DON’T CALL ME BIGGIE (Episode 4)

Previously on DON’T CALL ME BIGGIE…

*

Brother Ebenezer of the Most High!

Mighty in Tenor and Powerful in Worship!

Singer-songwriter walking out half-naked in the pastor’s house!

I can’t even put into words the thousands of thoughts that crowded my head in that moment.

Is Pastor queer?! Did he fuck Ebenezer?!! Wait, was there a threesome here?!!!

WHAT AM I MISSING!!!

AHHHH!!! Rainbow Jesus, help me out before I pass out here!

Dayo must have noticed the panic stricken expression on my face, because he stood up then and began walking toward me, saying, “Rex, calm down. Let’s explain.”

Well, I calmed down.

And Pastor began.

***

“Brother Ebenezer and I here have been best friends since 2008. We went to school together. We were in the same school fellowship. And we would eventually come to Lagos, move in together as flatmates and join the same church. And we’ve done ministry together for all those years, until 2018 when Eben sent me a text message saying, ‘Thank you, Seun, for everything you’ve done for me and for being a brother. But I cannot help this deep feeling of darkness that has overwhelmed me these past two months. I can’t feel myself. I don’t want to bring shame to my family. I don’t want to bring shame to my church. I can’t face the society. Therefore I’ve decided to make peace with myself and put an end to this misery. Nobody understands me. Nobody will believe that with all the gifts and grace and anointing that are upon my life, I still go about thinking about the men I want to kiss. I don’t even think I can stand the look on their faces, should they find out. Seun…my Pastor Seun, you’ve been there from the beginning and I’m sorry I’ll put you through this. But I’m doing it because I don’t have any choice. Goodnight Seun.’

“Those were the most heart-wrenching yet confusing seconds of my life. Being a pastor, I knew then as I still know now what it is like to be under the scrutiny of people. But in that moment, all I could think about was saving Eben.

“Frantically, I called him. He didn’t answer. I called and called, while running and looking for a cab or a bus or anything to take me to the house as fast as possible; as I was running and calling, Eben finally answered my call. His voice was very weak and low, and I told him, almost shouting into my phone, ‘EBENEZER, LISTEN TO ME! I LOVE YOU! I HAVE LOVED YOU FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY WE MET IN UNI! I HAVE LOVED YOU THROUGH ALL THESE YEARS WE’VE FOUGHT TO STAY AFLOAT! YOU INSPIRE ME SO MUCH TO LOVE AND SERVE GOD, EBENEZER! I KNOW YOU’VE MADE UP YOUR MIND, BUT IF YOU EVER HAD ANY FEELINGS FOR ME, IF YOU’VE EVER CARED ABOUT ME, PLEASE WAIT FOR ME TO COME TO THE HOUSE FIRST! I WON’T STOP YOU, I PROMISE! I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU ALIVE JUST ONE MORE TIME!’

“He stayed silent, didn’t respond as I finally flagged down a bike, commanding the bike man to fly me home at once. As we rode, I suddenly realised that I was crying, and this was for many reasons.

“One: I was scared of losing my friend.

“Two: I’d finally let off a weight of almost 10 years.

“Three: I couldn’t believe I’d finally come out to myself and to Eben at the same time, while also confessing my love for him. And what if he didn’t love me back?

“And as I was coming to these realizations, I was praying quietly and fervently: ‘Father, if You exist, please stop him from harming himself.’

“I remained on the phone, listening to him breathing on the other end, until I was at my gate. I jumped off the bike, forgetting to pay the man, and flew up the stairs to our apartment. I managed to get the door open and rushed inside, calling his name, until I found him in the room. He was sitting on the floor, looking into space with a bottle of hypo in his hand. Chills ran down my spine at this sight. I manage to force the bottle out of his hand and gave him the biggest hug I’d ever given a person. He remained stiff and I didn’t know what else to do. I was just crying, and so was he. But he was still stiff as though he wasn’t present.

“Just then, I heard a loud call from downstairs: ‘Oga! Oga! Abeg come give me my money nah, haba!’ And then I remembered the bike man. I got out his fare and threw it down to him from the window, as I was determined not to leave Eben alone for any reason.

“I returned to him and hugged him again. This time, he relaxed into the embrace and started crying and crying and crying. Oh my God, I held him tight and started rubbing his back gentle and slowly. After about fifteen minutes, he calmed down and looked at me and said, ‘Seun, did you mean what you told me?’

“This was the moment I knew would define the rest of my life. And I took the chance. ‘Yes Eben, I love you,’ I said to him. ‘I’ve loved you for a long time and I’ll not stop. Therefore you’re not dying on me.’

“He was quiet for a moment, and then he said, ‘Seun, I have loved you too. For the past ten years that we’ve known each other, I have dropped hints, wanting to know if you might feel the same way about me or if you might even feel anything for guys. But you seemed so keen on the ministry, so I respected you and kept my distance.’

“I said to him, “Eben, you don’t have to keep your distance anymore.’ And when I kissed him them, for the very first time, it was if I was connecting my soul to another’s soul in a very powerful way that felt greater than anything I’d ever experienced even as a pastor in the house of God.”

***

I was spellbound by Pastor Seun’s story as he told it, never once letting my eyes off him. He had a very captive audience in me.

“That is the story of our love,” he said. “And we’ve been together since then, albeit on the down-low. Everyone thinks he is my cousin. But we alone know our truth and we cherish it, and the fire has remained burning-bright as it was the first day we declared our love for each other.”

He paused and looked at Brother Ebenezer. The choir director was looking back at him, tears in his eyes, as Pastor Seun said softly, “I don’t know exactly what God will say about it. And maybe He won’t like it. But I know God is love and this is love.”

The two of them kept on looking at each other with so much tenderness, I felt like a voyeur, intruding on their intimacy. Words had failed me. I was cold and hot, reeling from this discovery of two men’s love that was flourishing right in the heart of the church.

I was also confused as to why I was here.

As though to answer my unspoken question, Pastor turned to me and said, “When Dayo first mentioned to me that you two were not on good terms, I talked the situation over with Eben and he had a gut feeling that Dayo was into you. He had seen how you guys behave like a couple everywhere you go and he was sure Dayo was either a late bloomer or deeply closeted, and he advised me to tactfully have this conversation with Dayo and know what exactly he wants. And that is how we arrived here.”

Dayo chose that moment to move toward me and said, “Rex, I’m sorry for everything, sorry for projecting my confusion and fears onto you. Can we start over?”

And there I was, speechless.

And I will remain speechless until the next episode.

Lol! Ciao!

Written by Rex