Dear Bottom, You Should Stop Doing These
FOREWORD: *sigh* A KDian who clearly identifies as Top (and whose identity you will discover at the end of this piece and subsequently crucify, if you wish) just decided to look for trouble and sent me this. The last time there was this Top/Bottom rivalry was in the early days of Kito Diaries, in the season of open letters. You may check out those wars here – An Open Letter To Tops, the retaliatory Open Letter To Bottoms, and That Other Open Letter To Bottoms.
And now this! Well, read and sound off in the comments section.
*
Here’s a list of the top 10 things that some Bottoms do that really gets their lovers either pissed or suddenly no longer in the mood for intimacy.
- Feeling The Top’s Privates Before Sex
This is a growing development for Bottoms, and it’s downright irritating. While the Top is in the zone of making out, the first thing some whorish Bottoms would do is dive directly for the cock to feel its size. Like seriously! This conduct is both uncomfortable and very distracting. Of course, a very horny Top may not pay much attention to this, but this act just screams SLUT about the Bottom. After all, you don’t find Tops hastily inserting their Ds down there to test how wide or tight your love-hole is!
- Discussing Every Sexcapade
This is another trend among loud-mouthed Bottoms. They seem to gather in clusters to chat about how big this guy was, or who came quickly, or which D looked weird etc. It’s downright childish to kiss and tell. What happens in the bedroom should, well, remain there.
- Not Cleaning Up Properly Before Sex
Like seriously. This is the Number 1 in the “things to do before sex” memo. Some Bottoms don’t just care. They will just jump into bed and open up without taking time to do some spring cleaning! Whoever said cleanliness is next to godliness wasn’t kidding. There is no need to smudge your lover with unsightly watery porridge!
- Baby Doll Mode
Ever made love to a doll? Well, this is the attitude of some Bottoms during sex. They just lie there, and at times may even dose off! There is nothing more humiliating than making love to someone who is body present but absent minded. Pending on your level of interest, it’s best to simply refuse sex than let it happen and just lie down there like a lifeless doll!
- Bad Breath
OMG! This is one of the worst things and the ultimate horniness turn-off switch. Some guys just lack hygiene when it comes to mouth odour. They will just be reaching for kisses with acidic odours oozing out of their mouths. Please, please, if you suffer from bad breath, at least grab your orbit chewing gum before jumping into bed. This saves both parties the embarrassment.
- False Alarm
Some of our sexy darling Bottoms are very good at this. They will lead you on with erotic text messages, phone sex calls, sending nasty nude pics. At the end of the day, when it’s time to be intimate, they will open their books of 1001 excuses why they can’t sleep with you.
Those of you guilty of this, you know yourselves. Better turn a new leaf.
- Asking For T-Fare After Sex
I know many of us will want to argue with the propriety of asking for money after sex. But the truth is, there is only one definition for this – PROSTITUTION. Yes, you can look up the definition in the dictionary. Every time you ask a guy for money after sex, you are just reducing yourself to nothing more than a prostitute – and a cheap one at that! If you don’t have transport fare to go visit your lover, stay in your house and wank!
- Lack Of Respect For The Environment
I have no problem with guys who – to borrow from the Nigerian gay dictionary – shelle. In fact, I am secretly proud of the fact that some of us are able to connect freely with their feminine side. But for God’s sake, when in public, don’t be swinging those arms and whipping your imaginary hair for the whole world to see. We don’t live in a perfect world. If mob action comes, it’s every man for himself o.
- Assigning Imaginary Gender Roles
Closely related to Number 8 is another mistake many of us make. You will hear some Bottoms saying that they despise guys that are versatile. That anybody who tops them must never have bottomed before. This is simply childish and stupid. Even in the small gay community that is fighting for acceptance, you still find people with this obtuse mentality. Just because a guy is versatile doesn’t make him less of a man, just like bottoming doesn’t mean you are a woman.
- Sleeping Around Without Protection.
There is now evidence that Bottoms are more likely to get HIV than Tops. Yet you still find some hopping from one prick to another without any protection. I’m not sure whether it’s the extreme horniness or they are using the person’s spirit to plait a million braids in the village, but having sex without protection is like playing kalo-kalo with your destiny. Better safe than sorry o!
So there you have it. If you know you are guilty of any or all of the above, please, please take all necessary steps to change, you hear?
Written by Ken George aka kendigin
About author
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65 Comments
KryxxX
September 14, 06:55I have always been of the opinion that if you want me to drop you like akara di oku, offer me money after we just got down! Just try it! I find it utterly disgusting, cheap nd very demeaning! Its makes one feel like a common whore! I’d rather trek from AYA to Kubwa or even worst crawl, than collect “t-fare” from you! That’s a whole new level of low and I rather not go that low!
Why would I even carry my bend bend legs, go visit a guy nd not plan for my going nd coming back! For real! It doesnt make any sense! What if he doesnt have? What if he has but wants me to stay over nd so doesnt give me? Hell to da no! Gurl, this chic is way too independent to depend on any man #MissIndependent! I rather starve or even worse, die while doing that trek! Even if he wants to give u something, he should be a gent about it nd sneak it into ur manpurse or bag without u even noticing! And y even go when u have no money? I just can’t deal anymore!
Back to ur other points, I think most of them r quite flawed nd based mostly on stereotypes! Tops r also guilty of kiss nd tell! Dey also give imaginary roles nd dont get me started on d stench that oozes out of their crotch area! Omg! That odour can knockout a hippo for days! And that was just d crotch! Lets not even go near d ass #LocalAnesthetic!
But as for d false alarm thingy shaa **fiddles edge of dress** , I think I am guilty……. Its good to flirt naa, give some brothers hope, make them like they r d Trey Songz u’ve always dreamed of. But I wouldn’t get down with everyone naa, would I? Nd you wouldn’t like it if I dashed a nigga heart or his roving dick from get go! Not nice…….. Give him hope! And moreover, its not like am even sexy or fine for d false alarm to be that epic or disastrous! Just move on…………
Bade
September 14, 07:21Ohhh so u won’t feel like a hoe if u find the money in ur bag??and ur rejecting fee is from how much??
KryxxX
September 14, 07:45The phrase there is “even if he must”! Its not like he wants to give you d tp(which am sure its not) cos u asked, he felt like giving you something! You may not even see d money till days after! And if such happens to me, I’d still feel like a whore!
From how much is my rejecting fee? Lol! Seriously? Meaning i have a range I reject nd those I collect? Well, that’s y this is an anonymous blog nd thus you dont know me or my kind of person. Thank you.
Bade
September 14, 08:10U wont see d money till days after.lol
If a guy gives u money or anything after sex shouldn’t make u feel like a whore or less independent.
It’s only if u bargain or tell him u can’t take a certain amount of money or ask for a certain amount before sex that’s when you can think of urself as a prostitute
Pink Panther
September 14, 08:11Point well made, Bade.
Masked Man
September 14, 09:30Bia, KryxxX, enough of all these your not being sexy and fine.
We know you have washboard abs.
We know you have Naomi Campbell legs.
We know you have bubble butts.
Enough of the modesty.
We know you are not trying to brag with your looks. But if a thumb says it’s a thumb, then it’s not being proud.
Bade
September 14, 09:59Thank you
Tiercel de Claron
September 14, 19:56You forgot mention of the luscious lips,that blade of a nose,the seemingly innocent yet “come hither. eyes………
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 06:56Are we back to the season of these stupid and offensive open letters? I thought we had moved past such silliness?
So roles now determine behavior? As in they are personality markers? How is it that people don’t see how stupid these things are?
Slim Emmanuel
September 14, 07:00About a bottom cleaning up before sex, Some of us here are virgins, maybe someone should make an elaborate and comprehensive article on cleanliness for bottoms.
And lol, doze of kwa? If a bottom dozes of during sex then the top has a problem. A capable top will bring out the best in a bottom.
sinnex
September 14, 11:51Baby, that makes 2 of us…
McDuke
September 14, 07:08Nonsense and condiments…mtchewww
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 07:09Assin eh! I don’t know if you are as irritated as I am
Silver Cat
September 14, 07:19*Flipping through my bible*
Ehe, I found it.
“Vanity upon vanity, all is vanity…”
Bade
September 14, 07:24Mr ken, so u saying u have never talked about how good ur sex was with someone else??
Arabian Princess
September 14, 07:30Abeg, how about Tops that sleep with older bottoms for money.
Plus this heading “Lack Of Respect For The Environment” is one of the most offensive I’ve seen used against effeminate men. I mean, you need to apologize.
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 07:42I am trying to remind myself that it’s satirical hence not worth any stress!
This is just a piece of crap darling! Crap
Chizzie
September 14, 07:31It’s too early in the day to be irritated by someone’s myopic reasoning and ignorance, especially not on my first day of commenting after a while. From my own experience, Tops who keep bringing up the issue of bottoms insisting on Tfare are financially not well off, I’m not in support of btms insisting on tfare after sex but then it should only be an issue if you can’t afford to give them. If you can, you do and you do not make a fuss about it
And Tops are one to talk abt cleanliness, try squirting luke warm water into your ass, holding for a few seconds and letting go, repeatedly before you can reprimand a bottom abt being clean, to be honest, some Tops really aren’t worth the stress
OAN : I’ve really missed this blog, and i promise to be a good girl henceforth
Mitch
September 14, 07:48Chizzie! CHIZZIE! You’re back. **hyperventilating**
Masked Man
September 14, 08:00OMG!!!
Chizzie is back!!
Yaaay!!!!
Welcome darling. Missed you plenty.
Muaaah!!
kacee
September 14, 08:34hi Chizzie bae a friend of MM is also ma friend
Pink Panther
September 14, 08:35Lol. Don’t be hasty now, darling. MM didn’t say they were friends. lol
Masked Man
September 14, 08:44Hehehe, Kacee booboo. Goodmorning.
So you might want to chill and tread careful. I just missed some comment section activities.
Mandy
September 14, 08:12Bow down. bitches! The original dragon lady is BACK!!!! 😀
Brian Collins
September 14, 21:24I believe the original dragon lady still remains KHALEESI, Chizzie is more like the original Hannibal lady.
Ace
September 14, 08:56Chizzie baby!!!!! Oh my God! Oh my freaking God! Arrrghhhh! Argggh! I haven’t even read your comment! Lol! I personally missed you.
Kristopher
September 14, 11:09OMG! Chizzie! (if this ain’t an imposter)…. WELCOME! Your comments made KD intriguing! Missed you my fair assed brother… Since you left Max has been filling in for you….lolx
Max
September 14, 18:42?????
pete
September 14, 15:53Welcome back, Chizzie.hope you don’t leave again.
Diablo
September 14, 20:54Yaaay! You’re back! Did it have anything to do with the chat we had on Grindr the other day? Regardless, glad you’re back!
But wait, this is the real you isn’t it?
Brian Collins
September 14, 21:21I swear down, i was screaming when i saw this comment, people were giving me weird stared even.
Nwoke Chizzie or is it the other one, am i glad to see you back. Welcome and don’t you go anywhere.
Mitch
September 14, 07:45Really? Like, are we seriously back to these half-baked, half-assed opinions of some attention seeking brats? Honestly, Kendigin go and get a job. Its very obvious you’ve got nothing better doing than riling others up.
KingBey
September 14, 07:47Seriously, all of these points are stereotypes. Any sexual role is guilty. Only number 9 and 10 makes a little sense though. There are Tops that do all of the above
Masked Man
September 14, 08:16Bottoms are more likely to get HIV? Because they sleep around?
Who is this delusional person?
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 08:23Not because they sleep around but because the risk of transmission is higher with receptive anal sex.
Research has proven this
Masked Man
September 14, 08:27Yes!
I am saying are there no tops that hump from cakes to cakes and unto pumpkins without protection?
Richard chinonso
September 14, 08:48I have alot of tops who ask and even bargain before sex,a typical examples of these guys are 1.bigdick222 and magicinmypant.check them out on Grindr.
Nonny
September 14, 08:50The rate at which some guys talk down on bottom is really annoying.
Ace
September 14, 09:02OK… So we are going back to these “tips for being a good top and bottom” articles again? By now, na to organise our first gay pride we suppose dey talk now. I want to wear leather for the first time. 🙂
Posh6666
September 14, 09:30Alot of tops this says ask for money abeg infact in their twisted mind its like they did u a favour by fucking u i will let it rest now honestly no need for d stereotyping any role can be guilty of all the above mentioned..Some guys self are more flaming than u can imagine and yet insist they are tops have met a few.Lastly are we back to this money ish again?honestly any guy that gets riled up about money is broke or just stingy.I wont defend those that ask for money too much but pls be objective sumtymz this younger guys are students as such just managing the little they have so whats the big deal for them to ask u for tfare if they dont have forreal???or cos the btm isnt yet financially ok he shouldnt have sex?how lame does that sound.Its this same set of guys that will say the btm got attitude problem if he says he cant come visit u cos his too shy to ask u for tfaer.For me back in the days i have never ever asked for tfare whatsoever even as a student thank God for blessing my parents and numerous uncles n aunties but have been fortunate to meet some really comfortable older peeps who decide to indulge me without me asking.So someone decides to write me a cheque or drops a thick wad of mullas in my hands and u expect me to reject it???am i a bastard?as if money is ever enough i got an acquired taste really early in life so if God decides to bless me with father christmas i will gladly accept all the presents he cums bearing…
Chuck Bass
September 14, 14:30It would have been a lot easier to understand you if you punctuated properly. I’m just reading this like, Huh??!!
Max
September 14, 18:45Touché @Chuck
Posh6666
September 14, 09:34Dear tops pls stop being cheap complaining about a few hundreds of naira abeg!honestly now that am all grown when some1 tells me he doesnt have tfare i look beyond d sex and know that all fingers aint equal and that doesnt mean a broke person doesnt deserve love/sex.After all we are all human and d holy books teaches us to help others in anyway we can in sum ways i feel God will bless me for helping that person out financially
JOJOARMANI
September 14, 09:37Rubbish!…. You can imagine? Racism!… that’s the word!…. Someone who said his educated can think like this?. huhh.. Tops are godamn Holy we know!…
Dennis Macaulay
September 14, 09:59Racism kwa?
How so?
Nightwing
September 14, 09:43Lol can’t stop laughing.
Andrevn
September 14, 10:28I can’t come up with something yet to qualify how vapid this is. Maybe later in the day cos ryt now the sun is shining and Birds are singing so I’d pass. #Nauseating!
Hello Chizzie. *one would only wonder where you crawled out from* Missed you darling. *let the ‘party’ begin*
Peak
September 14, 10:44This is a joke right? I mean the writer was just goofing around when he made the conscious decision to write this?
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is how u identify an insecure individual who’d rather blame and put you down than deal with his demons.
You don’t like to be felt while makimg out and trying to initiate sex? Please at what point pray tell, is ur partner PERMITTED to touch ur goldencum shoot cock? Just admit that you are insecure about what’s between ur legs than call ppl names. Slut! For touching u? During a procession for sex? Really?
Hygiene is an issue that cuts across both partners, bottoms just have a lot of work to do. If he fails in that department, call him to order or just say no to having sex with a dirty pot. Its not by force. Just so you know, hetero folks have hygiene issues as well. No one is forcing u to fuck dirt, check out if it aint right.
Unless someone is really tired, not in the mood for sex and u decide to force urself on them. I can’t imagine anyone who finds u attractive enough to agree to having sex with u, sleeping off right in the middle of sex. Somin ain’t right about the version of events leading to this deduction.
Having unprotected sex, I guess the tops he is having it with is not guilty on the premise of being a top right? He can’t be held liable cos he is a top. In other words, he is the man in these cases?
*sigh* I’d like to go on, but I’m starting to feel stupid for addressing this childish mess.
A piece of advice our good Mr Ken, next time, when u are in the mood to write something like this, channel all that energy into writing a letter to Sensei so he can book you for an appointment.
Ringlana
September 14, 10:55Yabbish,Top givng you money and you rejects it,As in. For muah it depends on the Amount in Question,Am just gona count it with my eyes then know wic way to follow.
ronniephoenix
September 14, 11:04Thank God I am trans, so this doesn’t concern me much. Lol
olima
September 14, 11:13This is absolute rubbish. Some self conceited top
sinnex
September 14, 12:09This is a very funny piece but I almost forgot to laugh. I can’t believe someone actually sat down to write such. Some people have this strange impression that being top means one is less gay. I was surprised when I heard of the existence of a ‘Top only’ group on WhatsApp and Facebook, it was so hilarious.
It is not only bottoms who ask for money. The tops are also guilty. I have nothing against giving anyone money for doing a job well done, but when I am not into you and you keep bugging me and you want me to invite you to my house, then you want me to pay your transport, then that’s crazy.
There are some dicks you’d suck that you’d feel like throwing up. The stench from down there can kill a big cow.
Anyway, there is no difference between a top and bottom. They are both gay, whether you do the giving or the receiving. The world sees you as gay, so, it would do you and everyone around you a whole lot of good.
Ringlana
September 14, 12:28I don’t Just understand why ,Tops ll be lashing .about Paying If you don’t want a
relationship, but you want sex and want it @ Ur own Beck and call then expect to pay for that sex.
Some of you ’all broke arse tops always wonder why he
be asking for money. blame him if he shouts like a whore to get his due. He
has to shave, wax, douche, twerk,…and take YOUR
dick in his ARSE. Its a full time job, sweetheart. One of
the Major reson of being in a “relationship” is unconditional
free sex. So,Oga Titus! Try out escort
services. You’d be grateful he hasn’t billed you
enough.Not to Broke Arses .If you don’t Pay for Service ,Bro watching Superstory in India
JArch
September 14, 13:17Yeye dey smell…. Starting from the beginning of this article to the (supposed) return of Chizzie.
Kacee, you might want to thread carefully around making friends with that one called Chizzie. The last time he took a hiatus from this blog and came back, promising to be a nicer person, that didn’t last long as he was back to his old ways again after 48hrs…. I am soo not holding my breath on that one.
Pink Panther
September 14, 15:08Lol. JArch, be nice. Old things have passed away
Francis
September 14, 14:07Make I dey enjoy the comments dey go! ☕☕☕
Chuck Bass
September 14, 14:42I don’t think the article was all bad. There are valid points there. For one, effeminate guys. We are in Nigeria, one of the most unfriendly climates in the world to live in as a gay man.
You invite someone over to your place, they come strutting and flailing their arms and twisting their hands like Mariah Carey and talking in loud voices. They attract all the attention and raise all the suspicions possible. And what’s worse, when they’re done, they’ll go to their homes and you’d be left to deal with whatever repercussions there are.
Now I’m not saying such behavior is exclusive to the bottoms. But generally speaking, it is unfair.
JustJames
September 14, 15:26I have a couple of friends who have a friend. He comes around and twirls and sashays for all its worth and then when he goes to his area he acts less feminine.. You wouldn’t believe he’s the same one from before. I think he’s allowed them to receive threats of getting beat up even.. So about not respecting the environment.. If you can be less feminine please go ahead.
That’s the only part of this article that interested me.
pete
September 14, 15:44Raised some interesting points but like Nene in LASITC said, “You have to find your own definition and stick to it.”
Max
September 14, 18:53Was quite busy today.
What an interesting comment section.
The return of the Queen B, The Deliberate act of making this post in the first place by Pinky (**I’m watching you**).
My thoughts have been sounded off in some of the comments here, so I’ll hold my peace.
Tiercel de Claron
September 14, 20:11A first,I trow,you holding your piece.
I pray for more of that from you.
Brian Collins
September 14, 21:34Uncle, but you can sabi to find trouble o.
Tiercel de Claron
September 14, 21:57Ehn,ehn BC,don’t come into any matter ‘tween Max and I else you get to bear the brunt of it.We know how we do our thing,inu.
Lexy
September 15, 20:21Lol,ok I hardly comment here, I do once in a while. But had to bikonu, this got me irritated. Ala madam. One: the stereotype, what da hell ,in 2015? Pleeeeaaaaeeesseeee, which mondiot(monkey ➕ idiot) wrote this,and who asked him to? Anyway, in relation to his pointless write up that should be deleted, some tops are definition of FILTH, CAPITAL ONE. Shave the hairs down there, nsobu, u get fed with hairs like hairs are the new grass and humans are the goats (tho clearly, the writer seems like one sha),lol. should I enter other regions,from stinky briefs n all,even mouth odours, o lawd, It’s a two way thing o jare,everything here he wrote,making it seem like it’s only a bottom or vers ish just is daft. And for the fair ish, it’s not a must, but at least, entertain ur guest. U one fuck person yet u carry cabin biscuit n cold lipton give am expect am to open legs and not ask for money after banging? And come on,u aint doing someone a favour to fuck em,so I mean, if u know entertain ur guest well,dropping a good fair shouldn’t be a p. I really need to see who wrote this, but then, from this shit he wrote sef,would feed him to some bush dogs even before meeting him. in 2015? odi egwu. This is sad. Two words to describe this guy, HUNGRY and STUPID
Dickson Clement
September 26, 11:24Nice Piece, it does not escape me for one moment to emphasize the renewal of mind and attitude this blog does for the diverse evolving gay communities here in the tropics. I am thankful to a friend for linking me up with this blog. Ken, I sincerely support you view on the matter elaborated above but I don’t quite believe that bottoms should reject tfares. If you are in a relationship with someone, he can support u and u can as well give ur top guy tfare too. The love is felt better when u give or receive from someone u love. Then if the sex is just casual, no relationship, the bottom shd demand more than tfare. Or else the top shd try taking a dick!!