Dear KD: My Partner Doesn’t Care About My Orgasm

Dear KD: My Partner Doesn’t Care About My Orgasm

Hello, guys. I need your advice on this one.

I like to think that I am in a relationship. Well, it’s that kind of situationship where no word of commitment has been agreed upon, but an understanding has been tacitly reached. Positions have been filled and roles taken up automatically.

Now, this guy that I’m with is a Side. Actually, we both are Sides. We’re both not big on penetrative sex, and so, we’ve been having every other kind of sex. It’s been great. I am a lover who likes to pleasure his partner, and I do all I can when I’m pleasuring him. I am also a late cummer.

The thing however is, once my partner cums, that is, after I have put in the work to satisfy him, then it’s a wrap! I’d be left high and dry to fend for my own climax. To be fair, back when we started being intimate, he asked a few times what he could do to get me off and I told him to never mind before proceeding to get off. However, that has stopped; he doesn’t ask anymore and he doesn’t bother with my pleasure once he has cum. It’s a bit frustrating – well, actually it’s a lot frustrating as I expect him to be more considerate and intuitive to my needs.

How do I deal with this please? I need help.

Submitted by Anon

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  1. Delle
    January 02, 07:35 Reply

    I think it’s the highest form of disregard and nonchalance not to care about your partner’s satisfaction in bed and it goes a reasonable length to show how much you care for him.

    That’s not a very pleasing thing and I’ll advise you call his attention to it. He has to have a plausible reason to give or this may transcend sexual gratification to other parts of the relationship and that’s when it could be too late.

    Communicate with him. You’re not happy, he should know about it.

    • McDuke
      January 02, 16:28 Reply

      You’re always in a hurry to sound off like the you’re the comforter of the afflicted which makes you come off as foolish, arrogant and very annoying. You don’t have any right to judge the partner nor make it feel he’s the worst. Dude asked for advice and not for help to call his partner names. Smh!!!

      • Higwe
        January 02, 17:18 Reply




  2. Mitch
    January 02, 07:46 Reply

    Talk to him.
    It’s that simple.
    Just talk to him.

  3. Sojourner
    January 02, 07:57 Reply

    Talk to him about it. He could probably have felt you didn’t need him so stopped asking, since you had told him a few times initially that he need not bother. Love and light!

  4. Fred
    January 02, 08:00 Reply

    Things got automatic between you two.
    He asked you a few times (at least twice) when your relationship started forming. Like Mitch said, TALK.
    Perhaps it’s time to try semi-automatic mode.

  5. Terra
    January 02, 12:14 Reply

    Dude…you told him by yourself that it doesn’t matter to you. And you said he asked a few times. As in, more than once. If that is no longer the case, you need to tell him.
    Also, don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Have that conversation. Define what you’re in and what the terms are. It may be scary, but it’s better to know and be sure, than for you to find out 6 months later that you were the only one in the relationship

    • Pink Panther
      January 02, 14:23 Reply

      Also, don’t assume you’re in a relationship. Have that conversation. Define what you’re in and what the terms are. It may be scary, but it’s better to know and be sure, than for you to find out 6 months later that you were the only one in the relationship.

      All. Of. This!

    • Black Dynasty
      January 03, 11:03 Reply

      Exactly this. Communicate @ changed sexual needs.

      Amen @ define what it is…. i always ask for a definition of what this is and where it is going after a few weeks.

      Lol be guided this decade, don’t waste your time o.

  6. Higwe
    January 02, 12:47 Reply

    To be fair there are people that once they attain orgasm , the whole idea of sex starts to repulse them …. some get moody , broody or plainly disgusted with their partners .

    Getting them to continue a sexual act could be quite daunting .

    It usually takes some minutes for them to feel normal again.

    Just like many here have suggested …have a conversation with him .

    Find out if he’s just selfish or dealing with a physiological issue.

    If the latter is the case , you guys may need to work on you cumming first …if it’s the former – well, well ???‍♂️

  7. McDuke
    January 02, 16:38 Reply

    Have talked about this with him before bringing it here? If you haven’t, that is what you should do first. I don’t think your partner is insensitive, you just have to be more assertive about what you want including this relationship, stop assuming things!!!

  8. Francis
    January 03, 06:26 Reply

    Your partner is not to blame. You did this and only you can undo it. That’s why it’s good to keep the communication channel open. People change all the time and it’s good to communicate that change when it happens.

    Just let him know that you want him to be very bothered about your own orgasms from today and please define that relationship NOW!

    Na so I take think say we dey relationship and next thing oga say he don tire for homosexuality and he dey go marry woman ??‍♂️??‍♂️. 2-3 years worth of anger later, I realized na me fuck up. I never defined what we had ?‍♂️

  9. Zoar
    January 03, 19:50 Reply

    Lack of communication is what I see as the problem here.

    Discuss this issue with him. I think it’ll be solved that’s if he’s still into you.

  10. Mike
    January 06, 17:02 Reply

    Kukuma date pink panther or the whole of kd, since you can’t talk to your actual bf.

    This seems very simple, I want you to do this and do that

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