“I Want Slow, Gentle Sex When I Bottom.” Gay guy complains of sexual partners always wanting to “pound” him

“I Want Slow, Gentle Sex When I Bottom.” Gay guy complains of sexual partners always wanting to “pound” him

Maybe it’s a matter of preference, maybe it’s something too many guys learn from porn – but this guy on Reddit is wondering whether there’s something wrong with him for not wanting to “get pounded” hard and fast when he bottoms.

“I’m one of those people who feel like in order to know how to give, you must take,” he writes.

And so he decided to act on it:

‘To that end (pun intended), I’ve been a little more versatile than usual and have been kinda surprised by how many guys want to really slam that thing in there.

‘Now, in my own experience when topping I’ve actually been complimented on my technique…(hey, I’m not being self-absorbed here)…and have had feedback along the lines of: “you really responded well to the way I wanted you to do it”…

‘Fast, hard, slamming may look like fun in film but it doesn’t feel all that great.

‘I seriously felt like I was getting punched on the inside. I took it like a man, but, geez – Is “the harder the better” an acquired taste? Or are there folks out there for whom a slower thrust with a little more hip action is a better time?’

The commenters were quick to identify with him:

‘Most of the bottoms I had sex with were the “slower thrust, careful and with hip action” type. That’s the kind of guy I prefer, because if I’m taking my time, I can take care of so many details that improve the bottom’s experience. But, by talking with guys I went out with, it seems that most tops really don’t take care and think that topping is just putting a dick in the ass and that’s it. I’ve even met tops who, proudly, announced that they always pounded their bottoms no matter what they wanted because that’s the only way they found enjoyable. I even tried bottoming to a guy like that but quickly gave up because of how unskilled he was.’

‘IMO most tops are bad tops. Anyone who doesn’t care what the guy on the bottom wants/enjoys is a piece of shit.’

‘I’m always glad to read threads like this because it reminds me to constantly pay attention to my boyfriend during sex. Sometimes I’m worried I don’t pay enough attention.’

‘I wasn’t particularly good myself at first, I guess I only started improving once I hooked up with an older bottom guy who taught me all sorts of things about topping. Turns out being a good top isn’t intuitive at all and takes a lot of practice, fitness and, even study. The guys I went out with complimented me a lot ever since I started purposefully angling myself to hit their prostate.’

‘Why do tops just think that sticking their dick in the ass is all that’s needed? shouldn’t they at least communicate with their bottoms about what they enjoy? bottoms are the ones with all the power.’

On the other hand:

‘A lot of bottoms will tell you they want a pounding. Now, I haven’t fucked every single bottom, but let’s say a bunch. They’re usually saying that because it’s been the only way to get enough action going to that the prostate and other sensitive places get some signal. So in some cases, yeah, the guy literally does want pounding and that’s that. Not nearly always. One guy will be different in some ways from other guys. Great fucking requires a decent dick and a working brain, with some practice figuring out quickly what small actions a guy makes are trying to tell you so you can do the best thing next.’

‘I try to ask my buddy everytime how he likes it. He just says do whatever you like. I even offered to make him cum during a couple of times and he’s just like, just focus on yourself. Kind of annoying because he is kind of my training guy. Ok that sounds horrible, I also think he’s nice and fun to hang out with, but still.’

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  1. Jaja
    September 19, 07:00 Reply

    Hello Pink Panther,
    Good job, as always.
    I think it would be beautiful to use images of black men as post photos rather than white men which makes it feel a bit ‘distant’. It’d be natural since we’re dealing with mostly fellow blacks.
    That said, I don’t do penetration. I know I’m missing sha.

    • Delle
      September 19, 09:39 Reply

      This post is supposed to make you know that you may not be missing all that much…

    • Justme
      September 19, 19:34 Reply

      I agree with Jaja. Not to be racist but we see more than enough pictures of Caucasian gay men elsewhere, let’s at least see images of guys that look like us in ‘our’ space. Thank you Pinky.

  2. Mandy
    September 19, 07:36 Reply

    The key here is communication. You’ve gotta communicate to the bottom on his preference. Some bottoms don’t feel like you’ve started fucking them until you’re pounding away at that ass hard enough to get them to say your name and prophesy you as ‘daddy’ over and over again. Some others prefer having it sweet and gentle. There’s no template. Communication will go a long way in ensuring satisfaction.

  3. KryxxX
    September 19, 07:50 Reply

    Its all boils down to communication.

    What do both parties like? Does d guy at the receiving like to be pounded like akpu or does he want to be turned/stirred like a pot of well cooked egusi soup(I always handle mine delicately. Lol)? And vice versa. And when conflicting preferences are met, a compromise could be reached…….or not.

    Some times, d guy at the top gets so brutal you begin to wonder if he has a score to settle with d ass or the owner of d ass. Inukwa m okoro! That fast pounding is hot………..only in porn!! If you now come and finish d bum bum now, what will remain for husband kwanu? Easy biko.

    Personally, that slow grinding and whinning drives me nuts**! What is more sexy than a man’s man who could werk those hips **waves hand from side to side in adoration**? Nothing!

  4. ambivalentone
    September 19, 08:23 Reply

    PREACH!!! I have always thot all that pounding is an indication of detachment- like u just don’t wanna get involved. Slow movements make taking that D bearable, give the whole activity a sense of intimacy. And those ones with overly big dicks and small ones no sabi say na bad thing. They literally wanna fuck u in pain and to death.

    • Pink Panther
      September 19, 08:35 Reply

      Seriously. How can you be well endowed and still want to fuck someone like you’re digging for a mineral ore in his ass?

      • ambivalentone
        September 19, 10:01 Reply

        And the ones with small ones who like to scratch ur innards out nko? Its not achieving anything, but u sha wantu damage d goods

  5. Ivory Child
    September 19, 09:17 Reply

    @ digging for mineral ore in his ass……. Abeg pinky wont kee me this early Monday morning ?????

  6. Delle
    September 19, 09:36 Reply

    Pls my dear, you are not ALONE! How on earth am I to enjoy being punched in the gut countless times?! Many a time, I just squeeze myself out of the on-going punishment. It’s horrible.
    When I say I’m no fan of big dicks, I’m no fan of karate sex either! The best sex is gentle sex with soothing words (hehe) and it’s very saddening that many of our tops just think topping is all about penetration and thrusting to ejaculation.

    I’m really glad I’m not the only one who shares such sentiments. Take your time, it takes two to tango. Bottoming is already a lot of work, don’t make it worse for me.
    I think sex is all about communication. While there are those who enjoy and revel in being hammered, some do not. Just ask. Don’t assume everyone is interested in having his hole turned into a dick punching bag.
    They just make you start doubting your bottoming skills. Sigh.

  7. Tony Odekunle-Brown
    September 19, 09:48 Reply

    Sex is personal.

    Some like to be pounded and some do not. It is just important to have the conversation before sex.

  8. peaches
    September 19, 11:02 Reply

    Tried doing both, I dunno how, but I feel I suck at being top. pounding is ecstatic only in porns. Apart from the pressure/pain i feel up in there, I feel like the top is gon fuck my rectum/intestine out. that makes me scared. you feel much more when its done slowly with the hip action, methinks.

  9. Chuck
    September 19, 12:37 Reply

    Some tops might enjoy pounding for it’s own sake. It’s all in the head. Some ppl like to see the bottom squeal

    • Delle
      September 19, 13:16 Reply

      Then it’s all about the top. Selfish much?

      • Chuck
        September 19, 13:42 Reply

        I’d simply say that top should find a bottom who is looking for exactly what the top wants to do – thankfully there are a lot of gay men out there.

        You can often count on people to be selfish, unless there’s an overriding concern.

  10. Mr b
    August 22, 09:14 Reply

    My own is that am yet to meet a top that can match my pounding needs

  11. Mr b
    August 22, 09:17 Reply

    If you want to pound the hell out of me am up to the task and if it is long dip , stroke I can take . If you want to go slow no prob but do you have the strength to satisfy me . Am yet to meet a top with that ability

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