That Piece About The Difference Between Fucking, Sex And Making Love
Originally published on gayguys.com
I’ve had all kinds of sex, honey – some at my prime, others not so much. What I’ve realized, now that I’m at an age to look back, is that most of what I call “bad sex” happened in my early-twenties when I was still trying to figure it out. Thank God the time has passed and I can share what I’ve learned.
What is the difference between fucking, sex, and making love? We all have our own interpretations of it – I’m sure even after I give my opinion on the topic, you will have an opposing one. To me, sex is more than just about penetration. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to involve it. What matters most to me is the intention behind – that in itself sets the meaning of the word.
FUCKING has little build-up involved.
Both married people and single people can fuck all the time. It has a get-to-the-point kind of perspective about it. You do it when you’re not in the mood to talk or be mushy. You want to get off and you need it now, not later. So you cut to the chase, reach for the condom, grab the lube, and get the party started.
Single gay guys fuck all the time. Thanks to apps like Grindr (among others), guys are having sex with very little emotional attachment just to get off. Say what you want about it, but in my opinion, this isn’t just sex. It’s fucking. It’s dismissive. It matters very little in the long run and you do it just for the sake of a happy ending.
Gay couples in relationships fuck all the time, too. I remember when my man and I returned from a long road trip. We were both so tired, yet, equally horny. Instead of our usual kissing, rubbing, blowing routine, we went straight for home base. It was a wham, bam, bam, bam, bam, done, kind of night. We also do it after a long day of work, or in other situations where all we want to do is be inside each other because we’re so horned up. It’s all good!
SEX is about the climactic journey towards penetration.
Write what you want, but I think blowjobs definitely constitute as sex in today’s world. When I have sex, I start from the ground up – the speed changes every time, but I always start with the basics rather than rushing into it.
This is the type of sex most people have, especially in relationships. Both of you make an unconscious effort to take your time with each other. It’s all in the buildup – kissing, rubbing, blowing, pinning, humping, grabbing, mounting, etc. It’s a lead up. Once one of you is inside the other, it becomes a very nice pay off. The whole experience can be described as “SEX,” and it is how most human beings in the world have been doing it since the beginning of time.
MAKING LOVE has intention.
It is cause and effect; trust me, we all know the difference between a man who is into our bodies versus a man who is into our hearts. He touches us differently – it’s caring, sensitive, sensual. He likes (or loves) us, so he wants our souls to speak to one another.
It’s more than just about touching. It’s a deep yearning to feel affirmed and valued. We all long for a man to see us exactly as we are, and love us for it. Whatever insecurities we have about our body or personality is thwarted by the intensity he feels for us as a person. Making love is an expression of feeling rather than a reenactment of our favorite porn scene.
One of the biggest mistakes countless gay men do is to have sex with strangers as if they’re making love. We all want companionship and we all like to be snuggled with, but some guys don’t know how to handle it afterwards. They give too much of themselves when they’re making love that they confuse their brains. They lose touch of what it actually means to love without sex that when a good man comes into their lives, they’re desensitized. This is never a good habit to build upon.
Whether it’s fucking, sex, or making love, it’s all an expression of something. For some it’s love, for others it’s simply being horny. It doesn’t matter what you call it, penetration is penetration at the end of the night. I personally don’t have a favorite type of sex – they’re all good. Depending on my mood, I can have one scheduled for every day of the week, honey.
What do they mean to you?
About author
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54 Comments
pete
April 29, 05:05see analysis
Peak
April 29, 05:09“One of the biggest mistakes countless gay men do is to have sex with strangers as if they’re making love. We all want companionship and we all like to be snuggled with, but some guys don’t know how to handle it afterwards. They give too much of themselves when they’re making love that they confuse their brains.”
True! An incident came to mind after reading this. My 2nd sex partner actually. After telling he operated a “no love allowed” policy, I handle the intercourse all mushy mushy.lets just say although it was a gravity defying and mind numbing experience, nigga was like he can’t ve a love sprunged puppy in his hands he aint cut out for that shit no more. I was sure as daylight that I never mentioned that word. I just reached the conclusion that he probably saw and felt something I was 2 naive to see. But then again I don’t believe this crap and dumb analysis. If U like somebody, then take ur time to worship and appreciate that body, mind and soul. I live for the cuddles and snuggles biko. If that makes me look like a love sprung puppy afterwards?…….I don kia**in my phyno voice***
A-non
April 29, 05:40May I apply?
Deola
April 29, 05:45After now they will say they dont do mushy mushy oh. ****clears throat and sips green tea***
A-non
April 29, 06:14I am joining my faith with yours that you do not choke on that green tea!
*tongue out*
Max
April 29, 07:01You and your green teas. You tryna be a runway model?
Chris
April 29, 15:22Weight watchers are known for drinking green tea
I drink it for the antioxidant it contained.
Peak
April 29, 06:23A-non I’m praying with you too. Someone must choke on green tea by thunder by fire.
@Deola, lol. I’m sure if u paid extra attention, u would realise that my mushy genes only surfaces in secured-private quarters? By the way, why u de bring off KD matter come KD? Oya shift b4 orunmila take over ur case
A-non
April 29, 06:25Off KD matter into KD?
Does that mean my application came in a late?
Max
April 29, 07:08A-non, I’m begging the thunder that’ll fire you to just have mercy while I talk some sense into you.☺. Now I’m asking nicely, get your paws off wherever you’re about to clench them, cos the surface is about to get a while lot slippery. And I’ll hate for you to lose your grip, fall and break something (spinal cord/vertebral column Comes to mind) and then lie in bed for months, possibly forever, begging the grim reaper to come and reap the shit out of you. Redirect your eyes ok and you just might live long enough to see your grand kids. ☺☺. #FriendlyWarning
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 07:09I love friendly warnings like this. 😀
A-non
April 29, 08:10Lol
Max, don’t worry, you can keep him.
Max
April 29, 08:53Wise choice ☺
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 06:44Lol. Oh Peak…
Peak
April 29, 07:29**frantically dialing dennis’s number to get tried and tested tips on how to handle a riot**
#TeamKizito
April 29, 05:38Hmm.
Hmm.
kendigin
April 29, 05:46Men (whether gay or straight) interprete affection in terms of sex. Sex can either bring you closer or destroy what little you have.
For gays, sex is almost everything. This is because showing affection through other means is next to impossible given our current political and social climate.
Whats more, gay guys are left to fend for and figure out things on their own, as against straight who have all forms of support, family and otherwise, at their beck n call.
Max
April 29, 07:09True
tonymattee
May 12, 16:49I’m thinking about this your opinion. Becouse i’ve bn wondering why all the guys i come accros are just after sex. U chat with them nd u get talks/questions like ‘are u t or b?, wht is ur dick size?, can i see ur d…ck/ass?’ and all that. I ain’t excluding myself though, but i keep thinking why its so…. are gays some different kind of human breed wth HIGH LIBIDO? Ur opinion seem to provide some answers, to an extent.
Sinnex
April 29, 06:22No wonder I am still single. Most guys I have met just want to fuck; I don’t want that, I want something more.
OAN: which kine picture be this na? See the flat ass. I am sure he is quit muscular but it seems like he forgot to work on his butt.
Sinnex
April 29, 06:25*quite
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 06:53Um, sinnex, how do you know they don’t also want to have sex or make love? You know, seeing as ‘fuck’ is not written on people’s foreheads…
Nwokem, stop making excuses for your virginity. Get some osiso!
Chris
April 29, 15:29Caucasians dudes are not so bless in the gluteus…. sorry scratch that, ass department,
compare the black brothers, kmown fact.
Chris
April 29, 16:17*to the
Masked Man
April 29, 06:40Sinnex, you aint alone on that photo.
trystham
April 29, 06:47I love this article tho. I am a recipient of it all. Fucking, Sex and the love. Its sad I have confused all for another everytime.
Max
April 29, 06:47Please who wrote this?
The person deserves an applause. I’ve had the three mentioned above and I can boldly tell you that making love is the best. Emotional connection became important to me after my first love making in my early years, thats why I haven’t been on a rampage. Because most guys don’t like to wait to get to that level with you before they start talking “bed”. So I simply push them away. This was nice. ☺☺
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 06:58Ah, Pious Max peeks out his halo-ed head again. 🙂
Ruby
April 29, 06:50Well, well, well….
Aint’ this Something
Ruby
April 29, 06:53I’ve had all three and I think I may have mixed them up.
Anyhoo, who cares
Masked Man
April 29, 07:00I’ve made love, sweet sweet love. And I’ve had amazing sex too. But a fuck? Hell no. I can quench such thirst.
#TeamKizito
April 29, 07:25With your left hand? :s
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 07:01*staring daggers at Deola*
Metrosexual
April 29, 07:16I agree with this piece…
I’ve had sex, and after the sex, I’m like ‘ Bye Bye boy.!’
And then, making love, there’s this ….(Can I say serenity.?) that you feel after you’ve made love.
Sex is like ‘Fast and Furious’…. Love is like ‘PS: I Love You’…
#TeamKizito
April 29, 07:29Hmmm,
Masked Man
April 29, 07:31Kizito, Kizito, Kizito
How many times?
#TeamKizito
April 29, 08:16How many times what? How many times you’ve quenched your thirst with your left hand – Sir Jerkalot? :s
Or you’re doing love charm for me at Baba’s place.. :s
Masked Man
April 29, 08:32Kizito, you know I like you, right?
#TeamKizito
April 29, 08:37Hmmm.
Absalom
April 29, 09:36What, cat got your tongue? Won’t you say you like him back?
I’m sure Vhar won’t mind. 🙂
Masked Man
April 29, 09:55Absie, i’ll wrestle Vhar.
Absalom
April 29, 10:14Yass! Real men fight for their prize!
Teflondon
April 29, 10:04Nicely written piece.. Analysis is quite onpoint. We engage in all of it all the time, or some of it all the time. No Big Deal!
P.S
May I suggest that Off KD issues should stay Off KD.. All the familiarity, none issue and whatnot.. It’s getting rather Irritating and a tad poignant.
#JustSaying
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 19:18Parts of KD are family to each other, Teflondon. And so the familiarity will endure as long as we interact here. Deal with it, or find someone to take to lunch.
Diablo
April 29, 11:02so I finally have the privacy to comment on this.
Sex for me is basic. Stuff you do when you are horny, with no strings attached and minimal chemistry involved. You just do it to get by
Fucking is for me more intense, there might not be that much chemistry but there’s intense physical attraction. it doesn’t matter that he’s as bright as a wall, all dt matters is the thought of his pelvis digging vigorously inside u. And all he wants to do is grab, spank, eat, tap, and slaughter that ass. I’ll stop now cause im getting all hot and bothered.
Then love making. Love making is art; You deeply love a person and you want to convey how much you love them through sex. it transcends sex and is a beautiful thing. Because at that moment everything feels right and you feel alive. its the kiss that seems live forever, its when he holds you and it feels he doesn’t want to let you go, its laying on his chest and talking all night. *hugs self*
pinkpanthertb
April 29, 19:16Interesting comment.
Ace
April 29, 11:35I believe I have at one point confused the three and this is because sometimes, the sexual activity is so good that you start catching feelings. There were times after a very intense moment of fucking, I would think I am in love but after going home and sleeping over it, I wake up forgetting the name of who it was. It is a very thin line.
Dennis Macaulay
April 29, 12:02I want to fuck!!!
Ace
April 29, 14:01Go use a lube and your hand buddy.
Gad
April 29, 14:12English!!!
Gad
April 29, 14:37As in ee
Chris
April 29, 15:35I am familiar with making love
I can relate to having. sex.
I am unfamiliar with phuck.
Oluwadamilare Okoro
April 29, 18:17I am totally with the writer. He sums up how I perceive sex, fuck n love making.
All three are diff… and my relationship with the person involved determines “what we ll be having”.
26
May 14, 21:46I think I hv a diff opinion.Fucking is not a real english,its a pirated english(pidgen) if u so wish.Sex is a casual thing.its wat u do wit someone u don luv or care about.for me,its wat u do wit hores(prostitutes).its more lyk a quick action there is no emotions.
Making love is lyk u been served a 3 course meal dat is so delicious and u tk ur time to eat it starting from d apiteser to d mean meal to dessert.its wat u do wit somone u luv.tru lovers don’t hv sex,dey make luv.