‘Teen Wolf’ Actor Charlie Carver Comes Out
Actor Charlie Carver publicly revealed that he is a “proud gay man” in a heartwarming series of personal posts on Instagram.
“I now believe that by omitting this part of myself from the record, I am complicit in perpetuating the suffering, fear, and shame cast upon so many in the world. In my silence, I’ve helped decide for to you too that to be gay is to be, as a young man (or young woman, young anyone), inappropriate for a professional career in the Arts,” Carver wrote on Instagram. “So now, let the record show this — I self-identify as gay. And does that really matter anymore? As a young man, I needed a young man in Hollywood to say that — and without being a dick about it, I owe it to myself, more than anything, to be who I needed when I was younger.”
Best known for his roles in Desperate Housewives and Teen Wolf, the 27-year-old also opened up about his coming-out process and his previous fear that publicly acknowledging his sexuality would have a negative effect on his career.
“As an actor, I believed that my responsibility to the craft and the business was to remain benevolently neutral — I was a canvas, a chameleon, the next character,” he wrote. “For the most part I had a duty to stay a Possibility in the eye of casting, directors, and the public. If I Came Out, I feared I would be limiting myself to a type, to a perception with limits that I was not professionally comfortable with. And I created in my imagination an Industry that was just as rigid in this belief as well.”
However, Carver said he believes the idea that actors should remain closeted is a thing of the past and is inspired by the changing landscape for the LGBT population.
“Things in this business have changed and will continue to. Thank GOD. I know that because of all of the brave men and women who’ve come out, self-identified, or couldn’t have possibly ever been ‘in,’” Carver wrote. “I get fucking MOVED every time I hear a high school voted in their transgender classmate as Prom King or Prom Queen, or when I see Twitter afire with outrage over mistreatment, brutality, and injustice.”
He added, “I long for the world to be simple, for everyone to feel happy and safe in who they are as individuals and members of a community. I can only hope that the beginning of this unrest is productive, something our generation(s) is moving through in order to end up someplace better.”
Carver also pointed out that his twin brother and fellow actor, Max Carver, “is just as cool for being straight.”
Read his full heartwarming five-part post below.
Pt 1: “Be who you needed [when you] were younger”. About a year ago, I saw this photo while casually scrolling through my Instagram one morning. I’m not one for inspirational quotes, particularly ones attributed to “Mx Anonymous”- something mean in me rebukes the pithiness of proverbs, choosing to judge them as trite instead of possibly-generally-wise, resonant, or helpful. And in the case of the good ol’ Anonymous kind, I felt that there was something to be said for the missing context. Who wrote or said the damn words? Why? And to/for who in particular?
Nonetheless, I screen-capped the picture and saved it. It struck me for some reason, finding itself likeable enough to join the ranks of the “favorites” album on my phone. I’d see it there almost daily, a small version of it next to my other “favorites”; I’d see it every time I checked into the gym, pulled up a picture of my insurance cards, my driver’s license…. Important Documents. And over the course of about-a-year, it became clear why the inspirational photo had called out to me.
As a young boy, I knew I wanted to be an actor. I knew I wanted to be a lot of things! I thought I wanted to be a painter, a soccer player, a stegosaurus… But the acting thing stuck. It was around that age that I also knew, however abstractly, that I was different from some of the other boys in my grade.
Over time, this abstract “knowing” grew and articulated itself through a painful gestation marked by feelings of despair and alienation, ending in a climax of saying three words out loud: “I am gay”. I said them to myself at first, to see how they felt. They rang true, and I hated myself for them. I was twelve. It would take me a few years before I could repeat them to anyone else, in the meantime turning the phrase over and over in my mouth until I felt comfortable and sure enough to let the words pour out again, this time to my family…
*
Pt 2: For anyone who can identify with that experience (and I think we all can to some degree; saying something from a place of integrity, owning and declaring oneself), the immediate and comingling sense of relief and dread might sound familiar to you. For me, and my family, it was a precious conversation, one where I felt that I’d begun to claim myself, my life, and what felt like the beginning of a very-adult-notion of my own Authenticity. For that, and for them, I am forever grateful. *Note “Coming Out” is different for everyone. You can always Come Out to yourself. Coming Out as Gay/Bi/Trans/Non-Binary/Yourself or What-Have-You is at first a personal and private experience. If you’re ready and feel safe, then think about sharing this part of yourself with others. I recognize that I was born with an immense amount of privilege, growing up in a family where my orientation was celebrated and SAFE. If you feel like you want to Come Out, make sure first and foremost that you have a support system and will be safe. I would never encourage anyone to Come Out only to find themselves in harm’s way – a disproportionate number of Homeless American (and Global) Youth are members of the LGBTQ community who were kicked out of their families and homes out of hate and prejudice. It is a major issue in-and-of itself, and a situation not worth putting oneself at risk for.
The more I adjusted to living outwardly in this truth, the better I felt. But my relationship to my sexuality soon became more complicated. The acting thing HAD stuck, and at nineteen I started working in Hollywood. It was a dream come true, one I had been striving for since boyhood. But coupled with the overwhelming sense of excitement was an equally overwhelming feeling of dread- I would “have to” bisect myself into two halves, a public and private persona, the former vigilantly monitored, censored, and sterilized of anything that could reveal how I self-identified in the latter.
I had my reasons, some sound and some nonsensical. I do believe in a distinction between one’s professional life and their private one…
*
Pt 3: After the first episode of television I shot went to air, it became clear to me that I was at least no longer anonymous. For the first time, I found myself stopped on the street, asked to take a picture by a complete stranger – part of the job I had willingly signed up for.
Fame, to whatever degree, is a tricky creature. In this day and age, particularly with the access offered by social media, it demands that you be On, that you be Yourself, Always, in your work and to your fans. In this way, the distinction between public and private has become blurry, begging questions like “to what extent do I share myself? Do what extent do I have to?” When it came to this differentiation of public/private, I was of the opinion that my sexuality could stay off the table. While my Coming Out was very important for me, I wanted to believe in a world where one’s sexuality was for the most part irrelevant. That it didn’t “matter,” or that at least it was something that didn’t need to or ideally shouldn’t ever have to be announced to a stranger, a new colleague, an interviewer. Even the words “Coming Out” bothered me. I took issue with them insofar as that “Coming Out” implied being greeted with attention, attention for something I would prefer to be implicitly just Human, an attribute or adjective that was only part of how I saw my whole self. I did not want to be defined by my sexuality. Sure, I am a proud gay man, but I don’t identify as a Gay man, or a GAY man, or just gay. I identify as a lot of things, these various identifications and identities taking up equal space and making up an ever-fluid sense of Self.
Furthermore, as an actor, I believed that my responsibility to the craft and the business was to remain benevolently neutral – I was a canvas, a chameleon, the next character. For the most part I had a duty to stay a Possibility in the eye of casting, directors, and the public. If I Came Out, I feared I would be limiting myself to a type, to a perception with limits that I was not professionally comfortable with. And I created in my imagination an Industry that was just as rigid in this belief as well.
*
Pt 4: After having the privilege of playing a range of characters, gay, straight and otherwise, I realize this is not the case. Things in this business have changed and will continue to. Thank GOD. I know that because of all of the brave men and women who’ve come out, self-identified, or couldn’t have possibly ever been “In”. So to them, I am also forever grateful.
But then I saw that little photo on Instagram. Well, in truth, it had found me long after I’d made up my mind to write something like this. There were so many drafts and plans, none of them ever getting off the ground. So I bided my time, justifying the silence with the fact that I hadn’t really ever been “in”. I tried to live as authentically as I’ve known how to, as a gay guy, since that concept became available to me, only once or twice intentionally dodging the ever ill-timed question with the subtext that might have as well read “ARE YOU GAY???” I’ve lived “out,” not feeling the need to announce so. I was comfortably out in my private life. And for a time, that was enough.
Things change. There’s a lot about the Now that I’m very excited about these days. I feel like more and more people, particularly young people, are striving to create a safe world for each other. We’re learning new vocabularies to help others feel heard when they try and articulate their perceived “otherness”- words like cis- and trans-, non-binary, fluid… We’re together exploring the possibilities of the Social Media Frontier, experimenting with new ways to connect, galvanize, and awaken. I get fucking MOVED every time I hear a high school voted in their transgender classmate as Prom King or Prom Queen, or when I see Twitter afire with outrage over mistreatment, brutality, and injustice. But I also mourn over what feels like a lot of anger and righteous indignance. I long for the world to be simple, for everyone to feel happy and safe in who they are as individuals and members of a community. I can only hope that the beginning of this unrest is productive, something our generation(s) is moving through in order to end up someplace better.
*
Pt 5: But what can I do? How can I participate? Honesty is probably a great step in the right direction. I now believe that by omitting this part of myself from the record, I am complicit in perpetuating the suffering, fear, and shame cast upon so many in the world. In my silence, I’ve helped decide for to you too that to be gay is to be, as a young man (or young woman, young anyone), inappropriate for a professional career in the Arts (WHAAA???) So now, let the record show this- I self-identify as gay. And does that really matter anymore? As a young man, I needed a young man in Hollywood to say that- and without being a dick about it, I owe it to myself, more than anything, to be who I needed when I was younger.
Happy 2016, and all my best to you and yours in the year ahead.
And let the record show my twin brother is just as cool for being straight.
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48 Comments
Colossus
January 12, 06:32I guess the “Twin Study” is right again.
Pink Panther
January 12, 06:48What study is that?
bruno
January 12, 06:57i think he’s talking about the fact that identical twins with different sexual orientations suggest that your sexual orientation is not encoded in your DNA as they both have structurally identical DNA.
Kenny
January 12, 07:15Lol. Well I’m gay and a twin. So…. ..
Absalom
January 12, 06:50Handsome man. Woof! ?
bruno
January 12, 07:01beautiful piece. kudos to him for coming out but i enjoyed his thought process even more!
Kenny
January 12, 07:18Big ups to him for being true to himself. He’s the cuter one of the two tho
Pink Panther
January 12, 07:44How could you tell them apart abeg?
Deola
January 12, 08:18Lol. Kenny bae, you are reaching this morning.
Pink Panther
January 12, 08:40Lol. As in eh. With fingers the length of an octopus’s tentacles.
Masked Man
January 12, 07:27When will I come out, ehn?
This closet is getting stuffy.
ken
January 12, 07:36Darling, come over to this side. Its cozier, I installed an AC. 🙂
Masked Man
January 12, 07:56Sweetheart, forget the AC oh.
I just cannot die a closeted man.
How will the world now know about my trysts? Ehn?
Max 2.0
January 12, 08:31Don’t worry dear, they already do. ??
Masked Man
January 12, 08:35Are you serious?
I’m not sure.
My folks still think I’m still their innocent son.
Rev; Hot
January 12, 07:29Yaaaaaaaay!!!!!! Ive been waiting for this since season 3/4 of teen wolf
Mandy
January 12, 07:51Oh my God! His coming out message gave me such a rush! Finally a coming out message that trumps Kenny Badmus’ own, to me. The message is powerful and well-thought-out. And I’m glad he’s getting much love for it on Instagram.
Deola
January 12, 07:59Hi Colton Haynes. 🙂
Pink Panther
January 12, 08:39Deola, why will you now coman goan be looking for Mr. Haynes’ trouble, eh?
Mr. Fingers
January 12, 08:01Good for him. I wish him goodluck.
Max 2.0
January 12, 08:03A man after my heart. ???
Teflondon
January 12, 09:08I have/had a crush on this guy… It’s so much easier to come out when you are a celebrity or already well known and wealthy. People will like you anyways.. Try coming out when you are a nobody. Then you will really feel the scorn of the earth… See why I am so fixated on making money and be successful?
That this guy is a twin and he’s gay while his other is straight, this only strengthen the fact that not all of us are born gay? Yes? Except the effeminates I.e
Max 2.0
January 12, 09:24I thought you’re already rich and famous?
“this only strengthen the fact that not all of us are born gay? Yes? Except the effeminates”
Your twisted sense of reasoning puts known dullards to shame. **sigh*** You’re just a waste of good balls..
KingBey
January 13, 14:30Same thought I had ?
#Chestnut
January 12, 09:51(I swear, I tried to walk away from this one,but something kept pulling me back…)
@Tef: what kind of sense does that make? So,basically,u’re saying that because one twin is gay,and the other is straight, it validates the theory that only “effiminates” are born gay, while “un-effeminates” cultivate homosexuality as a habit? I don’t even…I can’t understand…I just can’t. Pls come and explain, otherwise I’d keep dis will kip driving me crazy all day.
Teflondon
January 12, 13:00Make assumptions if you like, twist my words as much as you can.
What I said is.. not everyone is born gay.. And I still stand by those statements. My belief is that all effiminates were born gay, it’s configured in their DNA. I am yet to meet an effiminate that isn’t gay, so pardon my stance.
Don’t go crazy and worked up course of my statements, after all it’s just my opinion.
Mandy
January 12, 16:18Sometimes, sit, think about the opinion you want to voice on KD before typing them out. To avoid giving any credibility to the speculation that you might be stupid.
Masked Man
January 12, 09:21Biko, what is he saying?
Dickson Clement
January 12, 09:37Well most twins I’ve met are concordant in their sexuality! In most cases one is usually very masculine and one will be less masculine…(I don’t mean effeminate). This is something different and I believe their is a genetic basis for sexuality. There is equally an environmental factor which could affect how these genes are expressed. It’s just like every other genetically encoded trait. There is no definite conclusion on this matter because different studies supports this genetic theory while other studies are against it. But I have seen identical twins -one can roll his tongue, the other can not. Will you now claim tongue rolling has no genetic basis of inheritance! Type 2 diabetes has 90percent concordance rate in identical twins, meaning that 10percent of identical twins are discordant. Most genetically inherited traits will be expressed differently when other factors come into play. If I am genetically tall, I could be phenotipically short because of nutrition, diseases or environment and vice versa… so that this set off twin are discordant does not mean sexuality is not genetically inherited.
Brian Collins
January 12, 09:47I see your point. Maybe they are amongst the discordant 10%. I know the Visconti triplets (google them) are gay and the twins who came out to their father and posted it on YouTube are also gay. So being gay could be genetic.
Brian Collins
January 12, 09:41I just lurhhh this man to pieces. I thought he’d be like 31already – Cory Moneith anyone?
He seems like a very wise man. That coming out message was giving me all sorts of joy.
I really liked this part though “*Note “Coming Out” is different for everyone. You can always Come Out to yourself. Coming Out as Gay/Bi/Trans/Non-Binary/Yourself or What-Have-You is at first a personal and private experience. If you’re ready and feel safe, then think about sharing this part of yourself with others.”
Delle
January 12, 09:59I’ve always known he was gay. He played a role in Carrie’s Diaries and I just knew he had to be gay. Cute guy btw although he has very hard facial structure.
He reads…
Deola
January 12, 10:22Nope. Charlie Carver wasn’t in The Carrie Diaries.
Delle
January 12, 19:14Actually he did…fast forward to that halloween part scene with the black girl, he was there. He kissed Carrie’s male friend. He was gay there.
Keredim
January 12, 21:35Tip of the day: Before we make another “factual” comment that we would be forced to “stand by” weeks later, then delicately “throw in the towel” when we realise we have mis-yarned and can no longer stand head high in our stilettos, we should consult Google o!!
It is a keystroke away.
Like they say on KD “Google is your friend”??
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3083350/
???
Dennis Macaulay
January 12, 10:12My Husband!
*Books trip to LA on Wakanow.com*
Mitch
January 12, 10:13All I could deduce from his post is the fact that he has functional brains. Emphasis on FUNCTIONAL! Something that a lot of “popular” KDians don’t have.
Pink Panther
January 12, 16:16Lmao. Touché, Mitch.
Max 2.0
January 12, 16:56Classic shade.. Love it ??
Dickson Clement
January 12, 10:22I love his jawline… please is there a way I can get that jawline without being botched?? Apparently sit-ups ain’t working!!
Deola
January 12, 10:25Wait you’re doing sit ups to get a jaw line? ???
Absalom
January 12, 11:03Dickson, improve your BJ game and you’ll get the jawline of your dreams.
Mr. Fingers
January 12, 14:56Lmao. Allof u haf mad finish. Hahaha
Max 2.0
January 12, 15:13Seconded @Absalom… If you need tips, contact me @Dickson
Pink Panther
January 12, 16:18LMAO!!! I don die!
Dickson Clement
January 12, 15:49@max 2.0 and absalom, ye both are contacted!!
Wayfaring Stranger
January 12, 16:42Insightful stuff.
Charlie Carver opens up for the first time about his gay father | KitoDiaries
May 02, 05:54[…] been a little over a year since actor Charlie Carver came out publicly on Instagram. Now, the 28-year-old actor is making another big reveal. This time it’s about his […]