Dear Ex Lover

Dear Ex Lover

Writer’s Note: I had a lover who I thought was the best thing ever that happened to me. Turns out he wasn’t. All through the five months we were together, he had a “significant other”, and I was just the side chick/dude. It hurt when I found out, and the verse below is the expression of my pain.


Dear Ex Lover,

I promise I’ll stop chasing your memory in my dreams.

I’ll stop bringing your name up

Over cups of teas, toast, and loneliness

I will marry a man

And I will lay my heart on his chest

Like red roses on Mahogany caskets

And we shall have a daughter and she’ll have eyes that’ll remind me

That God still believes in second chances.

And if she ever decided to love a woman, I will rub bravery down her spine.

I will be reminded of all the times that we loved

Like there were expiration dates tattooed on our inner thighs.

If she ever comes home with eyelids like cracking Levis and bruised kneecaps

And a heart filled with question marks

I will hold her like my mother never held me

I will clasp her face in my palms like the New Testament on Judgement Day

I will tell her that love is the passion that allows you to do the right thing

And that no woman can play coaster to a half empty heart.

And if she ever feels as if she is alone

As if she is a hand-me-down pulled out of the depths of daddy’s closet

I’ll remember you and tell her that I know

That I know what it’s like to want someone to remember you

That some men are as foul as expired wares in produce aisles

That apologies are like oxygen masks on a hijacked plane

I’ll tell her to never regret loving in permanent ink

That scars only give you stretch marks, something to gossip about

That hearts and stop signs are fraternal twins,

Lost in open roads and hollow chests

If my daughter’s mirror ever looks unfamiliar

And she’s too embarrassed to run into daddy’s arms

I’ll pray that she has friends with hearts filled with thousands of fire flies

Friends who are not too cool to pray with her

Who will tell her to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

And find God in the darkness

If my daughter ever walks into the house like shattering glass

I’ll tell her about you.

I’ll tell her that we hurt like c-sections birthing dead babies

That we cried together, and we prayed together, and we laughed

Like our smiles were the only ones that mattered in this world.

That we hurt like men who loved men, who loved people that did not love us.

Dear Ex Lover

I hope my daughter never knows what a goodbye kiss feels like

I hope she never knows what “I’ll see you later” really means.

I hope she never memorizes the dial-tone of a last conversation

Because a broken heart feels like poisoned butterflies

Taking their last flutters in the pit of your stomach

Dear Ex Lover

I hope my daughter never bears her soul in pain via a blog

Knowing that the hands her lover will use to scroll and read her poem

Are the same hands that will never hold her again.

Written by Vhar

Previous Idris Elba’s Response to the James Bond Casting Rumors
Next Author of Brokeback Mountain Wishes She’d Never Written The Story

About author

You might also like

Poetry 20 Comments


How great the time we connected How clear the attraction that thrived How driven we were to get acquainted How fiery the glow which within us arrived Before you, I

Poetry 0 Comments


I stand naked before you And not just so you can violate me again Ask me if I feel good, when we both know I don’t I stand before you

Poetry 1Comments

Of a Friday Night in Lagos, a Gay Man, His Lover and Afrobeat

Of the seven deadliest sins in my country A man loving another man is the first three.   It’s Friday in Lagos meaning it’s the unholy cocktail traffic, TGIF, Friday


  1. McGray
    December 30, 04:12 Reply

    Ow! I’m so touched. But seriously i have never really met that person that will make me loose a wink of sleep when he decides to go. Eh, i just thought this oo, but i would like to know if DM would abandon his dear Vodka if MM leaves. **just saying**

    • pinkpanthertb
      December 30, 05:01 Reply

      And Mike comes out of hibernation because of poetry… 🙂

  2. Rapu'm
    December 30, 05:12 Reply

    Touching poetry, Vhar. At least something beautiful comes out of broken things.

  3. Airdeecan
    December 30, 05:41 Reply

    Damn!!!!!, that was deep…I could almost feel d pain myself, Dear Vhar, you’ll be fine buddy, I know you will.

  4. Shawn L. Bird
    December 30, 05:43 Reply

    Wow. Powerfully written! Have you performed this anywhere? It seems meant to be spoken aloud.

    • pinkpanthertb
      December 30, 05:45 Reply

      True that. The words read like something that needs to be given life.

  5. Kristopher B
    December 30, 05:43 Reply

    You must have really loved this person… Let it go man, let it off. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, if you keep doing what your love in confidence and radiate positivity someone better will come along. Well written piece sir.

  6. Max
    December 30, 05:43 Reply

    Omg… This is so beautiful. Bravo bravo!!!!!! Bravo!!!!!!!.. Love it. I said it before, sadness brings out the best or worst in us. I’m glad you used yours to create such an amazing piece.
    I know how it feels to get your heart ripped out your chest. But don’t worry dear, you’ll be fine. You have to let go and forgive.. That way you can have your inner peace.

  7. hoelivia poop
    December 30, 06:12 Reply

    pinky smh 4 u. so if he didn’t mention yesterday that uve not posted d poem he sent u about his break up, you’d still be hoarding this beautiful piece. tufiakwa u

  8. Arabian Princess
    December 30, 06:32 Reply

    awwwww. muah muah muah. This is lovely. ♡♡♡♡♡♡

  9. vhar
    December 30, 07:04 Reply

    I have forgiven myself. No man is worth it. None whatsoever.

    Thank you for the comments.

  10. Chuck
    December 30, 07:16 Reply

    Do you still like to cheat?

  11. vhar
    December 30, 07:28 Reply

    Chuck… You just had to bring that up.

    Cheating? Honestly, I don’t know.
    I want to hurt whoever comes along.

    Thats my aim right now.

    • Kel
      December 30, 07:30 Reply

      Do that n you end up hurting yourself the more.Take that from one who knows.
      Time to move on now,cher.Time to heal

    • chestnut
      December 30, 09:15 Reply

      It might be easier said than done,Vhar. If the next person who comes along is a good man, the kind of man ppl tell u “he doesn’t exist” (but we DO exist…maybe an endangered species,but still existing),and u cheat on him,it won’t be because of ur ex; it will be because of the level of importance u place(or do not place) on ur own integrity. It’s so cliche,to give ur ex the power to “ruin u for the next person”. Ur ex shouldn’t define how u are with the next person. You are who u are,and if u’ve always been a person of honour and integrity, a foolish ex shouldn’t be able to reduce the strength of ur character. The strength of ur character is yours alone and u should take pride in always being the kind of man u want ur daughter (or son) to end up with.
      This poem was beautiful. I believe u’re over him,because u can’t write something this beautiful without being released by it.

      • Vhar.
        December 30, 10:52 Reply


        No pity parties.
        No hugs.
        No “you’ll be fine(s)

        I know.

  12. vhar
    December 30, 07:38 Reply

    Yeah yeah… I know.

    I want to learn to trust again.
    I will.

    I only cheated once.
    Just so I’d have a story to tell like I’m doing right now.

  13. Metorsexual
    December 30, 07:40 Reply

    “I’ll pray that she has friends with hearts filled with thousands of fire flies
    Friends who are not too cool to pray with her”……….. These lines really got me teary eyed.. cz I was lucky to have friends who got me through the pain caused by he who I thought was ‘THE ONE’… ……. Bless your heart for this, Vhar. You will definitely get over this…

    • vhar
      December 30, 07:44 Reply

      I’m over him Sir.

      • Kel
        December 30, 07:54 Reply

        Erm…’re not over him yet,vhar.Not yet or u won’t still be hurting.You’ll get there though

  14. FKA Chizzie
    December 30, 08:19 Reply

    Wow. Read this while a sad Evanescence song was playing and it seemed fitting.

    Very well written and melancholic…

    This blog is actually full of talented ppl.. 🙂

  15. Deola
    December 30, 08:51 Reply

    Mehn this shit is deep!!!

  16. Dom
    December 30, 12:28 Reply

    Best thing I’ve read here, by a far margin.

  17. Ace
    December 30, 12:39 Reply

    Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! This poem is so powerful that it makes me regret all the poems I have ignored reading in the past. Oh God! The words! The imageries! The emotions! Just too much. Just freaking too much. I love you Vhar. I freaking love you!

    • Ace
      December 30, 12:51 Reply

      It is like every line was made to have so much power than the previous. I read a line and I am like “Good lord!” Then I go to the next and go ” Damn boy! Just marry me already!” This blog just revealed that truly talented people still exist and I am happy Pinky made this possible. Wow!

  18. Khaleesi
    December 30, 16:05 Reply

    Beautiful words … all the pain pouring out in such beautiful verse …

Leave a Reply