The Unexpected Case Of Rugby Player Sam Stanley’s Boyfriend

“It’s awesome to see so many athletes being true to themselves now,” rugby player Sam Stanley wrote to Outsports’ Cyd Zeigler earlier this year. “The thing for me was never that I wasn’t ready, it was more how to do it. I was going to put it on Twitter but my other half convinced me not to. I’m happy with how it’s all gone.”

The rugby player, who says he was partly inspired by rugby player Keegan Hirst coming out publicly, revealed to the people in his sport that he’s gay more than six months ago, and wrote in February that so far, the response has been positive: “The reaction from my current and past team mates and coaches has been great so far. I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time but didn’t really know how to and telling people one by one would have been way too stressful. … I’ve not been happier and now this huge burden has gone I can move forward and finally be myself. No more lying. Feel liberated!!!”

Stanley talked of his other half; coming out at the age of 23, he probably had the pick of twinks, twerkers and gym-obsessed twats – but the England Sevens player is already taken, and it’s not who people might expect.

Meet Laurence Hicks.

Sam’s boyfriend is, let’s be fair, a little older. While we’re not entirely sure how old he is, he looks to be a friendly-looking guy in his 40s.

The funny thing is, is that Sam has been gently coming out of the closet for the past three months. You just had to know where to look.

This is from an end of season awards dinner.

This is them at a Bette Midler concert.

This is at a family BBQ, where Sam explicitly refers to Laurence as his ‘other half’.

They seem like a pretty happy couple. Laurence works for a travel company, has two kids in their 20s, and, quick reminder, he takes Sam to see Bette Midler concerts. That is a good guy.

A lot of people have expressed surprise at the pairing. The question is why. Age gaps have been a part of gay relationships for centuries – just ask the Greeks. Plus there’s Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black, where there’s a 20 year difference. Or what about Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi? There’s 15 years between them. Stephen Fry and his husband Elliott Spencer? 30 years.

In Sam’s coming out interview to the Sunday Times, he said he considered committing suicide four or five years ago. After that moment, four or five years ago, he met Laurence.

‘I was standing on a bridge…overlooking a motorway in Essex,’ he said. ‘However, looking back, the idea that I would jump was ridiculous but it was as if I was thinking that I could get rid of the pain in one go.

‘You are so worried about what people will think and I thought I couldn’t be a macho rugby player the way I was, and there was nothing else I wanted to do with my life.’

When a lot of gay men and women come out, starting to navigate their sexuality, it’s natural for a lot of them to seek older people to date. These relationships may last a short while or it may last a lifetime, but it’s not as uncommon as one might think.

Sam is at a point where he may still be figuring himself out, and he might need someone more mature to help him out on his personal journey, or he might have simply just found someone that makes sense to have in his life.

This isn’t to say Laurence hasn’t had his own journey, he’s had two kids after all, but he might be the stability that both of them need. But who knows? It’s their relationship.

When people look at relationships with an age gap, some think the older one is always sleazy or the younger one is always a gold-digger. That’s judging at face value. And if you know anything about relationships, judging at face value can be a mistake.

Sam Stanley’s coming out will undoubtedly change the world of rugby. But it should also help to change our expectations of what a relationship is and what it should look like. As long as the love is there, who cares?