WHAT NOW?

I got to know Iyke through Vincent. Vincent was my friend and they were dating, Vincent and Iyke. And whenever they had any misunderstanding, I was frequently called on to be their mediator.

And during this period, I was dating Hakeem, who was friends with Vincent. I’d actually gotten to know – and become friends with – Vincent through Hakeem.

See the entanglement?

Well, I’m not done.

So Vincent – after we became friends – didn’t like that I was dating his friend, Hakeem. He thought of me as someone who Hakeem didn’t deserve because Hakeem was a serial and unrepentant flirt who didn’t know how to stay committed. These were the things he believed of Hakeem, not that I saw any of these traits in my boyfriend. Or maybe I simply loved him too much to notice. I should have; I should have wondered about why he was so guarded with his phone and personal space. But I never did, not even when Vincent said all the negative things he said to draw out my suspicions.

Hakeem, on his own part, soon began to notice the growing closeness between Vincent and I, and he didn’t approve. He – rightfully, it may seem – didn’t trust Vincent. He would often complain that he believes Vincent is jealous of our relationship and may want to find a way to end us.

To be honest, I could never understand their relationship, how they could be friends and never have anything nice to say about each other. Vincent would talk about how Hakeem had once tried to force him to have sex with him even though he’d made it clear to Hakeem that such would never happen between them. And Hakeem would call Vincent a desperate bitch who wanted him but who he would never have because he wasn’t attracted to Vincent.

This was the kind of drama and entanglement I found myself in, especially when you add the fact that I was also invited into Vincent’s relationship with Iyke.

Initially, when I met Vincent, I didn’t want us to get close. I didn’t want to be friends with any of Hakeem’s friends. I am a very private person and didn’t want the drama that could come from making my boyfriend’s people my people. But Vincent didn’t give me a chance. He sent me a friend request on Facebook. He became a frequent visitor to my house, first whenever Hakeem was there, and then all by himself. Then he started becoming friends with my friends. He was a very sociable guy and there was no erecting any barriers against him.

It also didn’t help that Hakeem was always dragging me to visit his dear friend, Vincent, despite my protests that I wasn’t comfortable with that. Whenever I complained, he would say that I just don’t like his friends. And I’d be like: “Dude, I’m dating you, not you and your friends.” But he would dismiss my objections.

Well, imagine my surprise when he started complaining about our closeness after I started becoming friends with Vincent. I however assured him that Vincent would not come between us.

Eventually, when Hakeem and I did break up, Vincent had nothing to do with it. We had our issues; he had his insecurities and I could only deal with them for so long. He felt that I was in the relationship for just the sex, and not because I cared about him or loved him. Which is a lie, but it’ll be story for another day.

After our breakup, I intentionally began avoiding Hakeem’s friends because I wanted space and didn’t want to be explaining things to anyone. He however took to telling Vincent about us and all the things I supposedly did wrong, which of course meant that Vincent was always on my case, querying me about why I did this or did that, that Hakeem said this and Hakeem said that.

By the way, Hakeem was the one who called it quits between us, even though I wanted to try, to hold on to something to make things work between us. He didn’t. He chose to break up with me.

But he must have expected me to be down in the dumps post-breakup, because he got very angry that I began moving on very quickly after the breakup. I had a weekend getaway in that period, and to him, I was living the life. This must have made his case for him that I never loved him.

If you’re wondering how I got to know this much about my ex’s feelings, wonder no more: Vincent took his middleman job very seriously. Predictably, Vincent didn’t come to talk to me with the intention of getting us back together: he simply wanted to make an “I told you so” case. He would remind me of all the times he told me that Hakeem was a disaster and I wouldn’t listen because my sense of reasoning and sound judgment were clouded by love (his words, not mine).

Anyway, in a typical “las-las, we will be alright”, I moved on, and both Vincent and Hakeem relocated to Port Harcourt. Life happened generally and Vincent and I weren’t frequently in touch. He was always busy with work, and I was rounding up my degree program and interning with an organization. So, yes, everyone got busy and went missing in action in each other’s lives.

And then, on a weekend, out of the blue, I got a call from Vincent. He wanted me to call Iyke (remember him, right?) and ask him why he wasn’t picking up his phone and why he (Iyke) was acting cold toward him (Vincent). I thought enough time had passed to excuse me from these mediator duties, but apparently not. But I wasn’t surprised that Vincent still depended on me for this; you see, back when we were all in the same city and I often interceded on his behalf, Iyke listened to me. it soon became apparent that he trusted my judgment and thought of me as the cool, calm, level headed one between me and Vincent. So, of course, Vincent would reach out to me to get across to his man and get answers as to why he was treating him however he was treating him.

I did call Iyke that day, but he didn’t answer my call at the time. Truth be told, we weren’t particularly close. And we especially didn’t talk much or meet at all after Vincent relocated. Whenever I asked Vincent about him, he would brush off the topic as though he didn’t want to talk about Iyke. I got the impression that they’d broken up, so I wasn’t sure why Vincent still wanted me get involved.

Anyway, after a few tries, Iyke finally answered one of my calls. The connection was bad though, and I had to hang up. He called back later and expressed his delight that I called him. He said he’d lost my number months ago and had tried getting it back by asking Vincent, but Vincent wouldn’t give it to him. He was also surprised that I called and sounded excited to be talking to me.

We had a long and good conversation. He confirmed what I suspected: that he and Vincent were broken up, and that it was Vincent who walked out on him. The breakup was made easy by the fact that Vincent moved out of the city. He said some things that I could relate with: that he’d gotten tired of how often they fought, how Vincent wanted everything to be on his own terms, otherwise you’d be the villain.

I knew this. An instance of this is when, on one Saturday after a crazy week I’d had, I wanted to simply veg out and rest all day. And Vincent had called, wanting me to send him airtime. I don’t do mobile banking and I simply didn’t have the strength to go out in search of airtime sellers. So, I told him I would send it later in the day. But then, I slept off and forgot. The next day, he called and began berating me for refusing to send him airtime, that I should’ve simply said I wasn’t going to instead of raising his hopes and then dashing them. I apologized and tried to explain that I’d honestly forgotten. But he wouldn’t hear it. To him, I did him dirty and intentionally so.

After that conversation, Iyke became a frequent caller. He was calling all the time, even if it was just to know how I was doing. I’m a sucker for communication, and I was loving the attention I was getting from this guy. And this is when things began to get complicated. He was my friend’s ex boyfriend. And I couldn’t bring up the fact that we were friendly with each other to Vincent, because Vincent and I weren’t so good at the time. Or maybe, I simply didn’t want his negativity to ruin the good thing that was developing between me and Iyke.

And it did develop.

And then, it blossomed.

We began to get all lovey-dovey on each other, and before I knew it, he was asking me out. I said yes.

Oh, how I loved how he loves. He made me appreciate the meaning of companionship and friendship in a relationship. He hadn’t wooed me with the intention of us dating right off the bat; he’d wanted us to build a friendship first before the romance. He was very sweet and charming, and he blew my mind away.

But you see, good things don’t come whole to you. Iyke is a bisexual man who’d be getting married to a woman soon and starting a family. He still wants a relationship with me, everything to be just the way it is – even though he’ll soon be committed to a woman for life.

In fact, he dropped the news of his impending nuptials on me out of the blue. In all the time I’d known him, I’d never known him to be with a woman. I don’t even think he’s ever had sex with a woman. In fact, I am positive that this intended wife would be his first time with the opposite sex. But his bisexuality wasn’t a surprise to me; he’d always talked about his feelings for women, although certain things held him back from exploring that part of his sexuality.

When I wanted to know what this meant for the future of our relationship, he assured me that I would still have him. He made promises of how he’d always be there for me.

But he wouldn’t be everything to me, would he? There will always be a third person in our relationship.

And maybe a fourth, because according to Iyke, Vincent had started pestering him with calls, wanting back into his life. He hasn’t even told Vincent that he is getting married and he doesn’t want him to know.

Vincent, meanwhile, has called to tell me that he is no longer friends with Hakeem. Why, I asked. He said because Hakeem began dating someone after we broke up. And after he, Vincent, became friends with the new boyfriend, Hakeem had had enough. They fought and then ended their friendship.

I wonder what he will say to me if he knew that the man he is trying to get back together with has been my man for quite some time. And that he is all set to marry a woman.

I wish Iyke well though. I just do not know what to make of this situationship. I have gotten to love him very much, so much it hurts to consider breaking up with him over this, as much as it hurts to stay on with him and never have him as wholly as I want.

So, what now?

Written by Black Coffee