CHANGE IN PERCEPTIONS
There’s a problem I feel most gay men seem to overlook because of certain factors they believe doesn’t apply to them or they consider too insignificant to dwell on. There is a statement I once heard and it was acknowledged as wise and appropriate by the community paying attention to the commenter, and it left me in wonder as to how ignorant we can be in this day and age.
The statement went thus: “Because I am gay and I fuck ass and not pussy, I shouldn’t be scared of getting the other person pregnant, so therefore the use of condoms does not apply to me.”
The use of condoms has been generally adopted by most readers and commenters of this blog (from what I read daily), but I do not think it has been emphasized enough. I believe ignorance plays a key role in the misconception of condom use, and the hostile LGBT clime in Nigeria isn’t exactly helping to make education regarding emphasis on the use of condoms amongst gay men pertinent, and this is saddening.
Call me paranoid but I believe that the use of condoms shouldn’t be restricted only to random hookups or one-night stands or shag partners. The use of condoms should be extended to even relationships and amongst partners. Believing that because one is in a relationship, and because the two partners involved have had full disclosure about their HIV and other health statuses, then the use of condoms during lovemaking is unnecessary is the general mentality that has pervaded the Nigerian LGBT community. It is terribly wrong and should be corrected.
So yes, your boyfriend was a virgin and you are certain you were the one who disvirgined him, pause and remember, before you get frisky at night without protection, that HIV isn’t transmitted only through sex, and the fact that he is a virgin doesn’t preclude him from getting infected through other means. But because he thought himself safe due to his virginity, under such a false sense of security, he may not feel the need to have himself checked and would just assume he’s clean (because he’s never had his hair cut or a pin prick in all his life). And then, all these considered, you decided to consummate your relationship over and over again without protection. That is how ignorance fosters the lack of attention to safety.
Even if the two partners have gotten tested to know they’re HIV negative, there are several other sexually-transmitted diseases out there to consider. There are Genital Herpes, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, Syphilis, etc. and most of them aren’t exactly as obvious as others. Some take a whole lot of time to manifest, some others do not even have obvious symptoms till they start damaging internal systems. And then you’ll start wondering what happened and from where it all came and who is haunting you from the village and making life unbearable for you, all the time not pausing to remember how reckless you’d been.
And then, there’s the appropriate usage of condoms. Yea, you already know about the importance of using condoms and you adopt it always, but some of us do not use it appropriately. I once had a conversation with a friend about condom usage with an HIV+ person. He claimed he could go through with it only if the condom was doubled (using two condoms together). It was disheartening to hear this. Doubling condom isn’t recommended as a safer sex method. In fact, using two condoms at a time (aka double-bagging) increases the friction between the condoms and this makes it most likely to rip or tear, therefore exposing you to the risk you are trying to avoid.
I cannot overemphasize the use of appropriate lubricants to go along with condoms. This is a major reason why there are condom breakages. Anal sex generally requires a whole lot of lubrication even when there’s no condom involved. And so, typically, lubricants are needed to grease up the rectum to ease the entry when there’s protection. Applying lotions, creams or oils make it more likely for the condom to tear. It is not even advisable to use oil-based lubricants with condoms. The best types of lubricants that can be used in this situation are the water-based lubricants. A good example of this is ‘Lubrica’ and it is affordable and widely available in pharmacies. The only reason why I wouldn’t use it is because it isn’t edible; so once applied, there can be no more orals/rimming. But there is ‘Durex Play’, which comes in different flavors and is edible and wonderful to use; it is however expensive, compared to Lubrica.
Condoms have to be stored appropriately, if ownership is going to be for a long time, so that they don’t lose their essence when being used. They should be kept in cool and dry places, away from direct sunlight.
Before using any condom at all, endeavor to check its expiry date. Do not tear it open with the teeth. Every condom pack is designed with zigzag edges to make opening of it easy; use those edges. If the condom looks damaged or discolored, do not use. And I have a little tip to making condom usage not suck completely for the Top. Apply a drop of lube inside the condom itself and a little too on the penis before wearing it.
I generally would advice that the Bottom always be the one to put the condom on the Top. Sometimes, the Top could get too carried away with his haste to get inside to properly do the job. With one hand, pinch the tip of the condom to leave room for the ejaculate, and then place on the erect penis. With the other hand, roll the condom to the base of the erect penis. Continue using this hand to guide any air bubbles out of the condom. Then add lube to the outside of the condom to avoid excess friction that may cause breakage. If any faults are encountered during the sex due to condom tear or discomfort, change the condom and use another one and apply a lot of lube around and in the rectum to make it easier. During entry, the Bottom should be the one to guide the penis in.
After ejaculation, hold the base of the condom as you pull out to avoid slippage. Remove the condom and throw away in the trash, not the toilet.
To those who disregard usage of Gold Circle condoms because of its inexpensiveness, I would like to point out a few things. Gold Circle is one of the oldest condoms available. It is cheap because it is the condom amongst all condoms that the government has approved and the government highly subsidized the price to ensure affordability and readiness of its availability to anyone and everyone. This doesn’t make it a low quality condom. It is probably one of the best for the government to have approved its usage. It meets every international quality required and is of good quality. Produced overseas, it is merely sealed and packaged in Lagos, Nigeria for local usage. It is the only condom with a NAFDAC registration number on its box. It rarely breaks or malfunctions, even though it suffers the same problems as any other condom brand – user inexperience, overly rough or vigorous sex, alcohol or drug use or general inappropriateness in usage, and then inappropriate lubricant usage.
With this, nobody has an excuse to not use a condom because Gold Circle is very cheap and widely available and is still of good quality, and if you use the right lubricants with it, you would still get the wonderful sex experience. If you are so into flavored condoms, Gold Circle now comes in strawberry flavor and is quite nice and sweet to use.
Now I’m not saying you should deny yourself the fun and excitement that comes with sex or stop completely from having sex, but I believe that before going far deep and deciding to have sex without condoms, appropriate tests should be done because everybody has different histories and nobody can be too sure about anything; even an individual himself might be unaware of his conditions.
I actually belong to the school of thought that believes sex is important in relationships, and that sex helps in building a stronger bond, because if you get the sex you like, the way you like it, when you like it, and you are always excited to go back and have that sex, a sense of attachment comes in, and from there the relationship could get stronger because you have all you ever need in just that one person.
Let’s make this world a better place and keep ourselves and the younger generations to come safe.
Written by Adey
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43 Comments
Chuck
September 06, 07:34The Raw Brigade will still insist on having unprotected sex. Anyone who isn’t worried about getting an STI is someone who’s clearly irresponsible.
Francis
September 06, 07:45Errm no be you accuse me of once using blanket statements? #JustAsking
Chuck
September 06, 16:38Yes, I did. How is my comment a blanket statement? If you are not worried about HIV despite the education around it, can you be described as responsible?
Francis
September 06, 16:48Let’s revisit the matter another day. #DayOff
Francis
September 06, 07:46Nivea and condoms don’t mix. Lol. *takes off*
Francis
September 06, 07:51Adey, thanks for the refresher course on why and how to use a condom as well as HIV/STI transmission routes.
I dey always cringe when I see medical personnel (especially the married ones) conducting even the smallest of blood/secretion related procedures without gloves.
Jamie
September 06, 08:26Thanks!!
Max
September 06, 09:42Good writeup/wakeup call, exacept that most gay People I know aren’t in relationships/aren’t looking to get into one. They just wanna fuck their way through town/life.
Keredim
September 06, 09:50Not sure what the type of gay people you choose to acquaint yourself with, has to do with the article.
What Adey is saying is, use a condom either in or out of relationships. Whether you screw around town or just fuck at home.. Just do it safely.
PereZ
September 06, 09:59Bless your soul for this comment
Max
September 06, 10:39In your bid to sound smart, you failed to notice the purpose of my comment. And the very fact that you jumped out of nowhere to claw at me, means the comment has achieved its purpose.
Keredim
September 06, 12:00The purpose of your comment is the same as it always is…calling out the hoes. Slut shaming!
Not trying to be smart, just trying to stop you from detracting from the issue.
You know how you are?
Max
September 06, 13:30Pfft…
Keredim
September 06, 09:52Nice one Adey.
One can’t be too careful. ????????
Pink Panther
September 06, 11:04So says the Safe Sex Police. 🙂
Olly Goes
September 06, 09:59I guess Adey is a bottom. Even worse, thinks that his opinion about the decision making power of bottoms in penetration control suits tops. Much worse, is one of those severely afflicted by infection phobia. Diagnosis: a sexual troglodyte & bedroom bore.
Pink Panther
September 06, 11:07Sexual troglodyte. Lol. I’m learning everyday on KD. *noting that down for future use*
Tiercel de Claron
September 06, 13:09And your stite has what exactly to do with this article?.
Adey
September 06, 16:13Hello Olly Goes, sorry to disappoint you but your diagnosis are not accurate. NONE actually. Do have a lovely week ahead. ?
Tobee
September 06, 18:57Nice write-up, met a couple recently who though are exclusive still test every 4 months or so. On the other hand, I think Teflon can’t be serious; but this is Nigeria…the country where kidnappers do thanksgiving for a successful outing…so, yes it’s possible!
PereZ
September 06, 10:02Am I the only one here who cringes at the thought of sex not being the only way of contracting hiv?
This was a good read. Nice one Adey
Max
September 06, 10:43Let’s not kid ourselves, how many times have you had blood transfusion?
Do you cut your hair with another person’s clipper? For #2.5k, you could get one. Its cheaper than most phones and everyone has a phone these days
What of your nails, do you still use razor blade to cut it?
Do you work in the medical field? How often do you get exposed to blood?
Almost all HIV infections are transmitted through sex.
Ruby
September 06, 10:30Thanks Adey…
Hope people will take note and act accordingly.
HERO
September 06, 11:51Thanks Adey, I hope all D̶̲̥̅ Guilty ones will adhere. If ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ truely care about someone make D̶̲̥̅ sex memorable with a Condom.
Francis
September 06, 12:16That’s how one day I will hear Max and Kere-baby are dating.
Keredim
September 06, 12:26Franca, You don dey craze abi???
You better switch that channel you listen to?????
Francis
September 06, 12:30Thou shall not underestimate the ways of my God. 😀 😀 😀
Max
September 06, 13:33@Francis, me and Kerewa date?
Obara Jesox. !!??.
You want me to be tied up every night clad in leather and whipped all through all in the name of sex? No thankyew.
Francis
September 06, 13:45Hmmmm, sounds hot! I fit watch? ??
Keredim
September 06, 14:26Hmmm Max baby…..
Ammo work that arse till you call me master….
You know you want it??
Francis
September 06, 12:18If you don’t want to use a condom, just get into a committed relationship with someone that’s as paranoid as you when it comes to safety precautions.
Tiercel de Claron
September 06, 12:50Even then,use condom.Always
Francis
September 06, 13:07Whether you like it or not, asking people especially married or commited folks to use condom is an uphill task. Even HIV infected couples or serodiscordant couples find it hard sef despite all the warnings on why they still need to.
If they are not trying to avoid a pregnancy, they see no use for it.
Tiercel de Claron
September 06, 13:16I don’t see why it would be tasking,uphill or downhill.It’s simply commonsense,tho no longer common these days.
Teflondon
September 06, 12:45Early morning ‘Gibberish’ and ‘bullocks’
I still skin-dived yesterday. Been skin-diving for years now. Close to 15 years. And I am disease free as they come. What can I say, my Good Lord has been faithful even in my Unfaithfulness.
But Yall should play safe. It’s important. Don’t be like me, Our grace is different.
Tiercel de Claron
September 06, 12:59‘Gibberish’ and ‘bullocks’,really?.
Your haven’t been infected thus far,though you play irresponsibly,so your grace must be different.Says who,pray tell?.
I pray God to “dash” you and your ilk some sense,you sure need loads of it.
Francis
September 06, 13:13Tef dear, if you are not the type that stigmatizes HIV +ve folks, I highly recommend you sneak into a HIV clinic one day and see what goes on there. Sit, observe, learn and then decide if that’s the kind of life you want to possibly subject yourself to.
I’m recommending this because even as a doctor, I wasn’t careful about the HIV thing until I started working closely with these patients on a daily basis. It really opened my eyes big time.
Max
September 06, 13:40Ya’ll shld leave this joker. His only intention is to make thought provoking comments and stir attention towards himself. I hope you went to church today @Tef. Cos you need lots of prayers, even though I doubt they’d be of much use to you.
Dubem
September 06, 14:00Gibberish and bullocks… Our grace is different… *shaking my head* Max is right. This comment reeks of deliberate provocation. There’s no way anyone can be this dense, as to dismiss something educative as this article as gibberish, and to smugly act like God knows no better than to just dole out grace in spite of recklessness.
Francis
September 06, 14:18You’d be surprised at how many people think like this. Forget oh, he might be looking for attention but na still to educate am in case he’s serious as f**k.
ronniephoenix
September 06, 12:59Hmm, us sex free people should leave the house now…
Sinnex
September 06, 19:45That’s why it’s good to be a virgin. You have nothing to worry about. Some guys are funny sha. They want to do raw by force.
While you are at it, make sure you all get tested for Hepatitis B and make sure you get vaccinated. I have taken 2 injections and would be taken the final one this coming week.
I have a friend who has it and it hasn’t been easy for him.
Pink Panther
September 07, 02:22That’s why it’s good to be a virgin? Sinnex darling, you know you can’t hop on that pole anymore, right?