Of Love, Nakedness And Everything In Between

Of Love, Nakedness And Everything In Between

I didn’t know love as a gay man until earlier this year. I found someone my heart beats for. Someone who stayed very distant from me, and yet anytime I thought about him, I felt the beat of something so special.

Ken resides in the UK, and for 5 months, we kept our long distance relationship alive. Things were good between us, until last month when he brought up the issue of me sending him my nude pictures. I ignored the request, and he didn’t pursue it until we had a disagreement days later and he brought it up again.

I am not a fan of exchanging nude pictures over the internet. I never ask my online acquaintances for their nudes, and I never have the intention of sending mine to anybody. Considering the world we live in, this cautiousness is deserved. I do not want to wake up one morning and find myself facing the scandal of exposure via the introduction of my privates on the social media.

And so, I informed Ken that I couldn’t send him any nude pics of mine. I may care about him very much, but the consideration of this risk far outweighed my affection for him. I told him it’d be better for him to wait till he could feast his eyes on the real thing, me in the flesh.

If I expected him to understand my reserve, I was sorely mistaken. Our argument quickly escalated, and the chatversation got very tense. Here’s the thing: last month, Ken sent me a couple of his pictures, two nude photos in which he covered his crotch from the camera with a towel and then with his palm. I hadn’t asked for the pics, and after I received them, I deleted them promptly. He brought this up, attempting to make it seem like an act of commitment he’d committed which I was in turn unwilling to do; and so, it must mean that I didn’t love him enough. I could not believe his amateur turn at emotional manipulation. If I refuse to share my nude pics with him, then I don’t love him?

I offered the use of IMO video chat, so he could see what he wanted to see in realtime, and he flatly refused. He wanted a photo, and not just of my dick alone: he wanted the entire length of my naked body, from face to past my groin.

I got desperate. I wanted us to work, and I could see that this issue was rearing its ugly head to be a big problem. Relationships are about compromise, this I know. About giving and conceding. But this was hard for me. But I tried. I took a photo of me in the shower, a torso picture that stopped at my naked midsection. And I sent it to him. And he replied: Babe, that’s not nude.

I felt hurt that Ken was so single-mindedly centred on demanding this from me. That he had refused to see uncomfortable what he was asking was making me. And because I refused to give in, our chatversation deteriorated further and we ended it without making up.

The next morning, he texted me: Babe, I will never go back on this policy and you can never compromise on it. Let’s call it quits here and go our separate ways. We mustn’t be in each other’s life. I know you will certainly find that guy who will make you happy and accept your policy.

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. To think someone could simply end what we had had for months, the promise of something lasting that we shared, everything we had been through together, just like that simply because I refused to send him my nude picture.

I began to wonder if Ken truly cared for me all those times he professed his love for me. I began to wonder if love truly exists in the gay community, what with the speed and flimsiness with which it had been cast aside for me.

On the twenty-fourth of November, a Thanksgiving post was put up here on Kito Diaries, and in it and in the comments section, KDians expressed the things they were most thankful for. I was thankful too, for 2016 and how this year had brought a sweetheart of a man into my life. And suddenly, in a twist of fate, just as 2016 is about to end, I have lost the thing I was thankful for.

Written by Indegene

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  1. ambivalentone
    December 03, 07:50 Reply

    Choi!!! The irumoles are strong…or ur mother’s fervent prayers of deliverance from this fraternity must avail A LOT. Good call on ur part to av that bit of common sense (paranoia to some).

    • Mandy
      December 03, 08:07 Reply

      LOL! Francis, come and collect your sub o.

      • INDIGENE
        December 03, 09:14 Reply

        Mandy .. ah ah my own paranoia no reach Francis own na…

    • INDIGENE
      December 03, 09:13 Reply

      @ambibalentone hehehe funny you.. Paranoia they would always say. thanks for the read .

      • ambivalentone
        December 03, 20:04 Reply

        Biko, it does. Right next to Jesus. The heavens dinnor give u the 6th sense for nothing.

  2. Mandy
    December 03, 08:06 Reply

    This Ken was clearly not after a relationship. Console yourself with that thought, indegene. Becos a man who wants you would not let something as flimsy as nude pics end what you two have together.

  3. bruno
    December 03, 08:14 Reply

    you dodged a bullet. i think that’s something to be thankful for. the “sweetheart” you thought you met didn’t really exist. it was all a front for an insensitive selfish asshole who would throw you under the bus for not getting exactly what he wants from you. trust me that is not the kind of man you want.

    all the best.

  4. Wiffey
    December 03, 08:49 Reply

    Bravo ? ? ? ? ? ?

    I applaud you for sticking to your principles… What has love got to do with naked pix… He was only looking for a wanking material so as far as I am concerned that was good riddance

    One major reason I don’t do long distance relationships.

    • INDIGENE
      December 03, 09:16 Reply

      A naked picture can never count for my love for someone.. I just wonder how it is for him. Thanks for the read though

  5. Johnny
    December 03, 09:03 Reply

    You should be thankful you lost him. he will hold your pics and threaten at any slight mistake. Careful is the best word in the world today.

    • INDIGENE
      December 03, 09:19 Reply

      Thank johnny.. My thought exactly… I appreciate!

  6. Bloom
    December 03, 09:33 Reply

    Good call. I think you should be thankful for the break up.

  7. Dimkpa
    December 03, 09:42 Reply

    This story left me in 2 minds. I understand the need to be cautious because there are some evil people out there. On the other hand, for gay men in particular and everyone to a certain extent, nude pictures are like cowries to the traditional medicine man. You can’t expect any action without it.

    Not discounting your caution, he sent his to you. Although it wasn’t solicited, it was a show of faith in my opinion because he trusted you enough not to betray him by exposure. It also should be a form of collateral because he would be foolish to make yours public while you have his.

    The way I see it, both of you are not ready to be in love. This statement is telling
    “I may care about him very much, but the consideration of this risk far outweighed my affection for him”. You didn’t “love” him enough to make yourself vulnerable. As for him he didn’t like you more than he loved your nude pictures.

    • Francis
      December 03, 11:09 Reply

      This is like asking me to dump my paranoia for the sake of love. HELL TO THE NO. Keep ya love biko.

      As individuals we all have our principles and I don’t believe in sacrificing all of them for anyone. If you can’t cope with my principles or vice versa, na to dust slippers hit the road

    • ambivalentone
      December 03, 20:08 Reply

      Errr unless it was a full body nude pic, the certainty the nude is indeed his is non-existent. If he cannot wait until we see in the flesh, swerve

      • Francis
        December 03, 20:14 Reply

        Na so my ex recently send me unsolicited blurry lower torso nude and was requesting full body nude from me. SMH. I just hit delete, tell am waka far. Me wey still wonder whether my 2007 full nude still dey person inbox or don find him way to the web ????

    • Baraj
      December 05, 07:32 Reply

      Thank you sir. Life is risk itself, and it is also applied in love. If you truly love him then you will compromise on ur principle considering the fact that he has trusted you by sending his nude.

      • Francis
        December 05, 07:56 Reply

        While you people are in the spirit of compromising, NEVER forget that when it comes to scandals, there’s always a party that comes out scratch free from it while the other gets royally burnt!

  8. IBK
    December 03, 09:44 Reply

    I’ve met a couple of people like that.. Refuse to send a nude and it turns into a big deal and you start to wonder if they are okay.

    You dodged a bullet me thinks.. You’ll realise this much later.

  9. Mitch
    December 03, 10:06 Reply

    You, my dear, just got saved from what could have been a major issue.

    If someone doesn’t love you enough to respect your principles, then he’s got no right to be in your life.

  10. Delle
    December 03, 13:09 Reply

    I don’t even know why you kept believing someone like that was worth it. The very minute he became insistent on my nudes, I’d have given him the red buzz.

    Any guy that is persistent about your nudes even to your own discomfort and cares not, doesn’t love you.
    Finish!

  11. Chizzie
    December 03, 19:48 Reply

    Tops are scum, I’m guessing this guy is Top right? Has to be

    But next time, do not make so much a fuss about sending nudes, cause let’s face it, gay guys love nudes.

    And in your case being dt it was a long distance relationship, it was inevitable and a necessity if we are being honest. Which shouldn’t be a big deal if u have a great bod and you crop your face off.

  12. INDIGENE
    December 04, 10:44 Reply

    Chizzie don’t generalize… I am Gay! and I don’t love nudes!

  13. Iliana
    December 04, 13:21 Reply

    I think d guy is a jersey and u did the right thing @chizzie I thought he mentioned that the guy requested for a FULL nude pic (face included)

  14. Absalom
    December 05, 17:15 Reply

    Why did the nudes have to involve face????????????

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