I was heading back to Owerri when Kamsi texted me via whatsapp.

Kamsi: You don’t take me seriously.

Me: How?

Kamsi: I want to date you.

Me: I already have a boyfriend.

Kamsi: I can be the other guy. The side chick, as they put it. I don’t care. I just want to taste you. I want access to all that awesome stuff you got.

Me: What? Good one, Kamsi. Haba! Lol.

Kamsi: I’m being serious.

Me: No, Kamsi. What happened last night died last night. You just wanted sex, we had sex. I don’t even know if we kissed.

Kamsi: Of course we kissed! What is wrong with you?

Me: *sigh*

Kamsi: Stop doing this. We can work it out. We can date under Dan’s nose.

Yea, right! Me that would be leaving for my father’s house any time soon. I just had one video-gamer to visit, and that’d be it.

We chatted for a little before he got really angry. He always got angry whenever we chatted – something about me being a bitch online and a sweetheart in person. It’s not my fault na; if you can’t stand someone (me in this case) when chatting with them because they give this arrogant, bitchy vibe, it is now when you’ve met in KFC that you’ll stand them – because then you’ll see that they’re actually nice and sweet?

Oshi & oshi!

Stop acting like this. Stop portraying this bitchy persona, he typed furiously.

Boy, bye!

From Owerri, I carried my OK self to go and play video games somewhere in Anambra again. Anambra sha! Hmm. So his name is Kosiso. We kinda clicked at the time, and our chat topic moved to video games. (*smiles*) Ah, video games…

And almost immediately he learned that I was in the East, he invited over for game time. (*coughs*) Game time.

That was why I accepted the invitation o; some video game fun was needed. Kene was still giving mumu face back in Owerri. I didn’t even give him attention. I’m going to see a friend, I’ll be back the same day, I told him.

Vroom, vroom! A couple of hours later I was thrashing Kosiso in Mortal Kombat.

After hours of gaming, of course we got tired, but I wasn’t dropping that pad.

Oh, but of course, he had another game in mind. That game.

“Come,” he said, “let’s select another game CD.”

With a suddenly palpitating heart, I said “OK” and followed him into his room. Then it happened, the kissing. And then, things quickly moved to Level Two, and Three, and Four. It wasn’t bad – this other game.

And it was a good day to be happy. (*smiles*)

Kizito! Hmmm! Let’s head back to Owerri.

Written by Kizito

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  1. Law
    August 04, 06:16 Reply

    Greetings Her HoEliness

  2. Johnny
    August 04, 06:29 Reply

    Is it this very popular game? Rough Game. Mistress of dick be selling your market up n down, it will soon finish

  3. ambivalentone
    August 04, 06:58 Reply

    You know Pinky, we could finally swap “Kizito Speaks”‘s theme pic with that glorious judmental one of Max’s “whore”.

  4. Kenny
    August 04, 07:21 Reply

    That meme that Deola created, the one that concerns Kizito…… ☕ ☕ ☕

  5. bain
    August 04, 07:32 Reply

    #NoSlutShaming……he is clearly not a “hoe”.

    August 04, 07:43 Reply

    The market no dey finish, once you be refilling your store with amazing goods buyers would come craving!

  7. Mandy
    August 04, 08:41 Reply

    This Kizito’s brand of unapologetic hoeliness sha, so adorable. Lol.

  8. lluvmua
    August 04, 09:36 Reply

    Bia kizito comma establish a tutorial for students that wanna be successful in hoeliness and marketing like u …..*smiles*

    August 04, 10:45 Reply

    Akwuna Akwuna…lol. For some reason I like like your straightforward writing techniques, but is it just me or does it get shorter by the week?

  10. Truth
    August 04, 21:07 Reply

    can’t wait for you to finish school, so you’ll get a real job. this whore-craft doesnt look like it pays much.

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