The Gay Switch

The Gay Switch

A contact of mine on BBM once put up as his display picture the photo of a friend of his who’s not based in Nigeria and who it seemed was transitioning into a woman. As his pm, my friend, Tim (not his real name) wrote: “I can’t believe Bob has become a woman. My Bob is now Angelique. I’ll continue to pray for you.”

After reading this, I asked Tim: “Do you think this guy who is transitioning needs your prayers?”

He replied with a narrative that Bob is a man and shouldn’t be changing himself to a woman, and so, yes, he needs to pray for him because the procedure is not reversible and Bob was apparently going against the will of God.

At this, I had a very good laugh. And then I said to him, “You do realize this is the same thing as a heterosexual saying he wants to pray for you because you’re gay?”

And Tim said, “It’s not the same thing. I can stop being gay anytime I want, but Bob is changing himself.”

That one statement left me in a state of shock. And as I rode that shock, I asked him, “Since you’re ‘temporarily’ gay, what are you doing on my BBM posing as a gay man? Why would you choose to ‘temporarily’ live a life of secrecy and fear? Why deceive ‘real’ gay people who may have developed actual feelings for you? And please, when do you intend flipping this gay switch you have to change to a straight dude?”

The rest of the conversation was basically a blur as he went on a rant about how he’d stop having sex with men when he turns thirty-five, and how he was not really being gay. He was in the middle of his self righteous indignation when I moved over and clicked the beautiful delete button. And he was gone. I was just really disgusted.

I decided to find out how common the gay switch was by asking some of my BBM contacts if they too had this fine switch I had come to know about. While most of them laughed and dismissed it as stupid, there were some who apparently would soon stop being gay, and like the second coming of our Lord, they were gone from my BBM without warning. Till date, I don’t understand why anyone would like to say that he chose to be gay, with all the shit gay people have to put up with. And then they’d go on to declare that they can just stop whenever they want – this coming from those I am very sure can’t stand the sight of a pussy and readily perform full splits on a BBC.

Well, to each his own, I guess.

And you – do you have the gay switch?

Written by Brad

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  1. simba
    April 30, 06:41 Reply

    Human sexuality is very fluid, mainly controlled by environment and genetic influence. There is nothing like a gay switch,but there are people with very strong wills and discipline that can suppress any sexual interest,and decide not to be sexualy active regardless of their sexual orientation..this doesn’t mean they ‘ve changed. If u gay u gay,just like if u black,u black, regardless of bleaching..

  2. Francis
    April 30, 06:58 Reply

    SMH. *sighs and goes back to Tiwa/TeeBillz drama*

  3. Francis
    April 30, 07:00 Reply

    Keep pressing that delete button biko. Na these kain people dey evolve into MGMs that will not allow person rest with their “dont shame your family. goan marry and be responsible” rants.

  4. Mandy
    April 30, 07:02 Reply

    This is my problem with this argument of choice. How do you willfully and with a sound mind choose the kind of life that is secret and fraught with life-threatening danger? Who does that? Who decides to put himself in the position where he could get caught one day and killed? It’s not even like armed robbery where the robbers HAVE to steal and plunder becos its their hustle. In that case, necessity warranted the risk.
    In this case, if you say you chose to be gay, there’s no necessity. Just too much risk. And yet that’s the kind of life you choose? What if you get lynched before that convenient age of 35 when you can flip the switch?
    Gay people who peddle this argument of choice are deluded. And straight people who do so are stupid.

  5. ambivalentone
    April 30, 07:46 Reply

    Lol @ full splits on a BBC. Gay men can never stop being gay. The environmental influences Simba preaches only forces you to live according to the dictates of the niche u live in. So is sexuality fluid in just one person? NO.

  6. Dickson Clement
    April 30, 08:28 Reply

    It’s good to have an opinion, it’s equally good to allow other people live with theirs. I personally won’t delete people from my contact list for having very conflicting ideologies. Heck! That’s very uncivil, beyond homosexuality, the life-style and all there is sometin to learn or gain from every individual you meet. If they do not pose a physical threat, you have to learn to accommodate those conflicting ideas.

    • Francis
      April 30, 08:47 Reply

      Nna continue accommodating oh. My paranoia no go gree me abeg. That’s why there are peeps here that till date I’m averse to meeting as I don’t just trust them based on how they think.

      Everyone deal with your ogbonge demons on your own time biko. No carry am come scatter my end. #RantOver.

      • Francis
        April 30, 08:48 Reply

        Whenever they are through dealing with their demons, I can reconsider the friendship cause life is all about second chances ?

    • Mandy
      April 30, 08:48 Reply

      Isn’t he allowed to accomodate his desire not to be affiliated with people who are apparently lying to themselves and peddling that lie?

      • Bradley
        April 30, 09:27 Reply

        @mandy, I tire o. Help me ask that question.
        Everybody has their limits to tolerance, my bbm is my space, can’t I do as I please with it?

  7. Cho
    April 30, 09:09 Reply

    So if people don’t agree with your opinion or live up to your expectation you delete them? You will soon end up friendless.

  8. Bradley
    April 30, 09:25 Reply

    @cho, deleting these people has nothing to do with conflicting opinions, it’s my bbm, not the mtn directory, I choose who stays and who goes.
    Secondly, I think people who peddle this lie to themselves are capable of things I’d rather stay away from.

  9. Delle
    April 30, 10:00 Reply

    Oh yes o, apparently, some guys have a secret ‘Straight to Gay’ and vice-versa button on the side of their bellies. All they need do is click on it when the time comes.

    I just recently had a bout with one of such guys on facebook yday who said he ‘MADE’ himself bisexual and as such, we all can (and should) do same to live in peace in this country. So I guess, we have so many ‘gay-switchers’ than we think. Pathetic, I must say. Really pathetic.

  10. Dickson Clement
    April 30, 10:46 Reply

    Common’ guys! People will always have conflicting ideas on subjects- be it politics, religion, education or business! I bet even some of your blood relations will oppose some of your core values! Do u isolate them based on these minute things. @ Francis, if this guy were to be a business partner who brings business deals or ideas that equate to millions, or if he was the head of a multi co-operation and had the ability to boost your career, would your Paranoia allow him to stay on ur bbm list with his ‘gay switch’ theory??

    • Francis
      April 30, 11:09 Reply

      ??? I don’t go into business with peeps whose business practices I’m not 100% comfortable with. That’s why I quit a profitable business venture with my lil bro and I doubt I’ll be entering another one with him cause lately he’s been showing off some really retarded views of life and I aint gonna risk someone holding my money to ransom cause I’m gay ???.

      I like money but I can’t sacrifice my peace of mind for it that’s why I live within my means to avoid stories that touch like brokeness.

      Please note that I’m not talking about canceling people completely outta of my life just because I can’t stand how they think. I’m talking about limiting your access to my person. Can’t have you close by where I can make the mistake of revealing shit you could use against me when your demons decide to go on rampage.

      Summary: If I feel you can do me harm, I keep you at distance with minimal access to my personal stuff. So if BBM is my world and I risk seeing your ******** face everyday and being reminded of what a douche you are, I’m blocking you one time.

  11. Terra
    April 30, 11:00 Reply

    Even if Tim never sleeps with another man for the rest of his life, he’s still gay. People still think sexuality is all about the sex act. Smh

  12. doe eyed monster
    April 30, 11:10 Reply

    Lol…thats how boo said he wants to be straight. Said its a sin. I cant even think of that right now. So much going on.

      • JustJames
        April 30, 13:42 Reply

        Really delle? Someone is in emotional turmoil and you’re shouting yippee.

        @DOM please leave the mofo and move on before he manages to completely damage you emotionally. It may be hard but you’ll be glad you did in the long run. You could try to convince him that he’s being delusional but try not to let it do a number in you too.

        • ambivalentone
          April 30, 16:13 Reply

          Ahan!!! Is there some place offline you guys crossed paths? Since yesterday, I bin don dey see darts

        • Delle
          April 30, 17:31 Reply

          Keep coming honey, just keep coming.

        • doe eyed monster
          May 01, 10:50 Reply

          I am trying to be the supportive boo in this..i know its a phase that most people go through and I don’t want to lose him by the time the phase is get? As for leaving me emotionally drained, well, I have just decided to block that part… I am helping him in his quest for answers.

          • ambivalentone
            May 01, 14:11 Reply

            hmmmm. I wonder what name u wud choose when u get tired of the back-and-forth business. “steely eyed gremlin”, “love sucks realist”? Its nt worth it in the end

  13. Khaleesi
    April 30, 11:30 Reply

    Sigh!!! Like I always say, internalized homophobia is lurking all around, waiting to leap out and slash at you even when you dint expect it, that’s exactly what happened here. I dont delete such pple from my life, i simply realise that we have differing views about life and i accord them a small and insignificant space in my life until they naturally drop off. I believe everyone is entitled to their views, so if you believe that you have a gay switch I’ll leave you be in peace with your dumb beliefs, so long as they help you sleep better at night, who am I to interfere?
    Being gay goes far beyond sexual intercourse, you might succeed in remaining celibate for the rest of your life, but in all likelihood your attraction to men will always remain firmly in place! Deal with it!

    April 30, 11:46 Reply

    doe eyed monster! u mind telling us about it?

    April 30, 12:10 Reply

    One thing y’all don’t understand is that been gay in Nigeria can make things look awkward for us… understanding our self’s takes phases! Its only when we start telling our self the truth that we can get exactly what it is to be Gay! This guys are yet to understand those things, and no matter how you try explaining to them they won’t concur… just give them time by the time they try it out with em real bitches they would get to where you are…
    “I can stop this act whenever I want” is just their way of denying themselves that they Gay

    • doe eyed monster
      May 01, 10:55 Reply

      Exactly!! Most don’t even reach the level of being with a lady before they come back.

  16. Wayfaring Stranger
    April 30, 16:00 Reply

    I don’t get how you’d be deleting people off your list because they’re not saying what you want to hear. The friendship you had with them clearly wasn’t that deep in the first place and then you just latched on to the first excuse available to get rid of them.

    • Francis
      April 30, 16:05 Reply

      When you’re trying to come to terms with being gay and enjoying life as a gay man, you can’t have winches whispering in ya ear that you’re waisting ya time as par being gay doesn’t pay ????.

      Best to keep those people far away less you go back to being suididal and depressed about the whole “gayism” thing.

      • Wayfaring Stranger
        April 30, 16:50 Reply

        If that sort of stuff happened to me, I’ll try to understand more, and not delete them while they’re still typing. People are still coming to terms with themselves, I could even help educate them a bit.

        It wouldn’t even be an issue because everyone is entitled to their opinions, and if in the end we arrive at an impasse on the subject, we’d proceed to talk about other things.

        • Francis
          April 30, 16:57 Reply

          Education things?! Nna why stress myself when Google is there? I’m trying to combat the wrinkle above my nose without resorting to botox.

          Seriously though there are some people that are just not open to any form of education at all. Asin they’ve made up their minds gbam.

  17. Jason
    April 30, 17:47 Reply

    This is such a stupid notion. So is this guy now all of a sudden going to decide he wants to eat pussy and live for the Lord? It’s bad enough being gay but for people like him to make it seem as though you choose to be gay isn’t helping the fight for equality. Will he one day decide to become DL if he can’t get satisfaction from his wife or girlfriend? This whole idea of choosing tone gay infuriates me.

    • Delle
      April 30, 22:02 Reply

      “…it’s bad enough being gay…”

      What the eff?!

  18. Tobee
    April 30, 21:18 Reply

    Nice picture to go with the story. As has been rightly pointed out, several environmental and genetic factors determine sexual orientation and choosing to act on one’s inclinations is probably the only aspect of sexual behaviour that can be consciously controlled.

    I have also met with the idea of ‘switching’ off the gay behavioural ‘circuit’ at the appropriate time. Initially, it was irritating; but afterwards I thought it may an attempt at asserting some control over an unwanted situation to make it more bearable. If one thinks he can voluntarily switch off being gay, then he can conveniently ignore the consequences of being ‘permamently’ gay. While this is obviously self-deceit, it is rationalisation in one of its finest forms; which would be unnecessary if the individual was at ease with his sexuality – the problem of internalised homophobia!

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