Dear KD: My Closet Is Getting Threatened
Hello guys, I have a problem. And I really need your advice.
Over the years, I have struggled very hard to hide my sexuality from family and the world outside. Actually, I don’t know if I have succeeded, and now I am more scared.
I got a job recently as a reporter in some TV station, and I am scared of my colleagues. Please, how can I handle them and their questions, considering the fact that these are journalists whose job is to be nosey and I can’t even boast of a girl friend at my age, and they are already prying into my business?
It’s terrifying and I need to know what to do.
Submitted by Eddie
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13 Comments
Michael
June 05, 07:33In the few places I’ve worked, I only maintain a professional relationship with my colleagues. I make it absolutely clear that they (coworkers) do not have a say in matters concerning my personal life.
You need to shut then down. Make it absolutely clear that you not having a girl friend is none of their business.
trystham
June 05, 08:18Shikena!!!
Limit interactions to the office space. I’d av said you should av a friend among your colleagues, but the workspace is a very toxic place. I imagine the one uppance that will be going on in journalism
Black Dynasty
June 05, 09:51Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Your colleagues are more often than not just colleagues and not your friends.
They will not invade your personal life/space without your permission(includes the lack of boundaries).
Make it clear that you don’t have that much interest in discussing personal life. No explanations etc etc. If they want to be nosey, neither deny nor confirm their suspicions.
J
June 08, 15:19That’s true, your colleagues are not your friends. The work place is very toxic, they can frustrate you if you’re not careful. Forget about being friendly and nice everyone, the moment you tell them about yourself, the story will spread like wild fire. If you’re not strong enough, it might affect your wellbeing.
A female colleague once asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her that I am not attracted to women, believe me I can open up to anyone about my sexuality if they try to come closer or show some concern… That lady started sending me heterosexual porn pictures and was even trying to help me become straight. Things went South and she doesn’t talk to me now. Only God knows the number of people she outed me to, because the air of toxicity in my place of work is quite unbearable. Every straight person feels like they can help change your sexuality… The night I came out to my close friend, he told me he couldn’t sleep the next morning. He took it upon himself to try to turn me straight, despite me explaining about gay people and how we feel; it fell on deft ears, they invalidate your feelings. The true is that most of them will never understand, in my quest to maintain my sanity and not to subject myself to the stress of coming up with stories and excuses, I come out to my close friends and some family members and I warn them not to ever try to change me. The relationship won’t be the same again, but it’s better to be myself rather trying to be someone else.
OB
June 05, 09:56I think you should be extremely polite with them, to the extent of adding Mr/Miss/Mrs, so that it grates on their nerves…
It also removes the “conversation” part of it…
Higwe
June 05, 10:09Congratulations to you .
Maintain a professional relationship with your colleagues , draw a boundary …be nice and respectful without being too friendly and last but certainly not the least ….don’t fall for any man in your office no matter how attractive he looks .
That way your closet will remain firmly shut and no one will pry into your personal life .
Even a journalist can only take what you tell him or her …they’re journalists not clairvoyants or mind readers .??
Audrey
June 05, 17:59Higwe darling I’ve missed you here TBH.
Please what does your shrink have for us now as the previous guess work didn’t pan out as predicted. Please some of us are itchy to hear from her.???
Francis
June 05, 13:31Don’t ask about their personal business so you can easily shut them down when they pry into yours. This is what I do these days
Jack
June 05, 16:06Respecting their space will give your the power to tell them to respect yours, i work with some media outfit too as part-time producers, they will always want to know about my personal life mostly about my girlfriend, but last birthday they insisted my girlfriend must come around with me to the office for celebration, but i told them that i never asked after their relationships so mine should be respected and they all shut up. just like Higwe said they can only know what you tell them, they are not mind readers.
i wish you the best…..
Audrey
June 05, 18:02They’d only know what you agree to tell them so I’d say try to keep things as professional as possible and do not in anyway try to get into a clique cos it usually doesn’t end well for a gay man.
chubbylover
June 06, 07:16Didn’t know there was an age fixed for getting a bae.
You will be just fine…..keep yourself to yourself.
Anon
June 06, 10:39I’m currently in this situation at my workplace of three years, i have this particularly nosy colleague that recently asked “dude I’ve never seen u with a girl are you gay?” i simply replied ” yeah ask your dad”.. he also once went on to make me the topic of a discussion at work by asking ” how can he not be gay? Everyone has a girlfriend or talks about their girlfriends except him”…even though we not exactly in talking terms, i was once delaying a meeting because i had to take a call i stopped in front of the board room door to hear him saying “he won’t come here now, no be say na woman e dey call”. lol you’ll be fine brace up
Jay
June 06, 15:05Make sure you are very good at your job, that way you will be irreplaceable and always sort after.
How you start always matters, as a new staff, they will.want to get to know you and be friends with you, this is where you create the boundaries and make them know you not an everyone’s person.
But trust me once you are very good at your craft, it shut them and earn you respect.