So, I’d been chatting on and off with this man on Badoo for close to two years and we had never met. The reason or this was that anytime he is in town, I’d be out of town. The last time we chatted and had our schedules cross off yet again was when I was in Accra and he was in Lagos.

So then, some two weeks ago, I was on Badoo, hunting for wank material, when his message popped up asking where I was. I told him I was in Lagos. And he immediately got excited, wanting to know if we could meet up the next day. At first I was reluctant, and so, I didn’t give him a definitive answer. The thing about me is that I have more than a fair amount of paranoia, which puts me in a position of perpetual hesitancy whenever any market I have is about to mature.

The next day, he called in the morning to know if I was still coming. I was bored (and maybe horny), so I said yes. I got dressed up in my favourite white shirt over sky blue pants, hair and makeup done, and I was off to Apapa.

I got to the bus stop he asked me to stop at and called him. He told me he was taking his bath and asked me to wait. I waited for about twenty minutes, and he still hadn’t shown up.

Then, another number called and an unfamiliar voice was asking me where I was. I told him I was at the bus stop, and he kept saying he couldn’t see me. This was understandable, because I’d positioned myself in a strategic position where I could see whoever was coming to get me first, a hideout of sorts where I could easily fade out into the crowd if I wasn’t sure of the hookup. The guy kept asking me where I was, saying he couldn’t see me at the bus stop, and I kept assuring him I was within sight while I looked around, hoping to spot whoever it was I was on the phone with.

And then, I saw him. He was gesturing in exasperation, and so I knew he was the one I was on the phone with. Seeing as his voice wasn’t familiar, it didn’t come as a surprise when I saw he wasn’t the man I’d been in touch with on Badoo. As I watched him, my mind was settled. This hookup was going to have to be a bust. He hadn’t seen me, so, my brothers and sisters, I did what any self-respecting Nigerian gay man would do. I jumped into an oncoming bus headed for Mile 2 so fast, I could have passed an interview to be the conductor based solely on that skill.

Once I got settled in the bus, I headed straight to Badoo and went on the attack. I lashed out at the man (he was online), slinging threatening messages at him like: “…I will deal with you… You want to set me up abi… I will come back for you with my uncle in the army…” Stuff like that. lol. My fingers were racing over my keypad as I vented my anger at him, heaving insult after insult at him.

It was indicated that my messages were getting read, but he never once interrupted my tirade. When it was clear to him that I was done, his first response was to tell me how immature I was. Then he went on to say how insulted he felt that I would write him off as a set-up guy.

I scoffed and typed back: “Oga, no be today. I refuse to be your victim.”

He replied with an explanation of who he is, telling me he is an honourable member of the PDP. He sent several pictures of him to support his claim, and explained that he’d sent one of his boys to come pick me up. Then he told me to pick another meeting place of my choice right then and he would drive over himself to meet me. Clearly, he still intended for us to see that day.

But I was too spent from my vexation. And I was already too far gone from Apapa. I told him there was no need to meet. And our chat ended.

I got back home and armed with the information he’d given me by way of his explanation, I began asking questions, digging further for some verification. A guy’s gotta have sources for situations like this. I used my sources, both off- and online. And eventually, he turned up clean. He was who he claimed to be.

My paranoia had gotten the best of me.

However, I couldn’t let myself feel like a fool for my exaggerated reaction to the hookup that never happened. I stomped out my regret with the question: What if things had gone the other way?

Written by Jimmy


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  1. ambivalentone
    August 06, 05:00 Reply

    “I jumped into an oncoming bus headed for Mile 2 so fast, I could have passed an interview to be the conductor based solely on that skill.” I laughed so hard

    • JIMMY
      August 06, 08:47 Reply

      boss i teh you,i was even amazed at myself. lmao

  2. Mandy
    August 06, 06:10 Reply

    ????? The fear of kito has done us strong thing in this country sha.

  3. miztadiol
    August 06, 06:47 Reply

    The fear of kito is the beginning of wisdom. U must receive/have sense one kito experience sef. Sometimes even without kito experience u are very cautious!

  4. Johnny
    August 06, 07:13 Reply

    lmao… what kito can do to online hoes. I wanted to type boos.

    • jimmy
      August 06, 10:07 Reply

      hoes Biko, nobody gat time to be forming child of God

  5. posh6666
    August 06, 07:48 Reply

    Abeg better safe than sorry to avoid stories that touches…Atleast he should have told you frm the start that he will be sending some1 to come pick you up in my own case that self wouldnt have doused my paranoia but atleast it would have been less scary than just seeing a totally different person appearing to you…

    Imagine if the whole ish had gone south a lot of us would have been perched on our high thrones looking down on you and judging you,telling you how you fucked up and should have let your brain instead of konji control you..Cos this actually looked like a potential kito story.

    PS :I thought all these big men have like their pimps and don’t even use all these random hookup apps just like I have never seen any celebrity on a dating app be it straight/gay.

      • KingBey
        August 06, 09:06 Reply

        You don’t know? How do think the likes of Atiku gets their market?

      • posh666
        August 06, 09:38 Reply

        Lool one would think madam the madam will know this….

        Well yea it’s true and it’s one lucrative bizness for some people who keep smiling to the bank even when others are complaining about this daddy Bubu’s regime….#PimpBiznessIsGoodBizness

        • KingBey
          August 06, 11:57 Reply

          It actually pays better than the main runs because as a Pimp, you also get to cut your own commission from the guy when he’s done. So you gain from both sides. ???

          • posh666
            August 06, 12:08 Reply

            Oshey my dear! Somebody wey sabi…hahahahah the thirst for Tea in this house is on a high level…But really guys these things are actually happening be it in the north,south or east…When you happen to mix with the right crowd every now and then you get to hear a lot of things especially if you are/were a very socially active person in the university.

            At the end of the day be it you are poor,average or rich the gay community in Nigeria is really small and people hear things.Just don’t be messy in Ur ways and try to guide Ur reputation well.

  6. Khaleesi
    August 06, 09:04 Reply

    You can never be too careful, always better to be safe than sorry; there’ll be other hookups and lots of other men, if this doesn’t work out, let it go!!

  7. KingBey
    August 06, 09:07 Reply

    You don’t know? How do you think the likes of Atiku gets their Market?

    • ambivalentone
      August 06, 10:05 Reply

      wait, WHAT??????????!!!!!!!! Atiku, fabric of iya alaso at Tinubu abi Atiku, THE Atiku, former VP?

      • posh666
        August 06, 10:38 Reply

        Nawao and I use to think most of this kdians don tear eye finish and have a lot of insider infos…

        FYI Atiku was among those allegedly who made volks wagon bora really popular back then in the north which is the thanks for coming present he gives to you when he’s pleased with you…It even became a thing of discussion once they see a young boy of questionable family background driving such a car back then.

        Well it’s a general knowledge here in the north of his ways even out his lifestyle and they warn their kids to stay away frm the temptation of earning fast money…

        In short a lot of top govt officials in the north do this thing codedly and you earn your cool cash if that’s what suits you…Especially back in those Uni days when you are reckless and all about the fun and getting some extra cash.These are the kind of things students do sometimes to keep up #OldGistNoBeRumours.

        • doe eyed monster
          August 06, 11:09 Reply

          Thank you ooo.. ..one would think KD would be filled with insider tea drinking but No o.. .all they would be doing is Nutri C. ?

          Thanks for this enlightening info. You calmed a thirst. ?

        • johnny
          August 06, 11:14 Reply

          Dear sister in the lord, spill more teas. We want to evangelise our ministry and reach the world.

        • Silver Cat
          August 06, 12:09 Reply

          Where’s Francis, are U seeing this? Be there forming, don’t go and get one Alhaji.

          • posh666
            August 06, 12:12 Reply

            Lool shey miss Francisca is a medical doc?she doesn’t need any alhaji in her life o jare…Well except she’s the type who likes extra nice things like plane tickets,vacation abroad frm time to time and a label hoe…Who doesn’t want to dig a hole in her own savings.

        • ambivalentone
          August 06, 19:20 Reply

          EHEN!!!! One last thing before u wrap up. Is he top? bottom? or everything in between? That “I’m-pleased-with-you” parting gift is setting my imagination on fire. It sounds like a hella stuff gone down.

          Oooooh!!! Perhaps the rumors of a love affair between Obj n Titi may be rooted in this spicy gist

          • posh666
            August 06, 19:27 Reply

            According to several sources he’s got a really big dick n strictly top.

      • KingBey
        August 06, 11:55 Reply

        Lol. Is it news Atiku is bisex? Or Babangida? They didn’t really hide it na. Those men were really notorious when they were in power. *sips dark Chamomile Tea*

        • z
          August 06, 16:17 Reply

          Me, you francis and posh666 really need to sit down and chat one of these days

  8. Jo
    August 06, 09:25 Reply

    Lmao….nna eh, better safe than sorry jare. anyways, that’s one contact in the right place, it may come in handy one day. kikik

  9. pagxy
    August 06, 10:20 Reply

    Yeah they have their pimps most of them are their personal assistant

    • ambivalentone
      August 06, 19:16 Reply

      My dear, the things I have just read…#ScarredForEternity. The last tidbit wud be whether he takes that D, or he gives it

  10. lluvmua
    August 06, 11:50 Reply

    grabs Biro and paper….. biko posh continu na, I yam learning a new suntin lol , more tea pls

  11. bryannnn
    August 06, 22:45 Reply

    I love kitodiaries, we have left the primary post to haggle on ATIKU and his preferences…chaiiii. …not leaving here any time soon.

  12. jimmy
    August 08, 11:50 Reply

    and that was how y’all forgot about how my paranoia and turned to atiku.
    a girl can never catch a break.

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