Dear KD: Should I Come Out To Her?
As a university undergraduate living in Minna, life can get really lonely. It has seemed so far to me like there’s no gay community here to be a part of. And it’s not like I’m necessarily looking for someone to have sex with; I just need to be part of a community of people like me with good intentions and fun to hang out with.
But I haven’t had luck with getting to know anyone. However, I have a female friend in my department, who I am thinking about coming out to after we’re done with the exams we are currently writing. It’s not like I suspect that she’s a lesbian or that I know anything about her leanings when it comes to the LGBTQ issue. But she is a good friend of mine, and loneliness has done a number on me, where I am thinking of coming out to her so I can ask her if she knows any queer people she can introduce me to.
Is this a good idea? Can anyone advise me on what to do regarding this – and also regarding how a brother can get to know gay people in a place that doesn’t seem to have any gay people?
And just in case you’re in Minna and reading this, do kindly reach out ‘cos you’ll have a friend in me.
Submitted by King North
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23 Comments
Lopez
March 20, 09:36No honey, it’s a bad idea, don’t come out to her. How is she possibly going to know any queer person that she’s going to hook you up with? Besides you don’t even know her leaning on LGBT issues and that’s where you should even start from. I get you’re lonely but don’t let your loneliness spoil (possibly) a good friendship and become lonelier.
There’s no place that there are no LGBT people, may be you should try online, Badoo is a little safer in the north or ask friends who might know any friends or friends of friends or friends of friends friends… to refer you to friends in Minnna, I mean we are a community. Good luck and safe
KingNorth
March 20, 10:04Thanks for the input. But you suggested I ask friends to refer me to friends in minna, in any case I would have to still come out to them since it would be gay person I would like to meet
Lopez
March 20, 10:34Dude, I mean gay friends to refer you to gays in Minna.
Kabir
March 20, 09:49There is a queer community everywhere. I think people generally try to be safe due to homophobia. Am sorry you are going through this moment without any queer friends . Good news is you are not alone. Am an undergraduate student in minna too. Whoever you are feel free to reach out to me.
KingNorth
March 20, 10:07Please can you message me on whatsapp with 09045438496. Thanks
Ghosthood
March 25, 16:27Funny shit is that, there’s a gay clinic in Minna and a sort of hotel accommodation for gay people and shit.
As I was reading, I was just laughing.
Adeiza
March 20, 09:49I understand this feeling.
And I’m sure you aren’t in this together.
If you feel you need to talk you can as well reach out to me.
.you aren’t alone in this.
We’d push through stronger.
I wouldn’t advice you come out to your friend your expectations might not really be what you expect. Be safe and good.
08082732965.
Or just a DM away.
KingNorth
March 20, 16:27Thanks
McDuke
March 20, 09:57Your motive for coming out to her is so wrong, you might wanna rethink that. Besides why are you in a hurry to meet other gay people since you’re not outrightly looking for sex. I suggest you expand your social circle, build acquaintances with reasonable people, it doesn’t have to be based on sexuality, focus on your studies and think about what you wanna do after graduation and begin now to make plans for it. You don’t need to come out to anybody except when it becomes “paramount” that you have to. This is the time for you to work on yourself and don’t dwell so much on meeting other queer people…for me it’s not a big deal. You’ll definitely meet them with time if you care so much about that, they’re everywhere…
KingNorth
March 20, 10:07Thanks
Thanos
March 20, 11:38I don’t agree with this.
While I agree that it’s unsafe to come out to someone if you don’t know their LGBT leaning, I completely understand people wanting gay friends.
There are discussions you can only have with gay friends, ways you can be truly you when you’re with gay people.
I once had a circle of gay friends. We never had sex with each other (it was frowned upon), but whether it was football (yes we liked football), fashion, constant hangouts to drink, for hikes, on beaches etc, entertainment or judging whomever we were currently dating, we were all around to do that. And it was the most fun I’d had with people in ages. I never felt like I had to be cautious about who I was or what I said.
It’s empowering for people to have places or people with whom they can be completely themselves.
Shuga
March 21, 09:11Do not come out to anyone because you feel you want to tell her.
Please do your thing in minna and move on.
Ghosthood
March 25, 16:16**I wouldn’t even come out to someone who is gay let alone straight and a see**
There’s a queer community in Minna, as much as I’m not a fan, there one not far from the campus with health clinic, hangout spot and all that 🤐.
Since you’re new in Minna, you might wanna consider staying hidden, because the gay community here is nothing to write well about in terms of lifestyle, unless your a groupie 🤧then you’re in the right city.
Met someone online who referred to the gay community in Minna as DOGs, and he has only been here once or twice, I guess he had a running with them here.
Regardless, stay safe Minna is a conservative city, btw go on baddo or use Grindr app, you can’t miss em, they hungry 🤣.
Mandy
March 22, 07:11“Besides why are you in a hurry to meet other gay people since you’re not outrightly looking for sex?”
Well, because community is important. Community helps alleviate the loneliness that comes with being gay. This question you asked makes it seem like the only reason gay people are friends is because of sex, which I’m sure you’re sensible enough to know is silly. Being a part of a gay community helps with one’s sense of identity, and King North is right to want to be a part of one.
Reuben
March 20, 10:45My advise is don’t come out, the outcome may be worst than loneliness. I have few friends who are queer at Minna, there’s even a whatsapp group for queer over there I think.
Dyrio
March 20, 11:02Oh dear… I will suggest you don’t get to come out to her at all. That could make things worse for you if she happens to be a homophobe, meanwhile I’ve got friends in Minna, mostly enlightened muslims I know that at least can help you and identify with the queer community even if they’re still not that out!
Ken
March 20, 14:33Don’t u dare! If u are lonely find things to keep u busy. But coming out to anybody is dangerous, especially when u are not sure their ideology on sexuality
bamidele
March 20, 18:03I’m living and studying in a European country at the moment and I can relate with you when it comes to loneliness. the year-long (and still counting) lockdown due to corona makes things even worse. Hence social life (not necessarily with fellow queers) only become possible when I am in Nigeria (where I usually use every possible opportunity to visit).
My advice to you, as I have endeavoured is to develop some hobbies and focus on it. Mine is reading and writing and it has been helpful. Just a suggestion, though…
Saucebutton
March 21, 21:30There are queer people in Minna! Maybe not a community per se but they sure exist in this part of town.
Your coming out to your friend should be a NO!
Create more hobbies and activities that will help engage you.
I guess you now have a handful of Minna folks, myself included 😊😊.
Mandy
March 22, 07:08Like most people have already said, your reasons for wanting to come out to your friend is VERY WRONG. Because it could backfire and she’d turn out to be a homophobe and you’d not only lose the friendship but put yourself in danger of what she might do with her knowledge of who you are and on top of it, you won’t even get what you wanted by coming out to her.
First of all, feel her out on LGBT issues. Talk to her about gay rights and see how she vibes on the subject.
And honestly, just because she’s a girl doesn’t automatically mean she’ll know gay people in that side. Cos I’m pretty sure that if this friend was a guy, you wouldn’t be thinking about coming out to him so he can introduce you to gay guys.
Hopefully though, the good that has come out of this post is that you’ve gotten connected to members of the Minna gay community. Be good.
Max
March 22, 23:43I’m reaching out to you.
I stay at Minna.
Femz
March 24, 23:10Queer folks are much in Minna who u can hangout with it’s just a matter of time, I had a lot of queer friends during my service year in Minna.
However don’t dare come out to ur her.
Sea_Warrior
January 28, 11:12I schooled in Minna, queer life is almost non existent or rather very well hidden. If remember, during my years there was one very flamboyant boy that it was so obvious the type of person he was. People always made fun of him. He was not treated well, at all.