A DIFFERENT KIND OF SHAME

A DIFFERENT KIND OF SHAME

Internalized homophobia is something we’re all familiar with in our community, an evil we can spot right off the bat when the person it’s plaguing starts projecting it. It is something that irritates me mightily, especially when these idiots try to weaponize their shame against others. Like the ones who are married and start telling me to do like they’ve done – like, how can you encourage someone to step into the kind of trap you’ve set for yourself? I laughed when an MGM, whose marriage had crashed and who was preparing to get married again, still had the gall to “advise” me to do like him. I laughed, and then I told him exactly where to shove his “advice”.

But this story isn’t about internalized homophobia. It’s about a different kind of shame – and until I met Manuel, I didn’t know this was a thing.

We met organically, among friends. He was a good looking guy, tall and dark. I remember thinking he reminded me of the actor, Mofe Duncan, because he was built like him. We hit it off as we chatted over drinks, flirting with each other in the way that made me so sure we’d eventually end up in bed together.

Soon, we got separated from our friends for a more intimate chat, and because sex was uppermost on our minds, the subject of what roles we play came up. I am top and I told him so. He said he was Vers Top.

“If we are to hook up, surely you’d bottom for me, won’t you?” he said with what was no doubt supposed to be a knowing grin.

“No, I won’t,” I said to him. “I am strictly top.”

This is something I know rankles with some gay men in our community: this idea that there are men who play top, and that is it. There are those who believe that every Top is just the right partner away from spreading their legs to get fucked in the ass, and that if you say you’re a Strict Top and that you don’t want a dick going up your ass, then you must have a problem. And this is ironic on two levels:

1) This kind of criticism is never leveled against Power Bottoms. A Bottom can say he only ever wants to ride dick and his sexual preference would be accepted as the norm. You won’t get gay men calling him insecure for never wanting to top.

And 2) It is some of these gay men who castigate Strict Tops for being too unyielding with their sexual preference who will then turn around and deride the Tops who bottom in secret, saying they’re not man enough and calling them confused – none of them realizing that it is the atmosphere of criticizing Tops that make those who are interested in bottoming to do it in hiding.

There’s just no win with pleasing people, and I’ve long ceased to bother. I simply identify what makes me the most me, and I stick with it. And I didn’t waste time setting Manuel straight that there’d be no bottoming for him should he choose to have sex with me.

I figured this would be a deal breaker for him and was prepared to reconcile myself with the thought that I wouldn’t be shagging this Mofe Duncan lookalike, but I was pleasantly surprised when he chuckled at my response and told me we should go out on a date sometime.

It was a movie date, and we went to the cinema to see Love is War, the Richard Mofe Damijo-and-Omoni Oboli-led drama about a husband and wife who find themselves on opposing sides of a gubernatorial election.

From the cinema, after the movie, it was late in the evening, and because we’d agreed to this earlier, we went to my place. We knew what we were here for and didn’t waste time before falling into each other’s arms and making out once we were indoors. We kissed for some time, and I had reached my hand around to grab his ass, when he pulled back and said, “You say you’re strict top?”

I paused. “Yes.”

He made a face and said with some disgruntlement, “You know, I don’t like guys who say they’re strict tops.”

I tried to fight down the sudden surge of irritation that swelled inside me. Seriously? “But I was very clear about this,” I said. “If this is your way of wanting me to bottom for you, then you clearly weren’t listening when we talked about this.”

“Come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never given up your ass for anyone.” There was a mocking tone in his voice, like he didn’t believe me.

I sighed. I wasn’t about to start debating this. “Do you want to continue with this hookup? Or should I conclude that this night is a bust?”

He pulled me back to kissing him.

After some intense making out, our clothes flew of four bodies and we were grasping and writhing against each other with passion. I love to give pleasure. I think good sex happens only with the satisfaction of the other guy. And Manuel was going to be no exception. I was all over his body with my hands, mouth, tongue, stoking up the fires of desire in him as I sucked and caressed my way across his body. I easily swallowed his cock, sucking him hard while also pleasuring him with my hands on his nipples. He was trembling and moaning, but I hadn’t even started with him. After several moments of this, I turned him around and took over his asshole, licking and exploring his hot ass with my probing tongue. I love to eat ass, and I nibbled and sucked and stroked and thrust into that hole with my tongue like my life depended on it.

At some point during this, Manuel gaspingly pushed me away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, bewildered.

“You want to turn me into your bitch,” he said, fighting for breath.

What!

I didn’t understand what he was on about, and I was too turned on to care. I grabbed at his ass, sliding a finger into his quivering hole.

“Come on, man, you know you want this,” I cajoled.

He didn’t fight it. He couldn’t. He pulled me back to him and we started kissing again. I was fingering his hole and he kept pushing down on my finger like he couldn’t wait to be invaded.

At after some time, overwhelmed with the pleasure coursing through him, he began groaning, “Fuck me. For chrissakes, fuck me.”

His wish was my command.

I turned him around and began sliding my dick inside his ass, only to feel some resistance, like he needed some more lubrication. So, I bent over him and ate some more of his ass until he felt very puckered and willing. Then I went back into position, this time, succeeding in sliding into him. The sex was very fast and furious. I was soon slamming into his ass nice and deep, as his appetite for more built into vigorous levels of me thrusting and him backing up against me. We were at this for awhile, and then we changed positions, with me lying back and him grinding down hard on my dick. Then I flipped him onto his back and took control of his ass again. As I picked up the rhythm of this intense fucking, he took his own cock in his hand and began jerking himself. As I banged away at his ass, the intensity reached such a fevered pitch that led to his cock erupting his creamy load of cum. I wasn’t too far behind. I whipped out my dick from his hot hole and unleashed my hot load of cum all over his belly and heaving chest.

We dropped onto the bed like heaps of exhaustion and satisfaction. I felt drained. This was good. And I expected us to luxuriate in the feelings of post-coital warmth.

But then, Manuel turned to me and said, “You want to tell me you can fuck, abi? You don turn me to bitch, eh? I don’t want to hear that I bottomed for you from anybody’s mouth. Don’t you dare tell any of our mutual friends, because if you do and I hear about it, you won’t like me.”

There was something very chilling about those words, and when I looked at his unsmiling face, I knew he was serious. I didn’t feel threatened though, I just felt really, really annoyed and baffled by this guy.

What exactly was his problem? He had told me his role was Vers Top. I had to assume that is what he identifies as – and there is an understanding that if you’re Versatile, whether Vers Top or Vers Bottom, you’d bottom. So, why did he seem so perplexed by the fact that he had bottomed for me and that anyone might get to know about it? I was sure I wasn’t the only one he’d wanted to hook up with and told he was Vers Top. Or perhaps, all his other hookups turned out to be Bottoms who he instead dominated during sex? This was someone who had clearly so enjoyed the sex between us, he’d basically led with admitting that to me. Why then was he so mortified by how he enjoyed the sex – to the point of threatening me over it?

I know bottom shaming is a thing, but the way I’m familiar with it is of it being external: other people trying to shame those who bottom over their choice of sex role.

I’d never known this kind of shame to work like this: where the gay man himself is triggered by his own desire to bottom.

It felt too similar to internalized homophobia: being aware of what you love and having no acceptance for it. I do not like internalized homophobia, and I definitely didn’t like this – whatever this was that Manuel was exhibiting.

And right then, even as our bodies cooled from the exertions of the sex we’d just had, I was done with him. I pulled away from him and eventually went to sleep. When, around 5 AM, he woke me up for another round, I declined. I wasn’t about to serve dick to someone who didn’t appreciate the fact that he was taking it.

And as he left my house that morning, I was deleting his contact, very certain I’d never see him again. He can go deal with his issues with some other guy.

And again, seriously – “I don’t want to hear that I bottomed for you from anybody’s mouth. Don’t you dare tell any of our mutual friends, because if you do and I hear about it, you won’t like me.”

Oga, ees just top I topped you. I no kill person.

Written by Ebi

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  1. Lopez
    July 26, 07:58 Reply

    What is the point? I’m genuinely confused. I cannot be the only dumb one that couldn’t make a sense out of whatever one called this bewilderment.

  2. Zoar
    July 26, 08:20 Reply

    I started the story with a high expectation as Internalized Homophobia bothers on what most of us have experienced from somewhat “straight” people. But at the middle of the story I didn’t know what tomake of the it anymore as the story in itself isn’t even about what I had expected.

    Ebi he told you he would have loved to Top you too as you would have him Bottom for you. Was anything bad in it?

    Have you even tried Bottoming to finally come to a strong conclusion that you can’t Bottom at all? Because if in reality, you have actually Bottomed or still Bottom and you enjoy it but chose not to do it with him then you’re more a hypocrite than your partner would ever be.

    From the story, I personally have dated someone who can’t Top because they’ve tried in futility to do that so they can’t even do that anymore.Hence their decision to stick to what works for them.

    He told you not to mention it to a soul but you not only mentioned it to a soul but you mentioned it to the whole damn world like he doesn’t have the right to remain in whatever Closet he chooses to be whether he Bottoms secretly and doesn’t want it known?

    Is your action rational?

    Inasmuch as we know Sexuality is becoming extremely fluid in this era, we should always learn to respect people’s decisions for God’s sake ?!!!

    And back to the Opening been all about Internalised Homophobia. I don’t think this is what that Phrase is all about.

    • Franklin
      July 26, 08:35 Reply

      “Have you even tried Bottoming to finally come to a strong conclusion that you can’t Bottom at all?”
      This question above is like asking a gay man have you had sex with a woman to know that you are not attracted to them….

      I think the point of the story is that, manuel clearly said he was ver top which meant he bottomed so why was he warning ebi not to share it like he did some unspeakable thing..
      The moral lesson is that there is no one way to be gay, everybody is different and we should all take pride in whatever we enjoy and who ever we are…

    • Omiete
      July 26, 08:42 Reply

      I am beginning to think you are Manuel because…

      • Zoar
        July 26, 09:58 Reply

        Seriously????? I don’t go having sex with people who don’t respect other people’s decisions and I am extremely proud of whatever role I take up with whom I do it with. So sorry, I can never be his “Manuel”

    • Pink Panther
      July 26, 08:53 Reply

      You’re asking someone if he has tried bottoming before deciding he doesn’t like it?

      Why stop there? Why not ask gay men to have sex with women before they decide they’re not bi? How about asking straight men to try fucking guys before they decide they’re straight.

      Your entire comment is EXACTLY what he was addressing in his story. For people to respect the (sexual) choices of others instead of questioning them.

      • Zoar
        July 26, 09:47 Reply

        Hope you ain’t flipping the coin around?

        If he had “respected” the guys decision not to spill the tea? Would we have been talking about this now?

        And if you don’t try something how then do you know you don’t swing that way?
        Who told you Bi guys don’t experiment with both genders to actually come to a conclusion about their sexuality?

        Or you think people just wake up and pick up roles from the basket without proper Experiences and Trials?

        And do you need to be reminded how Gays especially in Nigeria lie about their roles most of the times. Ebi is saying he’s Top but would it shock you to also know he might have bottomed for someone else as is the case always?

        People claim whatever roles that’s pleasing to them during acquaintance but end up doing some more roles in the actual meet but the maturity is when whatever happened behind closed doors remained in the closet where they belong.

        I believe the guy opted for “Verse Top” to be on the safe side before Ebi thinking he was smart went for “Strictly Top”. I can bet if Ebi had mentioned his role First to be “Purely Top” then that guy wouldn’t have opted for that “Verse Top” role he went for as I can Sense a play of Partriachy/Dominance playing out between the both of them.

        And lastly even in Black Porns, the script is gradually lifting the stupid stereotype about Bottoming being for the weak. I wouldn’t have believed in my widest imagination that people like Knockout, Supreme (Castro), Knight etc would ever Bottom in my entire life as they’ve proven to be “Strictly Top” in their previous productions. Or do you want to also tell me they didn’t need to “try” before they could see they could actually Bottom too?. So please let no one think they’re better than the other simply because they attach “Strictly Top” as a badge to there existence.

        Please don’t twist my word.

        • Blackie
          July 26, 11:31 Reply

          You are right @Zoar, and please you people should stop all this blind arguments that a gay man don’t have to sleep a woman befor knowing that they are not for him. A gay man is a gay man that knows that he is different right from time. So what ever role he shose to play is his choice. but sex with a woman is not a chice for a gay man.So tops, bottoms versatiles roles are just the way some of us likes it. There is always a reason that some one don’t like satin food. it’s either you have tasted it and stick to it or taste it and say no, it is not for me.

        • julian_woodhouse
          July 26, 11:39 Reply

          Butt…. All this talk about spilling the tea or cum or whatever. Do we know who Ebi is? No!! Do we know who Manuel is?? No!! Do we know who you are Zoar!! No!! Do you know who I am?? Again, no!! Only select few people on this blog like Delle and pink panther actually know each other in real life. It’s an anonymous blog with anonymous stories. If there wasn’t so much “flak” around being a bottom, Manuel wouldn’t have felt the need to make threats about sm1 revealing that he bottomed. And therein lies the problem, Manuel enjoyed btming but made a deal out of it because of internalised whatever it is he has. The way you’re carrying this Manuel P on your head sha…hmmm

        • Hadey
          July 27, 00:25 Reply

          Okay sir, it feels like this article touched some kind of nerve . Its obvious that the one with the problem is manuel, the misogynistic one is manuel, who thinks being a bottom is somehow a thing of shame and he felt less of a man. Don’t you realize manuel’s problem. If he had topped, he would have boasted about it but now he is ashamed he bottomed for a man. And if the man say he is a strict top, he is a strict top Amen. He told the manuel guy and he still wanted to go on a date and even asked for more in the morning…smh poor oliver twist.lol. and you dont need to try something to know you dont want it and besides how do you know he has not tried bottoming befor but it didn’t just work for him, maybe he sticked a finger in his hole and he didn’t like it, there…he knows what he wants. Well this is a one sided story but according to this story, manuel has gat to sit in some shrink’s chair. Manuel you need help baby!!!. Same goes to all manuels out there.

      • Zoar
        July 26, 10:23 Reply

        Why stop there? Why not ask gay men to have sex with women before they decide they’re not bi? How about asking straight men to try fucking guys before they decide they’re straight.

        Why do you think we’re having an influx of Men having conflicting Sexualities these days? Because more Men are testing, tryng and experimenting with guys these days because of the campaign to normalize the LGBT community. Nowadays Sexuality is taking a different meaning because more people are trying out before they can actually be certain of what works for them Sexually. And it’ll continue like that till it becomes normal. So Yes! One must try before he is convinced about what works for him in the Long run. Most guys don’t try with other guys because of the obvious reasons we know and when the brave ones do, they either stick with it or identify to be Bi or straight. But the Experience must happen these days.

        • Pink Panther
          July 26, 10:28 Reply

          “So yes. One must try before he is convinced about what works for him in the long run.”

          Wow.

          Just wow.

          I guess I better go and find a woman to shag, since apparently knowing I’m gay is not certain yet.

          I should also wed a woman, because, well, how can I know I don’t want to marry if I don’t marry a woman first.

          And why stop there? Did I say I don’t want kids. Pschaww. Let me just take care of that uncertainty by finding a woman to get pregnant with my child.

          Since apparently, we MUST all try the things we say we don’t want before we can be sure we don’t want them. ???

          • Mandy
            July 26, 10:30 Reply

            ?????? This sarcasm is thick noni.

            The sheer mumurity of that logic.

          • Zoar
            July 26, 10:40 Reply

            Pinky you’re seriously not still getting it, do you?

            All these you’ve mentioned. Is anyone stopping you from going for them and trying them out?

            Can you explain how guys that said they can’t fuck a man end up going back fucking Men after their first Trials?

            There are still people that have decided not to even touch a Woman because they already judged themselves not to fall for that gender. Those people can be excused because they’ve already accessed themselves even without trying.

            But on a more serious note no one is stopping you from doing all your aforementioned if it’ll work for you or not. That’s what I’m saying.

            • Pink Panther
              July 26, 10:42 Reply

              Lol. You clearly don’t even get sarcasm. I’m done biko.

        • Mandy
          July 26, 10:36 Reply

          Here’s the thing, Zoar, sexuality is a fluid, yes. People swim this way and that on the spectrum, yes.

          But you know why that is so? Because they made the choice to try, to explore. It was up to them.

          It wasn’t up to you to lecture them on whether they have tried. It wasn’t up to you or anyone else to shame them or criticise them for not trying.

          It was up to them to decide for themselves that they should probably try.

          It shouldn’t be up to anyone to boss anyone else around over their choices. I should think that you, being the gay man that you are, would appreciate this more than anyone else. You know, seeing as homophobes are constantly trying to tell us to try being straight.

          No one ‘must’ try anything to be able to decide for themselves what they want. That is how a lady advertised her search for a gay man because at 22, she had made the decision not to have children, and gay men were here lecturing her on how she was being too hasty making that decision.

          Sometimes, when I see some comments on this blog, I can understand how terrible a homophobe some of us would be if we weren’t gay. The way we still police other people’s personal choices on top of our position defying the policing of society shows how dead irony is.

          • Zoar
            July 26, 10:52 Reply

            Now atleast we’re going somewhere.

            In the story do you realize that Manuel never pressurized Ebi to play Bottom for him? Hope you read it carefully as I also did?

            And he still Bottomed for Ebi. But the one thing that he asked Ebi to not do is exactly what he has done and that’s exactly why we’re even talking about this things here now.

            Lemme ask you? Did Ebi Respect Manuel’s Wishes as much as Manuel Respected his own decisions not to Bottom?
            And I didn’t compel or Police Ebi to Bottom as it was just a suggestion I stated in my previous comments which is still his sole decision to make.

            I think I’ll stop replying at this point.

            • Mandy
              July 26, 11:03 Reply

              There are two different issues here. And you seem to be addressing the both of them as one. There is the part about confidence and the question of whether Ebi kept Manuel’s confidence or not. And then there’s the issue of sex roles. You are talking about both of them as though they are a singular offense that Ebi committed.
              They’re not.
              Whether Ebi broke Manuel’s confidence is a matter of perspective. I don’t think he did. You clearly do. And your feeling on that is valid.
              But that’s not the issue I am in your comment thread to talk about. And I should think that’s clear to you exactly what I am addressing here. Don’t conflate two issues you have beef with, especially when they are so very clearly different.

    • Gaia
      July 26, 09:47 Reply

      We are trying to settle one matter and you (@ Zoar) are introducing more complications. You really should tell us how many women you have slept with before you decided to be whatever you are now….???

      • Zoar
        July 26, 10:05 Reply

        I didn’t get married out of compulsion. I got married because that was exactly my choice and I would never advice any gay guy to do same because I let people do whatever they feel like it’s best for them as we’re all adults.

        And so you know, I satisfy Women as much as I do my Men. My first girlfriend had to get my permission before she even got married to her husband now. She still calls me though oftentimes but not for anything intimate. I reserve to comment about my wife seriously.

        Sex for me is something I give my all to make my partner extremely satisfied be it a Man or a woman. It’s pointless saying much before I start sounding boastful.
        Wrote this just to tell you that I had to experiment before I realized I swing both ways.

    • Milton
      July 26, 15:07 Reply

      Zoar, I had to read the story again solely because of you. How the hell did you come to this your conclusion ? Abi is it not the same story we read?
      Firstly as someone who plays the bottom role , I did not try playing Top before I decided to choose the role I like and I’m sure countless of people didn’t to. You don’t need to try shit before determining what role you like to play.

      Secondly, you absolutely didn’t get the message this write up is trying to pass. You identify as Vers Top , you played the bottom role , you enjoyed the sex and you’re mad afterwards. Synonymous to you’re gay , had sex with a man , enjoyed the sex and mad afterwards (Internalized Homophobia).If you enjoy bottoming that much , why are you scared of others knowing about it?
      Lastly , you see that point where you accuse Ebi of doing exactly what Manuel asked him not to by bringing the story is here ” Ko make sense rara” . This is an anonymous blog . I don’t know how sharing the story here means he already outed Manuel as someone who plays bottom.

      • Zoar
        July 26, 16:01 Reply

        Milton we ain’t fighting Bro. If you had gone ahead to read all the comments where I replied, you would have gotten a better view of what I am trying to say all along.

        I never downplayed the role of a Bottom nor did I Glorify the Top Role. I even pointed out situations where people who we thought were Tops have now become Verses and I also said one mustn’t try to experiment if they’ve solely accessed themselves inwardly to know they can’t do a particular role as you’ve pointed out. But what you fail to understand is that most of the times Men choose roles these days not because that’s what they actually are but because of what the society or the World generally accept (Patriarchy) so most times even in Nigeria, people don’t really like to say they are Verse even when it’s clear they’ve bottomed before.

        I personally have bottomed just to see if I could find a way to enjoy being penetrated but it wasn’t just working for me so I personally dropped that and went ahead with what is actually working for me and Those that have Bottomed for me would know that I Top greatly. So I stuck with that role and Yes I can still Bottom if the sex would be enjoyed by me and I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable through out the whole thing or even bleed as it’s always the case with me whenever I did that not minding the Dick Length.

        I am trying to say that Ebi said he was Top which I am not disputing but would we all be sincerely supporting him if it actually comes out that he had or used to play Bottom roles in his own closet to some specific type of people he finds “Worthy” to play that role with?

        And from his last sentence. Is it a competition or a trophy? that he won to have Topped Manuel that he is feeling disgusted that Manuel asked him to keep his role private?

        What does “Oga, ees just top I topped you. I no kill person” mean?

        Why do we Gay Men always think it makes us good to announce Every sex Experiences we encounter with people to the Point of telling who played what?

        Thesame irritation/disgust I am getting from all these is thesame disgust Married Gay Couple Experience when they are asked on countless times who among them plays what roles. Seriously let’s learn to Respect people’s decisions to play whatever roles they so choose with their partners.

        The writer came across to me like someone who’s got Pride issue and has this Feelings of subduing a supposed “Top” simply because he was able to Top Manuel instead of making him actually see reasons why it’s not a sin/crime to identify with any role in the Gay world just like Kobe pointed out in his comments. Instead Ebi came across like someone trying to Glorify Himself simply because he Topped.

        People say all manner of things during acquaintances but their actual roles are made bare during sex which is where the real/person is seeing. But talking about sexual encounters after it had happened is what I don’t really Fancy and I hate that about us. Why even point it out in the first place if you couldn’t do anything to correct Manuel about his ignorance right there and then instead of bringing it down here for us to do what with it? Crucify Manuel while Glorifying Him?

        If we all still don’t get my point after this then I can’t help it.

  3. Kobe
    July 26, 08:43 Reply

    I have no issues with any sex roles anyone would want at anytime for any reason. It’s the person’s prerogative to enjoy whatever in the bedroom.

    I however think you missed out on the opportunity to talk with him and help him come to an acceptance of the fact that he also enjoys bottoming. You could have guided him to understand that the fact that he enjoys bottoming does not take away his masculinity.

    Cheers

  4. Lopez
    July 26, 09:01 Reply

    Ebi, I’m sure you’ve never been shamed for being top(not gay), but apparently you know what bottom shaming is. I saw bottom shaming in this write up, I saw top pride in this write up. I identify as top(not verse top) but I’ve bottom a couple of times and I’ll do it again if the need be. I have a friend who is a side who always shame tops but never bottoms. You need to educate yourself, your closing sentence said it all. Manuel is a better person than you are. Like what Zoar said, you told the entire world not only your mutual friends. You’re a horrible human being.

    • Mandy
      July 26, 09:40 Reply

      LOL. The way you tried to be snide over the writer knowing what bottom shaming is even though he is top, before going on to say you are top but know what bottom shaming is simply because you’ve bottomed a few times is very hilarious.
      Oga, the knowledge of prejudice is not reserved for those who have stepped on the side of the marginalized. You can be of the group that doesn’t know that bias and still be aware of the bias. Unlike you, I am actually versatile and I see no bottom shaming here. It is simply a person taking a stand for people to be who they are without shame – top, bottom, versatile and everything in between.
      And he told the whole world as “Ebi”, which is clearly not his real identity. The friends Manuel didn’t want him to tell would probably never know if they weren’t even aware of the date and hookup in the first place. Kindly pipe down biko.

    • Zoar
      July 26, 09:49 Reply

      Someone actually gets my point so I’m good even if it’s just one person.

      • Mandy
        July 26, 11:04 Reply

        Zoar, you made two points and tried to pass it off as one. lol. Don’t be sleek please.

  5. Mandy
    July 26, 09:41 Reply

    I am yet to understand the distinctions between Vers Top and Vers Bottom. Because the Vers Bottoms I have encountered always seem more interested in being bottoms. The one I once nearly hooked up with saw that I am versatile and dismissed me, saying he was looking for a top. And I was in my mind like, “But there is Versatile in your sex role. Why not kuku change it to bottom?”
    I mean, where went the simple easy terms such as top, bottom and versatile? All these qualifiers such as strict top, power bottom, vers top, vers bottom, and all their several brothers and sisters in between, make everything so exhausting.

  6. Coolio
    July 26, 15:22 Reply

    It’s really sad reading some of this annoyingly funny comments though. I’m a stud who doesn’t like to be penetrated but i love to do it to other as long as you we agree you ain’t going to try touching me down there then we good. My point is, people should have an understanding of what they want before even venturing into having sex. Don’t try telling me after we’ve fucked that you want to do the same to me cos you think I’d enjoy it. We all have different preference. This story is so relatable.

  7. Uzor
    July 26, 17:23 Reply

    Maybe it’s not that deep ? Maybe Manuel simply doesn’t want your little clique to find out that he bottomed for someone in the circle (like he clearly stated in the threat) possibly because he feels comfy topping the other guys and he doesn’t want them to start pressuring him to bottom. If he opens his mouth to identify as verse top then I feel like he has resolved all mental battles with his sexuality and his role. You might just be over analyzing things

  8. Lopez
    July 26, 19:58 Reply

    I really think for some people they have to try somethings to really know what they what. I have a friend who maintained he’s side, found someone who convinced him to top and now the snow ball is just rolling. You guys should stop reaching conclusions without using any empirical data, and stop generalising situations, there are always exceptions.

    • Zoar
      July 26, 20:46 Reply

      Lopez the thing tire me oo.

      And what I have found out is most Bottoms who identify that from birth never try out with a Lady(or even try to Top a guy) which people don’t have issues with. It’s just like asking Jay Boogie or Bobrisky to go fuck a Woman, we all know that won’t be possible.

      But for Men who truly identify as Straight. The brave ones try out with Men while we still have some that just won’t do it for whatever reasons known to them which has to do with Patriarchy/Masculinity and conforming to what the worlds expectations are for an Idle Man. And we have always had the problem of those straight Men who tried it and enjoyed it now turn around to fight their new discoveries which is where Internalized Homophobia was Birthed from( which I thought was the main discussion before it shifted Strickenly) The few Men that have tried it in turn become straight again or turn Bi at most while some even realize that they’re actually Gays. It’s all about trials and experimenting.

      Thesame rule applies to role playing. Some people from the get go already know they can’t Top. While some who think they are Tops eventually try out and see they can actually also bottom while some Maintain their original Top position after trying out and seeing that bottoming isn’t for them which is what the Porn industry is also Experiencing too as more Strict Tops are bottoming even in Porn Productions.

      When it comes to people’s sexuality and Role Playing. Nothing is cast on stone as it can change at anytime!!

      At the end of the day. Do what makes you happy in the Bedroom and most importantly whatever happened in the bedroom Should stay right there in the bedroom?️ where it belongs.

  9. Lopez
    July 26, 20:57 Reply

    “It’s just like asking Jay Boogie or Bobrisky to go fuck a Woman, we all know that won’t be possible.”
    Zoar, I think you’re wrong here, Bruce Jenner was a straight man, Caitlyn Jenner is a lesbian per say: He was with only women and now as Caitlyn still with only women. you’re also assuming things based on stereotype or whatever. We all need to really educate ourselves. Gender/sexuality/roles are all complex please

  10. Hoyeh
    July 27, 11:31 Reply

    @zoar I’m with you on this one, different people with different perspectives.

    • Zoar
      July 27, 17:16 Reply

      That’s the beauty of life Bro. People must always see things differently. It doesn’t invalidate anyone though because the points are valid. Just your different perspective.

      And thanks for understanding it from my Angle.

  11. Delle
    July 27, 17:24 Reply

    I was going to give that Zoar guy a smarting reply to his pretty hilarious deductions and supplications until I got to the part where he confessed to being an MGM and it all made sense.

    This one is just one scorned man.

    *sigh*

    • Zoar
      July 27, 18:35 Reply

      Thanks Delle for the subtle shade. When people don’t follow your perspective in argument. Maturity demands that you don’t resort to throwing shades or insults because if you don’t see things the way I see it doesn’t make me a bitter fellow.

      And I hope you guys ain’t having issues with my inputs on this blog as I’m trying to see the conscious/unconscious effort to ridicule my person because my perspective is different from you all?

      Owners of Blogs and Social Media should be always Open minded and always know that people’s opinions and Thoughts will not conform with theirs at all times so they should always give room for diverse opinions because if they want everyone to be accepting everything they say Hook, Line and Sinker. Then they shouldn’t have had a blog in the first place.

      And need I remind you guys that this blog is supposed to be all inclusive and people’s ideas and thinking should be Respected at all times?

      In all my rants. I have given objective response to guys without resorting to name calling. That’s how arguments are done healthily.

      And let me drop this here since it has demanded me to bring it here at this point.

      My very last Sex had this same scenario. He said he was a Verse Top and I told him I was a Top. We met and we had a mind blowing sex and he came before I could say Jack and I had to wank while he sucked my nipples. After the sex he told me he doesn’t ever want to hear that he Bottomed for me from anybody.

      But do you know why my case is different from this particular situation? Because I handled it well/maturely.

      When he said that, instead of me getting upset or disgusted, I smiled and reminded him for the 1000th times that I’ll be the last person to talk about my sexcapades with someone else because I hate that shit and secondly because I respect people’s decisions to the last. We became extremely close friends now and we just can’t seem to get enough of ourselves now.
      And all these Happened just a while ago not too long. Exactly why I am reacting this way about Ebi’s Reaction to thesame scenario.

      I didn’t want to make this known all these while but at this point I have to say it so Ebi doesn’t think he’s the only one that’s had that same Experience to have behaved like a jerk about it.

      People’s decisions should always be Respected no matter the condition because they have their personal reasons for taking such decisions which might be personal to them. If they want to downplay their Bottom roles. Their decisions should be Respected also without questions as much as we also Respect people’s Sexuality decisions as much as we also Respect Gays that are DL. It’s all about RESPECT for me.

      And I might stop visiting this place as it seems any contrary opinion going against the regular commenters here is voted down.

      • julian_woodhouse
        July 28, 11:00 Reply

        My very last Sex had this same scenario. He said he was a Verse Top and I told him I was a Top. We met and we had a mind blowing sex and he came before I could say Jack and I had to wank while he sucked my nipples. After the sex he told me he doesn’t ever want to hear that he Bottomed for me from anybody.

        By your own analogy and argumentation, you also just came to this blog and told us about this guy when he told you to keep this info secret. Except you’ve suddenly realised what the anonymity in an anonymous blog entails. Freedom of speech doesn’t mean people won’t question your logic. If pink panther didn’t want contrarian opinions on this blog, he’d simply block your comments or delete them after you post. Don’t forget that.

        and reminded him for the 1000th times that I’ll be the last person to talk about my sexcapades with someone else because I hate that shit and secondly because
        .
        .
        This aged well.
        .
        .
        People’s decisions should always be Respected no matter the condition because they have their personal reasons for taking such decisions which might be personal to them.
        .
        .
        Hmmm, seems like you finna get the chat

        • Bliss
          July 29, 15:48 Reply

          People’s decisions should always be Respected no matter the condition because they have their personal reasons for taking such decisions which might be personal to them

      • Pink Panther
        July 28, 12:06 Reply

        You are being very funny, Zoar. So just because you found yourself in a minority whose opinion is not popular, somehow it’s become a lecture on how “owners of blogs should always be open minded” and how they “should always give room for diverse opinions”?

        Are you serious?

        Your comments are literally still existing on this space, and not just that, you actually have people who agree with you. But alas, because a lot more people disagree with you, it’s now become that there’s a problem with freedom of speech here?

        Lol. Freedom of speech isn’t the same as people not questioning or ridiculing what you have to say. Freedom of speech means you get to say what you have to say. And from every indication, you are doing exactly that and nobody has stopped you. The fact that you have turned it into an attack on me when I have done nothing but disagree with you is just very laughable.

        And for someone who’s been going on and on about how the writer is wrong for telling us what he wasn’t supposed to tell us, it’s interesting how you then went ahead and did exactly that yourself. That’s what freedom of speech causes: it makes us tie ourselves up in a knot of our hypocrisies when we are full of opinions about how other people should behave.

        PS: You know what a real intolerance of freedom of speech looks like? It’s when you post your comments and they get deleted or you get blocked from commenting on the blog.

        • Zoar
          July 28, 14:09 Reply

          Sorry if my last message came to you the wrong way as I have never wanted this discussion to become confrontational.

          Maybe Delle’s reply about me being a “Scorned MGM” was what triggered that and I am here to say I am sorry for making it general to have it also affect you and what the blog stands for.

          It wasn’t my intention to make my own Experience known because I would have stated that with my first ever comment on this topic if I was loudmouthed. I just had to say my own similar situation so you guys would know I am speaking from my own Experience as I had been in that shoes too and my reaction was different. As people might be thinking I was speaking out of ignorance or inexperience.

          Like I still stated before writing my own experience up there. It was just to give a different reaction to thesame scenario as depicted in the Post and I didn’t know I would be shooting myself in the foot or going against my own decisions by that singular act. But I’m also consoled by the fact that everyone here is anonymous to the best of my knowledge.

          I am Sorry Pinky, I am also sorry @Julian_Woodhouse.

          I really mean well hence my opinions about this particular issue.

          I would also admonish every reader to Learn to Respect People’s decisions as much as we all would Love our decisions to be Respected.

  12. Ade
    July 28, 18:27 Reply

    I obviously enjoyed the latter part of the story ???? “na top I top you mr man” very fascinating story.. u did well Ebi … that man is yet to know what he wants for himself ??

  13. Tristan
    July 29, 00:56 Reply

    If I say I’m strictly top, I’m strictly top. Don’t go expecting anything else because that’s what we discussed prior to shagging each other.This is what I say identify as, and you have to just accept that.

    But then, what do you care if I decide to bottom for someone else? It’s my choice that this is the role I want to play for you. Emphatically, YES, MY CHOICE! There shouldn’t be any hard feelings for what we have discussed prior to sex.

    Sentiments are welcome when we start dating. That’s when I might decide to change my mind and consider your feelings. But then, it’s just sex. Let’s get it over with.

    It beats my imagination when people think you have to try what you are not comfy with — which, ofcourse is out of context vis-a-vis this story — before you know what you really are. When has it become a choice to be gay or bisexual? That a straight person made out with a gay person does not make the former gay/bi. Some do it out of curiosity, for money or some other motives. If I, as a gay man force myself to have sex with a lady, does that even make me straight? Sexuality does not draw parallels with just pleasuring each other’s genitals. It’s deep and dwells within.We are talking about you respecting the boundaries I have created for you. Respecting my choice at that point in time. Not you considering what I can possibly be.

  14. Greenleaf
    July 29, 15:24 Reply

    Took me a while but I finally read through all the comments, I get that Ebi Somehow hates the idea of not being proud of whatever role you choose to play,but can you play Manuel?Hell it’s become the norm so I can understand why he’d want his privacy,but dude you’ve said you’re verse too, not Top so that automatically means you bottom, I don’t think you should be telling people your role then if you’re scared they’ll find out you bottom I mean isn’t that the whole point of being a verse? Own your shit sir.
    And Ebi your last statement though is exactly why the dude doesn’t want you telling people he bottomed for you, you’re already taking pride in it like it’s an achievement.

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