We met on Grindr late last year, Moyo and I. He sent me his picture, and I found him very attractive. In my world, on a scale of 1-10, he was an 11. I instantly had a crush on him and told him about it. Moyo lived in Ibadan and I in Lagos, but that didn’t interfere with our virtual romance. In the following days, we talked a lot – I called him, he sent voice notes, I texted him and he replied as fast as he could. We planned to meet up on several occasions but the plans fell through. After a while, we both became resigned to just being online friends.

The new year came with fresh hopes and expectations. It was to be my youth service year. I chose to serve in Oyo State because of its proximity to Lagos. I get homesick a lot. I also wanted to use the opportunity to get close to Moyo. I really liked him and the thought of being closer to him warmed my heart. He would be in school most of the time, but that didn’t faze me. We would always meet whenever he was on break or during the holidays. I informed him about my intention to serve in Ibadan and explained to him that he played a big part in that decision. He warned me against coming to Ibadan because of him, but my mind was already made. I was posted somewhere else during mobilization but got redeployed to Oyo State immediately after camp, and I worked my way to Ibadan, to Moyo. I shared the good news with him and he was excited. I reminded him that I was committed to making “us” a reality and he seemed happy about it. I quickly went house-hunting and only considered apartments close to his estate. Getting the said apartment proved difficult, so I settled for somewhere I could afford, which wasn’t exactly close to his. It didn’t matter, I reasoned. I was in Ibadan and I would finally get to meet Moyo.

Weeks passed by, and I was getting settled in Ibadan. The city is quite beautiful with hills and great monuments. I spent the first few weeks enjoying the scenery, meeting people and generally having fun. I visited the malls at Dugbe and Ring Road, went to some local bars and went swimming at the amazing Agodi Gardens. At home, the electricity was fair, and my flat-mates made sure the house was always bubbling. I began to open up to the city and I was starting to feel at home. Ibadan is famed for its delicious amala and although I wasn’t really a fan, I had to find out for myself if it was worth the hype. I went to the most renowned amala joint in Ibadan, the one beside Skye Bank at Bodija. I ordered a plate of amala, some goat meat and a small bottle of stout. A few swallows into the meal and I became a living witness with a testimony. The meal was sumptuous – as the Italians say, Gusto Excellente! I became a regular at the joint so much so that I started receiving discounts on my order. In all honesty, my first few weeks in the Pace Setter State were bliss, but I wasn’t quite fulfilled. I had still not seen Moyo. I called him and told him I was settled and was eagerly anticipating his arrival. He promised he would try to come back whenever he had the chance.

A month flew by before he finally did. I was in a movie theatre when he called. Moyo was in Ibadan and he wanted to see me!

We met on a Thursday after my CDS. We sat in his car and talked a bit. He apologized that he had to run an errand and our meet wouldn’t exceed ten minutes. I didn’t mind. Moyo was more attractive in person than his photos. He was everything I had ever imagined and more. He was my dream man. Right there, in his car, I think I fell in love with him. He confirmed that he liked me as well while appreciating the sacrifices I had made to make our virtual fantasy a reality. He didn’t quite believe me when I called him handsome. He wasn’t used to such. But I assured him that he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen – and I wasn’t lying, I truly felt butterflies in my belly.

Our meeting brought with it a few hitches. Moyo said he couldn’t date me because there was no future for our relationship as he would definitely end up marrying a female. Being gay was to him a curse but he enjoyed sex and saw me as potential fuck buddy. He explained to me that I was his “gay” friend and not his friend. He went as far as adding T (the T in TB) to my contact to remind him that I was only his friend for gay-related activities. He also clarified his sexual role. He was now “full top” and wouldn’t take “it” up the ass unlike the previous year when he was “verse top”.

He gave his terms and conditions and I accepted them, as long as they came along with him. I saw the signs, they were all too glaring. Even Stevie Wonder could see the impending disaster. But not me. I was blinded by love – or was it lust? I had read similar cases on Kito Diaries that didn’t end well, but I couldn’t help it. I loved him and I thought with my help, he would “change”.

Our ten minutes together felt like heaven on earth and it was only after he drove off that I realized my khaki was stained with pre-cum. We’d agreed to meet again whenever he had the chance but I didn’t have to wait long as two weeks later, ASUU declared a strike. A few days after the strike, I quizzed him about when he would be returning to Ibadan, to which he calmly replied, “I’m in IB.” I told him how much I had missed him and how eager I was to see him and we fixed a date for Sunday at my apartment.

I wasn’t obsessed with Moyo and it wasn’t lust either. It wasn’t that kind of attraction. It was a genuine interest to share my world with him. He was the first on my mind after waking and last before sleeping. I longed to hear his voice, to talk about random stuff, to know how his day went, to laugh at his dry jokes, to hold his hand in public places. I wanted to watch horror movies with him while snuggled up under a blanket. I wanted to make sweet passionate love to him with rose petals on the bed and Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing on cue. I wanted to kiss him goodnight and wake up to the sunrise on his face. I saw a future with him. He was fun when he wanted to be. He was witty and sarcastic and I loved that about him. He made me laugh – a lot. He took me on an emotional roller-coaster but he always knew the right words to melt my heart. He knew how to get me; he had my password, my mumu button. I knew he was “fighting demons” and I planned to help him through it. If only he wasn’t so arrogant and bossy and immature about it. He didn’t really strike me as a sensitive person, and I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I called him a spoiled brat.

Sunday couldn’t come soon enough. I tidied my apartment, took a bath and put on my Sunday’s best. I had breakfast before calling to ask when he would be coming over. He assured me that he would be at my place by 2pm. I took a little nap to douse my anxiety; I didn’t want to be overly excited when he arrived. Then 2pm came – and passed with no sign of him. I didn’t call him until three. This time, his line wasn’t reachable. I tried his line several times over the next hour but it didn’t connect. Maybe his battery was flat – was the excuse I made for him and for why he was running late. 3pm became 4pm and then 5pm. Still no sign of Moyo. It was becoming increasingly evident that I wouldn’t see my lover that day. It devastated me but I remained adamant that it was his loss. I wasn’t going to ruin a good day simply because I didn’t meet the love of my life. I decided not to call again, changed to my everyday clothes and went to watch football.

In what was a feature of my strained relationship with Moyo, I couldn’t ever stick to the plan. The plan was not to call him and make him feel guilty for standing me up, but thirty minutes into the match, I was dialing his line. This time, it rang. I flew out of the viewing center to speak to him. He apologized for his lateness, told me he was already on his way and that I should hurry to meet him at our rendezvous. I rushed home, got dressed and hurried off to meet the one who made my head swell.

I was trying to board a bike when Moyo called. Sounding impatient, he barked, “Where are you now? I don’t have time for this o! I’ve been here for over fifteen minutes waiting for you. If you are not here in five minutes, I’m going to leave.”

I froze. Was he alright? After standing me up all day, he comes hours late and has the audacity to hurry me up? I was mad. I regained some dignity and told him, “You know what, if you want to go, go!”

He hissed and said, “Okay.”

There was silence on the phone. It felt like he was going to hang up. I had waited an entire year to be with him, and on the cusp of its eventuality, I may have just ended the possibility. I was instantly scared. I obviously didn’t want him to go; I only said what I said because I was angry. In a shaky and hopeful voice, I said, “Moyo…” Hoping he was still there. Hoping my lover would respond.

And he did. He laughed. I laughed too. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and intensified my efforts to get to him.

The ride to my place was very uncomfortable. Bad roads and exuberant cab drivers didn’t help our cause. All through our journey, Moyo kept cussing and sighing, as if regretting his decision to come. I couldn’t tell what was wrong. I tried to cheer him up but he wouldn’t respond; he only hummed to the music blasting from the car speakers.

We arrived home and I ushered him into my small but comfortable apartment. I didn’t have much furniture around so he settled on my bed. I offered him refreshments but he declined. I initiated small talk but he didn’t really participate. He derived pleasure instead from watching Snapchat videos. He turned away from me and laid on his chest, causing me to notice his adorable backside. I did, and I complimented him on it. I briefly thought he was trying to arouse me – me that was already aroused. I didn’t want to be too forward though, so I ignored the burning desire in my pants. Truth be told, I really wanted to connect with him emotionally before we got intimate.

After another foiled attempt at a conversation, he told me that he would be leaving in fifteen minutes. This time, I asked, “Do you want to make out?”

He didn’t outrightly say yes but he didn’t say no either, and that was my cue. I kissed him. He turned to face me and readied himself to be loved by me. I hadn’t “touched” myself in days in anticipation of his visit, so I was quick to undress him. I was driven by a lust fueled by the love I had for him. I was passionate with every kiss, loyal with every touch and sincere with every moan. Finally, Moyo was mine.

We made out quite alright but it was exhausting. He accused me of being a terrible kisser and tried to teach me how to do it. Apparently I wasn’t getting better at it, so he stopped kissing me all-together. He had a long list of do’s and don’t’s, with the later greatly outnumbering the former. Everything I tried to do to him was either hissed at, frowned upon or downrightly stopped. “No don’t do that!” “Stop! I don’t like it!” “Don’t touch me there!” “No! You get on top!” These were all the moans I got from him. Nothing seemed to work. Even my earlobe master-plan turned him off. He kept stopping and starting my rhythm and soon enough, I gave up. While still naked and on my bed, he asked me if I had porn for him to jerk off to. I felt quite insulted and didn’t oblige him. We jerked off together and climaxed almost at the same time. He was lying beside me and came all over my stomach while I shot my babies into the air. Some part of it landed on his face and he almost threw up. He had just cum all over me but a little semen on his face and he wanted to puke.

He got up and got dressed as though he was being chased by evil spirits. There was no cuddling or sweet talk, nothing of that sort. Just a frantic attempt from him to leave that vicinity. I met him as he was about to open the door, and still dazed in the opium of love, I asked, “Are you just going to leave like that?” He looked at me, rolled his eyes, planted a very uninspiring peck on my cheeks, gave me a half hearted hug and walked out. We entered his car, and I showed him the route out of the area. He bade me farewell and zoomed off in the next heartbeat. I strolled back home while ruminating on what had just happened. I felt used and dumped but I shrugged it off. Later on, I called to confirm if he had arrived home and wished him a good night rest. I slept with joy in my heart that night, assured that Bae was mine already and that bad sex wasn’t going ruin our relationship. The sex may not have gone as planned but it didn’t matter much. It was with Moyo and I enjoyed the little pleasure it gave me.

I’ve never been a fan of Mondays, but this one was an exception. I turned up for work with the biggest smile in the arena. After a few hours, I called Moyo to ask how his day was going, but he didn’t pick up. Then I made an excuse for him as usual; he was probably in the bathroom, he would call me back. He didn’t.

He hasn’t since then and I don’t think he will. He sent me a message on Whatsapp though. He said many unkind words that hurt me but my eyes were fixed on his last message which read: ‘What happened yesterday will never happen again.’

I can’t wait for the service year to be over, Ibadan is starting to reject me. I have malaria. The food is becoming complacent – the amala is not soft enough, the stew is watery and meat is too stringy. There is no light most of the time, and I don’t have a generator. The transport system is horrible. The beggars have multiplied and all have their operation blocks now. Allawee did not come on time. August has become my least favourite month. The H-factor has crept into my speech and the network coverage is appalling.

Ibadan is still a beautiful city nonetheless, but maybe Ibadan is not for me.

Written by Orobo Hunter

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  1. Francis
    September 15, 05:12 Reply

    Sad. Really sad man. Sorry oh. Just take am as one of life experience. Next time you see the signs again, na to Run far!

  2. Mash
    September 15, 05:22 Reply

    This is just sad, I feel for you deep down my soul unreciprocated love is a very bad,exhausting and draining thing to happen to anyone in this life.
    But trust me you going to be just fine yo!believe that.
    It’s ok for it to hurt and pain so much but eventually you’re going to get over it and probably meet someone better that appreciate your love, commitment and also ready to walk that walk with you.
    Don’t ever stop loving because of this.
    Do and come Lagos Orobo’s are waiting for you.

  3. Mandy
    September 15, 05:28 Reply

    I get not being into sosomeone, but men, do we have to be assholes about it? ??
    This is really sad. But a necessary lesson for you, Orobo Hunter. By your own admission, you’ve read about it but didn’t heed the warnings. Sometimes all we need is a personal experience to learn our lesson. Take heart, brother.

  4. Colossus
    September 15, 06:27 Reply

    I’m really trying to be sympathetic to your cause but walahi, I’m coming up short. The signs were right there in your face, a constant reminder for you to carry on but you blatantly refused. Oh well, enjoy what’s left of your stay in ibadan. It truly is a beautiful city

      • Colossus
        September 15, 07:24 Reply

        Yeah, briefly. I didn’t get to explore the town but my one day stay left a pleasurable mark.

  5. Rapum
    September 15, 06:37 Reply

    You cannot decide to have a terrible service year because of an asshole. Hissing, rolling of eyes: These are enough to douse my attraction. Please enjoy the city, meet other guys. Forget him.

  6. quinn
    September 15, 06:42 Reply

    Yes, Moyo is an asshole! Hang in there Honey, you’ll be fine.

    • Ojukwu Jeff
      September 15, 11:17 Reply

      Hahahahha… jam jam you’re such a bad ass. Perhaps Moyo might be an orobo and dude is the hunter. Lwkmh…

    • OroboHunter
      September 15, 12:20 Reply

      Nah. But he was thick in all the right places.

  7. Foxydevil
    September 15, 07:00 Reply

    You were obsessed and there is nothing wrong with that .Obsession just like lust, love and hate are natural human attributes. While obsession is leaning more to the dangerous side because it can summon some unpalatable attributes in a person ,which includes stalking ,depression etc
    It is something that can very much be stopped.
    Clearly you are still into him, that is why nothing around you impresses you any longer…. There is still beauty in the world and you must do your best to find them. Here are a few useful tips that can help you get better.
    1 flaw him….. No one is an eleven, everyone has their flaws, you must have discovered it during your short but impactful tryst. Take him out of that eleven and score him lower.
    2 set another goal…. Hit the gym, learn French, find anything that will take your mind off him. Instead of lying around waiting for your service year to come to an end put your time to good use, divert your obsession and passion to something that will be much more rewarding.
    3.Get a diary ….I’ve come to understand that putting things in writing can be therapeutic. You’ve done well by sending this here, but constantly updating on your progress, day to day activities and all sorts of things you keep buckled up, is very refreshing.
    4. Be in the company of others…. Have friends around, laugh, socialize, do something for fun, engage in outdoor activities and please watch lots of comedy movies .
    5.pray ….the church and zealots might tell you that God hates you because you are gay and use the Bible to judge you and castigate you but I will never buy into that theory, not unless I hear it from the horses mouth .Prayer is a cliche, but it has a substantial healing effect. There is a surprising relief that comes from unearthing your burdens to a perceived invisible being .

    And the most important, please work on your self esteem, if you value yourself enough, you wouldn’t let anyone devalue you.
    Learn to forgive yourself…. Lots of excuses can become a detriment, but making excuses once in a while can lead to forgiveness of self which can halt a potential case of depression.
    Improve your sexual skill. Men love sex, for him to rebuff you that way after driving that long, means there is something you ain’t doing right to turn him on. You nestling his ear in your estimation might actually be you slumbering all over his ear and that is nasty.
    You can never go wrong with good sex.
    Sex should never be all there is on the table but sex is very important.
    There are many books that can help you improve your sexual life.
    Read up about good sex on the internet, try to improve your hygiene (if it is a problem)
    The Indian “Kama Sutra ”
    The Egyptian “magic stick ”
    These are all useful guides that will make you better acquainted and in sync with your partner in bed.
    Stay safe.

  8. trystham
    September 15, 07:52 Reply

    Loooool. U pipu wee not kee me 2day. U av malaria, Amala is not soft enough, beggars tun po ni titi…but wait sef, all that hype for IB? Kini iyato Ife and Ibadan?
    Anyway, I still can’t understand ppl who ‘promote’ themselves. Its like some school ish, started from the bottom…

    • Malik
      September 15, 10:56 Reply

      Those last two paragraphs killed me!

  9. Eggsy
    September 15, 08:03 Reply

    Fucking asshole! Fucking asshole!

  10. Johnny
    September 15, 08:38 Reply

    Lol. You were blinded by love, I understand. You saw the signs for Christ sake. I can relate, I had a date some days ago and when he started talking, I could see nothing good will come out of his Jerusalem. I told him I’m in a relationship, though he is still disturbing me but he knows my stand. I’ve gotten to a stage I don’t fell used.

  11. Bloom
    September 15, 08:42 Reply

    Stories like this break my heart all the time and bring back ugly memories. I understand what you went through baby.
    Take a deep breath, you’ve got this.
    And by the way your writing is beautiful!

    • Dana Opal
      September 15, 09:04 Reply

      I agree with you @the writing g being beautiful.

      Some parts cracked me up tho- amala is too soft lol

  12. Mitch
    September 15, 09:02 Reply

    My God!
    This level of obsession that blinds one to obvious truths is just not good.
    Been there, done that, know it never works out.
    My take: clear your head, forget the fellow and breathe in the clean air of liberation.

    But self hating fellows sef, their own is too much.
    Better pray y’all never cross my path in this life again.
    Me, I don’t know the difference between heads and walls again because bottle is a constant in my hands.

  13. Delle
    September 15, 11:06 Reply

    I’m supposed to feel sorry for you but I can’t help but not feel that way. I don’t feel sympathetic towards your story because I do not think, knowing its you and cos I’ve seen you around for a while, you should have allowed yourself be used in such manner.

    This is the 21st century, scratch that, this is 2017! You are not allowed to let a man use your head in such manner! Jesus. Whatever happened to being in love with your heart and being in touch with the head?
    You left your head in all of these and he saw through it.

    The moment he said, “He doesn’t see you as friend but gay friend” that would be been your cue to abandon his proud, self-dignified, self-loathing, homophobic ass! He took all of you and away and rather saw just your sexuality? How disrespectful!

    And then he had the effrontery to save your contact with the T in TB? Haba.
    You could have called your brains back.

    You really tried. All of those things you went through and still wanted to continue had he not cut you off first? Your endurance is topnotch I must commend.

    I really don’t think it was love like you think (and wrote up there). This was well-clothed infatuation. Trust me, there’s a thin line between these two abstract feelings. You can’t fall in love with a guy based on just physical disposition and confidently call it love. No. Please, love goes deeper than that. It goes beyond that.

    But what’s done is done. You would have to trudge on now. Best look for new interests, new friends and don’t think too much about the things that were so beautiful prior to your meeting the douchebag. It’s very apparent that you only loved those things cos Moyo was your aesthetic condiment.

    You’ll be fine.

    • Pink Panther
      September 15, 13:13 Reply

      Being in love with your heart and being in touch with the head…

      That’s a good line. I’ll remember to use it sometime.

  14. OroboHunter
    September 15, 12:26 Reply

    There’s no formula to life, we live and learn everyday. Thanks for all the comments though, they are valuable. Big shout out to pp and all KDians for this platform, It has helped me a lot over the years. Gracias.

  15. Tiwa
    September 15, 12:38 Reply

    I know this moyo
    and he is really an,asshole
    moyo is not his real name tho
    move on dear
    he always does that !

    • Moyo
      June 18, 02:02 Reply

      Lmao, I’m the moyo guy. How do you know me?

  16. mike
    September 15, 12:47 Reply

    Well, dunno can’t say much buh what I know is I never go for anyone specially on a first date,who isn’t crazy over me, that way I can take a step back and read them. Other then the top thing,which is a prefer yhu weren’t clear on what yhu wanted, he was very clear,he just wanted to fuck, been there even from a tops perspective it still hurts lika bitch,I know that feeling and I remember promising myself never to be anyone’s pieces of meat again.

    Yhu should have a checklist before jumping to bed with someone, weight yhur ideals and theirs and look for where they align.

    Mine is simple loyal,chubby,geeky,picks in a cute way,submissive etc

    Once my interest n theirs do not align I just flirt with’em, then take my time getting myself into that hookup mental state.

    Just be clear on what yhu want,makes sure it settles well with yhu,weight yhur ideals and never make sacrifices for anyone cause of lust,men get clear on their plans for now n the future,literally ask what type of gay guy are yhu, I do that.

    By the way he did nothing wrong he was clear on who he was from the onset, yhu just don’t care. Don’t talk this wrong way buh maybe yhu were after the money or something, another thing apart from from cause I don’t see a reason why he would tell yhu yhur his gay friend no strings attached, and that finally he would get married to a lady yet yhur still sell yhur self short.

  17. Johnny
    September 15, 13:33 Reply

    Pinky well-done. You are just being bias, I now know this place is for a group of friends not do the community.

  18. Tobby
    September 15, 16:42 Reply

    A few more wanking, and you’ll be over him ??

    On a more serious note, he sounds like an awful insecure twit. You’re better off without such negativity

    September 15, 17:19 Reply

    Just very sad. The dude was an asshole really. Inasmuch as I’d like to scold you, I can totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve been there dear (probably still there Infact cos I’d come running if paradveture my ‘Moyo’ gives me a ring this very moment); but Foxy has said it all (bless your heart Foxy). Just keep your head up and try out those tips and you would be just fine.

  20. Ikenna
    September 15, 17:43 Reply

    Mehn the story too long abeg. I got tired of reading.

    • Pink Panther
      September 15, 17:48 Reply

      Clearly you won’t be reading a lot of stories here then.

      • Delle
        September 16, 09:15 Reply


        And that he felt the need to comment. Really?


  21. Troy
    September 15, 17:47 Reply

    I understand how it feels to be pressured into loving someone. Honestly, it makes you lose value in the person’s eye. The person may not believe that your feelings are genuine based in certain paranoia laid off by stories he may have heard about gay people.
    My advice is not to show how much you love someone just by meeting them anywhere.
    All my love sweets

  22. xoxo
    September 18, 22:06 Reply

    ? ??, I am sorry I am laughing but it was kinda funny, I am not gonna say u should have known, we all make stupid mistakes, but like I always say, u win some and lose some, some of them wee use u and some wee be used by u… but irrespective of that, Dude’s an ass hole… nowadays when pipo begin preaching with, ” this is just sex, we are not friends, don’t touch me here don’t touch me dere, I just get uninterested” I cannot go and catch feelings that I wee be dying alone with

  23. J
    September 28, 12:04 Reply

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha I am so sorry darling. I can imagine your pains. I am so scared of online dating, it doesn’t work for me. But I am still hoping to meet someone, face to face if possible… Someone that can walk up to me and tell me he likes me, stay with me and never get tired of me.

  24. Rick
    December 15, 20:56 Reply

    I’m bisexual and its pretty clear from the writeup that Moyo is just bi-curious and not really sure if he’s into guys. (Don’t know about now though). I’ve met with one of these before, probably he got off to gay porn at some point and started doing it consistently so he figured he might be gay. He was a real asshole, but its internalized homophobia that made him act that way. He’s not at peace with his sexuality (which he’s still discovering). Not defending his behavior in any way though.
    As a gay man, its best to stay away from these types unless you have straight guy fetishes, or like them, you just really want to have sex.
    I hope everything’s better now and your head’s clear 🙂 I totally get how infatuation can lowkey turn into an obsession.

  25. Rex
    March 03, 23:01 Reply

    I cried reading this, I can relate.

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