Dear KD: How Do I Get Rid Of My Homosexual Sex Drive?

Dear KD: How Do I Get Rid Of My Homosexual Sex Drive?

EDITOR’S WORD: When I received this Dear KD request for help, I struggled with my resistance to post it, because to be featured on Kito Diaries, we regard self acceptance as a given. It is NOT debatable. We are queer and we are proud to be so.

However, the sender didn’t ask for my advice. He asked for the advice of the community, and it is my hope that whatever he reads here today will impress on him the will to be more intentional with overcoming his battles regarding his sense of self.


I am twenty-two years old and I identify as a homosexual. However, I really do not want to have sexual relations with other men and I have been looking for medical options to keep my sexual desires under control.

I want to lead a life with easier options, a good and healthy life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with homosexuality. I love and accept myself as I am; I just don’t want to be sexually active or have to fight off any sexual pull to other guys.

I have difficulty disclosing my sexuality to really anyone now.

I have a normal sex drive. It’s just that I don’t want to have any sex drive at all for men. And I am looking for a way to get rid of it, whether through drugs or medical procedures. I know I cannot stop being homosexually-inclined, since it is really a whole aspect of me, but I do not want to act on the sexual aspect of my homosexuality.

My plan is to get rid of any sex drive for the same sex and stay in a relationship with a woman who will be okay with no sex or a “friendship-relationship”.

If there’s anyone who can advise me or direct me on how to go about this, please do share.

Submitted by North

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  1. Mandy
    September 08, 07:56 Reply

    Lol. For some reason, I can’t take this post seriously because it’s the silliest thing. So basically you’re saying to us, “Hello guys, I’m gay. I accept myself for being gay and gay is good. Okay, but now, how can I stop being gay because I don’t want to be gay no more.”

  2. Olutayo
    September 08, 07:58 Reply

    So you don’t want to have any sex drive for men, and you want to be in a relationship of no sex with women.

    Does anyone have a guidebook on how to become asexual please? This guy needs it asap.

  3. Rehoboth
    September 08, 08:33 Reply

    Dis one go hard. Good luck in your search.

  4. Quinn
    September 08, 08:35 Reply

    I feel like there is some underline stuff that made you come to this conclusion, did someone hurt you, did someone tell you that you’re not good in bed, we’re you kitoed, I’ll advise your chat with pinky so he can direct you to an in-house psychologist, Cox I feel like you need help before you self sabotage.. I’ve been here before, my dear and it’s a nice place maybe one day I’ll share but speak up boo..

    • KingNorth
      September 08, 09:44 Reply

      I’ve injected petrol in my testicles before and spent two week with swollen testicles. It wasn’t funny. And yes I’m the one that sent in the topic above

      • Francis
        September 08, 15:17 Reply

        Please see a psychiatrist asap please. Edakun, for the sake of your parents or whoever values you most in life.

      • Malik
        September 09, 08:23 Reply

        What Trystham and Francis said. You’re going to hurt yourself irreparably if you don’t prioritize getting help from a qualified professional.

  5. Delle
    September 08, 09:17 Reply

    This is a bit confusing. Om one hand you assert that you have no issues with homosexual (although, a very impersonal stance that makes me raise a brow but I’ll take it), you still go on to say you don’t want to have any sexual relationship with MEN.

    Your emphasis on the sex only points to obvious homophobia on your part. You see, it’s okay to not want to be sexually active, but when that’s on the foundation of an innate dislike for your (sexual) being, it’s troubling.

    That said, only self-discipline can ensure you don’t have sexual relations. Because at this age, your hormones are bound to override your head and what’s in it.

    If you have any lingering aversion to being a homosexual, you better acknowledge it. That’s the only way you can start helping yourself and this situation you’re in.

  6. Mitch
    September 08, 09:29 Reply

    Plis, kataway with your IH!
    This is an IH-free zone!

  7. Swish
    September 08, 10:44 Reply

    Put your personal interests aside and answer the poor guy. If he knew the answers, he wouldn’t open himself up for your poison. He stated clearly that he sees nothing wrong with homosexuality, he just doesn’t want to have sex with men and wants those sexual feelings eradicated. Instead of attacking him, why not just give the advice he asked for or scroll past if you have nothing positive to say? You don’t have to be so vile all the time. Instead of outrightly burning him at the stake, what’s wrong with showing him alternatives or showing him the path your self righteousness deems better? I stumbled onto kd in 2015 and it taught me a whole lot. If I was a first timer here at this time, I don’t think I’d be able to make it through all the anger and judgement portrayed here. One can’t even ask a question without being dragged by the propriety police. Shame on you all, you’ve turned a good thing to a disgraceful sham.
    North, you wanted a way to get rid of your sexual desires. Unless you want to chop off a sliver of your brain, I don’t know how that can be done. These are feelings controlled by the brain which in turn transmits such to the genitals. Instead of putting yourself out there for the children of hate, you could ask for the contact info of LGBT friendly doctors or psychiatrists. Otherwise, you could try castration. I think that was what was done to Eunuchs in ancient times. Here’s a link :
    I hope this helps and I hope you get the answers you seek.

  8. Mimi?
    September 08, 10:59 Reply

    Internalized homophobia?

  9. RichieMichie
    September 08, 11:38 Reply

    Okay, this smells like the pseudonyms Durentt and Beardlessdude of Nairaland. They’ve been doing and thinking of doing all sorts of absurd things to get rid of their sexual attraction for guys. Is that you?

    Now if this ain’t IH, I wonder what is. Have you considered castration? That’s your best bet. I can be generous to help you with the procedure.

  10. Gif
    September 08, 12:56 Reply

    This is a kito in the making

  11. McDuke
    September 08, 13:21 Reply

    You’re just 22, give yourself time to grow up. You sound intelligent and seem self aware, you don’t really need anyone’s advice. Just live your life and focus more on other aspects of living, don’t be hard on yourself. I bet in 5 years time, you’ll look at this write up and laugh it off.

  12. T.T
    September 08, 13:28 Reply

    Give yourself sometime , you are just 22. I went through that path of not accepting myself will be fine.

  13. LemonSix
    September 08, 14:53 Reply


    Can you get in touch with a Psychologist from TIERS or ICAHR (or any similar organization)?

    While I’ve never gone through the phase of not wanting to be homosexual, I can put myself in your shoes.

    Perhaps a professional psychologist will be able to walk you to the root of the issue and hold your hands as you face your demons.

    I wish you all the best.

    It gets better.

  14. Symply Raine
    September 08, 15:49 Reply

    This one wants to hear from our mouth so he can go and start harassing gay men, telling them ways they can be homosexual without acting out their sex drive. Shameless kito scum. Oga suffer with your problem alone abeg.

  15. Vincent
    September 08, 17:11 Reply

    Have you heard of Sexual Sublimation? Google it if you haven’t. There are excellent resources on it out there. This alongside meditation would help channel your sexual desires/energy into other (more) productive things. They’ll essentially help you become celibate but you will still be attracted to men. All the very best!

    • Bliss
      September 09, 06:52 Reply

      I find this useful..
      Sexual Sublimation, never knew it has a name or term being called

  16. Bliss
    September 09, 07:31 Reply

    King North

    We both are of same age bracket, i had this issue long time ago every single time i was sick either with malaria, cold, aching teeth or whatever. (There was a time a guy i met wanted us to be sex buddies and this was like d second time of our meeting. I fell ill with malaria that week and wanted to stop this sexual feelings i have for guys or men). Even when i was kitoed and beaten at a young age, i fell sick and wanted to stop this urge…
    Every time i was ill i will condemned myself until probably one day i decided to stop sabotaging myself and love myself more. It took me a very long time. (i think when i was living alone in school)

    My advice is you can practice Celibacy for the time being (not easy thou), or wank off, or explore new desire.

    God created man and input sexual desire, you can’t stop it or remove it my dear KingNorth.
    When you’re independent and more of age, you will look pass this and laugh.

    Please don’t hurt yourself.

  17. Pezaro
    September 09, 10:58 Reply

    This is rather very strange, your sexual feelings for men are what makes you a homosexual, then if you’re okay with being one, you must adapt to what it’s all about. I’m wondering how your mind is working right now and I fear you might do yourself some serious harm. You’re just 22 with a host of future possibilities which can influence your stance , why not let time decide?
    Talk about castration, Really? At 22 you think you’ve seen life enough to decide you do not want to have any form of sex.
    *Sighs* I feel there’s a back story to be told here, whatever must have prompted this decision can be talked through, endeavour to see a psychiatrist.
    Love and light

  18. Queen of Queens
    September 10, 19:41 Reply

    Aww, many have gone through this stage, the results are varied. Don’t think many would love to have these feelings, the same way you don’t. This is a very tough lifestyle. Many have fought or suppressed it. Some have spent their whole life fighting and suppressing it. Some have stopped fighting. Don’t know what the wrong or right answer is for you. If many could choose, they would not choose this lifestyle, it is a very very difficult lifestyle.
    Advice, don’t hurt yourself, do what makes you happy and keeps you at peace with yourself. God alone is the ultimate judge, pray to Him and keep your relationship with Him.

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