What’s On Your Mind… IV

What’s On Your Mind… IV

Based on the background information supplied in some KDians’ comments here, I’ve often wondered: Born This Way or Converted This Way?

A number of times on this blog, the issue of whether men are born gay or whether they are turned away from their ‘normal’ heterosexual yearnings and onto the gay path has come up. This is one issue that often twists and turns in my head like a loose bolt.

Some commenters have given instances of straight guys being turned gay after money, jobs or other favours were placed on the table to sweeten the deal. There have been insistences that these guys were totally straight previously and only agreed to be with a man on account of the material inducements.


I believe sexuality is a complex topic; the closest attempt at explaining sexual behaviour is by use of the Kinsey Scale, which presupposes that every human lies at some point along the scale, with some individuals being at either of its two extremes. I believe that these guys who are ‘converted’ are merely guys who lie closer to the heterosexual point on the scale with their bisexual side so deeply repressed (not hard to imagine in a thoroughly homophobic society such as this). The ‘conversion’ process was simply a triggering mechanism which helped them discover this deeply suppressed facet of their sexual identity.

A friend of mine disagrees with me and firmly states that every man on earth is capable of swinging either way. But most – if not all – of us know gay guys who are unable/unwilling and totally repulsed by the idea of having heterosexual intercourse. Methinks that these are guys who are at one end of the scale and therefore cannot operate at any other point along the scale. If there are guys who cannot bear the prospect of heterosexual sex, no matter how sweetened the deal is, isn’t it reasonable to think that there are guys who are their exact opposites, that is, so heterosexual that even for all the petrodollars flowing through Emirate of Qatar, they cannot bring themselves to have sex with other men. These are the guys who, no matter what, cannot be ‘converted’. So, I think that a lot of these guys who run around claiming to have been converted through the use of money or gifts or whatever else are actually gay/bisexual guys who have been living in denial or deceit, or who simply were never aware that they had or could have a bisexual side.

But that’s just my supposition. The man next to me might have a different opinion to express.


Family is Overrated.

This has become like a catchphrase on KD; every few weeks, it gets tossed out, sometimes with fiery adamance, other times with casual concurrence.

Now… *sits on ornate gilt-edged throne with manicured taloned fingernails drumming a rhythm on the armrest* …I do not totally agree that family IS overrated. I prefer to say that family CAN BE overrated. I love my (immediate) family to the furthest edges of the galaxy and back. The love we have for each other cannot by any stretch of imagination be regarded as “overrated”.

However, when for example, a sibling upon discovering that another sibling is gay, proceeds to out him to the larger society or takes other measures to make life difficult for the gay sibling, then he has shown an instance of family being overrated. I remember a story recounted by Dennis Macaulay, about a gay man who was outed to his prominent politician father by a brother, and who ended up being coerced into a hellish sham marriage. (By the way, I think the said gay man is a weakling of the worst sort, and I hope someday he wakes up and realizes that it’s never too late to snatch your life back from the greedy jaws of despair and hopelessness). Any family that would contrive such a marriage is indeed overrated, and were I to be faced with such a situation, I have no doubt in my mind what I would do – pack my bags and walk away. *flipping weave with a determined shake of my head* #TryToStopMe!

In the end, all that family connection and money will not fill that deep feeling of despair and helplessness; besides, who says you can’t (if you work hard and believe in yourself) make your own fortune?

At the end of the day, the direction of every individual’s life with respect to his family is dependent on his family dynamics. That is why the ratings of family cannot be encompassed in the absolute. Family is not overrated. It simply can be.

Written by Khaleesi

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    • Kristopher
      May 01, 09:25 Reply

      The family is for sure not overrated not to me. Can’t imagine being so heartless not to give 2 fucks about my mum despite what she has gone through on my behalf. Even if she became hostile towards my person when I eventually come out… I cN never stop loving her, it’s something words can’t explain.

      #As for the gay conversion. Some people are born that way, some dabble into it for the gains and fun.

  1. mike daemon
    May 01, 04:55 Reply

    “The conversion’ process was simply a triggering
    mechanism which helped them discover this
    deeply suppressed facet of their sexual identity”

    These line of words could be assumed as a theory, that has not only been formulated by core homosexuals themselves, but has been used by homosexuals to defend the clause “we were born gay” while some core homophobic people would disagree and say that it’s either the individual lacked ‘will power’ and as a result was able to give in to the dark side, or that he has been possessed by a ‘GAY DEMON’ (if there’s anything like that) so you see? all what we have are just theories, theories, theories, and as khaleesi right said, the human sexuality is indeed COMPLEX, that leaves me with the statement, some things just do not have an answer, but yet still some people may disagree and say, “there’s an answer for every question” but the de-bunk will be “show me who to ask” I discussed these extensive on my podcast, you guys can go see and tell me what you think here is the link: http://www.spreaker.com/user/nostringspodcast/nostrings-do-people-choose-to-be-gay

  2. Chris
    May 01, 05:10 Reply

    Some dudes are converted, have it in them? i dont know. Loads od dudes are converted in our clime due to
    enviroment and or material things, hence lots of parents dont send their wards to boarding schools anymore.
    I can count at least fifteen parents that decided against boarding schools for their offsprings so as to avoid the
    enviroment conversion technique being used on their child(ren).
    Yes a lot of dudes in Nigeria took a detour into same sex sexual affairs because of material things, got stuck in it or it bacame an habit, well, let just say some of these brothas continue the act up till today despite been married with 2 point 4 family or even along several girlfriends.

    A lot of dudes were born gay ir bi, they didnt choose it, would never have, would not want to , forget petrodollar, ‘fashy’ the enabling environent ie, Europe or America or other allowing continent. I know dude thst wishes they could switch the alternative lifestyle off ( myself included). The wahala is too much, the restraints are hellish, the frustration ‘no be here i beg’ Same sex cant hold their beloveth hands , i meant black bros in enviroment such as In Africa( dont let me single out Nigeria cause it would be unfair). Even in climes such as US or UK, rarely, i repeat, rarely would one ever see black brothers in same sex relationship being affectionate in public. ‘hen you wan die fron the disgusting or shock look you wil get, try am’ In Nigeria it eill just be desth by stoning.
    So the fact remain despite all the above hazards stated, some gay/bi dudes will remain like that unless or until Baba call them to glory or some super deliverance takes place.

    I believe nature and nurture are feasible in homosexuality elments due to what i have observed in setting such as Nigeria. I speak for myself, i wasnt converted, i wasnt abused by same sex or opposite sex and i never dabble into it for material gains or favours. I believed i am wired to have sexual feelings for people ie both sexes.

    I rest my case here. Getting ready to start my marathon from Akure to Abuja in support of the President elect.

  3. Chris
    May 01, 05:15 Reply

    Sorry i forgot to say, family is all you need sometime,
    but some family though…..i beg

  4. Jamie
    May 01, 05:21 Reply

    That someone who doesn’t drink well water is in another village where there happens to not be sachet, presumably purer water, and drinks well water doesn’t mean he is a usual well water drinker!!
    He is drinking it, not cos he loves it, but to survive!
    The conversion thing lies on the fact that:
    1. Most humans want to be irresponsible and blame others for their lives’ mistakes. An example being those Africans who shout that Europeans milked our economy dry and are the cause of poverty in our country. Ideally, yes, they did! But what of these years of independence when our people have ruled us??? There is suffering and embezzlement and heartlessness!! But it seems to be an enticing headline to blame others of our misfortunes…which is gross irresponsibility!! They had gay tendencies and acted on them!!
    2. Having sex with a mad woman or a mad man can tag you as stupid, but not really mad. That you have sex, doesn’t mean you have a virus that’s gonna direct your sexual drive!! Sexuality is not about activity or participation, but natural tendencies… Sex with a post-op female Trans doesn’t make one a Trans… I think the concept arises from the ambit of both queer and hetero peeps believing everyone is born hetero, and that it is the first time one had sex that they became gay… What of those who picked their phones and searched for people to meet??? What of the emotions they had which needed to be satisfied before doing it???

  5. Bade
    May 01, 05:21 Reply

    I believe every straight guy has a price.

  6. Masked Man
    May 01, 05:46 Reply

    I remember my neighbour who doesn’t know about my sexuality, telling me how broke he was in school and how someone introduced him to a man who would pay him 30k for his virgin ass. Of course he didn’t do it, but a line he said face him out-
    “if to say na 50k, maybe I for think to do am. No be make him fuck my nyansh?” I pretended not to hear.

    Maybe all straight guys have prices. Some do it for money, movie roles, job security, blackmail, curiosity, etc… In the end, they still bend over and gave head.

    • Chris
      May 01, 05:58 Reply

      @MaskedMan, to concur o, i often do hear my guys(homies) talk that thing
      as in, if the price is right “shebi na im wan fuck yansh” and am left wondering
      so it is about the dosh for some heh?
      since we are living in highly capitalistic society, i believe for loads of dudes, if the
      price is right, na to chop and clean mouth, I have had many things.

      • chestnut
        May 01, 06:36 Reply

        But I think there’s a difference btwn a “gay/bisexual” dude,and a dude who has sex SOLELY for favors. What I mean is, if the times are so hard that a straight guy has to sleep with men for money (though I still find it hard to understand this; but I guess individual circumstances are different), when he eventually gets rich and doesn’t crave man-sex, can u really call him gay? If a guy is “converted” with money,but then afterwards, start seeking it out for free/pleasure, I can’t really say he was “converted”; I’d agree with Khaleesi and say his repressed sexuality was triggered by that event. If I had to start sleeping with women for money today, I think I would view it purely as a business transaction, in that when I eventually become rich/connected/influential,I don’t think my innate non-sexual-attraction to women,would automatically change.
        Using the analogy up there, someone who hates,but drinks well-water,only because there isn’t any option, wouldn’t go back to the well-water he dislikes,when he’s eventually surrounded by an inexhaustable supply of bottled-water.

      • Chris
        May 01, 07:02 Reply

        @Chestnut. strange enough , one can get addicted to well water despite excess availability of bottled water, be it Eva or Nestle, that is all am saying.

  7. Masked Man
    May 01, 06:06 Reply

    I know very homophobic guys who’d bend over for the ‘right price’.

    • Chris
      May 01, 06:21 Reply

      yes as i was trying to say, i have heard and seen many things.

  8. mike daemon
    May 01, 06:11 Reply

    Having homosexual sex for money is called,
    ‘gay for pay’ while people who have it
    because its the only option; say maybe to reduce the
    (sexual) tension, are called circumstantial
    gays, I have seen someone who made this actual
    statement ‘e no dey just dey hungry me,
    except them call me’ what can you make
    of that?

  9. Chris
    May 01, 06:18 Reply

    Lailai,i will never buy into the “e no dey just hungry me, except them call me” shiite.
    An 110% dude will use his hand and imaginative skills to relieve tension, yes,
    dudes making above statements are obviously in denial. When they call you, they put a gun to your head or they drag you by your blokos, dudes like that should spare me pls.

  10. trystham
    May 01, 07:11 Reply

    Nothing IS set in stone. Not def sexuality. It is determined to a large extent by the society we are in. If we are born into a society where sex with trees is norm, evn heterosex will be foreign. Family can be over-rated. Its only just because its the smallest unit of the society we live in and come in contact with.

    Oh, I still hate gay guys who do the conversion thing. There is the place of curiousity. Everyman is naturally curious. But enticing with money and artlessly seducing a man because u want him….smh He becomes a toy.

    • mike daemon
      May 01, 07:21 Reply

      @trystham Yeah, in a way I agree with you, the ‘conversion’ thing could send a wrong message/signal to people, and encourage the mentality that homosexuals are predators, or devils looking for people to devour, or some sort of virus that could infect their already conceived perception of perfected norm.

  11. Ace
    May 01, 07:17 Reply

    I don’t know if I was born gay or learned it but one thing is certain; Since I was a kid I was imagined myself kissing the man when kissing and sex appears on T.V. When I watch straight porn I am more turned on by the guy. As a kid I remember that Olympic 2D writing book that has a man doing the high jump in mid air, I secretly kissed his groin area and I did the same for one old Milo ad that had a man running with his dick print showing, I kissed that too.

    I know I may eventually marry a woman even though the sight of a pussy just nauseates me but all I know say e be say e don tey wey I dey like man.

    • Ace
      May 01, 07:19 Reply

      *I always imagined.

    • mike daemon
      May 01, 07:24 Reply

      @Ace you may eventually marry a woman? Bleh.. Disaster Coming..!

      • Absalom
        May 01, 07:38 Reply

        And you know this for sure, how? Got a PhD in Prophecy, perhaps?

    • trystham
      May 01, 08:44 Reply

      I never had all those feelings u described. I didn’t watch much tv growing up so seeing kisses was rare. Didn’t even think it sef as I was quite heterosexually active as a child. It wasn’t until my 1st year at IJ and I had felt the crotch and pubes of my mate against my arse that sumtin ‘woke’ up in me (it was ‘lapping’ o b4 una put me in the ‘hoes from the cradle’ corner). But I did have a loooooooong time to think about me and where my feelings really lay.

  12. Absalom
    May 01, 07:18 Reply

    1. Ugh. Debating the biological basis of sexuality is like a movie that never ends. Scientists have not come to any definite conclusions and probably never will. Twin studies have produced abysmal results, which tells you that there’s an environmental factor (nurture) to why people are homo, hetero or bi.

    2. We should also refrain from writing other people’s sexuality narratives for them. If a person says they were converted then they were converted; he’s not your boyfriend so you can’t tell him how he should feel. I don’t think it’s as simple as saying “Oh, he has a repressed gay side!” Genes are not everything.

    3. Who a person fucks (no matter how regularly) and who they are inclined to love are two different things.

    4. And then when we talk about conversions why is it always the heterosexual who crosses over to *our* side? Where are the homosexual guys who get converted into fucking VAGINA? I have a hypothesis (culture-based) as to why this is so, but since this is not my field, I shall keep that to myself. 🙂

    Anyway, lemme just leave this Chromosome X and Y talk to the scientists in the house while I sit back and munch on a big, black, juicy Chromosome D! *tiptoes to my seat* 😛

  13. Masked Man
    May 01, 07:26 Reply

    Ace, tufia….you don spoil from belle dey cum.

    Absie, you don’t chew. You swallow it wHoley

    • Ace
      May 01, 07:41 Reply

      Please I never spoil oh! *Adjusts flickering halo over head*

  14. Diablo
    May 01, 08:12 Reply

    Ok, some valid points but it came across as being too serious, like a scholastic text or a project report. I like how you pointed out that family CAN BE overrated, which is a wiser choice of words, as opposed to just wrongly concluding that family is overrated like some ppl have.

  15. Dennis Macaulay
    May 01, 08:41 Reply

    I can write an epistle on guys who bend over or give up the D to another guy when in dire straits.

    Someone offered me his a** just so he can use my flat to bang women whenever I am out. Khaleesi I have so many experiences in this matter. I know a lot of unemployed guys who are willing to do it for as little as 20,000 and move on without anybody knowing. Can I prove they are not latent gay/bi men? No! I dont want to get into the science of sexuality.

    Some men do have a price, not every man. This much i know and yes Khaleesi I do agree that family can be overrated. This same loving family will throw you under bus when they find out who you really are. The love is always not unconditional and its really sad.

    • s_sensei
      May 01, 09:52 Reply

      Ah, how we love to have things packed, labeled in little black and white boxes and have them neatly stacked in the cupboard of our personal ideologies. But life should have taught us one thing; there is an element of unpredictability whenever the topic of concern is HUMAN BEHAVIOR. My opinion: theories don’t matter. Set people free to do as they please. Freedom is delicious, no?

  16. Max
    May 01, 08:56 Reply

    Nice piece khalee. I share the same views with you.
    Humans are liars.
    They’ll say anything just to appear as the “victim”. Conversion is a myth created by homophobic people to give as an excuse for being gay. Sexuality isn’t black and white like you said. Its like a spectrum, so people fall on different points on the scale.

  17. Sinnex
    May 01, 09:52 Reply

    I have nothing to say than to wait for Teflondon to comment on this issue of conversion.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 01, 12:45 Reply

      So he can say something you’ll later gush about how he soooooo spoke your mind? 🙂

    • Teflondon
      May 01, 13:41 Reply

      Sinnex I would have love to say my tots on this.. But I’m not in the mood today for them ‘lip stick Gang’ cause they will definitely come after I view my opinion on this issue. I’ll rather observe for today.. And learn hopefully from the ” wise ” ones on here.

      • Khaleesi
        May 01, 14:14 Reply

        @Teflondon, air your views, cut out the innuendo … am sure you must have realized by now that you haven’t got the smart witticisms nor whatever else it takes to fill Chizzie’s shoes – drop it!!

  18. Ruby
    May 01, 10:22 Reply

    Words of wisdom from thr Queen herself!!!

  19. Chris
    May 01, 10:44 Reply

    Keredim69(smiling) i shall exclude ATL (Atlanta) , Mecca for black gay/bi brothas; dont notice this much in UK , not even in the so called cosmopolitan London. I see black dudes sashaying around but ve never seen two black dudes being sffectionate in public, not even the young boisterous ones.
    Couple of cities i checked out in the east coast in the US, didnt see or notice PDA among black brothers.
    Bear in mind the word DOWNLOW was coined in the US, thst is to say……

    May 01, 14:48 Reply

    I don’t really like talking about this. Cos’ something in me believes that if its conversion that causes one to be gay, then it’s a sin.

    Yeah I know, stupid

  21. wondabuoy
    May 01, 21:10 Reply

    I read the article and have been thinking if I was converted or born that way. This matter for ground… e strong… e leyi gidi gan.

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