Grindr Is A Place Where People Come To Get Sex
Let’s stop kidding ourselves, all of us who would like to think that Grindr ought to be more: it’s not. It’s a medium for hookups and sex – and that’s fine.
Some days ago, I saw on Twitter a guy seeking advice on what he should do with his boyfriend, who apparently was still on Grindr, chatting guys up. According to the Twitter user, when he confronted his boyfriend, demanding to know why he was on Grindr, the boyfriend told him to stop being too sensitive. That he’s just there to make friends.
I saw this part of the tweet, rolled my eyes and tweeted my response: “Dump his ass.”
This reason some gay men give for being on Grindr is becoming increasingly prevalent, and I wonder if they actually believe that bullshit or are simply trying to mask their need for sex with some “respectability.” You see profiles that lead with such identifiers as “I’m just here to make friends” or “Let’s just chat and be friends. Everything must not be about sex” or “Please, if you’re here for hookup, stay away. I just want to chat and connect.”
The funny thing is that these guys would almost certainly follow up these profile identifiers with the label “Top” or “Bottom” etc against the place that asks for their position. I mean, if you just want to be friends and you’re not on the yellow app to hook up, then why does anyone need to know your role?
This is even more exasperating with those who you’d be chatting with, exchanging pre-hookup information with, and then right after you’ve sent your picture to them and they’ve sent you theirs, then you want to know when you two can hook up, they go: “Oh, I’m just here to chat with guys. I have a boyfriend; I’m not looking to hook up.”
Are you really? Do you really? Or are you simply not interested because the person you saw in the photo is not the type of guy you want to shag?
And then, there’s the pseudo-intellectuals. I view the “I am here to make friends” Grindr gays with the same derision over their obvious dishonesty as I view these others who log into Grindr looking like they lost their way to LinkedIn. You see them marking their profiles with such words as “Let us aspire to inspire one another, because this world is not all about sex.”
Says who, oga? Sex has been defining the world since the days of Eve suddenly realizing she has a pussy and rushing to cover it up from the eyes of Adam, who himself couldn’t believe he’d been walking about Eden with his penis hanging out in the open.
I met one such character recently, and the following ensued between us:
LOL! See the dishonesty I was talking about? Like, I don’t even know where to start. You are on Grindr to be a mentor or mentee, and your profile name is Creamy Dick Top? What’s the mentorship going to be about – how to utilize your dick to its full potential in the corporate environment? How come your profile name is not “Here For Mentoring”? Why? Because that will get nobody’s attention. And why is that? Because people are on Grindr to look for sex! Not to submit their resumes or exchange information on possible seminars and career-building programs.
For the friend-seekers and aspiring inspirational speakers, LinkedIn is there. Facebook is there. Heck, even Twitter services these needs. Log into any one of them. Storm someone’s comments section. Send friend requests. Slide into DMs. You want a more community-centric crowd? There are tons of gay Facebook groups you can find by typing and searching keywords like “gay”, “LGBT” and “TB”. And if you don’t want something set on public, find your friends and ask them to add you to secret gay groups they belong to or know of. Make friends there. Make connections there.
And please, leave Grindr alone for those of us who just want to have sex.
These are the same people who will emerge from Grindr with their outrage, after a day or two of only coming across guys asking the “What’s your role” and “When can we hook up” questions – and they start to fume about how Grindr is the shit. Well, sir, how do you expect to find the perfect sofa to buy when the place you walked into to shop is a lingerie store? How do you enter Coldstone and Dominoes, and expect to leave with fried rice and chicken?
I have also come to realize that a great amount of this pretentiousness on Grindr comes from a place that regards sex as taboo, as something that should be apologized for. That very Nigerian place that thinks of sex as something that shouldn’t be too forward or bold.
If not, then why do we also have the Code of Conduct Police on Grindr? Those ones who get into a hissy fit when after the hello-hi, you start asking them where they are, what their role is and if they’re available for a hookup. One such person had the nerve to tell me: “You can’t even ask how my day is going or at least let us have a conversation first. Do you have to be so obvious with the fact that you want to fuck?”
I didn’t even bother responding. I simply blocked him and moved on to look for someone who isn’t waiting to chat with a welfare officer.
I can understand this outrage when someone random is that bold and forward in your DM on, say, Facebook. Social media after all doesn’t have the sexually-explicit structure that dating sites have. But don’t come to Grindr, feeling entitled to someone’s time to be spent on conversing with you before you both can get down to the basics. It’s a hookup, not an appointment with the doctor. There are people who want the chemistry to be right before they can get to asking about sex, and there are those who just want to get in, get someone and get out so they can get off. And they should not be made to feel bad about how pressed they are to fuck.
So yes, sex is a perfectly wholesome, normal, natural thing to do – and Grindr can be enough if that’s the one thing people want to get from it. Don’t try to demand for more from it; life shouldn’t have to be that complicated.
Written by Dubem
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34 Comments
Francis
March 09, 06:56??? Hilarious to the core but it’s true sha. It’s not for the weak or easily triggered based on the screenshots I’ve seen. You’d really have to be able to compartmentalize to enjoy that place.
Human
March 09, 07:23yes!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!!! I have been saying this, even argued with some friends on this regard. Grindr is for hookups!!!! Not A place to mask your depravity under the cover of pesudo intellectualism. Anyone noticed that this empty posturers are always dumb, terrible at conversations and do flip the script when they themselves are horny. What about the dolts who instantly get off their crippled intellectual horse the moment they see a fine picture. This article is perfect Abeg. I should paste the link on my grindr profile.
I have made meaningful connections via grindr, even met boyfriends and loyal friends there without sounding like a shit filled trumpet. When you’re texting with someone reasonable, you’d know. If the energies match, it could go further.
This article is perfect Abeg. I should paste the link on my grindr profile.
Mitch
March 09, 07:56???????????
Dubem, you really have strength.
Grindr? How the fuck do y’all cope? The whole hook-up app thing is a more than enough pointer to the fact that you’d be meeting both the kolomental, the semi-kolomental, the demi-semi- kolomental, the hemi-demi-semi-kolomental and the non-mental. There’s already too few sensible people in the world. Do you really think hook-up apps would have more sensible people?
Just lobotomize that part of your brain that expects sensibility from people whenever you go on Grindr or any app like that. Otherwise, you’d just be stressing your brain and giving yourself an aneurysm.
Pink Panther
March 09, 08:28I recently jammed someone there who, when I checked him for responding rudely to a question I asked, said: “You must be a girly guy. This is why I don’t like girly guys. You bottoms are so full of drama.”
So, from telling him that he didn’t have to be rude, the situation escalated to me being a “girly guy” and a “bottom with drama.”
Lol. I couldn’t shout. There’s a reason the block button exists abeg.
Hilary
March 09, 08:36???
While we’re on this, please why is it that no one wants to fuck a virgin asshole? Like, I have crossed seven rivers, seven mountain, slain dragons, even put up so many profiles on the supposed Grindr to see if there’ll be any luck with me, but people of orisha, nothing has happened ohh! Once they hear that I’m virgin, they just scamper away.
Help me ohh.
Black Dynasty
March 09, 10:12Lol smh, some folks have time to be pressed about unnecessary stuff.
It’s really never that serious, if you come across folks you deem pretentious, then don’t message them or block them and be done with it ??♂️.
Shadow
March 09, 11:10You people that are using that Grindr app are trying sha. I’ll rather wank till my dick falls off.
Deeva
March 09, 11:26Dubem lmao. The gospel truth!
Lyon
March 09, 15:23Preach, sister!
I see you.
Terra
March 09, 12:53“I’m looking for friends” but your profile tells us nothing about you and all we see is your shirtless torso. If you don’t geddifok!!
When you tell people you’re looking for sex there, they’ll be acting as if sex is a foreign concept to them.
Worse is when you tell someone you’re not interested and they say “but we can still he friends”. Someone told me this and I asked, “what exactly is it about me that makes you want to befriend me?” No answer. What he really means is, “let’s keep talking so that I can try to wear you down or convince you to have sex with me”
Pink Panther
March 09, 16:31????????
Dear God.
ken
March 09, 13:01i think the reason people remain on grindr while they are in a relationship is simply the fact that men are programmed to screw around. Its just the hard truth. Except you are tied down by emotions or a contract (as in marriage), you are most likely going to cheat. Now fucking someone else doesnt necessarily mean u dont love ur partner. But it may signal that u just want something extra physically. lIke when u love jennifer aniston but still crave the wild hot crazy angelina jolie. lol. Las las, its just an act of indiscipline
Mitch
March 10, 00:10The amount of bullshit in this comment has left the soakaways of public toilets green with envy.
?
Nsi oku everywhere!
Higwe
March 09, 13:23Grindr is actually a social network for the gays/ bi / trans etc .
The fact that many people come there just to hunt down sex-mates doesn’t mean that that is all there is to it .
I think it’s rather unfair to limit it to that.
******************
In my experience there are always THE FEW but the MANYS in our lives , constantly leave our thinking biased against them.But then , something not fitting Into your experience doesn’t make it a fallacy.
In the words of Roger Ebert – it’s reckless to make broad generalisation about any group of people.
I’m pretty certain that for every one person that is there just to make friends , there are hundreds there to have sex .
Let people do what they claim to be there to do , and concentrate on the people doing what you’re there to do.
The app is certainly big enough.??♂️
slender
March 09, 20:59apparently, I LOVE THIS
Audrey
March 10, 20:44Higwe,I hope you know that you always having an opposing opinion on every subject would get cliche and portray you as one trying to force his I’M SMART ideology down our throats?
It’s better most times to stay quiet and pretend like you know nothing than always have an opinion and end up looking stupid.
(I’m sure you know I’m not trying to diss you but pointing out the obvious).
Ps: Grindr can be a place of networking and making friends but most times this happens after the primary objective is met which is TO FUCKING GET LAID.Danke
Higwe
March 11, 00:13To tell you the truth , if I ever downloaded the Grindr app , I would go there strictly to find sex partners …
Now , my point …just because I’m there to find sex partners doesn’t mean I should feel a certain way about people who say they are there for a different reason.
If I hit someone up on Grindr and he tells me he’s there to find friends , I’ll move on to another person till I find the person looking for the exact same thing I’m looking for .
Life is quite uncomplicated, somehow we end up complicating it for ourselves.
Again , you can’t use your experience as a measure of everyone else’s .
It’s a warped way of reasoning .
Just like so many others in the comment section have testified ,they actually found more than a booty call on the app.
Whatever is your truth certainly isn’t theirs, and if you actually had any iota of sense , you’d respect that.
******************
As for that other thing you put up there ….at this point I’m done explaining myself.
Whatever you need to believe to help you sleep better at night , by all means…. ??♂️
Like I always say , it’s a free world and if those are your perception of my personality , then you have every right to express it .
Holding it against you would make me a hypocrite , considering I’ve had the most to say about other people too.
Be it truth or falsehood , I guess we will never truly know ??
At the end of the day , it’s the same thing you have an issue with me expressing – an opinion ??♂️.
Do have a sweet dream pretty Audrey ???
Saucebutton
March 09, 17:15I met my boyfriend on the yellow app. We most times joke about the fact we met there. A place where it seems as if no good comes out from.
RandomReader
March 09, 18:27It’s funny how people have limited these sites to just having sex. People would say tinder , badoo and co are just for sex also. Personally , I feel it depends on your motives. Whatever you wish for is what comes to you, hence the reason why some people do not even give it any energy to get to know someone. IG, snapchat , Facebook could also pass as a hookup site if that is what you are looking for. This is also why some people would tag others as snubs because they don’t respond to their advances, simply because you are both not looking for the same thing.
I met my current partner there and we have been on for over 2 years !!! You can meet people anywhere , it depends on what you are looking for.
Audrey
March 10, 20:47It would shock you to know that your partner has gone back there to MEET other people same way he met you there so I’d advice you take it easy with the relationship show off before people begin to come forward with receipts.
AduResa
March 10, 13:08If grindr to you is just a hookup app, and I do not see it as that, it shouldn’t be a problem really, you didn’t create the app, it could be used for other things. My two previous relationships were people I met on grindr, and what was built wasn’t even on the basis of sex, it was friendship first that gradually became something we worked on to become a romantic affair, sex is not all there is to explore using grindr, choose your poison.
Romeoux
March 10, 15:58I made a Grindr-ish decision after reading this.
Still reading, though…
??
Grindr was kinda like a let’s-see-what-it-looks-like app.
I’m not ready for another adventure that ends with me surviving without a sword being used on me.
Celibacy pledge or something like that ???
Seeker
March 10, 18:12The sad thing about this post is that you’re doing the exact same thing you’re complaining about – villifying other people for their preferences whilst demanding to be respected for your own preference. Isn’t that hypocritical of you?
BTW, don’t you think it presumptuous of you to reduce Grindr to just a hookup app?!
Love and light, man!
Pink Panther
March 10, 18:50People who just want to fuck from Grindr often catch a lot of flak from these other people he was decrying. Often made to feel bad for just wanting sex. I’ve encountered such people. When all you want is to shag, and you run into someone who feels like he’s on Grindr for the higher purpose of “mentoring”, things can very quickly go south.
So no, it’s not hypocritical to call out these nonsenses. It’s an objection. A protest. The language may be mocking, but I believe the writer is just pissed. When you’re angry about being made to feel invalid in spaces where you have a right to exit, you’d be pissed too.
Seeker
March 10, 20:10Hi Pink Panther,
I sense that you’re excusing his hypocrisy as anger because of your bias. Which is fine. Good thing is you acknowledge his language was kinda mocking. Hypocrisy because he’s telling people to not denigrate him for wanting sex, whilst still denigrating those who want sth different and not necessarily sex.
I am not discounting the experiences he’s had; they are valid. Nonetheless, his protest/objection could have been made without villifying/mocking those who want sth different on the app. Two wrongs do not make a right, anger regardless. That’s where he missed it, and that’s the awareness he needs to come to.
Love and light!
Pink Panther
March 11, 06:11I stopped at “because of your bias.”
So the writer is not only hypocritical, but I’m biased? Biased about what exactly? Lol. You just keep dishing out characterizations, don’t you? When you can’t even have an opinion without tarring the other person with your unfair assessment of their motives, then you’ve lost me.
Love and light! 🙂
Jo
March 12, 09:01But bias could mean “because you agree with his position” which seems to be true here, and is not at all a bad thing.
Pink Panther
March 12, 09:35bias /ˈbʌɪəs/
noun
1.
inclination or prejudice for or against one person or group, especially in a way considered to be unfair.
It is NOT agreeing with someone’s point of view or recognizing its validity.
Seeker
March 11, 08:45You’re right. Not bias, I take that back; apologies. I rather meant because you’ve had similar experiences as he had.
Toodles.
IBK
March 11, 14:31Hmmmm. I was in my hometown for an extended period of time, bored af, surrounded by heterosexuals and you know how exhausting that can be. Told my bf and downloaded grindr to see if there would be people who wouldn’t mind just meeting up and working at being friends. The few I found wanted to hookup, I told them I wasn’t interested and we parted ways.
I have also entered grindr to hookup and instead came away with friends (a couple of which I never entered their pants). If you’d like to make friends in grindr it’s totally doable. It’s hard, but doable. Make your bio interesting for starters, someone who’s into what you’re into will definitely message you. I believe for people sex tends to be better when it’s someone you can relate to.
Luc
March 12, 07:55If those who created the app clearly indicated the looking for category , as in chats, friendship, relationship, right now etc. You in your own thought decided that the app is just for hook up? There are people who just want to be on the app to mingle with other queer Nigerians. Whether or not there are better places to do that is not for you to decide.
Venom
March 27, 07:48After this covid saga I owe you 1 cold pepsi
Bennet
March 13, 00:47The only gay friends I have are “courtesy, Grindr,” so …
Venom
March 26, 13:45I beg to differ…
I’ve been on grinder since August last year but I haven’t met or hooked up with anyone
And yes I have cool people I have actually gotten nice business deals.
So yeah,grinder is not always for hookups