A Gay Father Resents His Son For Having The Freedom (To Be Out) That He Never Had

A Gay Father Resents His Son For Having The Freedom (To Be Out) That He Never Had

I have no idea if this Reddit story is old or recent, but it is such a compelling storyline that I felt I had to share.

In what appears to be a Reddit post, a father who is homosexual opens up on his feelings of woe after his son came out to him and his wife as gay. “I think I envy my son to a point where I can’t even be in the same room with him (a gay dad coming out),” he captioned his post, before going on to talk about how his son “recently came out to my wife and me and it killed me. It opened up a box inside me that I had closed so long ago and all of the pain I had bottled up inside it came out as well.”

The man, aged 53 years old, was born in what he calls a “then-communist country”, and while he was undergoing mandatory military training which lasted two years, he found out and accepted that he was different, that he liked guys.

He also fell in love during that time.

“I fell in love with one of my mates,” he shared. “I loved him so much, we had the wildest times together. We would sneak out into the forest that was right beside our camp, kiss for hours, smoke cigarettes and laugh until we ran back so we wouldn’t miss the morning training and get in trouble.”

But all good things, they say, eventually come to an end. And this romance did.

“…after we ended the program, we each came back to our hometown. It was unthinkable back then for two men to be together. I was sick for more than six months after that. I missed him so badly. I couldn’t stop, couldn’t eat, couldn’t think about anything else but him.”

And when he tried to make contact, it was to find out from this lover of his that he was marrying his girlfriend. And a few years later, he found out that the man he fell in love with had died.

“I suffered and screamed in silence for more than a year,” he said of his reaction to the devastating news. “I thought about all the ‘what ifs’. But then again, I had died inside a long time ago, when I married my wife. I killed all my emotions and slowly forgot what it was like to actually FEEL something. I only felt strong love for my children. My wife and I had a completely loveless marriage as a result of my inability to respond to any of her feelings in a normal way.”

And now that his grown son has come out, having to face the fact that his son has choices he never had had caused him to feel resentment toward him, confessing that “I am angry at him and I have no right to be, since he didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. But every time I look at him, my brain says, ‘WHY?! Why can he get to be himself and I couldn’t? Why did my whole life go to waste? Why did the love of my life have to go? Why was I punished like that?’”

Check the screenshots below for the full story of a gay father going through heartache over the fact that his son has the freedom to be who he is, a freedom he never had.

And can someone answer a question for me after reading it: does it sound like the man intends to take his own life? Because something in the ending of the story makes it seem like so.

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  1. Black Dynasty
    September 12, 07:55 Reply

    I genuinely hope he’s alright, he needs to seek professional help immediately. Feelings never stay suppressed, they tend to show up unexpectedly like an all consuming hurricane.

    I can empathise with what he went through, his lover dying and having no choice but to conform to societal expectations but i genuinely couldn’t get past this.

    “But then again, I had died inside a long time ago, when I married my wife. I killed all my emotions and slowly forgot what it was like to actually FEEL something.

    My wife and I had a completely loveless marriage as a result of my inability to respond to any of her feelings in a normal way.”

    What did she do to deserve this type of long suffering and likely miserable marriage? I try to picture the emotional baggage he’s left the family with by being emotionless… his son comes out and felt rejected when this isn’t the case and is moreso with the dad staring at his demons.

    He doesn’t even acknowledge the damage he’s done, no accountability…. perhaps he can’t even see it. Yes, we hurt when things like this happen to us but we really have no right to hurt other people and cause them emotional trauma in turn.

    I really hope he’s able to get help for himself and in turn start to repair the rupture caused by his hurt.

    • trystham
      September 12, 08:41 Reply

      When u say ‘had’, u sound like u have finally found a neutral ground…???

      • Black Dynasty
        September 13, 20:18 Reply

        I didn’t say “had”, that was a quote from the article i was addressing.

  2. Mr robot
    September 12, 22:28 Reply

    I feel so sad for him and his wife,I understand the hard choices he had to make and how hard it must feel seeing his son have it much easier than he did (sounds irrational but it’s valid honestly),I hope he gets therapy,finds the courage to come out to his wife and children (doesn’t sound that easy but what is?) and finally heals. The biggest takeaway from this is how homophobia literally destroys life and it just begs the question why society is so gung ho on upholding it

  3. S.Freude
    September 12, 23:37 Reply

    That last paragraph sounds like he is thinking of ending it all…..or, is it me???

  4. chubbylover
    September 13, 02:59 Reply

    Love is indeed a beautiful thing. I hope he is not thinking of ending it all.
    Love can be selfish too.
    Learn to reach out when the ” brain box” is full.

  5. Malik
    September 13, 18:51 Reply

    All I know is I don’t want to be this man when I’m 53. I don’t want to lose the love of my life because of the weight of societal expectations. I don’t want to resent people for living the life I was too afraid to live.

    So help me, Lord Bey.

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