Lessons Learned From ‘She Called Me Woman’ (Entry 6)

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LESSON 6

From the chapter, ‘If You Want Lesbian, Go To Room 24’, RD says:

“It has to be an agreement between both of us, not just an assumption that we are dating because we’ve shagged. You have a date, and there has to be an agreement before you can say you’re in a relationship with this person and this person is in a relationship with you too.”

What I have to say about this is specific to the gay community. I remember sometime, awhile back here on Kito Diaries, when someone made a post about a relationship he’d had and how badly it turned out. And a commenter observed something crucial in the story: that the relationship had in fact been an assumption. There had been no talk, no verbal agreement, no asking out and accepting. They were simply two people who had great sex, had great sex again, and sort of fell into things. Such “relationships” never go anywhere, and they usually operate on this dynamic where one person believes one thing about the “situation” and the other believes another.

The fact that you have good sex or are great company to each other should not take the place of a verbal agreement when it comes to beginning a relationship. I know of a friend who began hooking up with this guy and after a few weeks, he suddenly went from “We are just hooking up, nothing serious going on” to “I can’t believe that bastard cheated on me.” That bastard hadn’t even been told that there was a “situation” he would likely be in a position to cheat on. Another friend said, “I don’t like talking about it. Talking about it makes it seem like we are giving it a label, and I don’t like labels. Labels suddenly make it seem like something we have to work on.”

LOL! Such hogwash! That kind of thinking comes from this mentality that gay men in Nigeria seem to have of gay relationships not being valid. If I’m not going to marry you, why should I spend my time working on being with you? Well, miss me with that BS. The love of a gay man is real. The emotions of a gay man are real. The relationship between two men is real. All of these are valid. Relationships, heterosexual or homosexual in nature, are not all roses and carefree living. There are moments that need work, that need the two people in it to determine to stay together. And for that to happen, you have to believe in what you are doing. And to even begin that journey, you have to say the words.

Yes.

Say the words with me: Will you be my boyfriend?

Written by Pink Panther