HIS KITO STORY (EDITION 22)
I used to think that I had immunity to any kito situation as I always did what I wanted and got away with it. That feeling of fortification came to an end when I had a kito encounter that brought me very close to the 14-year jail term.
Saturdays are usually fun and restful for me. Saturdays are usually the only day of the week I dedicate to catching up with my bestie on the gossip, sexcapades, and music and fashion current affairs.
But this Saturday was different. First, I was hung over from the night before. Then the Wi-Fi wasn’t strong enough to let me stream a show I wanted to see. And it’d been two weeks since I got laid and I knew I needed a good digging. To make situation difficult, the phone that had all my contacts was defective, making it impossible to reach out to a friend with benefits.
What was I to do? I thought to myself.
It was a sunny day, this Saturday. The weather was hot and the sun felt like a piece of hell in the sky, burning bright as it was like a thousand embers. I pondered on where to get me some.
Then it flashed through my mind – that eureka moment. I remembered I had a muscular gym instructor who wanted my goodies and who I’d always wanted to give him a head. But I waved the idea aside because I wasn’t cool with driving to Maitama unannounced to meet with him when there could be a real possibility he’d be out.
And so, just when I thought I was going to have to resign myself to no action, I noticed the LED indicator of my work phone beeping. My initial thought was a text from a board member of the organization I work for, or a message from a client. I checked out the text; it was from an unknown number. But I recognised the name in the text: Marcus, an Eritrean-Italian I chatted with on Grindr a while back, who had to travel to Europe about a week after we started chatting. I had no idea I’d shared my work phone number with him. Apparently, he had just returned from his trip to Europe and wanted to meet.
I was instantly excited, so much so that I didn’t notice there was a caveat with the venue. Usually I suggest my place when about to hook up with someone. But if my place is too busy, then the hookup’s place would do. But I agreed to meet with Marcus at an unconventional and public location for what we intended to do.
Variety is the spice of life, they say. And I’m the kind of guy that likes adventures. So, I welcomed the idea of having a quickie at a lakeside park, a novelty that would certify my fierceness as an outdoor sex royalty. Prior to this type of outdoor affair, I’d tried the office space, dilapidated building, car and swimming pool; oftentimes, I just love to get it on outside the four walls of a bedroom.
I anxiously watched as the hours went by, until it was almost time for our rendezvous: 7pm. Some minutes before 7pm, I got ready in no time, picked my car keys and was about to leave, when my sister tried to dissuade me from going out since it was already late. Late – at 7pm? Please! I got in the car and zoomed off. God made my annoying sister an obstacle, but I brushed her aside.
I am waiting for you by the lake, where there are boats: Marcus texted me three minutes to the agreed time of rendezvous.
Perfect! He’s right on time, I thought. Thinking that the quickie would probably not last very long, I remembered I knew another foreigner who lived not very far from the lake, and I thought of checking on him for another round after my tryst with Marcus. A chance to kill two birds with one stone!
As I drove, I bopped and shimmied to Arianna Grande’s latest offering, Focus, feeling fly and fab, and with no inkling as to what the night held in store. This was going to be a night to remember and a lesson waiting to be learned.
I met Marcus by the lake. We talked for a while and got chummy. Before long, he reached for my waist and began patting on my booty. I kept trying to get him to behave. There were still people around us, people doing yoga, jogging, walking and engaging in other recreational activities. He suggested we move over into the thick bushes to “make quick love.” I suggested we go the other way that was quieter and darker. After a little back and forth, we decided to go my way. We walked around and tried to find us a comfortable place, while canoodling like lovers. Little did we know that we had spectators who had taken notice of us and had started on our trail.
We soon found somewhere safe enough to begin. Marcus unzipped his shorts and rolled a condom on his cock. Just then, I noticed three people hurrying towards us, a heftily built guy with two smaller framed men. Thank heavens my pants were still on and I hadn’t lubed up. As they got closer, I noticed they had bullet-proof vests on and held guns. I didn’t panic at this.
They came up to us and began to interrogate us. Then they sniffed at our hands to find out if we had been smoking there. Next, they began to search our pockets. I brought out my car keys, phone, wallet and power bank. I felt safe. Marcus, on the other hand, still had his pants unzipped and in his pocket were rows of condoms with a lube. The men searched him and happened upon the damning evidence of our intended sodomy, plus the used condom Marcus had unfurled to use on me.
Before I said ‘Jack’, handcuffs were out and Marcus’ right hand was cuffed. It quickly turned into a dream as my left hand was clamped in the second fetter. OMG! Am I going to jail? I thought.
The huge guy, who was the leader of the trio, confirmed that the condoms found served as evidence. I thought it was something we could settle quietly there and then. That hope was quickly shattered when we were dragged out and marched through the park, followed by people staring and talking about how we were two men who had been caught doing something suspicious in the wrong part of the park.
As we progressed through the park, the huge guy sneered, “I think say na man and woman sef dey hold each other when I see una waka pass me. I don dey follow you since.”
Marcus began to bluster, “But we haven’t committed any crime and I wasn’t caught in the act! I know my rights! We are friends who came to discuss and have a drink or two –”
The huge guy cut him short. “You dey claim rights, abi? Where are you from?” He’d apparently noticed Marcus’ accent.
Marcus replied, “I come to Nigeria from Italy and I work as a volunteer. Come on, my friend, you can’t do this! Please don’t involve my people. They will send me back!”
“That one na talk. Come on, move, my friend!” The man pulled Marcus forward by the belt as he pleaded. “You come Nigeria to dey chop our men for nyash.”
“You go answer for torture room before you go do 14-years for jail!”
“Idiot!”
“Homo!”
The other men taunted, slapping Marcus as they spat their contempt at us.
The huge guy soon turned to me. “Yo! Where are you from?”
“I’m a Nigerian…”
“You know the implication of this rubbish, abi?”
“Yes sir! But we haven’t done anything wrong. We were only discussing the possibility of a partnership between the companies we work for and this is not the first time we are meeting. Are you not the park security team? I believe we can settle this quickly and quietly.”
The huge guy snapped, “We are SARS! I believe you know we can waste you and your so-called friend right here, right?”
It dawned on me that I was in even bigger trouble than I’d thought. These SARS people are even worse than the police and army. There’s just no way out with them. We began to beg. We begged and begged and begged. I swore on all the dead people’s graves I knew. I got down on my knees and sobbed my pleas at them.
We quickly became a spectacle, as people began to gather close to us, some asking questions, others offering answers, everyone of them spitting their disgust at us. A male bystander aimed a kick at my stomach, claiming to be disappointed by how low I stooped to give my nyash to a foreigner, who no doubt had promised me money in exchange for the sexual favour.
Before long, the SARS patrol van arrived and we were told to get inside for a ride to the headquarters somewhere in Abuja. All the while, I was thinking of how my sister had tried to stop me from going anywhere. But I’d let my desire for adventure override that bit of caution. And here I was, getting my fill of that adventure, like a movie scene.
Just as we were about to get into the van, one of the patrol officers called us aside to tell us how difficult our situation was, and advise that it’d be best if we bribed our way out of the mess. I just had 5k on me and Marcus had 4k. I had $300 in the pigeonhole of my car that was meant for some visa stuff. I kept quiet about it though, as the men were more concerned with ‘chopping oyibo’s money.’
After our interlude with the patrol officer, Marcus pleaded with the SARS leader, “My friend, can we give you some money so you let us go? We have just 9 thousand naira with us.”
The man bellowed, “What?” He looked properly offended. “My country is not a corrupt place! How dare you try to bribe me!” He lashed out a slap at Marcus and then me.
At this point, I’d secured a bruise on my eye, and I couldn’t cry any more, as my eyes were failing to produce tears. All I could do was offer silent supplications for a quick solution.
Eventually, the huge guy decided not to put us in the patrol van but in his car, and along with the other two men, he drove off to no specific location. As we drove, we negotiated the money to pay. The man wouldn’t budge from 500k. We absolutely didn’t have that amount available, but Marcus admitted to having $350 for his feeding back at home. He said we could get it if we can get to his house. The man agreed. And finally, we had a destination for the drive.
We got to Wuse 2 and parked outside a lounge. And that was when we were stunned by another shocker.
The SARS leader and his men, the moment we alighted, began to jeer loudly at us, calling us homos, and drawing the attention of the busy Ademola Adetokunbo Crescent on us. Shame washed over me as the Hausa men in front of the Amigos Supermarket spat insults at us and passersby snapped their fingers in disgust. We stood there, heads bowed, awash with humiliation.
As if that was not enough, the other SARS men began trying to change their leader’s mind from accepting the $350, saying that it was too small, and insisting that we be taken to the SARS headquarters.
Thereafter, they demanded for our phones. I handed mine over. Marcus refused to hand over his own. In response to his defiance and unexpectedly, one of the other men exploded a tin of teargas at us, causing us to cry out and go into coughing fits. They forcefully took Marcus’ phone then. My phone battery power was out, so they concentrated on ‘investigating’ Marcus’ phone, inside which they discovered all the nude pictures and trashy chats possible! More beating followed.
At a point, while we were alone, Marcus asked me if I had set him up because I wasn’t getting the same amount of hate he was getting. I didn’t blame him for asking me that, because he was bearing more of the brunt of the men’s viciousness than I was. I was perceived as the victim (and Nigerian brother) that Marcus had tried to lure into gay sex with the promise of money. I assured him that I hadn’t set this up.
Because Marcus was unfamiliar with the exact location of his house, his driver had to be called over. While we waited in a parked spot, the huge guy began to preach to us the “homosexuality is a sin” sermon. I interrupted him to deny yet again that we’d been about to engage in any homosexual act, only to get silenced by a slap.
It wasn’t long before Marcus’ driver got to us, and was brought up to speed on what happened. He merely gave a short laugh while shaking his head. He’d brought the money Marcus said he had, and handed it over to the officers. The cuffs were unclamped and we were told to go.
I thanked the men and turned down Marcus’ offer to drive me back to the lake. I just wanted to get away from him, from the men, from everybody associated with this kito experience. I got on a cab and was soon delivered to the lake where my car was parked.
I got inside it, turned on the ignition and zoomed off while listening to Carrie Underwood’s Something in the Water; just the right song for the moment. As I drove home, I realized then that this wasn’t just my kito story; it was also Marcus’ – an unforgettable Nigerian experience.
Written by Halcyon
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102 Comments
IVANKO
December 03, 06:35See wahala ooo.
Mandy
December 03, 06:42And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the last time Marcus will ever drop his pants for ass in public, ever again. lol
#TeamKizito
December 03, 07:19My heart goes out to the foreigner.
Ah, Konji. Konji! What thou maketh men to do is overwhelming.
Mitch
December 03, 07:30Konji makes even sane men act like mad men! Sorry about your situation. It couldn’t be helped. But you also made a huge mistake in trying to get it down with Marcus in the park. This is fucking Nigeria for chrissakes! No mattter how horny you were, you oughta have remembered that Nigeria isn’t safe and as such, cautioned your friend. In this case, (dang! I’m about to sound just like Max) you let your ass do the thinking for you rather than your head. If we are to be Kito-free, we’ve got to think with our heads not with our centres of gravity i.e preeq and ass!
#Chestnut
December 03, 07:34My dear, e reach to sound like Max on top of dis particular story o.
#Chestnut
December 03, 07:32Na wah o! Dis one tough o! Halcyon, while I sympathize with the humiliation and torture u went thru, a part of me (the prude part) feels u were asking for it. Sex in a park? GAY sex in a park?in Nigeria? Really? U mentioned u are (were) a connoisseur of public sex; well I hope this ends it. Sex can be sweet and adventurous inside a private bedroom too,u know.
Um…u said u’ve had anal sex in swimming pools(I’m guessing in abuja). Pls could u tell me which pools,so I can be more cautious of the water in swim in?
Pink Panther
December 03, 08:11LMAO! Chestnut ehn!
ambivalentone
December 03, 08:12Loool. Whats swimming in a few sperm cells gonna do to u?
#Chestnut
December 03, 09:47It’s not just d sperm cells I’m worried about, Ambi; we’re talking spontaneous ANAL sex here…do the math.lol
Max
December 03, 08:38Touché @Chestnut, one needs to avoid those pools.
Marc Francis of Chelsea
December 03, 13:56I’m not one to judge, but I agree with #chestnut. If you’re craving adventure next time, crack a window.
Jon Snow
December 03, 07:48My sympathy goes out to you two but this is a totally avoidable situation a little bit of caution could have avoided. I’m sure you can comfortably afford the privacy of a hotel room.
Having sex in the open??? In a place like Nigeria…you really have a death wish.
Kerr
December 03, 08:10Umm… Sorry to ask
Remind me of what SARS is?
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome ???
*continues reading*
ambivalentone
December 03, 10:54Special Anti-Robbery Squad turned Special Anti-Rights Squad. If na to catch robbers na to dey fabricate “we had no fuel in our car due to the scarcity”. Awon Oloshi
posh6666
December 03, 08:22Eya but on a serious note u really do have sex outdoor in Nigeria?this kito was self induced.I had a stupid friend back then who liked having sex at night in millenium park in that same abj back then after they collected his iphone twice and wallets he warned himself and that was even before the 14yrs tingy.
For some reasons i think i might even know the person you are talking about or he might just be another person though this one aint italian but white and lives very close to kiss fm on that same street and receives his visitors in his house.
Am i the only one that thinks this your hookup deliberately didnt want you in his house cos you are black?and thinks you might actually steal from him yea some tb’s in abj have left a bad taste in these expatriates mouth.
Max
December 03, 08:40And he used the term “TB”, just like I said before #Agbero #Uncouth
#TeamKizito
December 03, 09:16I hate the sound of that term.
Terra
December 03, 10:37Tb sounds worse to me than fag or any homophobic slur. It just sounds nasty, even if it’s not meant to be
Stranger
December 03, 11:01Lol. For the win.
Marc Francis of CHelsea
December 03, 13:58Hate it as well. Sounds local. I prefer family or member.
#Chestnut
December 03, 09:55“…he’s white and lives close to Kiss Fm,on that same street and receives his visitors in his house…” Hian Posh, dis ur alakoba no be here o! U for code am small nah.
Swiss
December 15, 22:59Are you from Pluto?
McGray
December 03, 08:32But isn’t this part of ur ‘adventure’? Some ppl will continue to put themselves in jeopardy just for a 3 minutes pleasure. Dats y Andrew and Jiro had to have sex in d family house kitchen. And dats y someone will not wear condom and when admonished he said ‘i ws carried away’. Adventure Time.
Terra
December 03, 10:30Loool, please leave Finn and Jake out of this ??
Max
December 03, 08:34?????.. Sex in a forest? ??.. Welcome to Nigeria. Having sex in a public place is a crime (let’s forget homosexuality first).
Oh and, I haven’t read a Kito story that happened to people sitting their horny ass at home. Its always been about horny people who haven’t learnt how to use their hands wisely when they need to instead looking for a quick dick or ass to tap.
Dildo is cheap, they come in various forms, sizes and colors, there’s even a mechanical one. All this could have been avoided if you weren’t such a hoe.
I don’t feel sorry for you, the only part about this that got to me is the fact that Nigeria is still very homophobic and people will throw you under the bus faster than you can say “Jack” if they find out you’re gay.
Lesson- Stop being hoes and stop canoodling in public places, you never know Who’s watching. Cars are a whole lot safer if you wish to take your thirst out of the bedroom. Always do a stake out before you visit any location you wish to hangout. You weren’t deceived by anyone or lured by anyone, you did this all by yourself, its your fault and I hope you’ve learnt from it.
Again, stop being hoes or it could be your turn one of these days.
posh6666
December 03, 08:43Why should i be mad that you call me such a name when apparently every other person that is sexually active apart from you is a hoe?lol i guess your shit doesnt also stink and you shit out gold right? Everyone meet Max the most perfect/self indulged person you will ever meet in ur life.
You really do think you are probably better than anybody else right?is it our fault that nobody likes you enough to want to fuck you?lmao better stop hating and stop this your me me me attention seeking nonsense you look really stupid and childish.
Max
December 03, 09:01????
Here, try these??? or these ????, you know what to do with it. @Agbero666
#Agbero #UnderBridge #Crude #GhettoSnot #Cheap #Classless
Bryce
December 03, 11:35Maybe you should leave attacking the messenger and concentrate on the message,for once.
The guy made some sense,although I don’t think this is the right thread.
Chizzie
December 03, 08:59I find this story really hard to believe. First of all, is there a lake in Abuja? Ive been to Abuja a couple of times and I took geography in school so I know there aren’t lakes in Abuja.
Secondly you said in this supposed lake you went to, you saw ppl doing yoga and other recreational activities. This was past 7pm. Why would ppl be doing yoga in a lake side by that time of the night? Even if this were abroad, Its just not done
And Im going to assume this happened this past Saturday that just went by cause Ariana Grande’s Focus is barely two weeks old
Even if this really happened which I doubt it did, then it doesn’t qualify as a kito story because you broke the law in the full glare of public which every Nigerian homosexual knows not to do and im sure even foreigners are familiar w the anti gay law. The more reason why I feel this story is made up!
Some of you need to put your imagination to good use, by writing the next generation of Harry Potter books.
posh6666
December 03, 09:14Lol now you look stupid why dont you leave we the abj residents to decide about the lake issue? Yes there is a lake in abuja and its called jabi lake and yes its a very busy place almost all hours of the day and infact due to the beauty of the location it is used for wedding receptions during the weekends and a very big shopping mall is also about to be launched at a very close proximity to it….Infact which area have u been to in abj?nyaya and suleja doesnt qualify as abj you know?
McGray
December 03, 10:03Posh6666 dnt mind Chizzie. Oga Chizzie Jabi lake is in Abuja. Lots of activities are done there – wedding tins, club tins, students excursion, sports, etc. Even Chizzie tins are also done there.
Sinnex
December 03, 10:22Biko, you guys should leave this ignorant prick alone. I don’t know why people indulge him. This is just so funny. He claims to have adequate knowledge of geography and has been to Abuja before, yet he doesn’t know that there are lakes in Abuja. Even if you don’t know about Jabi Lake, once you have been to Abuja, you’d notice that there’s a small lake close to the National Stadium, there’s another one in Usuma Dam in Kubwa.
Haba, make una fear God dey lie small small na.
posh6666
December 03, 10:33Lol abi now what a loser! The son of a bitch called Chizzie actually jumps brt buses even when going out in lagos and hasnt even been able to visit the cool places in lag not to now talk of abuja which he entered a luxurious bus to visit after spending so many hours on the road lmao.
Thats true i almost forgot about that of usuma dam along the major road leading to Bwari….
Lastly Chizzie even if you hate the skin God created you in so much and want to bleach atleast be able to afford consulting bleaching experts like Pela of pels cosmetics or the likes of Dabota not caro white please.
McGray
December 03, 10:45Chizzie is bleaching his skin, you are saying? How u guys know ppl outside dis blog dikwa m wonder. Abeg hw una dey take do am? Bcos i want to see Pinky life and direct.
Sinnex
December 03, 11:01PP is fine sha. He is just a little bit older.
Max
December 03, 11:07You dont know Pinky?? Either you’re naive or you really don’t care about knowing.
Sinnex
December 03, 11:34You are too cute to be this feisty.
Bryce
December 03, 11:46He’s okay cute,that wide nose though..
But the acerbic personality beneath that exterior…..mercy me!
Max
December 03, 14:28@Bryce, its only a matter of time
Bryce
December 03, 17:56A matter of time and what will happen?.
You will get stung by bees?.
Oh la!
Bryce
December 03, 18:20A friendly word or two of advice for you,Max.
Do something about this your personality,it’s so abrasive and offputting.And you don’t only do it here on kd that I’ve noticed.I don’t know if it’s a form of defense mechanism gone awry or something,but if your goal is to keep people from getting close to you,you sure are getting it right.You will have yourself all alone on the shelf before you know it.
McGray
December 03, 12:55Max i am all of d above. Pls tell me how u guys do it bukos i wan see him.
Pink Panther
December 03, 13:14Hello, McGray. *giving a delicate wave* 🙂
McGray
December 03, 13:31Hello Pinky, hw…….*falls into d gutter while staring at Pinky’s wave*
Pink Panther
December 03, 13:36Heheheheee
ambivalentone
December 03, 11:13my dear, ayam jez tayad of it all. The insane desire to see the face behind a name…why for fuck’s sake?
Brian Collins
December 03, 12:24I say ehn, I haven’t even seen the face of the only person I know outside KD.
Kerr
December 03, 20:05My dear ., this one pass me ooh .
KingBey
December 04, 09:23Uhmmm….there are beautiful lakes in Abuja. I know of Jabi lake. It’s very popular…so I’m wondering how you didn’t know of its existence. And people stay out in parks late at night. I feel because that’s actually when they have the time. Wonder why you feel the story was made up, it’s cool to be nice sometimes….being a bitch 24/7 on every post doesn’t help. #okbye.
ikhines
December 03, 09:02There’s something daring and fun about having sex in a public place. I had the best sex in public places to be honest. Can’t forget the hot countless sex I had in Surrey woodlands! But not here in this country. Even indoor sex, you still double-check the locks despite the fact it’s in your home.
Peak
December 03, 09:05Wow! Quite the read. I’m sorry, but there is something that is deliciously evil about this story, and I love it. (Don’t judge, It’s very free, wild and adventurous. It ended in an ugly situation, but its still a juicy read)
I feel thoroughly entertained this morning. Iike damn! Boy you badddd! Lol.
I wouldn’t wish what happened to you on anyone. I would probably not leave the house for weeks, out of fear that someone might recognised me, after living through such an ordeal. I wouldn’t put on my miss two goody shoes and launch into a stream of admonishment. A lot of people have done things that have no business in public places before, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. You took a wrong turn and found urself in an ugly situation. It’s still a fresh wound, judging by ur reference to “focus”, and u must have given urself enough mental and emotional beat downs. So I would say, be a little more careful. We both know you have learned a great deal with this experience. Hopefully you will find ur way to healing real soon, and put this ordeal behind you.
Thanks for sharing.
Paul
December 03, 09:18God bless U real good @ Peak!
U’d always get my applause for d way u comment.
@ Writer, I hope u r finally being able to shake off d ugly incidence.
We all mk mistakes, tnx for making us learn a tin or 2 from urs.
Cheers man.
Peak
December 03, 10:17Ah! Look! My friend that iz a Paul, “Defender of the innocent-unsuspecting-girls”. Lol.
Long time no see. I dragged you out of the woods today, aye?
Please let me know what I should do to get you out more often. Nice to see you around me lad.
**still waiting for one old friend to pop up one of these days. Fingers crossed**
bruno
December 03, 09:22??
Kerr
December 03, 09:08Guys that try the whole outdoor thing are the real MVPs I tell you. I remember a friend who made out in a BRT bus , and I’m like Whaatt..!!???
Anyways, I sympathize with you Halcyon. These things happen to make us learn, and i believe you’ve learnt your lesson.
Max
December 03, 09:24BRT what??? Its either he was riding in a BRT full of dead people or gay people.
bruno
December 03, 09:18holy fuck! that kept escalating. sorry about your experience.
harsh reality of being gay in nigeria. the homophobes do have the law on their side. it’s not just the hate we have to deal with. we are actually technically criminals as far the nigerian constitution is concerned. the more reason to be cautious and make responsible choices. save the outdoor sex adventures for when you holiday in london. not worth it.
Chizzie
December 03, 09:22Ok fine apparently there’s a man made lake, and its a very busy recreational spot, the more reason why this story is hard to swallow. Why have gay sex in such a notoriously busy spot? And yoga by past 7pm?
You’d have to be born yst to believe all that bull
posh6666
December 03, 09:29For Godsake why dont u just keep quiet and not be so quick to judge a place you have never been to? Its a large place,which can be very peaceful at night,yoga has to do with peace and quiet right?yea its so big that you could actually find a quiet place to practise yoga and there are lots of isolated areas there too where someone could get tempted to try out nasty things even during the day with no fear of interruption especially between members of opposite sex not to now talk of at night….Rest abeg
Chizzie
December 03, 09:57Please can you go away? You are poor and ugly and you dress badly and make duck faces in your selfies, and can’t type proper English. So stop trying to get at my comments, cause I hate to have to remind you of the misfortune that your life is
posh6666
December 03, 10:13Says miss piggy who looks like a freshly plucked turkey and has bleached away the 1st layer of his skin and now looking brighter than his future which is looking really bleak right now as per being jobless,not having enough money to even buy data which is a constant battle to decide which sugar daddy to beg for credit nor go fix an oversized nose nor tummy tuck lmaooooo gurl bye……
Honestly i thank God for being who i am and everything i have but are you proud of your own person? You know for the fact you keep repeating same insults and lies over and over again it cant change my life in real life right?
What a loser! Fatso thats the name my bestie gave you anytime you happen to be invited to abj for sex for pay dont forget to inform me,so my friend and i can actually show you around popular areas where the cool kids hangout so you dont look stupid and embarass yourself again like you just did today.
Chizzie
December 03, 11:02You thank God for who you are? Ppl forget that scripture implies that IN everything not for everything give thanks. Instead of rising above the pauperism you perfectly embody, you are thankful and appreciative of it? This why in the next couple of years you’d still be you.
We’ve all seen the pictures., nobody should be happy being you.
I must commend you for not pulling a Ronnie Phoenix because it seems justifiable in your case.
Also when the likes of Sinnex are rooting for you, you know you’ve reached rock bottom
posh6666
December 03, 11:25Mumu you still have mouth to talk?with all your self esteem issues and how you so much hate your life?you hate how fat you are and actually pray to be sick in order to loose weight,you hate your nose and wish you had money to buy a new one,you hate your skin colour and apply cheap bleaching cream with hydroquinone which is harmful to your health all in a bid to be accepted and you actually hate muslims with a passion,you studied a course in university which isnt really that marketable which is related to food which you love so much seeing how overweight you are and i have never seen you pay anybody a complement,deep in ur mind you actually know you cant even boast of 100k in your account nor do you have a job please remind me again why you think you are better than me?or why i should even envy your life in whatever way?or even feel bad about the lies you say about me?
I really really need an answer as to why you think a scum like you who resents his life actually thinks he has the right to bully anybody here?the truth is you actually wish you had the life of the people you attack like a mad dog……am waiting oh
Chizzie
December 03, 11:51Do you realize how ridiculous your come across as when you bring up this job and money in the account thing? Is this like some comedic sketch of yours, cause we have all seen the pictures. Ppl for the most part have seen what you look like here, and Max perfectly sums up the general consensus about you.
Nothing about you gives the impression that you are employed or have a well paying job or have supposed 100k in your account. And bear in mind this is someone that graduated a couple of years back. Nothing about you is employable, even for kano standards. You claim you are a lawyer, which is laughable given your constant murder of the English language, but we all know you can’t afford to go to law school.
Your whole life is a joke and is everyone’s worst nightmare. I mean let’s face it, no one wants to live like you. Well maybe except Sinnex
posh6666
December 03, 11:58Lol oh so you actually acknowledge that am a university graduate right? Omo ale you still havent answered my question why do you think you are better than me or any other person in here? You are lame abeg is this all you got?
posh6666
December 03, 12:05You wish you were someone else and everbody here knws that so pls i need an answer who will want your life? Sweery we can do this all day today am very free so lets do it akuna be acting like he’s actually a bad bitch nobody is scared of you we have just been ignoring your pathetic razz ass.
Chizzie
December 03, 12:17Please go and rest, you know you can’t come for anyone here when you have yello eyes and look like you do.
Meanwhile guys if you want to have photographic evidence of what a poor person looks like, mention me on Twitter and il be sure to DM you pics of this pauper?
posh6666
December 03, 12:22Yea thats what lame ass losers say when they no longer have anything better to say. PS make sure you go back and stalk my instagram and this time get my best pictures which you actually saw but decided to pick the least photogenic one….I also have several pictures of this cow called chizzie too so dont be shy to ask me for several of them and see how well a human can easily adapt to living and looking like a pig…….
Chizzie
December 03, 12:35Looool @ best pictures, Eyah. Do you listen to your self.? Most ppl know what I look like here and im sure have several pics in their repertoire so you can’t use that as ammunition. Cause even in my worst I can never look as bad as you. Last I checked pigs are dirty and you look very dirty from your pictures so I guess that makes you more of a pig.
Lemme go and even check your Instagram again, I need a good laugh and motivation not to be poor.
posh6666
December 03, 12:42Lol but of cos you will because you are a loser! Yea go take a look and learn to respect people who look better than you,have better lives than you and dont have self esteem issues about themselves….We can do this forever you can never have my respect and my opinion that you look and act like a pig will never change.Dont forget when you get invited to abuja for runz please inform me,my friends and i really want to meet you.
Pink Panther
December 03, 13:12My GOD! Don’t you two ever STOP?! How are you not already exhausted with trading vicious barbs with each other every goddamn day?! It’s become predictable. And exhausting. And exasperating. You two should learn how to despise yourselves in private bikonu! Haba! If I didn’t know better, I’d say all this is foreplay for some explosive sex you two intend to have.
Kerr
December 03, 20:12Hehehehheheehhheee….. I could kiss you for this . Rightly said boo.. Rightly said.
Pink Panther
December 03, 13:13Or maybe you’ve already had the sex, and it was so bad you decided to rub off the bad taste by constantly picking on each other publicly.
Chizzie
December 03, 13:17Pinky pls! I’d rather go straight than have sex with someone like that. Yuck abeg!
posh6666
December 03, 13:21Hahahahha pinkie super ewww if i hear say i join body with that kain elede….Only God saved him sha if we had attended same secondary skul with the way he looks and lack of manners we will have taught him a serious lesson and he will have most likely applied for a transfer…We will have been his nightmare and he will have prayed everynight as he sleeps not to wakeup ever again.
I know his type he never really had friends in real life and the internet is the only thing that gives him power to act like a bitch which he cant in real life.
So please you guys should help me beg him to holla at me whenever he gets invited to abuja for prostitution,i mean he is unemployed and has to keep body and soul together one way or the other….Ok i think am done for today with miss piggy
Max
December 03, 14:38Chai ????????
#ComicRelief
Stranger
December 03, 11:16Tufia gi!
Anonymous
December 04, 21:36You are very shallow and unreasonably opinionated! Very irritating. I bet you have no friends.
Terra
December 03, 10:17Jeez, sex in public? Really? And outdoors? Sorry man, but really, that was not a good choice you made.
Sinnex
December 03, 10:38Guy, I carry nyash for you. You get mind. You intentionally went to a lake with the sole intention of having sex in public. That’s one thing I can never do and you have my respect.
Now, I know this is an unfortunate experience and quite sad, but I was a little turned on by it all.
Next time, you need to be more careful. Abuja peeps are becoming more aware about homosexuality and they can do anything to catch one in the act because of the likely benefits.
Eritrean-Italian….mehn, that’s so Sexy.
Anyway, you can’t stop living your life because of this. Don’t listen to those people who think they are better than you. You know you are wrong and I know you would rectify the situation.
chalant
December 03, 11:25and they call me a kid, hot blood.
na wa o,what are two grown up men doing in the dark,in a public place,something even children at the verge of sexual discovery wouldn’t do. quikie or not nigga yhu dull die.
chalant
December 03, 11:28yhu had $300 dollars,yhu no fit book room, yhu hookup up with a foreigner who can not afford common decency.
Pink Panther
December 03, 13:07It was a matter of choice, not convenience, chalant. People who seek adventures rarely do so becos of decency or convenience or any other logical reasons.
bashir
December 03, 11:48Hummmm dude, I’m gonna say sorry for what u went through (the beating and all) but I don’t like the selfishness u displayed during the whole drama! U claimed u were worried and scared and suddenly help came in form of pay-off and u couldn’t offer the $300 in your car!! @list to save ur life or face!….dude that was selfish!!
McGray
December 03, 13:12So many of u ppl live for Abuja and i no knw? Oya oya Posh6666, Sinnex and co make una hit me up asap. PS: Na only ppl wey get plenty money oo as me sef i too like money. PS again: I love it btwn Posh6666 and Chizzie. U guys fit each other. Chizzie no gree ooo, Posh6666 no gree ooo. Let d fight continue!
Sinnex
December 03, 14:40According to the Book of Max- “Yeah , Hakeem , just how you like them
Black
Rude
Rough
Rugged
Flat head
Kpomo lips
Loose canon”
If you fit the description, you know where to find me…well, minus the flat head and kpomo lips.
Max
December 03, 14:44@McGray, you should probably seek out better clientele, your current selection doesnt meet your minimum requirement.
McGray
December 03, 15:19Lollestingly lolling. Max na Sinnex una no serious. But flat head and kpomo lips? Mbanu! Gini ka eji onu ikputu eme? I cast nd bind and bind and cast
Max
December 03, 17:44Lmao ???? @Onu ikputu
Kerr
December 03, 20:15Heheheheheee….Evils.!!
Dick Advocate
December 03, 13:38Sorry about your ordeal. its never a good experience; Kito. like someone rightly said you were a bit selfish as you had $300 in your car but didn’t offer it unlike your foreigner friend who sacrificed for you both.
You need to check yourself about that.
wish you all the best for the future.
Peak
December 03, 14:11To those who are calling him selfish for not giving up his “$300”, you are forgetting one vital information. Nigerians see foreigners (European at that) as a cash cow. His purse wasn’t the point of focus, after all, he too was “doing it for the money”. Giving them the money wouldn’t have changed things. The case would have been dragged out until they get what they wanted, which was to milk the foreign cow.
Lets ask ourselves, how many of “us” would have acted differently before hastily pronouncing judgement.
Pink Panther
December 03, 14:38Peak, help me and ask o.
Marc Francis of Chelsea
December 03, 14:15What a thoroughly entertaining comment thread. One is proud of making fun of poor people he considers ugly while the other is proud that he can bully a fat teenager he considers ugly to death. Fascinating really.
Khaleesi
December 03, 14:20oya oh … Pinky, DM etc all of you who constantly call me the queen of doom, shey u can now see what i mean when i tell you Nigerians have homophobia encoded indelibly in their DNA …
@Halcyon, so sorry about your harrowing experience, but please do your best to restrain your urge to have sex in open places, it just isnt worth it in this environment …. ***Spits in disgust at the Nigerian flag***
PP's Preeq
December 03, 14:52Nonsense and ingredients!!!
Foolishness indeed abound in the heart of a child. This serves you right indeed.
Hotels wey full Abuja no reach you go fuck! Anu ofia…!
McGray
December 03, 15:30Peak i swear if na me eh i will never agree say i hv even N100 with me talk more of 5K. Nonsense. Shebi na isi onye ocha adago? Make him bring all d cash wey him get nau. Me go cry pass Tom and Jerry sef
onyx Godwin
December 03, 18:55same posh that was attacking me on Instagram yesterday ….u have time on ur hands sha..Jesus can’t even fix you.
Kerr
December 03, 20:19I’m back…!!!
Hi guys.
(Sits comfortably on a couch with popcorn and Sprite , then scrolls back to Chizzie and Posh666’s online altercation.)
Now where were we?
Diego jay
December 03, 23:24McGray lollllz funny u…
…poster sowi oo buh na big lesson u don learn ohhhh….hee!!! me no pray such for even my enemies oh..ndo!..
KingBey
December 04, 09:46Someone has sucked me off in his car and I have fucked another guy in an abandoned building…..but all happened in abroad. Doing outdoor sex in Nigeria is just not cool. Don’t even think about it again. Sex in public is already an offense not to talk of gay sex. You might fall into bigger trouble next time. I have a very close friend who’s also an EX BF calling me by 3am few months back. Happened that he was having sex around 1am with a guy inside his car around his school here in Lagos and they were caught by the police patrol team and taken to the station. At the end of the day, they were released after paying about 50k each. He definitely learnt his lessons. Some fantasies are safer left in the head. You don’t have to carry it out.
Tamara
December 08, 20:10Wooosh!