The past.


“You have to stop associating with all those people in your life. You’re going to leave all your gay friends if you want to be my pal. You’re going to stop seeing them. You’re going to stop.”

These were the words that came out of Umoh’s mouth. The jerk!

“What?!” I said.

“Yeah, I’m serious. You can’t be friends with me and still be doing this thing.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve told you.”

“That’s fine. Keep your friendship na. Do you think there’s an on-and-off switch to this thing?” I sneered around the last two words.

“Kizito, I know you can let go –”

“Yeah, bye.”

Background: We know he’s Umoh and he’s a major jerk. He and I go way back. And in all that time, no atom of pomposity has left this guy. Is he gay? Well, he’s confused.

Internalized homophobia, I believe.

His level of this disease is on a level I can’t describe. He’s the type that thinks there’s a switch to ‘this thing’, and that by dating girls, the gay factor in any man could be reduced to zero.

But I like Umoh – because he’s hardworking, ambitious, focused, successful, sophisticated, smart. Of course you’d like anyone who has these qualities, no?

But that disease – his internalized homophobia sha! Chai! You just can’t overlook the fact that the disease is real in his life.

We had gone on a couple of dates and it was clear we couldn’t have a relationship. Heck, the nigga cannot date any guy. He’d die!

So we made out a couple of times. His scent was intoxicating and his perfectly-tailored suit and… Well, we only made out. What else could we do anyway? That was all.

But one can only stand so much from Umoh. Tch! After that ‘you have to leave all your gay friends and drop the lifestyle’ episode, I dropped his pompous ass.

Umoh always wanted to know about whom I was or wasn’t seeing, the sex I was having and all that. But the same Umoh wanted me to stop seeing these people when he was practically living on my relationships and sex life. So sad.

The past.


It’s not every time you see what you like and somehow what you like likes you back. So when such a time comes, you grab it!

Bassey was dark. I don’t mean dark in complexion. Y’all should know the kind of darkness I’m talking about biko. And that was the attraction for me. His attraction to me? C’mon, who wouldn’t be attracted to me? I mean, really, have you seen me? I was hot then. I’m still hot now. (I know what you’re thinking, stop it!)

Anyway, I just want to gist you about the first and last encounter I had with Bassey Long-face. I call him ‘Long-face’ because I realized he had one and he wasn’t even cute. *tears* I was truly so blinded by the darkness, I couldn’t see jack.

It was a bright sunny day. Visiting day. It wasn’t close at all – his place, I mean. But I got there. Boo-boo was home alone.

I still couldn’t see anything aside the darkness. He looked so good in that dark shade. Everything he said was music to my ears. When the darkness took me in his arms, whoa! Yes, Bassey!

But then things seemed like they were going too fast. Too fast! Some light from nowhere was breaking through the darkness. Chai.

From the parlour to the room, the kissing and touching, more light seeping in. And then, when he pulled down my pants, it was as if someone had pulled down the curtains! Ah! Like I said, things were going too fast. I mean, with my pants down, bare butt showing and dick getting thick, I was thinking: Haba, Bassey, am I a plaything? He didn’t even have the decency to be naked right along with me. And I’m here, doing Amber Rose in your house. Tch!

Ok. Boy, I’m leaving. I have seen the light! First time and last time.

I said to myself, I won’t let things go as fast as that anymore.

But did I stick to that? Did I stick to that?

Written by Kizito

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  1. Kennedy
    October 15, 06:26 Reply

    … 1st to comment….. 4rm the Past!!

  2. Mandy
    October 15, 06:42 Reply

    Umoh was just using style to tell you he’s looking for exclusive relationship. But IH would not let his gay agenda be great.

    • Mandy
      October 15, 07:22 Reply

      Did he go anywhere before?

  3. Lopez
    October 15, 06:46 Reply

    U did not stick that, I wouldn’t be attracted to u and I don’t understand d darkness u r talking about… hell where have u been? Thank God u r not missing at least. And what was with d first to comment thing? Biko, grow up!

  4. KryxxX
    October 15, 07:40 Reply


    You and ndi etekamba ppl okwaya? First Umoh, second Bassey. Where is Akpan kwanu??

    Okoto kariri??!

    The past better remain in the past shaa.

  5. posh6666
    October 15, 08:23 Reply

    Glad to know i’m not the only one who likes “darkness” alias badboys…Pls on a more serious note who has heard frm Ronnie Phoenix in recent time?is he fine?hope he didnt harm himself? Did he change his kd username? Pinky? Anyone?

      • posh666
        October 15, 08:31 Reply

        Hahahahah Pinkie the way you said it! I know the boy has flare for being dramatic and craving attention but I still think something is wrong with him.

        Hopefully he eventually finds his peace…

    • ambivalentone
      October 15, 08:42 Reply

      Did he sound like he was gonna? I think he came off as unapologetically trans

      • posh666
        October 15, 09:20 Reply

        Oh dear there was a period he kept on saying he was gonna end it all and then we eventually discovered he was just a troubled teenager,living in lagos as a boy who just keeps having issues with his mom due to him growing out his hair and basically wanting to look like a girl…

        • posh666
          October 15, 09:24 Reply

          He had us believe he was a transgender and always yapping about how life was difficult being transgendered or whatever till we eventually uncovered the truth.He’s just a young troubled boy who possibly has multiple personality disorder.

          I wish him well sha….

          • Keredim
            October 15, 12:19 Reply

            And just like that you have brought all his/her sins to remembrance…??????

        • Chuck
          October 15, 14:33 Reply

          posh666 do you have twitter? You have plenty gist o

        • Pjay
          October 16, 01:16 Reply

          Correct me if I’m wrong but is that not a significant part
          of what it means to be transgender? A boy wanting to look like a girl.

      October 15, 12:29 Reply

      This Posh is so pathetic, you really think anyone believes you “truly” wish him well.

      I wouldn’t ordinarily comment to your likes but I just needed to let you know you aren’t fooling no one. Your life must be so pathetic to still be this way. Everyone is growing up and showing some form of maturity and actually doing meaningful things at this point of their life. Yet here you are bringing up forgotten issues. When last did you see chizzie or even Max on your case? Everyone has moved on. I advise you to do the same.

      • posh666
        October 15, 12:38 Reply

        Loooooooool miss me with the bs BITCH!

    • Jide
      October 15, 21:17 Reply

      Tbh I always assumed he reincarnated as Delle…

  6. Jo
    October 15, 09:18 Reply

    *Adjusting my tatafo cap* Ehen, who is this Ronnie Phoenix? I smell a story somewhere….

  7. Delle
    October 15, 10:19 Reply

    Lol. This series always makes me laugh.

    All these Umohs shaa *inserts long hiss*

    October 15, 12:33 Reply

    Kizito Marry me already! I have this fetish for unapologetic hoes

    • Jide
      October 15, 21:21 Reply

      A fish can love a bird but….would you top him?

  9. Nuel
    October 15, 17:00 Reply

    @You-know-Who… u don’t have to go all insulting. why nt tell us ur own story we wouldn’t mind.

  10. Eddie
    October 16, 00:25 Reply

    Lol…the writer seems to just luuuv Efik/Ibibio dudes…heard they can fuck like forever sha

  11. Haven
    October 18, 20:46 Reply

    “He didn’t even have the decency to be naked right along with me. And I’m here, doing Amber Rose in your house”…that got me rolling on the floor

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