you ever developing stomach viral infections that you can naturally get through rimming .
    You reduce the chances of the wall of your asshole getting more susceptible to germs, infection, virus and bacterias through the wear and tear suffered during penetration.
    You have less chance of contracting hPV, herpes, HIV ,hep B and C .

    All in all….. Sex is all you make of it. I wouldn’t say it is important or not ,it all depends on what you make out of it. Some get their orgasms through creativity and productive affairs .You aren’t obligated to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to. ?

    • Mash mellow
      August 06, 17:41 Reply

      Well tbh the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs sums it all up for me really!
      I’ve heard of the work people put to it and also the pain that also comes with it,which I don’t think I want to put someone through that or go through it myself not even in the name of love.

      I’m alright/good with other sexual activities but penetration is a NO NO!!!

  12. Ken George
    August 07, 06:00 Reply

    2 most important things in any relationship are sex and money. If present, your relationship can survive almost anything

  13. KÄNE
    August 07, 11:15 Reply

    Memories made keeps the heart fonder… Sex is an intimate part of the memories and I’m hoping you’ll find the right one to trigger the sexual part of you someday soon.

  14. Yazz Soltana
    August 08, 15:43 Reply

    You might be Demisexual,, ,you might need an emotional connection with someone to even think to even of even having sex.. …

    • Francis
      August 08, 15:56 Reply

      Hmmmm, I’m sexually attracted to every every but for the sex to happen, there has to be emotional connection of some sort.

Leave a Reply