I have always thought about how my coming out to my family would be. Call a family meeting and just tell them: “Hey Fam, I’m gay. I’ve known since I was really little.” Or just type it in the family WhatsApp group. The former wouldn’t be possible though, seeing as we all don’t live in the same country.

Even with this thought however, I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone of my siblings, not even my younger sister, who is the closest to me. Although, I knew deep down that they suspected.

My family is a closely-knit one. We lost our mom over ten years ago, and we all grew really close and bonded after the tragedy. We look out for ourselves and always consult with each other when we’re taking a vital step in each of our lives.

One of my brothers who lives in the States recently visited Nigeria, and a day to when he was supposed to travel back with his wife and baby, he asked to speak privately with me. Some two days before this, I’d had a dream about us, me and my brother, talking about my sexuality – and so, I knew right away what this conversation was going to be about.

We went into my car and the conversation started with him cracking some jokes that weren’t exactly funny. When I think back to that day, it becomes vividly clear that he was simply trying to make the mood lighter ahead of what he had to say.

At some point, he finally said, “In everything, be true to thyself.”

With a slightly elevated heartbeat, now anticipating the nearness of the main reason for this talk, I sat there and waited.

He talked about how all the years he had spent in the US had made him very open-minded and liberal, and he talked about wanting the best for me and for me to live my life and be happy.

Then he asked the ultimate question: “What’s your sexuality?”

Before I could answer he asked me to hold on, before going on to talk some more about how he has some gay friends and colleagues, and how he has jokingly said in the past to some of them that he thinks his younger brother is gay.

He went further to talk about how he wants me to live my life and be happy irrespective of what people would say or think, that my happiness is all that matters and that they (my siblings) would all love me, no matter what.

Then he asked the question again.

And my answer was: “I am gay.”

There was a small pause, during which we both digested this moment of truth. Then he asked how long I’d known. I said that I’d always known since I could think for myself. He told me it was fine and he understands and still loves me for who I am. He asked if I was being careful and if I always use protection during sex. It all felt awkward, but I responded in the affirmative.

He went further to tell me that he and my other brother, who also lives in the US, had a conversation about my sexuality and he said he was going to talk to me about it. And then he asked if it was okay to tell my other brother that I am gay. I told him it was okay.

He advised me to be careful because of the anti-gay law in Nigeria, adding that he was going to start processing my application for a visa to leave Nigeria. (Between that time and now, I have applied for a visa and gone for the interview, but I was denied. We try again this year. Lol.)

My brother told my other siblings about my sexuality, including my younger sister, the one I’m closest to, and the only thing she was pissed about was that I hadn’t told her myself. But we’ve moved past it, and now, she wants to know all my gay friends. Lol. Of course, I’m not going to out anybody to her.

Generally, everyone in my family is cool with me and no one has given me a hard time. My dad still remains oblivious though. My brother was of the opinion that he doesn’t need to know. In his words: “Dad won’t be with us forever, so there’s no need to burden his heart with this.”

I may decide to tell him later in the future, I don’t know yet. But I believe everything is going to work out well for me in the end.

My boyfriend is very happy for me, especially now that we don’t have to hide our love in the presence of my family. We have our future plans which involve the overseas, and I can’t wait until the time when me and him can start living out our dreams. (The story of my boyfriend and I is one which I will tell sometime in the future.)

Ever since I came out to my family, I have known this inner joy and peace that had evaded me all my life. So, here’s to wishing that it remains this way all the days of my life.

Written by Fay

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  1. Mitch
    January 14, 07:22 Reply

    Congratulations, Fay.
    At least, you’ve got a great family standing by your side. IMO, family are the hardest people to come out to and the ones who mount the greatest pressure on you to change or become vicious towards you. You’d never know that pain. And I’m really happy for you.

    Here’s to all things working out well for you.

    • Cuddlecake
      January 14, 17:02 Reply

      Gbammm! My mbaise mother will call village meeting . She will tell all her siblings and my fathers people too.

    • Fay
      January 14, 20:34 Reply

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I consider myself the luckiest person when it comes to my family. Thanks once again.

  2. Dillish
    January 14, 07:33 Reply

    I’m genuinely happy for you bro! And to think the exposure made your your brothers open minded. You see that your sister ehn, tell her not to stereotype your friends o.it get annoying sometimes trust me.

    • Fay
      January 14, 20:40 Reply

      Thank you! The exposure really helped them see things in a different light and for my sister, she means no harm, it’s all just bants. Lol

    • Net
      January 15, 14:54 Reply

      Awwn this is so heartfelt and warming to read, I’m really happy for you, you have an amazing family.. I could never come out to my parents, my sisters already know and are kind of cool with it aka we don’t talk about it. All in all, family is everything and having one that appreciates and accepts you must mean the world. x

  3. Delle
    January 14, 07:52 Reply

    Finally, a story of pumps and bliss and sugar and spice and everything nice.
    I mean, who wouldn’t want this??

  4. Serah
    January 14, 11:08 Reply

    You’re demn Lucky man and I am really happy for you
    You’re have a great family
    This is what some of us are fighting to have but…..

    • Fay
      January 14, 20:41 Reply

      Thank you! I hope everyone that is fighting for this gets it and more.

  5. Realme
    January 14, 11:43 Reply

    This is so beautiful….thank God for this story…I feel so light after reading this?

  6. Higwe
    January 14, 20:09 Reply

    You have a wonderful family .
    I’m so happy for you .
    Tidy things up and leave this shithole of a country and go where your dreams and aspirations will be effulgent.


    Whenever you get tired of this your current boyfriend -please, kindly holla at your boy.
    I don’t mind being your replacement boyfriend.

    Our relationship will be ephemeral but I guarantee you , I’ll make it one of the happiest periods of your life .

    I can cook .
    I can clean .
    I can pretend to be attentive and caring.
    ……and boy do I give a mean foreplay .?

    Not wishing your relationship crumbles , but we know how all these things go .

    * We write diaries *
    * We make heart emojis and cut out tiny heart confettis *

    Boom ! Distance or the consular section do what they do best .??

    So just in case you get tired of those drawn out WhatsApp messages with thinly veiled accusations of apparent neglect ….I might only be a train drive away. ??‍♂️

    Since I might be a lot closer to you than your boyfriend probably will ( for sometime ) I don’t mind an arrangement .

    Your elder brothers seem quite established .????‍♂️

    • Fay
      January 14, 20:45 Reply

      Lmao!! I’m legit rollING on the floor. Wow! Well thaNK you.

      You actaully sound like a very interesting person.

    • Francis
      January 14, 21:07 Reply

      This is 2020 oh. Wee you keep kwayet! Hian. ??‍♂️??‍♂️??‍♂️

      Congratulate and face ya work Uche! ???

  7. Francis
    January 14, 21:09 Reply

    So happy for you man. Wishing you the best. To think some people are wasting their time in that abroad not learning anything from the exposure ??‍♂️??‍♂️??‍♂️

  8. Dunder
    January 14, 23:46 Reply

    Guess I would have to kidnap and adopt your entire family then ? or is there a less dramatic way to register?

    Congratulations Bro. Cherish this love as it is rare on this hemisphere and best of luck as you navigate the oceans to a safe clime. Your Twenny twenny is off to a great start.

  9. Persimmon
    January 15, 20:24 Reply

    I’m so deeply happy for you and wish I had the guts you did. There’s this peace that comes with being free of the burden of living in secrecy… If i had my way, I wish I could find love with a man some day, marry well and live happily ever after. However, that may never come through, because on the other hand, i also crave having children in a home with a woman in it, which is sorta twisted…I know.

    I have decided i may never come out to my extended family, after seeing how they handled the situation when my dad’s only brother who is married, was caught in a gay related scandal. Although my parents were very understanding and helped resolve the issue, I could sense the level of disgust and embarrassment with which they relayed the situation of things concerning my uncle, whenever I spoke with them. Not to mention the extended family using the incident to spite him whenever an issue came up in the family/community or among his mates. People who once respected him now had the audacity to bring up his issue to humiliate him in public gatherings, especially in the village, among his peers etc….

    it is a harrowing life to live, but one that I inadvertently signed up for… I may end up marrying a woman who loves me for who I am, and knows my truth.

  10. Demi_God
    January 17, 14:41 Reply

    Nice story line…coming out is acceptable mostly by families with wealthy background. You can imagine what the future has in store for those with an opposite background. I wish you the best of life

  11. Loki
    January 18, 08:31 Reply

    So happy for u dear?, makes me wish my family were lyk urs. I dnt tink i will eva come out to dem, unless i am ready to b disowned?

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