I got to know Iyke through Vincent. Vincent was my friend and they were dating, Vincent and Iyke. And whenever they had any misunderstanding, I was frequently called on to be their mediator.

And during this period, I was dating Hakeem, who was friends with Vincent. I’d actually gotten to know – and become friends with – Vincent through Hakeem.

See the entanglement?

Well, I’m not done.

So Vincent – after we became friends – didn’t like that I was dating his friend, Hakeem. He thought of me as someone who Hakeem didn’t deserve because Hakeem was a serial and unrepentant flirt who didn’t know how to stay committed. These were the things he believed of Hakeem, not that I saw any of these traits in my boyfriend. Or maybe I simply loved him too much to notice. I should have; I should have wondered about why he was so guarded with his phone and personal space. But I never did, not even when Vincent said all the negative things he said to draw out my suspicions.

Hakeem, on his own part, soon began to notice the growing closeness between Vincent and I, and he didn’t approve. He – rightfully, it may seem – didn’t trust Vincent. He would often complain that he believes Vincent is jealous of our relationship and may want to find a way to end us.

To be honest, I could never understand their relationship, how they could be friends and never have anything nice to say about each other. Vincent would talk about how Hakeem had once tried to force him to have sex with him even though he’d made it clear to Hakeem that such would never happen between them. And Hakeem would call Vincent a desperate bitch who wanted him but who he would never have because he wasn’t attracted to Vincent.

This was the kind of drama and entanglement I found myself in, especially when you add the fact that I was also invited into Vincent’s relationship with Iyke.

Initially, when I met Vincent, I didn’t want us to get close. I didn’t want to be friends with any of Hakeem’s friends. I am a very private person and didn’t want the drama that could come from making my boyfriend’s people my people. But Vincent didn’t give me a chance. He sent me a friend request on Facebook. He became a frequent visitor to my house, first whenever Hakeem was there, and then all by himself. Then he started becoming friends with my friends. He was a very sociable guy and there was no erecting any barriers against him.

It also didn’t help that Hakeem was always dragging me to visit his dear friend, Vincent, despite my protests that I wasn’t comfortable with that. Whenever I complained, he would say that I just don’t like his friends. And I’d be like: “Dude, I’m dating you, not you and your friends.” But he would dismiss my objections.

Well, imagine my surprise when he started complaining about our closeness after I started becoming friends with Vincent. I however assured him that Vincent would not come between us.

Eventually, when Hakeem and I did break up, Vincent had nothing to do with it. We had our issues; he had his insecurities and I could only deal with them for so long. He felt that I was in the relationship for just the sex, and not because I cared about him or loved him. Which is a lie, but it’ll be story for another day.

After our breakup, I intentionally began avoiding Hakeem’s friends because I wanted space and didn’t want to be explaining things to anyone. He however took to telling Vincent about us and all the things I supposedly did wrong, which of course meant that Vincent was always on my case, querying me about why I did this or did that, that Hakeem said this and Hakeem said that.

By the way, Hakeem was the one who called it quits between us, even though I wanted to try, to hold on to something to make things work between us. He didn’t. He chose to break up with me.

But he must have expected me to be down in the dumps post-breakup, because he got very angry that I began moving on very quickly after the breakup. I had a weekend getaway in that period, and to him, I was living the life. This must have made his case for him that I never loved him.

If you’re wondering how I got to know this much about my ex’s feelings, wonder no more: Vincent took his middleman job very seriously. Predictably, Vincent didn’t come to talk to me with the intention of getting us back together: he simply wanted to make an “I told you so” case. He would remind me of all the times he told me that Hakeem was a disaster and I wouldn’t listen because my sense of reasoning and sound judgment were clouded by love (his words, not mine).

Anyway, in a typical “las-las, we will be alright”, I moved on, and both Vincent and Hakeem relocated to Port Harcourt. Life happened generally and Vincent and I weren’t frequently in touch. He was always busy with work, and I was rounding up my degree program and interning with an organization. So, yes, everyone got busy and went missing in action in each other’s lives.

And then, on a weekend, out of the blue, I got a call from Vincent. He wanted me to call Iyke (remember him, right?) and ask him why he wasn’t picking up his phone and why he (Iyke) was acting cold toward him (Vincent). I thought enough time had passed to excuse me from these mediator duties, but apparently not. But I wasn’t surprised that Vincent still depended on me for this; you see, back when we were all in the same city and I often interceded on his behalf, Iyke listened to me. it soon became apparent that he trusted my judgment and thought of me as the cool, calm, level headed one between me and Vincent. So, of course, Vincent would reach out to me to get across to his man and get answers as to why he was treating him however he was treating him.

I did call Iyke that day, but he didn’t answer my call at the time. Truth be told, we weren’t particularly close. And we especially didn’t talk much or meet at all after Vincent relocated. Whenever I asked Vincent about him, he would brush off the topic as though he didn’t want to talk about Iyke. I got the impression that they’d broken up, so I wasn’t sure why Vincent still wanted me get involved.

Anyway, after a few tries, Iyke finally answered one of my calls. The connection was bad though, and I had to hang up. He called back later and expressed his delight that I called him. He said he’d lost my number months ago and had tried getting it back by asking Vincent, but Vincent wouldn’t give it to him. He was also surprised that I called and sounded excited to be talking to me.

We had a long and good conversation. He confirmed what I suspected: that he and Vincent were broken up, and that it was Vincent who walked out on him. The breakup was made easy by the fact that Vincent moved out of the city. He said some things that I could relate with: that he’d gotten tired of how often they fought, how Vincent wanted everything to be on his own terms, otherwise you’d be the villain.

I knew this. An instance of this is when, on one Saturday after a crazy week I’d had, I wanted to simply veg out and rest all day. And Vincent had called, wanting me to send him airtime. I don’t do mobile banking and I simply didn’t have the strength to go out in search of airtime sellers. So, I told him I would send it later in the day. But then, I slept off and forgot. The next day, he called and began berating me for refusing to send him airtime, that I should’ve simply said I wasn’t going to instead of raising his hopes and then dashing them. I apologized and tried to explain that I’d honestly forgotten. But he wouldn’t hear it. To him, I did him dirty and intentionally so.

After that conversation, Iyke became a frequent caller. He was calling all the time, even if it was just to know how I was doing. I’m a sucker for communication, and I was loving the attention I was getting from this guy. And this is when things began to get complicated. He was my friend’s ex boyfriend. And I couldn’t bring up the fact that we were friendly with each other to Vincent, because Vincent and I weren’t so good at the time. Or maybe, I simply didn’t want his negativity to ruin the good thing that was developing between me and Iyke.

And it did develop.

And then, it blossomed.

We began to get all lovey-dovey on each other, and before I knew it, he was asking me out. I said yes.

Oh, how I loved how he loves. He made me appreciate the meaning of companionship and friendship in a relationship. He hadn’t wooed me with the intention of us dating right off the bat; he’d wanted us to build a friendship first before the romance. He was very sweet and charming, and he blew my mind away.

But you see, good things don’t come whole to you. Iyke is a bisexual man who’d be getting married to a woman soon and starting a family. He still wants a relationship with me, everything to be just the way it is – even though he’ll soon be committed to a woman for life.

In fact, he dropped the news of his impending nuptials on me out of the blue. In all the time I’d known him, I’d never known him to be with a woman. I don’t even think he’s ever had sex with a woman. In fact, I am positive that this intended wife would be his first time with the opposite sex. But his bisexuality wasn’t a surprise to me; he’d always talked about his feelings for women, although certain things held him back from exploring that part of his sexuality.

When I wanted to know what this meant for the future of our relationship, he assured me that I would still have him. He made promises of how he’d always be there for me.

But he wouldn’t be everything to me, would he? There will always be a third person in our relationship.

And maybe a fourth, because according to Iyke, Vincent had started pestering him with calls, wanting back into his life. He hasn’t even told Vincent that he is getting married and he doesn’t want him to know.

Vincent, meanwhile, has called to tell me that he is no longer friends with Hakeem. Why, I asked. He said because Hakeem began dating someone after we broke up. And after he, Vincent, became friends with the new boyfriend, Hakeem had had enough. They fought and then ended their friendship.

I wonder what he will say to me if he knew that the man he is trying to get back together with has been my man for quite some time. And that he is all set to marry a woman.

I wish Iyke well though. I just do not know what to make of this situationship. I have gotten to love him very much, so much it hurts to consider breaking up with him over this, as much as it hurts to stay on with him and never have him as wholly as I want.

So, what now?

Written by Black Coffee

Previous Ex-Model Leaon Gordon says Jesus saved him from homosexuality and thinks the Pope doesn’t follow the word of God

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  1. Leeman
    October 22, 12:05 Reply

    You all should get together for an orgy!

  2. Pezaro
    October 22, 12:33 Reply

    Pheew! Is it just me alone that’s weary of queer entanglements? It generally doesn’t end well, the bad blood, gossip, envy is just too much baggage, local man cannot can abeg.
    I think you should rid yourself off that Vincent fellow, and as much as you feel for Iyke, be careful before committing to a man who intends to get married to a woman very soon and make sure you’re ready for all the challenges it comes with.

  3. Danté
    October 22, 12:43 Reply

    Woah… Honestly in as much as there should be some sort of loyalties in friendship but duhlin… You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your happiness. You’ve been a private person from the beginning, keep being private. If anything this would be sort of a test for you and Iyke’s relationship… If he does get back with Vincent then you know what’s up (you should probably establish your insecurities with Iyke now though so he knows what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours). Also if Vincent finds out and is livid about it then I mean it is what it is… He can either come to terms with it or be a bitter salad about it.

    Also about you being the third wheel… If it’s meant to work it will, but know you’d probably be required to put in a bit more effort when he does get married… He’d have to share affections and time and other engagements between the both of you… However you also need to ask yourself could you deal with sharing your man whilst trying to understand his situation… If you can deal with it as well as the possible heartbreak you may or may not encounter as well as the drama that would eventually come around with dating a married bisexual man then I guess you two could work it out… If not? Then baby jump ship before you start crying out your mascara unto your rainbow coloured pillow late at night

  4. Hypo
    October 22, 22:11 Reply

    Oh wow
    These names coincided with some people I know so well that I thought this was about them (Tho the Hakeem I know was called by his native name and Iyke is mostly called IK Kenny). The twist came when Vincent relocated to PH…..The four persons I know are still in Abuja

  5. Crazy indie
    October 22, 22:43 Reply

    Am very sorry…so very sorry
    As for this post on IG, am insane but what’s that fine pornstar name Biko

  6. Delle
    October 23, 01:01 Reply

    I think every decision lies with you.

    Can you be with a man who’s married with another mam without feeling cheated?

    Would you understand his need to share time between his wife and you?

    If and when kids come into the picture, what would your stake be? Trust me, kids change the dynamics of things.

    Does his intended wife know about his sexuality? If no, that puts you in an even more annoying position. Can you handle?

    So yeah, the decision totally lies with you. Whatever one you make, you need to feel good about it. If Iyke is convinced he is getting married to a woman, then there’s no option for convincing him otherwise.

    Don’t also allow love keep you in a situation you’re better off without. The hardest decisions are usually the right ones.

    Be good 💓

  7. Mannie
    October 23, 01:40 Reply

    Everyone’s getting rid of Vincent, what’s holding you back?.
    Just do what makes your boat stay afloat and you’ll be fine

    • Pink Panther
      October 23, 14:15 Reply

      “Everybody’s getting rid of Vincent.” lol. My goodness, I didn’t see this until you pointed it out. Everybody indeed were getting rid of Vincent. Black Coffee, take note.

  8. Wonda Buoy
    October 24, 14:08 Reply

    All of you should set your relationship status to: It’s complicated

  9. Black Coffee
    October 24, 14:29 Reply

    OMG, thank you Pink Panther. Priorities set, we mueevee.

    Thank you everyone for your kind words.

  10. Tristan
    October 30, 10:32 Reply

    This is the reason why I don’t date within the space of my friends. I can’t deal with all the gossip, entanglements and drama. I’m a very sociable person but when it comes to my man, it’s very very private.

    Black coffee, let’s call a spade a spade. There are chances it’d be premium tears eventually if you hold on to Iyke. Talk to him and let him know your insecurities. Love isn’t enough dear. Make a decision that promises to make you happy and comfortable.

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