MY BOYFRIEND AND THE OTHER MAN
I know I said boredom and a lack of compatibility were the reasons why Muhammad and I broke up.
But that isn’t entirely the case. Muhammad has an older friend – Abdul – that he met on Badoo. The two had been friends for a couple of years, but they’d never physically met, mainly because Abdul lives in Abuja. Muhammad told me about him in passing, and I even spoke on the phone with him on one occasion.
I still remember the first time I spoke with Abdul. It was after one of my romps with Muhammad. We were cuddled up on the bed, talking, when he mentioned that Abdul told him he’d love to speak to me. I found the request odd, but I agreed. So Muhammad called him and we spoke briefly. For some reason, I never gave much thought to Abdul, never registered his voice.
If only I knew that that nonchalance would come back to bite me.
It was a casual night, I was chatting with my Muhammad and I was the happiest I could ever be in that moment. Then I saw a new message, from a number I didn’t have in my phone, reading: “Salam, it is Moh. You probably don’t remember me. Yagarin?” He told me that I gave him my number on Grindr sometime last year and he never contacted me, because he was in that “denial phase”. I was very skeptical about this, because I could count the number of people I’d given out my number to from Grindr on one hand. I let him know my doubts, and he, as cunning as he was, said maybe a picture would refresh my memory. Then came in a picture of a tall hunky man, dressed in kaftan and a Borno cap.
Now this is someone I’d definitely remember chatting with, I thought to myself.
But Moh was insistent that we’d chatted, and I let it go. There was no point in dragging it out.
Over the next couple of days, my chats with Moh became frequent, and then, when he started being sexual, I let him know that I was in a committed relationship and had never been happier. He was not very receptive of this at first; he told me that “people like us cannot be monogamous”, and he was happy to be the “side meal” whenever I was ready to face reality. I told him I wasn’t going to change my mind and he said he respects my decision, that he’ll dial down the flirtations and sexual innuendos.
As my interaction with this guy was going on, I’d informed Muhammad of it, that I thought I was getting messages from a “blast from the past”. We laughed over it; he trusted me not to step out on him with another dude, and I truly had no intention of doing that.
As chat buddies, Moh and I had a really great chemistry. Our chats, though platonic, were mostly talks about our past sexual exploits, that kind of stuff. And he was so easygoing. His replies were not frequent – sometimes he would go a week without replying, because of the nature of his work. This didn’t bother me though. He was not the overbearing friend, and I liked that. It was perfect for my kind of person.
However, whenever his replies came through, they’d come in tons, 50 messages, 70 messages; sometimes I’d have to put my phone on ‘Do not disturb’, because of the constant notification vibrations. We would have very enlightening serious conversations, yet very fun.
To be honest, I never had any intention of meeting Moh; I mean, I was happy with Muhammad. So I was taken aback when he messaged and told me he’d be in Kano over the weekend for a wedding, and that he’d like to finally meet me. In the two months that we’d been chatting, I never sent my picture to him and he never asked. I would casually joke about me looking like Shrek and him running for the hills when we finally meet, and he would always laugh it off. I knew I was developing feelings for Moh, but I would never act on them. I prided myself on having a lot of self-control. And I was enjoying having him as a friend.
I met Moh at the Bristol Palace Hotel in Kano on a Friday. This was after me rescheduling the day earlier, and when I couldn’t give any more credible excuses, I decided to go see him. Lo and Behold, the person I saw was different from the picture of the hunk I thought I’d been chatting with.
I had been catfished!
The shocking part for me was the fact that I was not even outraged. It didn’t matter to me, because I was still savouring the level of connection I thought I had with this man, but I still scolded him. And when he asked for a hug when it was time for me to leave, after we’d finished gisting, I acquiesced with a short side-hug. I think that encounter left a quiet uneasiness inside me that I couldn’t place at the time.
That uneasiness stayed with me, and it wasn’t until two weeks later, when I was lying down after a tiresome afternoon, that it dawned on me. It was like a lightning-bolt revelation.
Could Abdul, Muhammad’s long-distance and trusted friend, be the Moh that I had been chatting with?
My heart was racing as I messaged Muhammad to call me as soon he could talk. Were these two playing some sort of prank on me? I had a million questions, and they all disappeared as soon as I heard Muhammad’s admittance to giving out my number to Abdul months ago without letting me know, and that Abdul had actually told him that he had chatted me up, and that he would stop if Muhammad was not comfortable with him being friends with me.
To say I felt betrayed, played and used in that moment would be an understatement. Muhammad was apologising profusely, telling me he’d wanted to let me know that Moh was actually Abdul, but Abdul had insisted on him telling me first. I guess he never got that chance, because I deleted him from my phone immediately, and he never contacted me after that.
Muhammad and I broke up shortly after this. Thinking about it now, I believe I eventually started pulling back emotionally and our chats became very sparse, until we called things off.
So recently, Muhammad’s admittance that he still has feelings for me made me re-live that unfortunate incident. I told him again about me resenting him for giving out my number and putting me in that position with Abdul, and he apologised again. I never told him I had developed feelings for Abdul though. And I never got a certifiable answer as to why giving out my number came up between them in the first place; he did say that he and Abdul were playing a game of ‘truth or dare’, and Abdul had dared him to give my number to him. You may think this is hogwash, but knowing Muhammad – that sweet, naïve, gullible soul – it is most likely true.
Thanks to everyone who reached out after my last post. I think Pink Panther should start a matchmaking segment, and even monetise it, because WE WILL PAY. I have gotten mails from different people. I appreciate you all.
Written by Assad
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21 Comments
Mandy
August 24, 08:35“I let him know my doubts, and he, as cunning as he was, said maybe a picture would refresh my memory. Then came in a picture of a tall hunky man, dressed in kaftan and a Borno cap.” ????
For some reason, after reading the story to the end, I came back to this point and laughed out loud. This Abdul guy knew what he was doing when he sent that pic. That catfish was very deliberate to get your attention and keep it. I wonder what would have happened if things took a turn where you fell in lust with Abdul and shagged him. I wonder if he would have run to tell Mohammad that he had fucked you or simply carried on with you while letting Mohammad think you two were still friends. Nawa o. Us gay men are a serious Wawu.
Assad
August 24, 19:40I know Mandy. So many ways this could have played out, but I have little patience for pretence and games.
ND
August 24, 11:45Nice
Pie
August 24, 12:57You deserved what you got. That you told Abdul you were in a committed relationship doesn’t automatically make you a faithful lover. If you were as committed to Muhammad as you claimed, you wouldn’t have kept the communication lines btw you and Abdul open. You exposed yourself to temptation, what are you now saying?
What business does someone in a “committed” relationship have meeting with someone whom he knows wants to bed him, anyway? Bosh!..the satisfaction I’d have had if only Abdul had banged you many times hard and dumped you. You deserve that.
Mikkiyfab
August 24, 13:45I just have to laugh hard at this…like so much distaste in a whole comment ???
Wonda Buoy
August 24, 15:39So much hatred in just 2 paragraphs…
Gaia
August 24, 18:12Ije…. oga calm down na
Dante
August 24, 18:59Seriously dude learn how to converse politely, what you wrote was totally uncalled for. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean one won’t have friends or make friends that are queer, it’s all about knowing what you want and have a network of friends you can never know what the guy can do for you some day, that’s the aim of having friends and lastly get off your high horses, talking like you are a saint, Mr holier than thou, stop being too judgement like you are even better.
Delle
August 24, 19:29Hian niggie! I don’t think it should be that deep???
Assad
August 24, 19:41Your comment is absolutely HYSTERICAL. Wow ???
Dante
August 24, 19:04What I will say is you made the right call by ending it, you don’t know what’s between Muhammed and Abdul , they might have made some plans you aren’t aware of or even used you as a pawn in a game, or the Abdul might want to discredit you to get the attention of muhammed so the list goes on, but for closure purposes just try to find out what was their end game.
Delle
August 24, 19:40PP, so what do you say about the matchmaking suggestion??
Pink Panther
August 24, 20:21I knew you’d latch on to that. lol
trystham
August 24, 21:11So I had to go read the prev story. THAT was about him being obsessed, sorta. THIS…I don’t know what this is,…what do u want in a relationship naa?
Oh BTW, would u have fucked Abu if he had not catfished you? For all your talk about not being vested so much, u sound like u would have
Anoni
August 25, 19:01Of course he would have, he didn’t fall all this fall for nothing nah lol.. on another note i can’t be the only guy that doesn’t see anything bad with having sex with other people once in a while even if you’re in a relationship or am i just a ho?
Eric
August 25, 10:48If Abdul/Moh had turned out to be the hunky caftan guy, I’m sure you would have fucked him.
Dunder
August 26, 16:58Well, being tired of the serial stories of entanglement (please feel free to disagree), I’m just thankful you tried to control yourself and not get in bed with this Abdul.
Mohamed is very likable but perhaps due to his age, he has quite the muscle for drama: the obsession, the mini-exams, introducing a guy crushing on you to your guy and then your guy low-key-crushing on the guy crushing on you… Abeg, life is not further maths. Do you really think you can afford all this drama?
I’ll advise you reconsider going through all this for just a friends with benefits situation. You both deserve to meet people more like who you need and heading in the same direction as you. Don’t stand in the way of each others fulfillment.
Peaches
August 27, 15:46I spotted a bitter person and i forgot what i wanted to comment, but Assad, there are certain things we need to discuss about Mohammed, that is if you care tho.(lol).
PP, i just conceived of a brilliant idea, that you mail some readers something very sugary just before you serve these intriguing kind of things, something to suck as they read, o kwa maka saline na alkaline level ndi mmadu, ka ha daba.
Assad
August 31, 21:56What do you want to discuss Peaches? ?
Buba
August 30, 02:04Assad i like your name.
Assad
August 31, 21:57Thank you Buba!