109 responses

  1. Ace
    March 5, 2015

    Oh my! What a story.

    Reply

    • Khristopher B!
      March 5, 2015

      Sad… actually knew Buchi through Opus DeI, the Uhere study centre in Nsukka and his duties as the Physics and astro class rep. Very poetic, cute, calm and gentle with his afro and glasses. Even saw him the day before he killed himself, we exchanged pleasantries n all as usual… He actually wrote “The Controversy has Ended”… So sad dude and I were planning another trip for a retreat after having a splendid time of inner reflection in the last one.

      Reply

      • Khristopher B!
        March 5, 2015

        ONYEBUCHI’s SUICIDE NOTE;

        I know I’ve always been destined for
        this,
        This path that I’ll go.
        The music breathes on me
        A suffocating feeling of helplessness,
        Bring mellow melodies, bind
        clandestine claims
        For I am your straggler, Mother
        Light,
        Bide to me to that respledent region,
        Clasp me in waltering iridiscence, but,
        let me know
        The variegated rumble from your
        drum,
        Tamborines drone still, Yours? I
        tread this path
        Solitary. Yet the shores are slippery.
        I can stay till dawn if now is midnight.
        But I cannot know,
        Because they have made my future
        So uncertain.
        Help me,
        Mother Light of Wisdom.

        Reply

  2. Pete
    March 5, 2015

    What our people need is re-education about sexuality. Who will do it & will they learn? Farewell, Buchy

    Reply

  3. Ace
    March 5, 2015

    God! This story… This story… I am still speechless. Something inside me snapped. A mix of rage and sympathy. So many things are wrong with the world, humans constantly finding something to hate.

    Reply

  4. jamie
    March 5, 2015

    Hmm…

    Reply

  5. KingBey
    March 5, 2015

    *Dabs at teary eye* So sad right now….

    Reply

  6. Masked Man
    March 5, 2015

    Dabbing at my teary eyes.
    So touching.
    I can almost relate.
    I got suicidal too.
    Prayed endlessly.
    *sad*

    Reply

  7. Ruby
    March 5, 2015

    Wow! This is so touching!

    Reply

  8. Chizzie
    March 5, 2015

    Notice how Christians only seem to remember Hell when it comes to Homosexuality? but the concept of eternal damnation elludes when it comes to other generic issues like fornication, lying, stealing, suicide etc. I’ve had the hell line thrown at me not just by straight folks that are aware of my sexuality but by some gay guys as well and it is amusing sometimes. Your late friend was conflicted with his sexuality cus much like you, he was convinced he was hell bound, and his parents discovering him didn’t help matters. And yet you’ll think ppl so convinced of the existence of Hell would think twice abt suicide?

    my point is, as the story illustrates religion is such a biased concept dt it goes against any form of logical or intellectual reasoning, religion gives ppl a platform to judge others while shielding themselves from judgement. Buchi’s parents despised his lifestyle cus religion told them it was wrong. the same religion and its values didn’t hold precedence when he killed himself apparently. its a sad story and one dt would have been avoided if he and his parents didn’t give a shit abt what d Bible says abt who he was shagging. that’s how I see it.

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      Finally I wholeheartedly agree with you on every point made.

      Reply

    • Pete
      March 5, 2015

      Chizzie, *hug*

      Reply

    • Max
      March 5, 2015

      For once, I totally agree with you @Chizzy… All I felt was anger while reading the story..

      Reply

      • Mitch
        March 5, 2015

        You felt anger, Max. All I felt was pain. Knowing Buchi helped me put my life in focus and I lost him, less than 3 months after we met and just when I was sufficiently drawn out of my shell to tell him about myself. Life is messed up!

        Reply

    • JustJames
      March 5, 2015

      “And yet you’ll think ppl so convinced of the existence of Hell would think twice abt suicide?”

      Sometimes hell looks like a better option than the personal hell you’re going through on earth. It’s possible to get so emotionally down that you think “Well since I am going to hell let me just quicken the process instead of staying around and causing the people that I love pain”.

      It doesn’t make sense but to the depressed mind it does.

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        True. Very true. Let’s not forget that a soundly reasoning mind is on a whole other healthier realm from a depressed mind. What might seem illogical to someone who is healthy psychologically may seem just the right way to a depressed soul.

        Reply

    • Max
      March 5, 2015

      All true @James & Pinky..

      Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      @ Chizzie, its sad how people in trying to run away from one “sin” ends up in another. More saddening is the fact that whether we believe it or not, the truth is that what most people uphold as their belief in God is mostly based on what others told them about God. Religion especially christianity is a personal journey/experience. The solution is that each should independently study and discover God himself,have a personal walk with God which will help him understand the mind of God independent of the noise in the market place.

      Reply

      • Khaleesi
        March 5, 2015

        Wow! Gad, my respect for you just quadrupled. This is such a well-reasoned comment, sadly most Christians prefer to cling to hate and intolerance … Jesus would be repulsed by a lot of the ‘Christianity’ thats bandied about today …

        Reply

    • Peak
      March 5, 2015

      @Mitch, I totally agree with. This story is the most chilling thing I ve ever read here. I could relate to most of it.

      @James! Well said! When life gets to u and dish out all kinds of hell, U will always find urself on that “Let’s get it Over with road” it takes a great deal of will power to resist the urge to travel down that road. I’m not gonna lie, I would ve travelled down that road if was in buchi’s situation and his age at the time of this situation (I know this might sound a lil offensive and distasteful, but its my honest truth). I’m not from a religious home, but my kind of hell if faced with this kind of situation at a young age is unimaginable.
      I’m more pained than angry right now, I just hope someone finds strengh from this story, strengh to standby each other no matter what. Cos at the end of the day, all we got is each other.
      Praying for u Law!

      Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        Well said

        Reply

  9. Max
    March 5, 2015

    I know that story… Saw the pic too. The rumor was that he killed himself cos of a lecturer. That a lecturer was blocking his progress in his dept and he couldn’t take it anymore.. I knew it was a lie. I knew there had to be more to the story.
    I’m gonna say it again, suicide is not the way. You just can’t give up and let the world win. No matter what happens, I’ll NEVER take my own life.
    And the bit about Charlie boy, lemme not start with him.
    He said he’s not gay and made some homophobic statements late last year..
    Said he dresses up the way he does to curtail his hetero side. That he’s a sex freak (for women).. But we didn’t come here to talk about Charlie boi though..

    @Law, I don’t have anything good to say to you, so I’m just gonna leave it there.

    Reply

    • Max
      March 5, 2015

      And ummm, for those of us feeling suicidal, KD helpdesk is open…Pinky kindly post the email on every piece here pls..

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        Will do.

        Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      Max, you don’t get to feel any recrimination for Law. Not everyone is capable of foreseeing such acute depression even in the ones they are close too, especially when you’re young. And for anyone who is not familiar with depression and the darkness of it, it would be hard to comprehend what someone going thru it might be capable of. So, don’t insinuate accusations that he hasn’t already beaten himself up with.

      Reply

      • Max
        March 5, 2015

        Ok..

        Reply

      • law
        March 5, 2015

        Thanks PP

        Reply

  10. Mitch
    March 5, 2015

    Oh my God! Buchi was a close friend to my room mate then. I was still in my first year but I was drawn to him like a bee to a flower. Fuck!

    We all thought Ozone’s death was something else, never really knowing, constantly guessing………not realizing he was another LGBT case gone wrong.

    And Law, the gaybourhood here hasn’t changed one bit. Sometimes, I just wish we all could be more careful.

    Reply

  11. JustJames
    March 5, 2015

    I read a sociology textbook’s chapter on suicide. It said more than half the suicide attempts was due to sexual orientation and this was among youths.

    Buchi’s story is sad but it should be a lesson not to turn away friends that are going through depressing moments due to their sexuality. It might get frustrating trying to help them but I think a listening and sensitive ear is enough.

    One thing I told myself during the whole debacle with mum was that “as long as life there is hope” and I haven’t been proved wrong.

    To those of us going through emotional turmoil.. “Some day you’ll look back and all these days and all this pain is going to be invisible.”

    Reply

  12. sexyhenry
    March 5, 2015

    Oh my lawd, Buchi, just wished our paths crossed at nsukka before I left, Religion is and will always be against my line of reasoning, we all Love you Buchy

    Reply

  13. McDuke
    March 5, 2015

    Geez…OMG!!!….ohhhhh God!!!…but why na???? So this is the real story behind this guy’s suicide….God but why???? I remember vividly about the incident….just some minutes before 6am, my lodge mate screamed from his room that a male student has committed suicide at hockey pitch just beside Franco pitch….people said a lot of things with many attributing it to witchcraft and evil manipulations little did they know that he was pushed to take his life by the people he probably treasured most in this life (his family). He had such a bright future, with a CGPA above 4.5, had two scholarships, he was even very active in NFCS where he even served as an exco once… yet no one knew the battle he was fighting….the memory most people had of him in school then was the dude that took his life for no reason. Some even caused for throwing away his wonderful life…if only they knew, if only I knew then….but why??? I feel so terrible now, so this is the real story…if only I knew??? This is so sad…if only the society knew the battle we gays are battling in our everyday life…and yet our miserable senate still had to pass their stupid anti-gay law. This is so so sad…

    Reply

    • Mitch
      March 5, 2015

      Don’t even get me started on that mass of aged, disgusting, man-pussy-hunting vultures called senators. They all want some action on the DL yet were quick to make such a stupid and senseless law. Bunch of glorified hooligans

      Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      The family knew why he died. From Buchi,s actions the suicide was planned before he resumed back at school. He kept a diary @ home. Apparently, he wanted only his family and not the public to know the real cause of his death. He also was also contacted his Mum after Law.

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        And you know all this because of your close relationship to both deceased and family?

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        You want another story? Not from me

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        Then kindly refrain from making claims you can’t substantiate. I’d think a man who claims to be properly advanced such as you would know better than to peddle half baked presumptions.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        Though I couldn’t see anything in my submission that suggests I was presuming, I will deliberately not join issues with you or any body on this. To me,this is a delicate issue as it bothers on respecting the last wishes of the dead. However, I will only appeal to your conscience and that of all in your school of thought to put themselves in the shoes of the dead as regards this issue.

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        The dead is gone.
        The living is here.
        Be decent in your assertions as you tout yourself to be, that’s all I’m saying.

        Reply

      • keredim69
        March 5, 2015

        well said P

        Reply

  14. trystham
    March 5, 2015

    Looking to the bright side, if that mother had any iota of sense, we just got a strong supporter. notLaw, I do hope you went for his funeral.

    I remember now questioning the reason(s) why a boy his age would suicide. I guess here is my answer.
    I still sense a lot of unspoken hate for the institutions of religion and culture but Sharing this is enough indication that you have moved on,not to forget him, but for your own healing and well being. Remain true to yourself bro

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      From the opinion I have formed on the writer of this story,i can bet my life that he didn’t attend the funeral. His understanding of friendship is very different from mine.

      Reply

      • Pete
        March 5, 2015

        I don’t like attending funerals. Law’s no-show(yet to be verified ) doesn’t show the type of friend he’s.

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        Well said, Pete.

        Reply

      • trystham
        March 5, 2015

        Uhm…his absence at his friend’s funeral is not an important mark of friendship sir. It cud av been more denial. Me I actually hoped he wud av attended in defiance of all that Buchi’s mom ‘thought’ she stood for.

        Reply

  15. #TeamKizito
    March 5, 2015

    Suicide is never an option.
    He’s dead now. Who lost?

    To me, suicide is stupidity. Not to over-flog the matter; suicide is NEVER meant to be an option.

    He’s not our martyr.

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      Suicide is actually cowardice but when one gave hints of possibility of suicide before it happens the burden of failure should rest firmly on people around him

      Reply

  16. fabby
    March 5, 2015

    dabs teary eyes…. Wat a world…I just dnt blame him…. Sometyms pressures from parents can make someone think of suicide… May God have mercy on him….

    Reply

  17. mirage
    March 5, 2015

    *sighs*sometimes I praise peeps who have developed tough skins, I remember several times I prayed, fasted and wanted to change.I cut out friends,even cut out PP, later I got to know this was me,just this connection you suddenly loose on the guilt within.One day the answers to all our questions would come,is being gay a sin?is it a genetic disorder?maybe just maybe one day we would know.@Law cheer up bro,buchi lives on in your heart and your story;seen skins too…then came a day osama blew them away,osama blew them away*singing*

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      Being gay is not a sin. I said something about this sometimes and Max and PP made jest of it. I will soon send an article on why Christians think it’s a sin. I would have sent the article before now but the guy that typed it made some errors that I have to correct before sending to the editor in chief.

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        Lol. OK. I’m waiting.

        Reply

  18. silentphanom
    March 5, 2015

    Without sounding insensitive, no real names should really be a mantra when talking about real life events. A quick google search pulled up a lot and a deeper one would yield even more. You might inadvertently out yourself with a single post(except that was the idea) . That being said, I think everyone should do everyone they know a solid and learn about depression. It is ironic, a lot of people are depressed and don’t even know it yet think it is some esoteric thing that only happens to weaklings. Wikipedia is still pretty free, a whole lot can be accomplished in 15 minutes. If America records 31% depressions among LGBTQ youth , we can’t be that far behind (I suspect we are ahead, at least they have freedoms).

    P. S. Names Mark, this would be my first post…

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      Welcome dear. We wish to see more of you

      Reply

  19. pinkpanthertb
    March 5, 2015

    For a straight guy consoling a gay guy, your friend is a gift.

    Reply

  20. Gad
    March 5, 2015

    Suicide is NOT and will NEVER be escape. To put it mildly it is the embodiment of failure

    Reply

    • hisroyalsexiness
      March 5, 2015

      Stop being a bigot and be reasonable for once!!!

      Reply

  21. Sinnex
    March 5, 2015

    What a sad story.

    Reply

  22. Gad
    March 5, 2015

    “No one should know the reasons for my demise…”. From your story, this was your friend,s last wish. He kept it with you because he trusted you to respect it. Obviously he thought you were a friend. Yes, your story has unraveled some mysteries(though I have always known why that boy died) but do you think this betrayal is worth the service your story is doing amongs us? What’s the motive behind the use of his real names? Why didn’t you use your real names to for equity sake? I guess you think he is now worthless since he has gone back to dust. We all should always put our selves in the shoes of others. Admin, I have no doubt about your ingenuity but you failed here. You would have re-shaped this story before posting it. I’m sorry but I don’t like this one bit.its far from fair. That said, parents are always guilty of driving their children into danger by failing to do some very simple things…being friends to their children. If we encourage our children to be free enough to share their deepest secrets and most dreaded fears with us, some ugly incidents won’t take place. Children on the other hand should be more trustful of their parents. “Is that why you killed your son”? That statement was the height of insensitivity carried out on a grieving mother. It was disrespectful and wicked. You didn’t tell us that the woman did this or that after finding out about her son. I feel very very sad about this

    Reply

    • Law
      March 5, 2015

      Yes Gad, am guilty much, but u dnt av an iota of idea of what I went through after my bbf”s suicide…. U really don’t know, I was picked up by the police on four occasions, and during my stay in PH, I contemplated suicide several times, to end my misery. Will I say it was God, There are so many things, I didn’t reveal in this write-up, cus I cud write a novel about it. That said, keeping to my friend’s last wish…. I did so for two good years, and I never shared the cause of the suicide to anyone even when thee police pressured me, I simply told them I do not know, But anywhere Ozone is right now, am sure he wud want me to share his story…. and sharing this story wasn’t easy because it brought back so much pain.

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 5, 2015

        Law, don’t feel like you have to defend yourself to any detractors here. The pain and story are yours. All anyone here has is secondhand knowledge. If you’ve made your peace with the past, then there’s that.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        I’m sorry about what you went through. I have traveled that road though on a different pedestal. My best friend,the best man @ my wedding was “killed” by his elder siblings with the active connivance of their father. They came crying to us, we knew they were the “killers” yet we consoled them in their grief. The only way we fought them was to make sure that his properties where left for his widow and kids. By God’s grace this is a lesson. You will leave many more years. Who knows, Buchi,s death might just be a lifeline for many tomorrow. I’m sorry if I was too hard but that remains my honest response to this.

        Reply

  23. Gad
    March 5, 2015

    @ Jalice, please let’s note that this story only told us that his family caught him pants down with another guy. It didn’t tell us what they did or didn’t do. Buchi might have been driven to suicide by the feeling that he has failed his parents. We were not told. It will be wrong to conclude and like Law, accuse the family for their son,s death. It could be either way

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      Yes. It would be wrong to throw accusations here and there, dumping blame here and there.
      You know, much like you’ve been determined to subtly lay at the feet of the writer.

      Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        What I did was a forceful and direct rebuke of the writer. Its not a subtle laying of accusations. It was also not speculative.im surprised that you couldn’t see the betrayal of trust and compromising of identity that this post carries.

        Reply

  24. tobby
    March 5, 2015

    You blamed the mother for killing her own son?, but you were just as guilty..

    I don’t think you had any moral justification to judge her..

    Reply

  25. Nero
    March 5, 2015

    Buchi was actually my senior in secondary school (two classes ahead me). We had a history. Reading this story I was seriously crying. Because this is somewhat similar to what am going through right now in my life, the depression! When the society and family create this perfect picture that you can’t just fill in. Am not that guy they want me to be, but why can’t I be? Am strong, am trying just that I can’t take my life for anyone. Am not living for anyone, you know.

    Reply

    • kendigin
      March 5, 2015

      It is hard, but if you stay strong you will overcome your challenges.
      Most times its not just what other people want from us that way us down, its the unrealistic goals we give ourselves too. My point is, you must first try to accept yourself before anyone else will. Stop trying to be who other people expect you to be, rather accept yourself and work on loving the real you.
      I know this is easier said than done, but you have to keep on trying.
      The truth is that your parents will love you no matter what.

      Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      If you remain true to life’s course. If you remain conscious on the track of your set positive goals, one day, very soon, you will wear the crown. If you quit by ending your life you will be the loser.remain strong

      Reply

    • mirage
      March 5, 2015

      come here dear, we all here don’t feel alone. Suicide is not even an option.

      Reply

  26. Peak
    March 5, 2015

    Are we Playing the Blame game? Really? After reading something like this? You people kill me!

    I’m sure almost everyone on KD would be behind bars if we are to jail ppl for everytime they lash out @ other commenters, and their usage of insensitive terms. He was in agonising emotional pain and lashed out at the very 1st person who he felt was responsible after weeks of beating himself up endlessly for not being there!
    Can’t we just take the good and leave out the ugly 4 another time? This is sad enough a story, let’s not do the “he/she is to blame game” to make it worse
    The moral of this story is suppose to be , Tolerance, Suicide is not the way out, Being Strong, And Being a better friend!
    @ Gad I see ur point sir, but I’d like to block ur reason out right now by taking solace in that fact that someone somewhere is reading this and drawing strenght and learning from this! That’s the foundation KD is built on, so allow some of “us” to live in that “Truth”.

    @ Law, thanks 4 sharing!

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      Peak, I could kiss u right now.

      Reply

    • Paul
      March 5, 2015

      @Peak again U prove y u r most favourite commenter on ds forum.
      Its nt a blame sharing time @ all.
      I’m still weak from ds story.
      Somehow I tink its a little honour to his memory if the real truth behind y he took his wonderful life.
      I do get Gad’s perspective as he speaks from the standpoint of a parent.
      Bt its still sad that the family havnt learnt a lesson-dey still deny his true personality in death and dey try to keep d story very secret maybe bcos of d same societal stigma. D same reason our dear Buchi lost his life.
      Its a sad story. I do not c any hope for homophobia or any ounce of acceptance in d nearest future.
      May God’s Grace see us tru it all.

      Reply

      • mirage
        March 5, 2015

        my bro please help me as gad oh cos law did a very good thing by sharing this, suicide is never a way out, if you feel lonely, reach out to someone. I would listen and guess pp would do same @ law heaven bless you!

        Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      I’m not and will never be against enlightenment especially amongs “sexual outlaws” like us. Thanks for your understanding but if this story has come to us as fiction and the identity of the victim is protected,i will be singing the writers praise all day.

      Reply

      • JustJames
        March 5, 2015

        If this was was fiction it It wouldn’t have as much impact as a true life story me thinks.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 5, 2015

        The later is your opinion and the former mine. We all have one thing in common @ the end of the day…the right to our different opinions.

        Reply

  27. kendigin
    March 5, 2015

    I don’t think its fair to blame the mother. She is also a victim of society and religion.
    No mother ever wants to lose a child. When push comes to shove mothers will usually sacrifice themselves to save there children.
    My heart goes out to the family though, and to all those who have and are still suffering from depression

    Reply

  28. Mikky
    March 5, 2015

    @ I Gad. I strongly concur to your judgment in this story. I vividly remember in my final year on a Wednesday morning I came for my club’s morning training. we saw people gathered at the cricket pitch close to our training pitch. All I could hear was THE CONTROVERSY HAS ENDED. That marked the end of our training session. Several rumours and versions about his death filled the air. But as I told my friend then that this has to do with his lifestyle. But the point I want to make is this. Firstly, parents discovering their son’s sexuality should not make them despise him. Rather devise a means to bring out the change they desire from him. Secondly, suicide is not and can never be an option. We must stand firm and fight for our feelings. Thirdly, @Law, you are never a true friend. Is it because he is gone that’s why you let the cat out of the bag?
    @Gad, can’t wait to see your article posted for all to see cos I love the piece.

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      You love the piece you haven’t read? Interesting.

      Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      Thanks. Very soon with the approval of our Editor- in chief

      Reply

  29. Ace
    March 5, 2015

    In other totally unrelated news, I just heard the dumbest thing in all my life today. My educated medical doctor aunt just said she never buys female toys for her daughter because… wait for it… SHE DOESN’T WANT HER SON TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE TOYS AND BECOME GAY! This is a medical doctor o with many years living in the US. I am so saddened and have pulled her down the pedestal I placed her in my mind. I guess location doesn’t change ignorance.

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 5, 2015

      Lmao.
      Yes. Its that easy. Female toys are instigators of gay genes.

      Reply

      • Ace
        March 5, 2015

        I tire o.

        Reply

  30. Khaleesi
    March 5, 2015

    @1st i thought this was a work of fiction. This is soo sooll sad and heartbreaking, a young promising life taken away due to intolerance and ***spits profusely***a cherry picked hypocritic religion… its so sad!! And guys, feeling suicidal isn’t weird, it’s a very real feeling. Hell, i have several times in my life contemplated suicide. The thought still crosses my mind everyday but so far i remain strong … thanks so much Law for sharing … if just one young person can be rescued from tbe brink of suicidal depression,then this piece is very well worth it. Like i will continue to advocate, this id a homophobic land with homophobia deeply ingrained in their psyche and culture. There are lots of bright tolerant spots on God’s green earth, read the handwriting on the wall and if u find you wont be able to cope here, find some other more tolerant spot and flee – the earlier the better ….

    Reply

  31. keredim69
    March 5, 2015

    I made a brief comment earlier backing Pinkie on a rebuttal he made to one of @Gad’s earlier comments. I should have read the piece in more detail earlier but i was in a hurry. I wish I could physically remove the comment, but @Gad you are absolutely right with your assertions.

    My comments below are purely based on the story that was published without knowledge of what “might have happened behind the scenes”. We can only comment on has been revealed.

    The story is tragic and suicide is not the answer. We all not all strong and we deal with pressure and disappointment in different ways. There was a support system of sorts for the deceased, but he couldn’t fully utilise it. @Law was there for him and he tried his best under the circumstances.

    @Law I appreciate that you are grieving for your best friend and you probably feel guilty about not helping him enough and the last exchange of words between you both. But do you not think the family have suffered enough? Why the reason for this article or the need to use real names?

    You mentioned that someone was going to write a book or something about it (probably fictional), but you preempted it by “leaking” it on here. Then to say, this is what the deceased would have wanted….well that sounds a bit self serving to me and nullifies any good intentions you might have had both now and in the past.

    I think you should have accepted the his mother’s invitation the funeral and delivered the eulogy as she had requested….You missed an opportunity to tell the family what a good person (regardless of his sexuality) the deceased really was. You could have received some amount of closure and shown his family especially the Mother that being gay does not entirely define people, its just a part of who they are.

    I know my comments will not be entirely popular, but I stand by Gad. Publishing this story was a bit distasteful.

    Reply

    • MacArdry
      March 6, 2015

      You aren’t the only one.
      So much for self-serving friends

      Reply

  32. A-non
    March 5, 2015

    Reading this story brought with it the rush of a million emotions and a fresh bout of depression.

    Buchi’s story could have been mine. I started with wrist slitting…over 80 cuts and several suicide attempts that I was either too afraid to execute to the letter or saved by a friend. Started hearing voices at some point, thankfully my family heard about it before I got to tipping point, evacuated me from school and arranged for a psychiatrist and later on a clinical psychologist to begin mental interventions. I lived on anti depressants for about two years just to stabilise me.

    Depression is deadlier than AIDS and cancer and is swifter in moving from one stage to the other if left unchecked.

    My heart goes out to Law but especially Buchi. What would he be like if he were alive? Would having a confidant have helped? What would he have been in the next ten years?

    Questions which will never be answered…a story untold.

    Reply

  33. posh666
    March 5, 2015

    Really sad story.imagine a 4pointer just killed himself just like that!wat a loss.suicide in my religion is straight ticket to hell am muslim.but i guess we are different and stronger than each other.my own younger brother outed me to my mum due to blood rivalry my mum never told me infact i accidentally heard her giving him a strong warning never to say such about me again his reasons for doing this 1st at d age of 20 his still in secondary skul,into drugs,steals,and his also into gayism for money to buy drugs which he knows i knows but never ever told my parents he outed me so my mum will stop seeing me as the perfect child.fortunately or unfortunately my mum caught me or almost did i can never forget that day she was so mad at me but eventually she got over it dou she always advises me to be careful.i still never told her about my younger broda and she never ever told my other siblings or dad about me till he died from high bp due to my brothers evil ways.and am still alive it was a really dark period but islam forbids suicide,i luv life too much,just taking life one step at a time dou islam also says gays should be stoned to death.sighs this life though!

    Reply

  34. DeadlyDarius
    March 5, 2015

    A heart-breaking story. Just as much as seeing some commenters here opine that ‘suicide is never the answer’ and ‘suicide is cowardice’….I hope they never get full blown depression (a very real mental illness) and reach such emotional troughs

    *sighs in sadness*

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 5, 2015

      If in your sub consciousneSs you regard suicide as failure,cowardice or something worse,your battle is half won because you won’t consider suicide an option even when your depression is over full but if you keep on regarding it as a likely way out then the possibility of embracing suicide one day as a way of out is high. The choice is yours

      Reply

      • DeadlyDarius
        March 6, 2015

        Yeah again with the ‘choice’….I guessed u missed the mental illness part of my statement

        *watching the Ben Carson ‘being gay is a choice’ interview*

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 6, 2015

        LOL.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 6, 2015

        Any sick person has a duty to himself no matter the type of ailment. A duty to stay alive. Its a choice. One can still give in to death through self pity. Choices

        Reply

  35. keredim69
    March 6, 2015

    Thanks for that

    Reply

  36. wazzosgrotto
    March 6, 2015

    Not everyone is as strong as some to live in a place that vilifies your very existence. Sometimes death is the only form of release.

    Nigeria is sitting on an LGBT time bomb. Just think for a second. Let’s just say hypothetically that LGBT people make up 1 percent of the population. A very conservative number. Now with Nigeria population officially being 175 million (which is more close to 200 million) this would mean approx 1.7 million people fall within the LGBT category. I could be wrong but that is a lot of people who will be going through some serious psychological pain and confusion.

    Let’s keep enlightening our brothers and sisters and hopefully one day there will be no more sad tales like this.

    W.

    Reply

    • Gad
      March 6, 2015

      “Sometimes death is a form of relief”. Are you by any means endorsing suicide?

      Reply

      • wazzosgrotto
        March 6, 2015

        I’m not endorsing it. I’m simply saying that we should be empathetic to those who choose to take their own lives. After all, it’s their choice. Not ours.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 6, 2015

        Hmmm. That’s scary. I think we owe them a duty of love by helping them look at things from other angles. You don’t subtly encourage suicide hiding under the excuse of freedom of choice. Maybe you can but I WON,T.

        Reply

      • wazzosgrotto
        March 6, 2015

        And what if they don’t want to look at the prism you present to them? Neither myself or the president can force someone to live on when they have made the mental decision to take their lives. As you sit where you are, hundreds of people are ending their existence to escape the hardships they face in life. Some manage to pull through others don’t. All we can do is to encourage them not to go down that road but if they do we should be able to respect their decision no matter how much we disagree with their choice.

        Reply

      • Gad
        March 6, 2015

        Ok

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 6, 2015

        Hallelujah! Finally! A cease fire! 🙂

        Reply

    • MacArdry
      March 6, 2015

      Pray you don’t ever have someone close to you take their own life.Suicide is not and can never be a right choice,especially when all other avenues for resolving one’s inner battles are yet to be explored.
      I resolved yesterday not to comment on this story,but the more I come across it and some comments here based on incomplete information/outright disinformation by a self-serving twit trying to come out of the whole stite smelling of roses,the madder I got.What the hell was that about a mother killing her own son?.A mother who had made her own peace about her son’s sexuality,tho hard it was for her?

      Reply

      • wazzosgrotto
        March 6, 2015

        Too right MacArdy. Let’s just try and be more caring and supportive to our friends or people in such dark moods. #Teamhuman

        Reply

  37. wazzosgrotto
    March 6, 2015

    p.s I said sometimes death is the only form of “release” not “relief” 🙂

    Reply

    • wazzosgrotto
      March 6, 2015

      LoL @Pinkpanthertb Nothing but love here. Say no to war!

      Reply

  38. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    March 6, 2015

    Wow. This is soooooo sad!
    Sorry about this and RIP to your friend.

    But pause. How come I never had all these depressing moments or prayed my sexuality away or felt guilty for being me.

    Though I did not acknowledge my sexuality for a long time till I graduated and started working… I always knew it was there and all my “research” with girls just made me SURE I was into boiz (whether I can get IT up for girls or not)

    But I guess everyone is different and we are composed of different emotions… I just hope we can all accept ourselves sooner and be strong no matter what! Please let us all be advocates of self acceptance to every LGBT person that we know.

    I hardly talk much and I don’t know why this particular story got to me this much; it is just SAD and I pray it stops.

    Reply

  39. Jeova Sanctus Unus
    March 7, 2015

    A sick person owes it to himself/herself to keep alive?? Very wicked of those ‘finalists’ cancer patients to opt out. Can we end with he condescension.

    Death is and will always be beautiful. There is no pain in death. It is the end of every pain. The same way a cancer patient opts out of the pain, is the same way a depressed person feels.

    Blaming a suicide victim is we making fools out of ourselves. We didn’t blame Kamikaze pilots. We don’t blame soldiers. Christians don’t blame Jesus (according to the story, he put himself up to be killed). The only problem with suicide the sense of defeat for letting the world win. Instead of blaming the victims, what we should do is see those as our collective failures and reach out more to ourselves. With every suicide victim, the society fails itself.

    @Law: You didn’t say you didn’t attend the funeral. You Did say you haven’t heard from Buchi’s mum (maybe you attened but didn’t make your presence known). The mum failed. You failed. I failed. We failed. Even Buchi failed (to stay alive and inspire other people with his story). But, you’ve grieved enough. Reach out to the mum (maybe apologize for your conduct). Share with the family happy stories of Buchi. Of the good things he thought about/of each of them. Of the Times you had with him. Let them know being gay was just one part of him. Do let them know how troubled he was about it. How his beliefs betrayed him. How he felt after their discovery. All of you should share the good And bad memories of Buchi together. You all would come out the better. Maybe in you they would see Buchi. Maybe in that they would find peace. Maybe with that they’d finally understand. And maybe with that understanding, they would reach out to fellow parents. And with that you will have changed the world, a dozen people at a time. Buchi is just one out of many, but in every one many can be saved.

    **Gad, if you feel the writer betrayed his friend’s trust by sharing his story, then I fear the family also did same by making you privy of the situation. Buchi would have wanted a better world and this is his friend doing it. This s how it begins. He may not be the perfect martyr, but he’s a martyr nonetheless.

    #My2Kobo

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 7, 2015

      Ohmygod!!!! A million loves for this comment.

      Reply

    • Gad
      March 7, 2015

      Like Pinky would say, we have moved on from this post. Don’t be left behind. Anyway, that’s on a lighter note. One can’t afford to ignore you seeing that you raised very grave issues that will thrive if not clarified. For the avoidance of doubt,no one who spoke against suicide has condemned those who committed suicide. If I’m correct, all we have tried to do is to deter intending suiciders by pointing out the ills in taking ones life. I hope you are not a fan of the first lady who said and I quote “I’d rather commit suicide than be a suicide bomber”. Lol. Death is a gate way to life. Yes, but if the death of saints pains God, I wonder why the death of a 21 years old will be beautiful to you. Wait a minute, don’t you like beautiful things? What are you waiting for? Death can be beautiful after a well spent long life with glowing achievements to one’s name and for the benefit of posterity. As for the advice you gave to Law to do what he ought to have done years ago,he is at liberty to do as he likes but I feel it’s not kind to re-open old wounds that has only healed on the surface.

      Reply

    • s_sensei
      March 7, 2015

      Best comment came last. You said it all!

      Reply

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