THE SPITE OF THE NIGERIAN GAY MAN
His name is Abubakar Malaika, popularly known as Zamani.
We first met in 2018 in Lagos. We got so close that he even got to spend some time in my house back then, when I used to live with my family. Then I moved to Abuja in 2019 and lost contact with him.
However, we reconnected early last month on Tinder, where I told him I was now based in Abuja. He signified interest in wanting to come over. I was cool with it. He asked for a little assistance with his transport fare, saying that the person he was coming to meet would give him the money back. I obliged and made a transfer of 6,000 naira to him. It was two weeks or so before I heard from him saying his money was complete and he’d be coming on a Sunday.
He arrived at my place on Sunday evening and we went to the market together. Monday was a public holiday, so we were home all day. Later that evening, he told me he’d be going to meet the man who was supposed to give him his transport fare back to Benin. I told him it was fine, asking him to be back before 8 PM, because where I stay was recently robbed, and so, there was a strict policy that all passenger gates be locked at 8 PM and the main gate closed by 10 PM prompt.
He was out till past 8 and I called him, telling him that unless he plans to spend the night out, he should please come back, to avoid issues with the management. He came back a few minutes to 9 PM, angry that I cut his date short and that he didn’t get the chance to collect the money. I wondered how long he needed to simply ask the man for the money that he supposedly promised he’d give him. I also told him that he needn’t have come back. He could have spent the night with the man if he wanted to, and he snapped that he didn’t plan to sleep out anywhere.
On Tuesday morning, I went to work, leaving him in the house. When I got back by 6 PM, he told me he was going to meet someone who would help him with the money he needs. I knew it was a hookup but I didn’t say anything. I wondered why he wouldn’t just be honest about his movements; heck, I’d seen him buzzing away on Grindr the previous day. I reminded him to be back before 8. I also told him that I would be having over guests by 7. I’d hoped he would be out of the house to guarantee me and my guests some privacy.
At exactly 7 PM, my guests (two guys) arrived, and suddenly, Zamani was like he wasn’t going out again. I told him I’d already told my friends that he would be going out, and if he had changed his mind, he would have to stay in the empty living room that served as my waiting area (I live in a two-bedroom apartment I share with a flatmate, hence the living room serving as our waiting area) while I tell my friends that he wouldn’t be going out anymore, so they’d be comfortable with his presence.
Zamani was angered by this and flared up in the presence of my friends, before storming out. I chased after him from the topmost floor where I stay to the second floor, where I caught up with him. I tried to reason with him and all he said was a curt “It’s fine”, before saying that he would wait in the bar that was on the ground floor.
I was with my friends till about 8:45-ish. They left and I went to meet Zamani, where he was sitting and brooding. I tried talking to him but he wasn’t having it. At about 9:15, he stood up and walked out on me toward the gate of the building. I asked him where he was headed and he said he was going to meet a friend. This friend was a Grindr hookup who had come to see him with a car. I asked him if he was sleeping out and he said no. I told him that means he couldn’t be with that guy, seeing as it was getting to 10. He assured me that they were just going to talk. I watched him get into the car, and the next thing I knew, the car was zooming off. The time was 9:30 PM.
I called him, asking him where they were going because I really didn’t want any issues with the management of the building. In response, he shouted at me to leave him alone. I told him that if he was not in the house by 9:45 and the gates get locked, he would have to find somewhere else to sleep, because I would not beg the security to open the gate for him. He returned five minutes later, fuming about how his date had vexed and asked him if he was staying with a relative that won’t allow him sleep out (meaning, he gave the guy the wrong impression and was also trying to lie to me). The situation escalated into an argument, and even when I was on a call with my mother at some point, he was yelling at the top of his voice at me, clearly wanting to be heard by my caller.
He later told me that he wanted to go back home and that I should give him the money for his trip. I reminded him that that wasn’t our agreement regarding his trip to Abuja. He got even more pissed off and there was some more shouting.
I eventually slept off. I woke up on Wednesday morning and tried to speak to him about what happened, and he snapped that I should forget it, that it was past. As I got dressed for work and started heading out, a part of me was cautioning me to not go to work, that I should call in sick and stick around at home, just to monitor the situation with Zamani.
But I reasoned that he couldn’t possibly do anything to hurt me, seeing as we’d known each other so long, and had gotten close enough for him to even visit me at my family house.
I really should have listened to my gut.
When I got to the office, I remembered that I’d forgotten my laptop at home and I started calling Zamani to know if he was home for me to come collect my laptop. I’d left my house keys with him. He didn’t answer my call. I called him six times, none of which went through. I began to panic and took an immediate Bolt ride back home. I had to break in, because nobody was answering my knocks.
And my heart almost stopped when I walked into what was now an almost-emptied room.
Zamani had robbed me!
My laptop, iPad, perfumes, water bottle, original Apple charger, original Samsung charger, Slot-branded power bank, backpack, and a host of other things that were in the bag – they were all gone!
He’d mercifully left my certificates and files that were on my TV stand.
I raced to the nearest bus station, the one he claimed to have come to Abuja with, and the staff there said they had no record of him coming or leaving. That was when a text from him came in. He was asking for the password to my iPad, adding that he would return my things to me that evening.
By 6 PM, when I didn’t hear from him, I went to the police station where I made a report. When the police called him, his responses were rude and boastful, as he said that they couldn’t do anything to him.
Later that evening, somebody who said he was his friend called me using Zamani’s line, demanding for the sum of 150, 000 naira for my things to be returned. I begged and begged and the friend hung up.
When I didn’t comply with the money transfer, Zamani called and threatened to destroy my things. I even got an alert indicating that my iPad had gone offline on my iCloud, so that I couldn’t track it that way.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. What had I done to this guy? I welcomed him into my home and tried to teach him the discipline involved in staying at my place – and he was repaying me with this???
From then till now, I haven’t heard from Zamani or seen him or my things. He has even blocked me across all social media platforms. I have tried a couple of avenues to try and get to him, including a queer group called National Kito Alert, which asked me for 5, 000 naira for them to track him. I paid 4, 000 naira, and till now, I have gotten no result from them.
I reached out to JP Crime Fighter, and following the post he made, it would seem that word got back to Zamani, and to defend his actions, he’s been telling people that I raped him, and he stealing from me was payback. A couple of people have entered my social media inbox to say nonsense to me about how I deserved to be robbed for what I did to Zamani. This is a hateful lie that is peddled by a spiteful thief.
This whole situation has gotten to the point where even my family now knows I was robbed and things are strained between me and my parents.
However, I will try to move on and get past the theft. And may Abubakar Malaika aka Zamani get what’s coming to him someday soon.
Written by Dede
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29 Comments
Xhris
July 03, 10:05Omor…
Eric
July 03, 10:19Omoo!! And to think I was texting this dude on tinder just before he traveled is scary.
Pezaro
July 03, 12:26A part of me sympathetizes with you but another part does not for obvious reasons. The red flags were there ffs, if it smells like sh*t then it is definitely sh*t. Stories like this leaves me wondering how much longer it will take for us to learn our lesson. You just can’t know someone enough, you can’t trust them enough, let’s be guided.
Sorry for the loss of your items, I’m sure time will heal this too.
Nel💚
July 03, 13:38Exactly.
How could he not see them?
Ade
July 06, 14:49I totally agree with you..when something isn’t right, then it isn’t right, stop having second guesses ..anyways it’s a sad one and I’m deeply saddened about this….sorry about this and accept my sympathy..
Pink Panther
July 03, 14:25“You just can’t know someone enough.”
Very wise words.
Majidadi
November 08, 12:23Very apt!
Nel💚
July 03, 13:42I’m sorry Dede, but how could you not see all the red flags?
Normally, from the account numbers he sent to you, he could be traced.
JP crime fighter….lol….Those ones?….Mtcheew!
Pjay
July 03, 14:26Your policing behaviour was excessive sef. Allow the boy to enjoy his life. No excuse for what he did but maybe if you had allowed him to go hustle, this would not have happened. You kept monitoring him upandan and did not allow him to do what he came to do in AbJ because he was obviously not there for you. If he returns home late, let him sleep outside now. Sheybe he doesn’t have sense ni. Otutu a ko logbon. I also don’t understand why he stayed with you if his business was with his other people.
Vee
July 03, 14:41So u’re tryna say that if you invite someone to stay with you… You just leave them to misbehave all in the name of enjoying urself…
U Betta wise up!!!
Pink Panther
July 03, 15:12So your houseguest starts to act in ways that go contrary to the rules of your environment, and you simply let them be, because you want them to enjoy life?
Lol. Okay.
Mandy
July 03, 15:14It’s sha mouth some of us like to make on the Internet. But let them have to wear those shoes in real life, and see how quickly they’ll NOT do the things they preach online.
trystham
July 03, 21:21In an area with set times for opening and closing gates? It’s like u want to sleep outside. My own is sha let ur ppl know u dinnor sleep in my house the day u have chosen to die.
And Mandy, Pjay ya wèrè gan oooo😂😂😂
Demi
July 04, 21:27I’m gonna have to agree with pjay on this… you can’t try to control an adult for godsakes.. you have impressed on him about the time the gate closes severally, no need antagonising the foolish boy with calls and all that.. he’s old enough, let him sleep outside and sort himself out. No need for long talks and fights.. he breaks the rule and probably calls me to beg the gate man, next day I’m ushering you outta my place, ce fini.. the real relationship wasn’t very defined, are you guys sex buddies?? Because he showed some guts shouting in front of your guests while staying in your house…
All in all, I would makesure i punish that goat no matter what.. noone can try such thing with me and go scot free, lai lai.. I won’t even call u or beg, nah, I’ll only tell you to have fun with it and watch his back… I’ll swallow the hurt and plan a very sweet payback that won’t be any time soon, he wouldn’t know what hit him when I’m done..
Eghosa
July 03, 14:36On this one I put a little blame on the writer, what did you expect from a self declared sex worker… whatever agreement you make with a sex worker changes as their services changes… since him staying in your house now limited his other runs and he was not informed of this earlier perhaps you would have expected new plans negotiation. Ask straight men who patronize sex workers.
It’s just sad that this thieving idiot guy will still have many people running after him for “stuff”. I hope you are able to recover your things but sadly I can’t even wish that people learn their lessons, you will still import sex workers because you have the means to and that is fine, it be ready for what comes out of it. Sex work is messy and so is patronizing a sex worker.
Blackie
July 03, 15:08You deserve what you got. A cheap low life runs boy came to you house to do his ten ten kobo runs and failed to attract any buyer and he got fustrated with his dirty self and everything around him. Then he started disrepecting you in your own house, by going out and coming home against your wish and engaging you in a shouting match. At the end he wanted money from you to go home that was never discussed, and the following day you left your house for him and went to work? With all the red flag showing everywhere. And now you want people to sympathise with you and your foolishness. Next time take a stand and oder any rubbish out of your house as well as your life.
Pink Panther
July 03, 15:11This is the most callous thing I’ve ever read.
Sweetcandy
July 03, 15:22All I can say is move on and try to heal, I know it’s hard am not going to judge ur mistakes cos we all make one as humans we are. With that said the good u did for the guy will surely be his waterloo he will meet what he is looking for. Sending u love and light.
Eclectic
July 03, 17:08All these kine story dey turn my belle. First of all, he indicated interest to come to Abuja to do what? I really don’t know how these lads of today intend to make it in life if they already think petty theft is a way for them. Just look at how this one has Destroyed himself with his face splashed on kito diary. Please edit the story and include his phone number. (Thinking out loud– is there a way number search can be done here, like a data base of kito numbers, so that when a person inputs a number, if the owner is an exposed kito, the number will ruturn a search with their picture )
Brainie
December 06, 18:42Interesting thinking and an interesting suggestions at that 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Please, This would be very useful in reducing all this story that touches the heart.
But I laugh. This hook up thing. You have to be really careful. People are more than their gay identities. This gay sympathy that have been so worked into our minds is costing some people a lot, like this dear writer. 😞
S.Freude
July 03, 17:24Disrespect once condoned, breeds disrespect. Stomach once and see it repeat.
@OP: Next time, at the earliest instance of contempt, put the boy in a car back to their destination (or give him the tfare back even though unplanned). This will give you peace. You should not be engaging in a fighting match with your (probably) younger guest. Seeing as he was desperate and without money, if you still wanted him to stay longer in your house, then as Eghosa mentioned, renegotiate what he is getting from you. Or better still, dismiss him right away.
Life teaches us. You’ll recoup what you have lost.
trystham
July 03, 21:28Well, I dunno, I prolly wouldn’t have kicked him out when I wanted to have my orgy. He’d stay in the second room or I’d prolly reschedule my fuck appointments so as not to embarrass all parties involved BUT I will make him uncomfortable. Haaaaaaa, ó ma fi ẹnu fẹ́ ara ẹ̀ bí abèbè
Let me not forget to say THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!! 😠😠😠
Iphenn
July 04, 04:36I don’t know what to say to you. But please take it easy on yourself. It is not a crime to welcome someone open heartedly to your home. Sending love from me to you.
Tariq
July 05, 01:42They’ll never learn!
With red flags everywhere, u condoned him until he dealt with you.
Ose.. Mr good host… Hosting rubbish!
On the first sign of disrespect or unacceptable behavior, I’ll kick you out. I don’t have patience for nonsense.
Blackie
July 05, 12:20Well said, truth is always bitter, hope pink panther will not label your comment callous as he did to mine.
Opel
July 05, 06:02How could you be so unreasonable to yourself. It was all clear that if had wanted to kill you,. you simply would have laid your neck to be hatcheted. What other point else were you seeking to validate a kito. This is not love nor kindness rather a hate against your own life. Wise up dude. Lesson learnt though unwarrantedly.
Dunder
July 17, 18:14I’m sorry you went through this.
From my limited understanding, being gay is about attraction to the same sex, not a poverty of personal values. My libertarian leanings makes me support the right of two willing adults to participate in the sex trade and recognise also the rights of those who abstain. I’m personally just as disappointed when I hear of ladies who think their gender, looks or age is a license to sell sex. If anyone is to stay in my house, they won’t be whoring for cash and if they are whoring for cash, the business should afford them accomodation elsewhere. No need for your sermons or his yelling. No need for drawing lines in the apartment and begging the gateman. You don’t share the same values. His squatting with you should never have happened. The fact that he is ready to shift base without a solid plan says it all. When you saw this guy chatting up customers for money, you should have known it was game over. Being gay isn’t a job and your flat is not an office.
Imagine if he had taken the chance to rob a loud customer and that one came banging on your gates with area boys in the morning with everyone heading out for work.
Respectfully, were you in any form of emotional or intimate entanglement with this guy? Did he know any secrets that would warrant his rudeness and rage? Was your “helping” just as transactional but not as transparent as the customers he tried to sell himself to? Because I think he was lying to you as he was them. The timing of the hook-ups and how they fell through seems to me like he’s not the top brass of his trade and he would have stolen your items whether or not he got paid for getting laid. His not wanting to leave for an overnight tryst suggests he didn’t want to be locked out and lose the chance to clear the house in peace. He had his eyes on those items from the beginning. No lay would have paid him enough to buy a used apple laptop.
From his disinhibition, rage, desperation, constant brokeness, his choice of a day job and the readiness with which his collaborators aligned to get you to transfer money, I think your items have been liquidated to fuel some past highs. Let go and pick the lessons. Let his other victims pursue vengeance. You have too much to lose.
This story, though very painful, is a clarion call to audit our relationships, especially those ones in which we have more to lose and with old characters who suddenly resurface or people whose recent past is not known. There are different statistics about crimes and drug use in Nigeria. You may be sharing a part of your life with such data.
blessedking
August 05, 17:11I’m so sorry for that
you really don’t deserve that
if you truly need help to find him
I Will be glad to help you
Onye
April 17, 20:22Omg, so that is why Zamani disappeared from social media. I feel like I watched him grow up on Facebook. He was quite the hustler but I never sent him money. It is easy to read people like him. I am sorry that this happened to you Dede. And I am sorry for Zamani, that you turned down this dark path.