STILL TOP OR NOW BOTTOM?

Several weeks ago, I was invited to birthday party by a friend (we’d been chatting on Grindr and eventually WhatsApp). And I’d only met him once prior to the time of the invitation to his party. I was very reluctant because it was already quite late and because I am someone who abhors late nights, I really just didn’t want to go. Another reason for my reluctance was the fact that the semester had just ended and I had budgeted what allowance I had left to cover majorly my feeding and project. My friend (let’s call him Stanley) was very persuasive, and when I told him I wouldn’t be able to come because I had no money set aside for that, he was quick to say that he would reimburse me.

And so, just like that, I found myself dressing up and ready to go. And yet, ay the back of my mind, I was torturing myself with thoughts such as: What if the car I take has an accident and we all die? I was madly distrustful about this decision to go out. You could say that I’m still guarded by my home training. In fact, I hear my mother’s voice in my head whenever I want to do anything that feels uncomfortable to me.

Anyway, I was able to overcome my inhibitions and go to the party. I got there by almost ten o’clock and I was relieved when I was finally ensconced inside the shelter of the party’s venue. As I began to mingle, I was introduced to a number of guys, and I began to appreciate my decision to come here. It was as though I was in gay heaven. I’d never been to any gathering with such a concentration of homosexuals in one place. And there were so many beautiful boys here. I know I am good looking and have a great body and all, but I often feel insecure about my physicality especially whenever I encounter the photos on Instagram pages like naijahottestsmen and other such IG profiles.

But right here, I felt complete, like I could fit in. I felt at home, and for once, I did not feel like I should act straight. Not like I am effeminate or anything, but, you know, I didn’t feel like I needed to have my guard up, not when I was in the midst of all these people who identified like I did and were being free about it. There were even some of my Instagram crushes in this gathering, and it was mad fun meeting them and talking to them.

As the party raged on, I noticed this reserved-looking guy who was dressed really good. I noticed particularly his shoes, because I am a shoe freak. I wanted to say hi to him, but he was not only intimidatingly good looking, but there was something about his reservation that made it hard for me to simply walk over to him and introduce myself.

Soon, the games started and it was Truth or Dare, of course. At some point, Stanley was dared to choose someone to give a blowjob to. It didn’t come as a surprise to me when he picked me. I was actually thrilled by him shimmying over to me with this mischievous look in his eyes, determined to give me the best public display of affection I’d ever known. But he didn’t eventually go through with it, not because of any inhibitions, but because everyone else seemed to be drinking the “bomb” instead of doing the dare.

The party got wilder as the night went on. I was high but I still had my faculties intact. This was my first party away from the confines of my hostel in school and I just wanted to have fun. Soon I was dancing and drinking and sharing cigarettes with other guys. I kissed one or two people while we danced. Remember the reserved guy? Well, during the game, he’d been asked to strip to his underwear and he did it, and I was just so turned on by him. And at some point in the party, I remember getting close to him with the intention of taking the cigarette he had in his mouth. I do not recall who kissed who first; I just know we had lips locked and we fell to the bed, heatedly making out, before Stanley came to join – or rather ruin what Gay Jesus had put together.

I would later get to learn that the guy’s name was Kingsley.

Some weeks passed after the party, and Stanley called me. He said Kingsley had asked him for my number. I told him to go ahead and give it to him. But I wouldn’t get any call from Kingsley until days later. He called and said he would like us to hang out that day, to get to know each other. I didn’t feel like going out; I just wanted to stay indoors and be naked all day. And so, I told him I’d be busy and out doing project things.

From the phone call, we moved to WhatsApp chat and I told him I would be available if he decided to come over instead. He acquiesced. I sent him my address and told him where he could wait for me to come pick him up. He had work and said he would come after he was done. The day waned into evening, and he still hadn’t called to let me know he was on his way. So, I called him to ask if he intended this visit to be a sleepover. He replied that if it would not be an inconvenience to me, he would love to. I was okay with that. And it was of course obvious to me that this wasn’t going to be some platonic “getting to know you” hangout. He wasn’t coming for us to just talk. He was coming so we would fuck.

I was a bit thrown by this, because we hadn’t ever discussed sex, and so I didn’t know if he was top or bottom. I am top. And for some reason, judging from our make-out session at Stanley’s party, I figured Kingsley was top too. I did not know how sex would work out between us, considering I’d never bottomed. The few times I tried it had ended in tears.

But for whatever reason, I found myself unconsciously preparing myself…to bottom. I was douching for no reason and cleaning up more than I should. One part of me was incredulously asking me: What do you think you’re doing? And another part was like: Las-las, we go fuck each other.

Kingsley eventually came and I went out to pick him up. When we entered my room, he took a seat and I sat down too, feeling so self-conscious in the presence of such a beautiful person, that I found myself sitting far from him. We chatted about this and that, and then I wanted to show him some pictures on my phone. This made me bring my chair closer to him. Kingsley was such a stunning young man. Jesus! I could feel the heat emanating from his body as I pointed out pictures (of my boyfriend who I’m in an open relationship with) on my phone, and it was so dizzying. At this point, he had taken off his shirt, and the thirst was real with me.

I didn’t know when I blurted out if he would like to take his bath. He said yes.

I didn’t know why I offered to help him take off the rest of his clothes. I was there looking at this man standing in front of me and I was suddenly thinking of how I wanted to “take care” of him. We never got around to him taking his bath, as I’d gotten so weak with desire that I started kissing him after I’d helped him take everything off. He kissed me back and the passion was unleashed.

At some point, when we came up for air, I found myself asking, “What if we’re both tops?” I cannot remember what he replied, but it sounded intelligent to me, before we resumed making out, burning up passion and breaking boundaries. We were now on the bed. I sucked him and performed all the rituals I was good at. He returned the favour, matching me fervor for fervor. And then, he flipped me around and dug into my ass with his mouth and tongue. The rimming was something else. Such pleasure from someone’s mouth had my ass screaming for more. I found myself not wanting to fuck anyone that night. I JUST WANTED TO BE FUCKED! The fear of getting penetrated vanished as condoms and lubes began making an appearance. I only felt the faintest recoil when I saw his really big dick as it bobbed angrily, waiting to invade me. And when he eventually thrust into me, the pain was so negligible, it felt like I’d always bottomed. I was expecting excruciating pain because of his size, but that didn’t happen. God! It felt so good as he fucked me while simultaneously stroking my dick. We did everything possible, and I am not exaggerating when I say we were at it for at least three hours, because I got a glimpse of the time from my fitness band which I go to bed with. We could hardly take ourselves away from each other. And when we eventually got around to sleeping, the exhaustion that pervaded my body felt delicious.

The next morning, we got back to it. At first, I was reluctant to let him inside me again, because I thought I would feel the pain which I didn’t feel the previous night. But it was mostly all good. I had to let him go eventually so he wouldn’t be late for work. And for the rest of my day, I felt sore down there. But it wasn’t something I would describe as painful. It was a good kind of sore.

And so, I’ve been left wondering if I’m still top – because that sexperience with Kingsley has me wanting to try this again and again. I even asked him over again. And I’m even looking forward to riding my boyfriend’s nine inches when next he is in town. I guess I’d say for now I am trying new things.

Written by Ferguson