KISS LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING

KISS LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING

“I like you.”

I stood there, staring at his face, shocked so much that I could not speak. There was something earnest about the expression on his face, something rather out of place, considering this was a very busy road connecting three or more Port Harcourt suburbs.

“I like you,” he said again. “I really like you.”

By the way: Port Harcourt, Ijhe oh! I carry nyash for una!

And then, with a motion for me to get into the car, he said, “Let’s talk.”

***

I’d been tired of Enugu for quite a while. So when I got the chance towards the end of October, I decided to leave. After a sixteen-day stint at Nsukka where my roots lie, to refresh, refill and re-fire myself, I moved to Port Harcourt. This was in mid-November. I moved in with Nnaa, the baby brother I adopted in 2015 and the only heterosexual man I can say has my heart. It’s been smooth sailing since then; it was easy falling into a rhythm in his house, a house that I quickly began to think of as home.

Once in a while, I would go out to visit a friend who lives in Rukpokwu. His place is where I go to for a refreshing of my homosexual spirit, full as his house always is with young men like me — gay, in all their various shades of flamboyant, quiet, sassy and everything in between.

On the day this story took place, I went to Rukpokwu, as usual. And, as usual, I had the time of my life. When I decided to go on home at the end of the day, the transport back home required me to take two keke rides from Rukpokwu to the major junction in my area. However, I decided not to take a taxi to the gate of my estate. Instead, I chose to walk. (I have a fitness/step tracker on my phone, and I’m very committed to completing my 15,000 daily steps quota.) It was already past 7 PM, and the evening was considerably cool, and dark enough for me to walk unnoticed and unobtrusively back home.

And to make my trek more fun, I plugged my ears with my earphones, turned on Beyoncé’s Renaissance album (Yes! Beyoncé still has me on chokehold), crossed the road, and began my walk.

I was walking on the sidewalk, my feet pounding out the rhythm to Cozy, when I noticed a ruckus on the road. Turning around to investigate what was going on, I noticed that a car, a grey Lexus GX 460, was reversing on my side of the road, causing a hold up. Other drivers were sitting on their horns while trying to create a space for this car to reverse to wherever it was going to. I took my mind off that and continued my walk,

…comfortable in my skin, cozy with who I am, loving myself goddamn… Cozy! Cozy!

The reversing car passed close by me, stopped a short distance ahead, and drove forward, stopping where I was, just as the next track on the album came on.

Please do not be alarmed. Remain calm!

The passenger’s side window wound down. And the driver leaned forward to catch my attention.

The DJ Booth is conducting a troubleshoot of the entire system.

He said something to me, the driver of this car, and I had to pause my music and take out my earphones to hear what he was saying, all the while wondering if I was enough of a Port Harcourt resident to know the direction to wherever it was he wanted to ask about.

But the words that came out of his mouth wasn’t a query for directions.

“I like you!” he said.

I stood there, staring at his face, shocked so much that I could not speak. In that moment, my brain did what it does best in situations where I’m shocked: take stock of every– and anything.

I took note of his face: light-skinned, oblong. No facial hair. No hair on his head either. Both attesting to a meticulous routine of grooming. He looked to be somewhere between his late forties and early fifties. Wearing a baby-blue, long-sleeved shirt. Body looked trim underneath the shirt; no visible paunch there.

There was something earnest about the look on his face, something rather out of place, considering this was a very busy road connecting three or more Port Harcourt suburbs.

“I like you,” he said again. “I really like you.”

Jeezuz, what is happening! Why is this man saying this to me, a complete stranger!

“Let’s talk,” he said, motioning me into the car.

I should enter where?!

Me?!

Inside the car of a man I don’t know from Adam?!

“I’m listening,” I replied, staying put where I was while still trying to get my whirring thoughts in order.

“Oh, come on,” he said, with a small frown and a cajoling cadence to his words. “We’re both adults. You’re safe. Just come inside, let’s talk.”

I wanted to insist that he tell me what he wanted to say without my getting into the car. But then, YOLO, right? Plus, this was a first! Man stopping me in a car to tell me he likes me? Ah! God, abeg! I wanted to see this to the end.

So I got into the car.

Back seats empty? Check!

Find location of the door locks. Check!

Hand on the door handle. Check!

No be me una go kidnap for this town, abeg!

I closed the door and the car light went off. And there we sat in growing darkness, the only lights around us coming from the headlights of vehicles speeding past us on the road.

“So, what’s your name?” he asked, stretching his right hand towards me as though for a handshake.

“Precious. What’s yours?” I replied, as I gripped his hand to shake it.

But he knocked my right hand away, making a beeline instead for my left

“My name is M. And I like to shake left hands,” he said.

So I gave him my left hand.

Next thing I knew, he pulled my hand to his crotch and deposited it there, right against his raging erection.

Startled, I tried to withdraw my hand, but he held on to it, splaying my palm out wide so I could easily cop a feel of what he was packing in his pants.

His forwardness amazed me. I mean, it is one thing to stop a random guy on the road and tell him you like him, and it is a whole other thing to invite him into your car and immediately start using his hand to grope yourself.

It was surreal.

But not as surreal as his next statement.

“Do you like the size?”

“Huh!!???” I’m certain my surprise showed all over my face because that small frown of impatience came upon his face again.

“Yes, nau,” he said, still stroking himself with my hand. “We’re both mature. Let’s not waste each other’s time. If it can satisfy you, then we can go ahead.”

Pause!!!

Was it something etched on my forehead? Was it my clothes – was I wearing a combination of outfit that was somehow declaring to the world that I am not only a homosexual but a size queen?! Because, wetin be this??

“Ermm…” I began. “Well… you do know – uh… that is… that it’s not just about the size. Uh…well, skill plays a big part too.” I was so flustered, I was basically stammering my way through a response.

He squeezed his dick with my hand, moaned — a long, and frankly, very orgasm-inducing moan — and said, “But you like the size, ba?”

Truth be told, from what I was feeling, Oga was packing. Maybe not a weapon of ass destruction, but a good weapon nonetheless.

I nodded in response to his question. Then he let go of my hand. I could still feel the imprint of the erection on my palm as I withdrew my hand –

When he grabbed my head, pulled me forward and kissed me.

Jeezuz-Kraist-of-Nazareth!

What is this!

Kilonshele nibiyi!

Shey this man dinnor remember that it’s main road we’re on? Vehicle windows ko tinted oh. Wetin be this abeg??

My shock and alarm were bouncing around in my head, even as I found myself sinking pleasurably into the kiss. His breath smelled faintly of mint, like he had taken a minty sweet just a few minutes earlier. But that was nothing compared to the burst of flavours from his tongue when it lapped against mine. Starburst, mint, strawberry, roast meat — chicken precisely — brown sugar, barbecue sauce, a starchy, bready taste. I leaned into the kiss, while my stupid, overthinker brain did the math and surmised what he’d put in his mouth earlier before now claiming my lips.

And, true to my socially awkward form, the moment we broke the kiss, the first thing I blurted out was, “You had a pizza and ice-cream a minutes ago. Then a breath mint, didn’t you?”

His eyes widened. And, in my head, I was like, ‘Well done, Precious! You just went and showed him what a weirdo you are.’

But, if he was flustered by my words, it wasn’t for long. Because he kissed me again, grabbed my hand and settled it on his crotch again. And when he gripped his erection with my palm, he moaned deeply into our kiss. I could feel the sparks flying between us, sparks that lit up the growing darkness around.

“I want to feel you,” he said against my lips, his hand sliding upwards into my shirt.

Pause!!!

NOPE!!!

For one, we’re on the frigging roadside. Second, if you want access to this good-good, you’ve gotta work for it, plis! Physical chemistry is all good and shii, but my brain go first chop, before my body go gree chop, plis.

I knew myself well enough to know that the sparks we were feeling were nowhere near enough for me to do anything with him. Not yet.

I stopped him then. Told him about my brother was waiting at home for me and that I should get going.

He tried to convince me to spend some more time with him, but my mind was made up. So, he took my number, promising to call and kissed me one more time. I got out of the car and started back on my way home.

This happened eighteen days ago. And he hasn’t called.

But I’m not bothered. If anything, I’m tickled about this entire thing. I’d only ever heard of guys in cars stopping to proposition male pedestrians. I never thought in my wildest dreams that it was something that could ever happen to me. After going for so long feeling almost invisible, this was a much-needed experience.

And hey, M, if you’re reading this, I’m still waiting on that call.

Written by Precious Oraz

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  1. Zoar
    December 31, 12:21 Reply

    This exact experience happened to me during my Uni days. Got to Owerri Town around Douglas Road from FUTO. Was rushing to go use a Sterling Bank ATM 🏧🏧 because I needed cash to continue my journey to a friends place. It was in the Evening and I think I really dressed really good that day.
    All of a sudden, a passerby just walked close to me. Grabbed my hand and sent it straight to his Dick Print. He had a hard on. In my astonishment I still had to size his dick and it was unending. It ended somewhere around his knees.. He looked proud of himself but I was quick to burst his bubbles. I told him he’s humongous but I’m also big myself and I’m not really into bottoming so I’ll pass. He left and went on his way and left me with so many unanswered questions while I got to the ATM. Until this day, whenever I remember that experience I think maybe i didn’t really experience it.

    It’s a surreal experience. Unbelievable and inexplicable. It’ll leave you wondering the audacity of some Men or they have some mental conditions that gives them such boldness. I can’t say.

  2. Jàs Per
    December 31, 12:33 Reply

    So …you still want to test the pizza and ice cream lips
    Lol 😅💔

  3. Jay
    December 31, 14:01 Reply

    Never met someone with such audacity though, but the way guys keeping staring at me is just too much everywhere I go.

    • Precious Oraz
      December 31, 23:34 Reply

      If it’s staring, it’s better. Far better than this disconcerting experience.

  4. Francis
    December 31, 14:18 Reply

    😯😮 Things dey happen oh. Cannot be me entering that car. I hear say them dey blow “forget your destiny” powder….checking locks and back seat ain’t enough.

    Sounds exciting as fuck though it begs the question “Am I that hot or is konji killing this one die” 😂😂😂😂

    • Pink Panther
      December 31, 15:30 Reply

      My dear, the fear of Kanayo O. Kanayo is the beginning of wisdom.

    • Precious Oraz
      December 31, 23:33 Reply

      Your last question!!!!!!!!

      Because, ahn ahn!
      Me sef kuku know say I no hot.
      So, it has to be konji driven hit and run this one wan use me do. And gorfobeed it will be me that will enter this kain, abeg

  5. GT
    December 31, 16:56 Reply

    I recall then in UNIZIK when I was in company of three other friends. We made a quick stop at Aroma junction while coming from Ifite and decided to continue the rest of the journey to temp site on foot.

    Somewhere around CBN, a Toyota Spider pulled up on us. Wound down the tinted glass to reveal two other guys. “E be like say na una dey shake this town o” the driver said. On hearing this, I was already in motion to my destination.

    Two of my friends hopped in and the other decided to walk with me. They returned two days later with different stories.

    Things dey happen sha. Make pple sha dey careful. I’ve had several experiences with random guys. From bolt drivers to Keke drivers to motorcyclist to passers-by, the list goes on. Let’s not be carried away

    • DarkQuinn
      December 31, 20:16 Reply

      Please write a story about their experiences…I mean your friends

      • GT
        January 03, 07:52 Reply

        Lol
        Even if I decide to write about it, some details will still elude me. One thing that stood out was the bitter sweet experience for them.

    • Precious Oraz
      December 31, 23:32 Reply

      God, abeg oh!!
      It’s the reason I had my hand on the handle. Any move and I hop out. Even if I sustain any injuries, it’s better than entering one chance.

  6. Audrey
    January 02, 22:25 Reply

    In Unizik this was a regular occurrence and because I’d experienced it back then in Lagos it wasn’t new to me.
    One time in Unizik I was at the bank and I noticed a man starring so hard at me and on leaving the bank I saw him behind me and then he called out to me. He told me that he was going to have lunch and asked that I joined him and winked at me. I joined him to Nourisha and whilst we were eating I excused myself to the toilet and as I was on the seat of the toilet this man came in(Lock was faulty) and immediately pulled down his trousers presenting his erect huge dick for me to blow. I tasted it for a bit though(Cos man was fine, hung and an obvious Dom) and then told him it was risky and stood up and left.
    Nigga paid for the food, dropped me close to my junction and asked me to meet him at 9:25pm somewhere at Trigpoint hotel then went to give me 20K as cab fare to the place(This should be around 2013/2014).

    I went to meet him later that night and that was one of my best decisions in that town as uncle was a top player in that town and made my remaining years worthwhile.

    2. Just say three months ago on a Monday morning here in Lagos, I was going to work but it was raining very heavily and I was running late(I stay on the mainland and work on the Island and I was still home as at past 6 cos of the rain) so at some point I damned the rain and left in it with just my umbrella wearing a 3 piece suit looking all Monday ready when a car started horning at me just a few poles from my house.
    The driver stopped and asked me to hop in and I immediately did cos the rain was increasing at the time. He made little chitchats then got to a lonely path and stopped.
    I was confused as to while he did, looking all lost when this young fine man unzipped his fly, brought his divk and asked if I wanted to touch it and I became petrified. He told me to be calm whilst stroking his dick and told me how he’d been noticing me from a distance whilst imagining fucking my fat ass but our different work schedules apparently hadn’t given us to chance to get to know(At this point he was precumming heavily and the next thing he did was feel up my crotch and as supposed I was already hard Asf)
    Long story short I took the dick down my throat, we made out in the car, then he called the office that he was going to come in pretty late as he was heading to the island for a meeting.
    He drove me back to his house where he fucked me silly then personally drove me to the office(Even though I got in by almost 11). We’ve been eye fucking ourselves since that day cos we’ve not had the time to meet cos of our work schedules but I had planned to devour him during this holiday only to find out that he’s married with two kids(Wife is also a Dr like him but practicing in one of the federal facilities in Delta where she resides most times with the kids) but uncle is saying it doesn’t matter even though madam is around for the holiday

    Fear Yoruba men Abeg

    • Pink Panther
      January 02, 22:54 Reply

      Lmao. Audrey, your life is always so fascinating. Kai.

      • Audrey
        January 02, 23:19 Reply

        Not my fault love.
        This bussy wouldn’t vuck itself.

    • GT
      January 03, 07:50 Reply

      Things really did happen in UNIZIK then. Dunno about now though.

  7. Mike
    January 12, 17:13 Reply

    I might actually know that man, Rukpoku chicken republic. Came to get stuff for me, my cousin and girlfriend. I was on call with my then other, while placing an order.

    when the call ended for some reason I forget to lock my phone, turn off my phone light and my WhatsApp chat with my other was on display.

    This nigga moved closer to me and was reading the whole thing before, I realized the fuck.

    I would admit to have checked him out early as I walked in, because he( if it’s him) is around the age of people that I like.

    Long story short, he offered to drop me off, he even crossed to the other lane, heading to rumuodumaya to offer me a ride. while he’s car was still packed in the parking space.

    It’s the audacity that I hated, I am based in the North, the part of the North where people don’t do that.

    I turned him down flat. He was smart not to push.

    I am top, so it felt weird getting hunted like that. Nothing about me screams gay. And honestly he hunting me is a waste of time, I prefer to do the hunting.

    He should have found another way to make me know he was gay, and I would have picked it up from there.

    Like someone else I met at a supermarket while getting drinks for my cousin and his friends.

    He simply fling having a phone call, loud enough for me to hear, then dropped his business card in my basket on his way out, without saying a word.

    The maturity was Hot, I didn’t get to fuck him because I had someone I really really liked and wanted to die on his ass. But we stayed friends.

    pH MGM are very forward, had a number of incidence in my estate, enough so my cousin was freaking out, wondering what was happening.

    Like I usually jog most mornings and on this day on my way back, this man in my estate waited, pretended to have a car problem to make a conversation, before he would say 5, 6 I was gone.

    Sure I wanted to fuck him, he was actually on my list of married couples I would like to fuck in the estate. But with that move nah.

    But funny enough PH MGM are Hot, it is finding one who isn’t a who’re that’s the problem.

    Definitely heading back to that city. I need to finish what I started.

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