Read the prequel to this episode HERE


I settled down and was taking in the details of the living room. I wasn’t very comfortable. Lamar’s friend – who he introduced as Joe – had welcomed me briefly and gone back in to finish a cigarette. Lamar went to get refreshment. He mixed Ogidiga with Hollandia Strawberry Yogurt and offered me a glass to sip. I declined, but he was persistent.

I thought to myself, does he want to drug me and then –

But he had mixed the drinks in my very before. Anyway, I took the glass and took a sip. Hmm. Bitter-sweet taste. I kinda liked it. He sat down across me and kept his stare fixated on my features. Me, I simply kept my own gaze on the mute TV and paid attention to the music coming from the stereo.

“I like your music…” I said.

“You do?” he asked.

“Yea, they’re cool,” I replied.

“Have you heard Shakira’s Empire?” he asked.

“Yeah!” I replied. I liked how things were going. I’d give you all the attention you need if you start talking music, movies, celebrities, cartoons and entertainment stuff with me – Oh yea!

But then, Lamar’s attention wasn’t really in our chit-chat. His attention was on my face, my lips. “Gosh,” he said, “you’re fucking cute.”

I blushed like a schoolgirl and spoke like one. ‘I’m blushing. You’re cute too, with your baby face.’ His charm was working.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

I nodded o. I nodded. He leaned in. Our lips met. Chai! He tasted like strawberry. Yes, that mixture he’d drank. The lips were soft and sumptuous. Lawd! Kissing him was life. I didn’t want to part from his kiss.

But then, I suddenly felt alien hands on my waist, sliding up to my flat chest. I jerked away from Lamar’s kiss and stared at the intruder.


I was shocked.

“What’s the matter? Are you shy?” Joe asked. He was smiling, and the somewhat sweet smell of cigarette and gin coming from him threatened to cloud my thinking. But I moved back from him, from them.

“Ok. Sorry,” he cajoled. “Let me get to introduce myself again.”

He made to hug me, but nna, I backed further away biko. And I said coolly, “Sorry, I didn’t plan for this.”

“What did you plan for? Why are you shy?” he asked again. Lamar had stepped inside during this brief interlude.

You guys should get the gist nau. Apparently, the guys had taken me to be another fish in the I-am-the-bottom-for-any-day-anytime-for-any-thing-with-a-dick river. How sad. They thought I was some sort of sex toy. Chai. Insult. I didn’t blame them. I blamed Idleness.

Lamar returned to the room with a drink in his hand. “Baby, what is it?” he cooed, before proceeding to give me a lingering kiss. That was it. The juju triggered. That kiss was all it took to render my sense of reasoning useless. As if it was planned, they both pulled down my shorts and briefs to my ankles. And we landed on a couch. Lamar had my front. Joe had my back.

But my chi wasn’t going to entertain the loss of all my dignity that day. Amidst the kissing and caressing and stroking, my thinking faculty was restored. And I found myself thinking, Wait, this threesome is truly happening? I had never had a threesome and I wasn’t planning to start then. Heck, I wasn’t even planning on having sex with Lamar in the first place, let alone Lamar and Joe. And just then, as if someone threw a heap of sense at me, I sprang up to my feet and began struggling into my briefs and shorts sharp-sharp.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I said as I dressed.

“C’mon, don’t be shy. How will a fine boy like you be scared like this…C’mon,” Joe was urging me. So was Lamar.

But there was no way I was giving in. I had to leave. Omo-get-inside had to be home. All the while, somewhere at the back of my mind, I harbored the fear that the police would soon raid the apartment. It was a yahoo-yahoo den after all. I bet they had never seen such resistance from a ‘supposed slut’ before. Although, I’ve always had the weakness of yielding to pressure, pleas, appeals and all that shit from people I really like whenever it comes to matters of the flesh, in that moment, the fear of two dicks at once was the beginning of my wisdom.

Anyway, I was leaving. And they were leaving for someplace too. They changed clothes and we walked to the bus-stop. Joe gave me Azikiwe through Lamar. My reimbursement. I took it and headed home through the shorter route, with what was left of my dignity.

Written by Kizito

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  1. Masked Man
    May 22, 05:46 Reply

    Kizito, you haff see something oh. Lmao.
    I would have left the moment I felt alien hands on my chest.
    You get mind.

  2. KryxxX
    May 22, 06:05 Reply


    Nwa bu Kizito eh?
    Azikiwe Ehkwa? Thank God you left with only Azikiwe nd not ones of those things like a 6 degree tear, a night in a cell or d oga that appears after a 3months window period!

    Cute ppl dey try shaa. U r cute nd their heart goes yori-yori! Its good not to b cute jare! Nothing to whine our head!

    Funny Read K!
    More length to ur writing paper next time!

    • Mercury
      May 22, 06:12 Reply

      My dear cuteness is a curse sometimes, everyone wants a piece of you.

      • Masked Man
        May 22, 06:17 Reply

        I disagree.
        If one is cute, with nothing in his head, I mean, empty skull like a wasted tin of milk, sorry, I might just waka pass.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 22, 06:19 Reply

          Lol. Might. So you admit there’s a probably you won’t waka pass, ei? 🙂

      • Masked Man
        May 22, 06:22 Reply

        PP, some temptations are just straight from lucifer himself.

      • Mercury
        May 22, 06:44 Reply

        @MM I said a piece, even if you no like him, head, shoulder, knees and toes as a result of empty brain, you go @ least like him waist.

      • chestnut
        May 22, 06:49 Reply

        Hian! Biko all of u that are tired of ur cuteness should send some my way biko! (Ppl really don’t miss their well,until their well runs dry…)

      • Max
        May 22, 06:50 Reply

        @Mercury, the never ending curse of being cute.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 22, 06:57 Reply

          *rolling eyes from KD to Kaduna* Yea I’m sure its such a burden.

      • Masked Man
        May 22, 06:50 Reply

        @Mecury, Konji is a bastard sha.
        There almost nothing it cannot make one do. Robs us of our senses. I’ve been there before, and I regretted it.

      • Max
        May 22, 07:06 Reply

        @Pinky, I never said it doesn’t have its perks..

      • Ace
        May 22, 07:44 Reply

        Errm… Sorry, I didn’t get the memo on how being cute is now a burden. Is this the first world problem for cute people? Please pass some cuteness to us in the third world. No be Una fault say nah better sperm and egg born Una.

  3. Mercury
    May 22, 06:10 Reply

    “Apparently, the guys had taken me to be another fish in the I-am-the-bottom-for-any-day-anytime-for-any-thing-with-a-dick river.”, what kinda mind thinks up this long line of hilarity???, Lol, can you imagine oooo, na only Azikiwe them give you self.

    • Ace
      May 22, 07:39 Reply

      I swear, that line cracked me up! Lol.

  4. McGray
    May 22, 06:47 Reply

    I never knew #TeamCartoon exists. So who is in?? M Chairing it

    • #TeamKizito
      May 22, 07:17 Reply

      Let’s call it Clowns Club? Sponge Group? Disney Princes? KD Tubbies?

      No, wait. Krusty Boys? Samurai KD? Flap Jacks?

      Uh! I know! I know! Coco Gang? KDs league? KD Dooby Doo?! Super Globetrotters Gang? Cartoon Buster?

      Uhm. .

    • Teika Bonka
      May 22, 08:13 Reply

      Dexter’s Laboratory, Kids next door, powerpuff girls, twinnies, teletubbies(i cant remember the spelling sef), project z……

  5. Max
    May 22, 06:48 Reply

    Short and nice.
    I like 🙂

  6. chestnut
    May 22, 07:00 Reply

    Lol.Kizito, thank God those goons were not the forceful types o! But how do ppl set u up for a threesome(or moresome) without giving u a hint first,or trying to find out whether u’re even into that sort of thing in d first place? Ppl don’t fear God these days o…
    A friend of mine tried it with me once; took me and another friend to a white man’s house,under the guise of “just hanging out”. B4 long,I knew their plan.they started plying me with white-wine(my poison), thinking it would make me more…agreeable. Me? As old as I am? Buhahaha. I just dey drink d wine,dey laff dem for my mind…suffice it to say that I ruined their evening that day,and we dusted our shoes and started going back home. Ndi ara,ha cho i’rim…#GhostMode.hehe…

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 22, 07:11 Reply

      Hahahaahaahaaa!!! All the white wine they were sharing and they did not know that diaris God in your corner? Tsk tsk

      • McGray
        May 22, 07:15 Reply

        Does it mean today’s post won’t be as hot as yesterday’s?? Sum1 shld just do sumfin cos its too cold here

      • Ace
        May 22, 07:31 Reply

        McGray, that voice in your head making you wish for kasala to burst today, is from the devil. He is currently choking your nyash with that his big fork.

    • McGray
      May 22, 07:38 Reply

      Correction: Ha cho ira m, nt Ha cho irim *if i get erection in dis lecture hall eh Chestnut will pay for it*

      • #TeamKizito
        May 22, 07:52 Reply

        They want to lick me.. They want to eat me..

        Lollipop. Cakes.


  7. Absalom
    May 22, 07:19 Reply


    Wonder what “Azikiwe” means, though.

  8. McGray
    May 22, 07:35 Reply

    Ace u shld hv said that m choking my banana in Devil’s cakes, u knw dat guy got cakes more than Pinky sef

    • Ace
      May 22, 07:37 Reply

      Hahahahahahaha! I imagine his ass to be flaming hot… Literally.

      • McGray
        May 22, 07:40 Reply

        It’s Kim K’s butt plus Pinky’s X 100 raise to power 75

  9. Ace
    May 22, 07:36 Reply

    Very hilarious and witty. I know how hard it is to resist temptation. Mine came one day I was trying to kill the “gay urge”. Guy wey I don’t dey eye since no look my way oooo. Na when I come dey spirit filled, the Oga come dey show me eye candy. Dem no born am well make he try that stunt with me now with all the konji running in my veins.

    I really loved this post, could it be longer next time?

      • McGray
        May 22, 07:45 Reply

        All dis KD ivul spirit wey say i no go concentrate for dis lecture hall today i give una Oji ooo so take it and leave me alone

      • Ace
        May 22, 07:46 Reply

        Lol… Pinky’s p.a I don hear.

    • Ace
      May 22, 07:47 Reply

      Don dey*
      Stupid autocorrect.

  10. D-boy
    May 22, 08:12 Reply

    Lmaoo…this cracked me up. I understand how shared interests, can make one let your guard easily. If you roll with the beyhive, you automatically become hotter to me.

    The plight of a cute bottom. Even if I dey feel you die, it doesn’t mean you will get it, without proper mental and physical preparation .Then you want to now turn it to ‘and co’ stuffs. Hissss!!!

    That being said, with the right participants a threesome ain’t such a bad thing. ☺️☺️☺️

    What’s an Azikiwe between? Didn’t get that reference.

    • McGray
      May 22, 09:10 Reply

      U see why u won’t make heaven?? Azikiwe is 500 Naira

  11. Ruby
    May 22, 08:14 Reply

    Its good to know that you regained control and your sanity.
    What’s better is that they weren’t rough necks who wanted sex at all costs
    You should go for thanksgiving

  12. trystham
    May 22, 08:37 Reply

    My insane fear for Yahoo boys tho. I can’t trust them as far as I can spit. The stories I hear with their Yahoo Plus-ing and fetish means of getting ‘magas’ just makes me wary. Make person no go dey shit maggot. Threesomes only look good in porn. I aint trying none of that shit. No sharing at any particular one time.

    • Brian Collins
      May 22, 09:24 Reply

      Everybody be acting a saint now o. I know people who would love to be spitroasted by chocolat and vanilla rods, say Trey Songz & Beckham or Idris Elba & Matt Bomer or Robbie Jones & Chris Hemsworth.

      • trystham
        May 22, 11:07 Reply

        Hian!!! I dinnor say I dinnor like prick. One per episode is what the doctor ordered. No just enter my case

  13. McGray
    May 22, 09:23 Reply

    Yes bring them to my Church. 21 kegs of Palm wine, 20 bags of cowries, 7 He-goat, 3 She-goat, 10 Cartons of milk, 7 packets of Gold Circle and 14 white Male Teen virgins

    • Brian Collins
      May 22, 09:26 Reply

      Aren’t non-teen virgins allowed? We could have Sinnex too.

      • McGray
        May 22, 10:00 Reply

        *Sets round table: Tefflondon by my Right, Sinnex by my Left* Next!!

      • Teflondon
        May 22, 13:28 Reply

        His new found love.. Brian!

        **now Run along**

  14. Brian Collins
    May 22, 09:30 Reply

    Good thing you were not drugged or raped eventually. If that were a kito situation, you woulda entered WELL. Sha sha, it was too short o.

    • McGray
      May 22, 10:06 Reply

      U see d kind prayers u’ve bn saying bah? Just like casket makers praying for more deaths. Ivul mind Brian. Dat Kito story akwaala gi. Ntoo!

      • Brian Collins
        May 22, 12:24 Reply

        Aha, whatido? Whatdoesyouevenwantfromme?
        At least is it happens like that ,the Story hoe (as Max called him) would have his next customer and we would know where the next ‘His Kito Story’ would come from.

  15. Osanedu
    May 22, 11:12 Reply

    Well, being cute or not doesn’t mean one shouldn’t use his head in making decisions even at very critical situations. There are points whereby dudes would go and extra mile to persuade you into doing that you never planned for and the way at which they challenge you to it, the next thought that comes into mind is “if I don’t do it, I have done spoil.” I’m a living witness… This should serve as a lesson or a reminder that decision making at critical situations is key. When you’re not doing it, you’re not doing it. It’s that simple

  16. Nero
    May 22, 12:44 Reply

    Kizito I would say you reacted that way probably cos that was your first time of meeting them. Maybe sex wasn’t really in your agenda. But now you have known them and maybe must have established some sorts of friendship, having ‘threesome’ with them won’t be that bad. If you can handle it. c’mon were are young n wild. There are experiences. You are not even looking for love. so? This first time you set standard but next time pls have fun! Loooool.

  17. Gad
    May 22, 17:24 Reply

    Short and precise. Good one

  18. jesuisnigeria
    May 22, 22:39 Reply You guys all need to watch this. I almost cried. A bbc documentary on gay people in Uganda. You guys read it and let me know what you think. Dennis, pink panther…everyone needs to watch this.

  19. Lothario
    May 23, 05:21 Reply

    I love threesomes, they’re fun! It doesn’t particularly mean loss of dignity…. It means you’re sexually liberated enough to enjoy whatever is thrown your way. Don’t knock it till you try it.

    But since you weren’t up for it, it’s good you ran away beforehand.

  20. KingBey
    May 24, 15:09 Reply

    Yahoo Yahoo guys are not that bad afterall….at least they can spend on their date When ever maga drops….and yeah I love the ccigarette smoke, alcohol, drunken sex, setting….but you have to be cute with nice body….Yeah I hate normal because it’s boring.

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