Should I Mind My Business? (The Pressure Of An Older Gay’s Responsibility)

Should I Mind My Business? (The Pressure Of An Older Gay’s Responsibility)

There are two teenagers that live in my compound. They’re about thirteen or fourteen. One is Igbo, Obinna, and he stays with his much older brother who is loud, aggressive and has a shop that he takes care of. The other is Yoruba, Seun, and he stays with his widowed mother who is loud, aggressive and has many mouths to feed.

As the consummate gay man with a very fine-tuned gaydar that I have, I have been able to pick up on the fact that these two boys are doing things to each other that they’re not supposed to do – according to society, that is. There are all these bumping into them in dark corners whenever I go out to the back to put on my generator in the evening, my sharp eye noticing an awkwardness around them that seems telling of the fact that they’d been doing something that they quickly stopped doing because they heard approaching footsteps. An untrained eye would be inclined to think they’re just young boys being up to some mischief, but I recognize the moves. They’re thick as thieves, almost always together, Obinna helping Seun with the chores his mother likes to heap on him, and Seun disappearing into Obinna’s house whenever his brother isn’t around – which is often, because he’s a businessman – and not emerging, not even when his mother comes out to start yelling his name.

Every time I saw them together, I would often pray that they not be made victims of whatever hidden desires they are surrendering to. That they should grow healthy and happy with whoever they are.

But they may not even be gay and all this is you projecting who you are unto them, a voice in my head would always try to counteract.

And I was willing to concede this point – until the day Obinna approached me just a few days ago. Apparently, young as he is, this boy has quite the gaydar himself.

I’d stepped out of my house, ready to go off to begin my day, when he stopped hesitantly in the corridor a few metres from me. He is a well-brought-up young man, who always has a greeting for me and sometimes comes around to ask if I have an errand he can help me with. After I gifted him with a new shirt and trouser last year’s Christmas, he’s been steadfastly grateful by always greeting me, even when he sees me returning from work and always wanting to help me with one thing or the other. That morning, he had greeted me, and then I noticed he was still hanging around, watching as I tied my shoe laces.

“Ah, Obinna, I’m going out, so there’s nothing I need,” I said, thinking he wanted to do a chore for me.

“I know, brother… It’s just that I want to talk to you,” he said.

“Okay. What is it?” I said, straightening up and motioning for him to walk with me as I headed outside.

As we walked, he began very hesitantly telling me how he’d noticed that I always have guys around in my house and never girls, and how some of these guys sometimes stay overnight, and how he’d even noticed that two of my frequent visitors “use to do like woman”.

This boy was very hesitantly saying these things to me o, with frequent embarrassed pauses and always looking away from me. And as I listened, I was could feel mounting horror as I realized what this boy was perhaps driving at. And without thinking, my horror short-circuited to annoyance, and I found myself becoming defensive, as though I was getting accused of something.

At some point, I interrupted him with a snappy “What exactly are you trying to say, Obinna?” My voice was rich with irritation.

“It’s just that, brother… I don’t know… It’s looking like you are doing like me… And I just wanted to know if you can advise me… Because I am looking at you and your plenty boyfriends them… And I am looking at myself and Seun… And I just want to know…”

You should know that as this boy was talking, I was reacting inwardly with the horror of one who was getting outed. How the fuck did this guy jump to the conclusion that I am gay? Was he spying on me? Were there any other neighbours spying on me? Who had he told? Did he honestly think of my visitors as my “plenty boyfriends”? Did his brother think the same thing too? Did Seun think the same thing? Did Seun’s very querulous mother also think the same thing? Who else was thinking what Obinna was thinking?

In those moments, I forgot the fact that I’d always prided myself on not caring for the opinion of my neighbours about my life, as long as I lived it carefully enough, and I found myself feeling something I’d never felt before: fear. This was the first time I was being confronted with the very real situation of possibly being outed and I didn’t like how it made me feel. I wasn’t ready.

So, I snapped at Obinna, cutting him off again. “Look, I don’t know what you think you have seen or heard, or what it is you are talking about –”

My obvious irritation caused him to suddenly look up at me and he looked stricken, like he was suddenly aware that he’d angered me. “No, brother… Please don’t vex. It’s just that I like Seun and Seun likes me, and Seun said you will understand and that we should talk to you –”

“Well, I don’t understand this like you have for Seun, and I would appreciate it if you don’t come to me again to talk this nonsense!” Even as I was saying those words, I could feel myself dying slowly with the shame I imagined Peter felt when he denied Jesus. Those cruel words were tumbling from my mouth, and I was helpless to stop them because I couldn’t overcome the fear I was feeling.

And then, I turned and stalked off, unable to block away the hurt I saw in Obinna’s eyes as I said the things I said to him. As I walked to the junction to get on a bike, I kept getting accused by the voice in my head: How could you do this? I thought you were praying for their safety as young homosexuals. And now, the one time you got the chance to contribute some wisdom into their lives, you deny them? What is wrong with you? How could you?

This happened two days ago. Since then, Obinna has been giving me a wide berth, he and Seun. They give me these wary looks like they expect me to turn on them or something. I’ve even caught Seun glaring at me with some resentment, as though he feels betrayed by me. I have gotten over that debilitating fear and one time, I’d wanted to approach Obinna to take back the things I said to him, but then I remember their families: Obinna’s loud, aggressive older brother and Seun’s loud, aggressive widowed mother. I have made it a thing to mind my business in this compound, and I am afraid getting involved in these boys’ lives will put me on the path of one day clashing with their families in a way that would endanger my life as a gay man. I believe that my aloofness and distance are the reasons none of my neighbours are wont to minding my business the way they mind each other’s. And I am afraid that taking these two boys under my wing will eventually lead to the exact thing I have been avoiding. I mean, what if they get careless one day and they are caught, and in the heat of the intense scrutiny they’d get, the blurt out my name as the adult who knows about what they have been doing? What then?

And yet, even with all these rationalizations, I still feel guilty for not doing what I should do to take care of the emerging generation of young gay Nigerians.

What do I do?

Written by Mandy

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  1. Ken
    August 08, 08:55 Reply

    Well first of all, don’t beat up yourself, every hero has a moment of weakness. And our desire for survival would sometimes Trump our heroic nature.
    Anyhooo, you are right to be cautious. Forget being gay, these kids are too young to be fornicating anyways. So this is where u come in. You will need to advise them without necessarily outing yourself.
    Make them understand that at this stage they should be focussed on self developing and being productive not engaging in anything untoward. Let them know that there’s nothing wrong with being friends with a guy and there will be plenty of time for other things when they have grown up.

    In a nutshell, just talk to them like a big brother and help those kids avoid the impending trouble.

    • Earl
      August 08, 09:10 Reply

      thank you… this is it

    • Flexsterous
      August 08, 12:23 Reply

      Anything toward? Like homosexuality? . I don’t know about you, but I don’t know any 14 year old male that wasn’t doing anything sexual. This is the prime age if hormone overload.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 15:57 Reply

      This is what I have chosen to do in a nutshell: talk to them without necessarily outing myself.

      I am a little uneasy though that if they get careless and are caught at any point in time, and they implicate me as someone who knew about what they were doing, even if I didn’t out myself, people would still interpret the fact that i didn’t “report” them as being implicit in homosexuality and as such me being gay too.

      But this is just my mind nitpicking the situation. I couldn’t rest until I took charge of some of this responsibility. Thanks, Ken.

      • VSB
        August 08, 16:40 Reply

        talk to them without outing yourself. Point them to kd or some other resources online (remind them to be careful to always browse incognito). Tell them where they can get info without you being the one to give it. Just do something to help. Goodluck

    • VSB
      August 08, 16:38 Reply

      OMG I feel like i could choke on the internalised homophobia and Christian guilt. Too young? Untoward? Brother you’ve gotta fix yourself

  2. Rehoboth
    August 08, 09:11 Reply

    You need to invite the two of them and advise them. Outing yourself to me should be at your discretion. Let them know the pros and cons of being LGBT in Nigeria and that you’ll always be a sounding board and listening ear should they ever need one.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 15:58 Reply

      Yeah, Will do. Thank you. Discretion is the key.

  3. Zoar
    August 08, 09:24 Reply

    I think this is a very delicate situation and maybe it’s there to test how mature a Man you are now.

    There’s this saying that teenagers would always explore no matter the obstructions they face, they’ll Just device a more crafty avenue to carry out their adventure. So no matter the “Sermon on the Mount” you would preach to them. They won’t take it because they’re too close for comfort as they can always access themselves.

    You’ve got two options:

    1)Be their Life Coach and talk to them about how what they’re doing might be a passing phase in their lives which they might outgrow in the nearest future or they might remain Gay which isn’t a bad thing also. Then advise them how to manage themselves properly and how they could be extremely DL and discreet with their explorations while you won’t advice them to involve themselves in any unsafe Sexual act for the sake of their health because you’d also have the opportunity to bring to their awareness the dangers of unsafe sex too.

    The risk here is that you could be involved in an impending trouble should their adventure get out and you would have to relocate but you would be happy that you helped two young intending community members become a better version of themselves so that they don’t grow up and have Internalized Homophobia which is a bigger problem we’re all facing here in the community..

    2) The second option is to mind your business and stay out of their businesses if your conscience would let you do that without feeling any form of remorse. Atleast your safety is guaranteed and you won’t be having to deal with their troublesome guardians.

    You just have to know the one that you think is safest for you and do it.

    They’re both valid decisions because some school of thoughts would support one against the other.

    Wishing you luck Mandy.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 15:59 Reply

      lol. Damn. You sure do know how to outline the pros and cons very well.

  4. Michael
    August 08, 10:52 Reply

    This is quite complicated. In think the but best way out is to talk to them without necessarily outing yourself. Besides, one needs one or two allies in any place we find ourselves. These kids could be your ears on the ground in your compound.

    I wouldn’t hesitate to take them under my wings especially with Obinna asking.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 16:00 Reply

      “Besides, one needs one or two allies in any place we find ourselves. These kids could be your ears on the ground in your compound.”

      LOL. When you put it like that… 😀

  5. Vinviiii
    August 08, 11:46 Reply

    I feel you handled the matter very terribly tbh. Firstly, you have sexualized the innocent gay relationship btw two young lads. You could have been the light that showed them the beauty of their sexuality, how they shouldn’t be ashamed, but how they however had to be extremely careful. You where terribly selfish, and that’s putting it mildly. Yes, I know you where trying to be cautious, but at what cost? Now these two young lads will grow up feeling like abominations because you, by your denial of yourself, have confirmed them to be so. It is painfully sad that they would grow up without the guidance that you yourself wished you had growing up.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 12:45 Reply

      So you finished reading this entire story, and this comment is the opinion you arrived at?

      Lol. I really shouldn’t be responding to this ridiculousness, but let me do so all the same.

      First of all, I don’t think you know what the meaning of sexualizing something is, otherwise you wouldn’t have said what you said about me sexualizing an innocent gay relationship. Because for the life of me, I don’t see where I did so.

      Secondly you are incredibly stupid to call me selfish for reacting with self preservation immediately I learned of someone sounding like they knew of my closet. I’d like to see how you’d react, if your first instinct is to be open and noble when someone randomly comes up to you and starts talking of suspecting you’re gay.

      Thirdly, looks like you’re new to this blog to not know of my opinions here because I promise you, I am not in denial of myself. I don’t see how you even got that I’m in denial of myself in my story, but then, I think we can agree that you either aren’t particularly bright or you didn’t read the story well.

      And finally, I think you should calm down. This incident happened a couple of days ago, hardly enough time for the two boys to “grow up feeling like abominations”. And the question of guidance is EXACTLY why I’m here with my story.

      • Vinviiii
        August 08, 13:49 Reply

        Bro???. Please do calm down, I don’t have any malicious intent, neither do I mean to insult you. We’re on the same team here and I don’t think there’s any need to start exchanging hash words. Firstly, if my comment offended you (which I’m pretty sure it did, judging by your choice of words) i sincerely apologise. Secondly, I was taking the whole thing as a good natured discussion. If you took it otherwise by any fault of mine, I once again apologise.
        Let me try to explain myself better, with the hope I’m understood this time.
        I feel your immediate and harsh denial (going as far as hotly scolding him) would have confirmed to them that what they had thought all along was true; their sexual and emotional expressions are abnormal and something to be ashamed of (this particular bit is the part that breaks my heart).
        If you would calm down and think about it, you would see that there where far better ways of handling the situation. You could have joked about it, you could have been vague, tried to avoid giving him any direct answers and understood exactly what he was driving at (it seems you already had a relationship with him).
        No one is perfect. I’m not saying if I was in your position I would have used the time stone to look into the future to see what course of action would’ve yielded the best results. I’m simply saying that a little more emphaty and a little less looking after number one would have made the situation a whole less messy.

        • Mandy
          August 08, 15:52 Reply

          This was supposed to be you explaining yourself? First of all, you admit that you can’t predict what your reaction would be had it been you were in the same position, and at the same time, you are still criticizing me for my own reaction? Lol. Are you serious please?
          “If you calm down and think about it…” Dude, it was a spur-on-the-moment reaction. There was no room for calming down to think about it. I heard him talking and I reacted on an instinctual need to keep myself safe. THAT is not a crime. I didn’t slap him. I didn’t beat him. I didn’t report him. Heck, I didn’t even say what he was insinuating to me was wrong. I don’t know where you get off criticizing that when you can’t even claim to have ever been in such a position.
          And finally, the fact that I reacted like that in that instant says nothing about my ability to feel empathy or to want to guide those boys right. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here asking for this community’s advice. So I suggest you step down from your soapbox and give that advice instead of criticize unnecessarily.

          • Vinviiii
            August 08, 16:33 Reply

            What exactly is the problem? I honestly don’t understand why you’re being confrontational ??‍♂️. As I said before, we are merely discussing this issue. You still don’t get that in my earlier comments, I do not have you in mind per say. I have the emotional health and physical safety of those two young boys in mind. Please try to understand all I’ve said in this context and maybe you’d truly get my meaning.
            On my criticism, I’m only trying to look forward. I am not trying to judge. I’m simply stating what I think where better ways you could have handled the whole situation. I’m simply saying “this is what I think should have been done,”. Looking back at my first comment, I agree I might’ve been a little rude. But I was thinking back to my younger days. I had something similar to what those boys had, and I know what difference guidance from an older gay person would have made. Now I just have pain to look back on.
            I’ve just realized that this back and forth we’re having is futile ??‍♂️. It is what Nigeria has done to us. Look, just forget the entire argument, discussion or whatever. I didn’t intend for it. It pains me that I even have to discuss. I’ll just go. I hope you find a way to resolve the matter, and at the same time not out yourself or anything.

    • Tk
      August 08, 13:27 Reply

      We’re in Nigeria and these are still children. How do you mean by being ‘the light and show them the beauty of their sexuality’? Wait till they are caught and they start pointing fingers at you. He’s treading carefully and there’s nothing wrong. There’s nothing selfish here.

      • Brainie
        February 12, 23:35 Reply

        I agree with you. This is right. Exploring the beauty of their sexuality at age 13, 14? You are cooking disaster for you and them. They should focus instead on other stuffs in their life, like their education. Even me I still find my sexuality very complicated, it is now 13 years old boys that would be able to grasp the fullness and complexity of their sexuality at 13? They would just take actions they would regret. Now that I look back on my life, I am glad I didn’t explore my sexuality when I was that age..I would have made really big mistakes! I was so close… to taking those actions. I am just glad I didn’t.

  6. Pete
    August 08, 13:30 Reply

    Can’t be sure but I think Mandy has called out IH in someone on this page.

    But I guess there’s a thin line between “self preservation” and “IH”

    • Pink Panther
      August 08, 15:42 Reply

      How is IH involved here? Do you know what exactly IH is? If it’s a thin line, then surely you being in the closet is basically you toeing that same line, right?

      • Pete
        August 08, 16:10 Reply

        IH manifests itself in different ways… e.g denying you’re gay and shouting down anyone who suggests you are. There is a bit of it in everyone, especially in Nigeria. What is reprehensible, is pointing out in someone else, whilst harbouring it within oneself and then calling it “self preservation”.

        • Pink Panther
          August 08, 16:28 Reply

          Actually, you are missing one thing. The key component in determining what IH is stems from the sufferer believing to whatever degree that homosexuality is wrong or evil or whatever. THAT is what separates IH from self preservation. For instance, if a person is walking past where a mob is attacking two guys who’ve been caught having sex, and he chooses to not intervene, that act on itself is self preservation. It may not be welcome to some people, but it isn’t wrong or reprehensible. Bravery is not for everyone. What will determine if it is IH is if he chose to not intervene because he felt the victims deserved the beating they are getting or that they were wrong for having gay sex. This points to an underlying issue and that is what makes it IH. You can’t lump everyone who is just trying to get through life as having IH simply because they didn’t exhibit an act of bravery that you expected them to, even though you were not in their shoes to determine how they should’ve acted. If that were so, then, Mandy is right. All MGM would be internally homophobic simply for being married to women who don’t know about their sexuality. If what you say is true, then all closeted Nigerians would have IH simply for being in the closet and not coming out in droves to have a Pride march.

          An action of “cowardice” is not IH simply because somebody did it. It has to be established that the person did what he did because of his feelings about homosexuality.

          You have to be careful how you sermonize these terms, so you don’t come off as being hypocritical, especially if you aren’t exactly in a position to question somebody else’s actions.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 15:54 Reply

      Dude, when you are able to tell your wife that you are down-low, oh hallowed MGM, then you can come to me to talk about toeing the line between self preservation and IH.

      • Mitch
        August 08, 17:50 Reply

        You didn’t have to do this, boo. There’s some things we let fade into background noise because they’re daft and unimportant as fuck.

      • trystham
        August 08, 19:30 Reply

        Looooool. Unku Pete has said his wife knows fa???

        I’m actually surprised tho Mandy, at your actions, even though I understand. We hardly ever know what we will do when confronted with these situations, especially with these children that can take miles if u give them inches. I won’t be surprised if, when u even try to be friendly, they turn ur apartment into brothel.
        As I think on it, I guess the gospel of HIV might be the way to just stop them from the compound wahala they may face if they are caught.

  7. Vsb
    August 08, 16:35 Reply

    I’d say help them, but at the end of the day, it’s not my business. At least send them to KD or something so they have some info

  8. Black Dynasty
    August 08, 16:52 Reply

    Hmm i can see why you’d have reacted that way, the instinct of self-preservation would have been automatic.

    But think back to when you were that age to to see someone(at that age, i was very observant like him) like you and the level of courage it would have required to approach them. Your response would likely have crushed them and make them withdraw into their shell.
    I would have given the world to have someone to go to for advise and counsel when i was lost or confused who wouldn’t judge me.

    I haven’t read other comments but i think you should apologise to him (both of them if possible), explaining why you reacted the way you did i.e. fear and panic (don’t have to say fear of what). And then proceed to tell him that they can talk to you, i.e. safe space. At that age they can understand and process things if explained carefully (just think back to yourself at their age).

    We owe it to the next gen to look out for them and not let an increasingly cruel world catch them out unawares.

    You certainly don’t have to out yourself but you could certainly help them navigate the journey much better, less trial and error etc etc.

  9. Pezaro
    August 08, 16:53 Reply

    I think those people pointing fingers at the poster for not taking the boys under his wings are delusional.The writer cringing and being defensive was only out of self-preservation and horror due to the many possibilities that could emerge from the situation.

    Outing yourself to those kids would be akin to shooting yourself in the foot, they’re still young and it only takes one tryst to go wrong before they’re caught, a few slaps and then they’ll be singing your name like a bird. You really don’t want to imagine what would happen afterwards.

    I’d still advice you to talk to them though, but on a neutral level, like one would advise their younger one on relationship matters,tell them there’s nothing wrong with them having feelings for whoever they want to but also tell them about the dangers of their surreptitious hook-ups if they get caught, you will have to thread carefully to not give much away to certify you’re queer yourself.

  10. joseph
    August 08, 17:20 Reply

    Well i’ m a 15 yr old….. If u live in ph… I will be able to talk to them for u

    • Pink Panther
      August 08, 17:48 Reply

      You are 15 and you sound this confident about yourself? Because, forgive me but when you say “I will be able to talk to them for u” like you’re a boss, even though you are just 15, it is very damn impressive. 😀

  11. Jatau
    August 08, 17:21 Reply

    Firstly, for someone that has nothing good to say about closeted cases, MGMs and any other instances of people displaying anything less that your expectation of Living out and proud, I am shocked to read that this post came from you. You are quick to spew out advice on many peoples’ stories and instances [and most of the time your advice are well thought-out and excellently articulated]. But the realization that you live in fear of your ‘compound people’ and the fact that when faced with a 14 year old [who was visibly scared himself of opening up to you, is a very prime example of the adage that says , “if you follow the words of people, you will definitely be misled”. You! one of the main advocates of living your truth?? While I respect the fact that you are torn about your reaction and are asking for the better way forward, I am still miffed by all the many times you have harshly berated people with closeted or for lack of a better way to put it, ‘not ready to live their FULL truth’ stories on here . IH much ..

    • Francis
      August 08, 17:42 Reply

      There’s a clear difference between Internalized Homophobia and Self Preservation. Why are you people sha hell bent on mixing them up bikonu? That he’s happy being gay doesn’t mean he wants everyone to know his business! Last last it’s like you people have been waiting for this gloriousmoment sha

      • Pink Panther
        August 08, 17:47 Reply

        ???? So obvious, it’s really hilarious. I didn’t know Mandy had cultivated this reputation for himself sha. The reputation where some people are simply waiting for him to “fall”.

    • Mandy
      August 08, 17:44 Reply

      ???? Wow. First of all, I NEVER said I live in fear of my compound people o. Seriously, do you guys read or do you jump across lines so you can get to the end and jump into the comments section? Do yourself a favor: read to understand what I actually said instead of so you can arm yourself with something to say to me.

      And secondly, unless you can show me where I have had nothing good to say about closeted cases and MGMs and any other instances of people displaying anything less than my expectation of living out and proud, then your comment really comes off as someone who’s been chafing over my opinions on this blog. it makes you small and petty, and you should go work on your insecurities.

  12. Francis
    August 08, 17:26 Reply

    Will arranging for one of your friends WHO NEVER visits you regularly to do the talking on your behalf work? If them get phone or internet, you for do am over that. This your situation is just messed up sha. Pele. I wouldn’t want to be in it ??‍♂️

  13. Mitch
    August 08, 17:44 Reply

    Honestly, I understand your fear and this instinct for self-preservation. I’m just not happy you lashed out at the kid.

    I think, deep down, you already know you want to help, to teach them how to navigate the craziness of the Nigerian gay clime. Just, don’t out yourself to them if you absolutely need discretion. And, at the same time, put yourself in their shoes and check how much easier your journey as a gay man would have been had you had a mentor. Weigh these things, decide on the best course and follow it through.

    Just, for no reason whatsoever must you abandon those kids. They need guidance. And, you’re there for a reason. Guide them. Please!

    • Mandy
      August 08, 18:06 Reply

      I have no intention of doing so. It is the reason I submitted this post in the first place, to know how to best begin the process of guiding them.

  14. Zoar
    August 08, 18:36 Reply

    “It’s just that, brother… I don’t know… It’s looking like you are doing like me… And I just wanted to know if you can advise me…”

    This really broke me now ??. Mandy please guide these kids aright. We all would have loved this when we were at their age. This is the point some people miss it and become whatever they are now. Just help them anyway you can.

  15. Rudy
    August 08, 19:20 Reply

    I must say I was genuinely surprised when I arrived at the name of the writer.
    Perhaps it’s because I least expected such a response from Mandy.

    Mandy is quite the activist as we could attest to on this platform so I guess that’s what got me astonished.

    But he’s human.

    It shouldn’t be anymore surprising, as that Fear he talked about does rear it’s head when one least expected it.
    He called it Fear, others call it Shame & it happens sometimes to both the best and the worst of us regardless our stance and progress with understanding who we are.

    With regards to what to do. I think you already did that without knowing.
    Just by being yourself. It was through being yourself that made those kids feel safe to speak to you about this. They chose you over their family and everyone in their compound.

    Now they could choose to think whatever they want to believe about your sexuality, that isn’t the matter here, the matter is whether or not you’re willing to address their grievances as it was presented to you.

    I think it wouldn’t hurt anyone if you do. And you might perhaps save a life just by giving a listening ear.

    Let them know that as valid as their feelings for each other is to them, the world does not see it that way at least not in the environment they find themselves in.
    It isn’t any of their fault though and it does get better.

    But until then, their education should be the point of their focus, they should strive to achieve their dreams and that with hard work and determination they will see their dreams come into fruition.

    They should desist from being intimate with each other as young as they are now because that will come at a huge cost if they get caught.

    Let them know you’re there to listen and advice.
    I hope it goes very well the next time.

  16. BoyWithNoName
    August 08, 19:42 Reply

    Please update us. I like it when follow up to an issue is shared. I’m also interested in the story of the dude that slept with his friend’s brother that got back from the abroad. How far? How did it go?
    I apologise for my aproko?

  17. Tuk-Tuk
    August 08, 21:21 Reply

    Hey Mandy boo. It’s Tuk-Tuk, previously Orobo Hunter. I understand your fears and concerns very well as I’ve been in both shoes. (14yo frolicking with his mate and now meeting young folks doing same)
    I’d like to provide some perspective on the issue privately, if you are interested. You can see PP for my email address.

  18. IBK
    August 08, 21:52 Reply

    Very surprised to see it was Mandy who penned this. I guess this is one of those situations where you don’t know what you would do till it happens to you. I hope you will be able to be someone many of us needed when we were younger. But it’s alright if yiu can’t be.

  19. Mandy
    August 08, 22:11 Reply

    All these people being surprised that it’s Mandy… Wehdone o ?
    Now that we have established that Mandy is a human being and not the next face of the Nigerian LGBT movement, can we rest?
    Doesn’t take away from anything I’ve ever said about being the fiercest and most fabulous You that we all can be in the Nigerian LGBT community.

    • Francis
      August 08, 22:13 Reply

      ? ? ? ? ? A celebrity you is. Them go soon start trend to cancel you ?

  20. Tomi
    August 08, 22:45 Reply

    You shouldn’t have reacted like that but what’s done is done. Now you call the one who approached you are apologise for how it may have seemed your reaction was too harsh. Then sternly advise that he and his friend learn to mind their business and not be drawing conclusions on other people’s lives. Tell him that what he and his partner are doing is not also your business but that you have no issues with it but they need to he careful because not everyone one else is like you that won’t bother with whatever they are doing… that’s how I would handle it.

  21. Delle
    August 09, 09:49 Reply

    Oh KDians!!! A hilarious bunch.

    I won’t even talk on the issue the piece is about because many have already echoed my thoughts on it but isn’t it funny how people can let the painment of years override their sense of reasoning? I mean this has now become a trend. They wait, like a pack of hungry Jackals, for a moment they deem your weak link (even when the absurdity of it is glaring) and strike. LMFAO!

    So someone cannot be wholly accepting of himself and yet not want others to be in the know of his sexuality? What brains we have.
    And that MGM human with the mind of a cactus called PETE will not rest. Like, how dare you think you have a right to be caustic when your wife is there thinking she is married to Mr Hetero? Mtcheww!

  22. Sim
    August 09, 19:26 Reply

    Share kitodiaries with them, refer them to lgbt organizations and help them with transportation if need be.
    Lastly, u can link them up with ur friends abroad for further advice but maintaining ur distance from the kids.

  23. Rock
    August 09, 22:45 Reply

    First thing is..
    You need to start planning to leave that place.Look for a new house.
    You can always advise then from afar.
    The universe is giving you warning signs.

  24. Bliss
    August 10, 09:07 Reply

    Rock, you might be right, probably the Universe is giving him a warning signs.
    Whatever you choose to do, Do so with Wisdom, and put yourself in their shoe.
    When i was 16, i started fantasizing and going out of my way to experience what i felt, i knew and i never for once exposed myself (my point here is Obinna and Segun know that the should be careful).
    Obinna in his right mind had the courage to seek yhu(i won’t do that myself, no matter what).
    Please have the Courage and Wisdom to not ever Out yourself to them (they are still kids no matter what) and also guide them. (i don’t know how to do that, but please try)
    I wish i had someone to guide me, at least i won’t feel what i feel right now.
    Just apply Wisdom and be safe Mandy

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