There’s Jon and there’s Felix.
Jon and I started chatting on Facebook 11 months ago, in October 2016. He was overseas at the time, but has been back to Nigeria since April and we still haven’t met. I spend a lot of time on the social media, so yeah, I meet people and overtime build cyber relationships. Jon and I had one and we made promises to each other, promises I took seriously.
However, before Jon, I’d made the online acquaintance of Felix in December 2015. He wasn’t an easy acquaintance to make, not at all like I would come to enjoy with Jon. Felix hardly replied my messages, and when he did, they were mostly short and annoying. He was also overseas. Just when I was about to give up on him, he suddenly started warming up to me.
Now in 2017, I’d lost all contact with Felix, and Jon and I were cyber-dating, even though he is back to Nigeria and months later, we still hadn’t met. Then in July, I was on Instagram when I saw Felix’s story, a sight of him at the gym that caused me to slide into his DM. he responded when I said “hey”, and when he asked where I was and I said “Jos”, he sent my heart leaping when he said he was in Jos too. Apparently, he too was back in Nigeria, but unlike Jon, right in my area.
Following the chatversation, we met and hung out till very late in the night, too late, it turned out, for me to get any transport back to my place. He suggested paying for a room in the hotel where he was staying for me to stay the night. (He was in Jos for a long-term project and had rented the deluxe apartment in the hotel with his colleagues for the whole year they’d be working on the project) After I got settled in the room, he joined me and we made out a lot. There was no sex; I wasn’t ready for it. I hadn't done it in a long while and he didn’t push for it.
Meanwhile, my communication with Jon had become strained. Calls had reduced and the chats on WhatsApp weren't as frequent because he was hardly online. Excuses piled high whenever the conversation about traveling to see each other came up. Considering all this, and with Felix back in the picture, it was only natural for me to want to focus on the man I had rather than the man I was having a hard time having.
But I like Jon very much.
And I like Felix. And as much as he’s present and I know I should break up with Jon so I can focus on him, taking that kind of step for Felix scares me. I fancy myself falling in love with Felix already but I’m not sure he feels the same way about me. He has mentioned asking me out a few times but that is yet to happen. I don't even know if we are already dating or simply friends with benefits (we've had sex a few times since that night). There’s no definition for what we are, and that unsettles me. I like a relationship with a definition. It tells me what I've signed up for and I'm ready to stay focused on it. And that's what Jon and I shared.
And about Jon, my feelings for him haven't completely waned. We still chat and now, he’s talking about definitely coming to see me in Jos. He has told me he loves me and I have told him too. Before Felix, I believed my declarations of love with all my heart; now, I just feel like a liar anytime I tell Jon that I love him, because I'm not sure of the sincerity of those words anymore.
And so, I’m caught in this emotional trap where I don’t know who to take the definite step for – Felix who’s right here but who may or may not want with me the things I want with him, or Jon who isn’t close but appears to be dedicated – whenever he can get to the phone – to having a relationship with me.
There’s so much uncertainty. What do I do?
Submitted by Tali