Dear KD: How Do I Establish A Connection With My (Maybe) Gay Cousin?

Dear KD: How Do I Establish A Connection With My (Maybe) Gay Cousin?

A friend of mine hit me up one day and asked me if it was okay to give my number to an acquaintance he made on Twitter. He said the guy is gay but he knew practically no one in the community. I felt a sense of responsibility to get this person acquainted with the basics, and I asked my friend for his contact details. When he sent them to me, I viewed his picture and I was startled to see that the guy was my secondary school senior! I was panicked at first; I didn’t know what to do, and when I spoke to my friend about it, he gave me reassurances.

Let’s call this secondary school senior of mine Tommy. Tommy was two years ahead of me, and I remember students used to make fun of him for being effeminate. After my friend connected us, we started talking and I told him we went to the same secondary school. He told me he didn’t recognize me, and I said yeah, that I wasn’t a popular kid back then. I was always timid and rarely spoke to anyone outside my class.

So, Tommy and I started talking about school, talking about who and who was possibly gay from our experiences back then. I was a day student and told him about the classmate in JSS2 who had grabbed my ass during the morning assembly. Tommy, however, had more stories, and told me of a few guys and all the crazy things they did together. Some of the names he mentioned surprised me, because these boys were very homophobic.

And then he talked about one other guy whose name he mentioned – TJ. The name sounded oddly familiar, and soon, it dawned on me that he was referring to my cousin. TJ was his nickname in school. and he was 3 years my senior. Because of my reserve, me and him hardly interacted in school, and I never sought his attention or protection from other seniors. While keeping the part about TJ being my cousin to myself, I asked Tommy if he was absolutely sure he was gay, and Tommy said he had no reason to lie, that they’d run things together back then.

So now, intrigued, I’m wondering what I should do with this information? How do I verify that TJ is indeed gay? And if he is, how do I forge a connection with him as his fellow gay cousin?

Submitted by Kole

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  1. McDuke
    January 15, 06:41 Reply

    Busy body…MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!

    • Pink Panther
      January 15, 07:10 Reply

      Lol. Hian. Na so? It’s not busy body o. You have no idea how great it feels to have an ally, someone like you who is a family member. If you did, you’d understand why he’s interested in learning about his cousin’s sexuality.

      • Raymond o
        January 15, 09:10 Reply

        But at the end of the day, if he tries to forge a connection with his cuzz he might just end up outting himself. Look alot happens in secondary school/ half yhe guys i fooled around woth are not even gay…. but hey ho he should just be careful

  2. trystham
    January 15, 06:49 Reply

    I know how into overdrive, ur ofofo senses have been kicked. Now is not the time for confrontation. Now is the time for investigation. You kuku know how much they say is all experimentation at that stage of our lives???

    • Pink Panther
      January 15, 07:15 Reply

      It is how to investigate that he’s kuku asking you people for guidance. Lol

      • trystham
        January 15, 08:53 Reply

        No o. He has already confirmed in his head that his cousin is gay. All he wants now is to look for family that they will brave enemies together. Short of a confession or actually caughting his cousin in the art, he should keep his confirmations to himself.
        Anyways, what Mandy said

  3. Mandy
    January 15, 07:16 Reply

    First of all, are you close with this your cousin? Do you two have any sort of relationship? If you don’t, then perhaps don’t bother investigating him. Because even if he’s gay and you two never had a relationship, knowing may not make any difference. But if you two are close or have some relationship, then you should start your investigation by poking at his feelings about gay people. Bring up LGBT issues in conversations with him. Find out what he thinks of the antigay law. How your cousin feels about queer issues will go a long way into letting you know which way he swings and if you should ever relate with him at all.

  4. Higwe
    January 15, 07:43 Reply

    Young people experiment ,it doesn’t really make them gay.
    I had a young hottie’ ex classmate then in high school, who never missed an opportunity to kiss or grab me ,now he’s a happily married man in the US and doesn’t even remember any of it.
    There was another one I did lots of stuffs with, he’s married too and from every indication he’s an aggressive heterosexual.
    The last time he visited, he was way more interested in my hot female neighbor.

    This cousin of yours might have been curious like every normal growing teenager and experimented .

    He could be gay; he may not be gay!

    Note this though : this dude didn’t try to establish any relations with you even when you were in the same school, what makes you think he will now?
    From the little interactions I’ve had with people – I can categorically tell you that people hardly ever change ;their instincts are pretty much always the same.

    You can’t be connected to every gay man you think you know * mind the business that pays you * .

    Unless of course, you have a crush on him and this is merely a plot to get close to him ,then I’d say go shoot your shot.
    I don’t particularly favor incest, but to each his own ??.

  5. Delle
    January 15, 10:22 Reply

    You were never friends while in school, he never thought to establish any form of relationship with you (nor did you) and now that you find out he (probably) plays for the same team as you, you want to form an alliance?

    That’s funny.

    You were (are) not friends (which is a lot important despite the blood share). How do you think having same sexual orientation will change that?

    Please move on. You have gay friends, be content with that.

  6. Jinchuriki
    January 15, 17:29 Reply

    If you’re looking for verification that he might be bisexual or that he is gay, use someone else to get through to him. It’s just verification, isn’t it?

  7. J
    January 15, 21:45 Reply

    People can be sexually fluid as far as I am concern… I don’t care for people that can have sex with both sexes or anything inbetween. They’re not hopeless in our society.

    Mr writer, what kind of gay are you? The kind of gay that is sad, confused and struggling to get a stable male partner and may be so hopeless about settling down and the future? Or are you the kind of gay that sees homosexuality as a phase and can get married to a woman when you’re due?

    Which ever one you’re, I think you should try to figure out the kind of gay your cousin is so you can know whether you will have a good connection. Truth is most gays in Nigeria are ignorant and are very comfortable in their ignorance, the moment you try to educate or engage them on matters of homosexuality, they flinch and can even report you to your parents or pastors. My cousin brother once reported me to my dad, my dad had to warn him and his mother not to tell anyone or even seek help from pastors. So after the incident, my dad went and impregnated a young lady and luckily for him, she gave birth to a male child. I hope that child doesn’t turn out to be gay… My dad was disappointed in me for him to give birth to a child in his old age, a child that automatically becomes my burden and I will carry on his lineage I suppose.

    • J
      January 15, 21:53 Reply

      *and will carry on his lineage I suppose.

      Know your boundary of homosexuality, some people are not worth caring about. Learn to support yourself, keep to yourself and live your life without trying air it to the world. There’s too much hate out there, I hope things change for the better, but don’t risk your life because of ignorant people.

  8. Kayeze
    January 17, 08:00 Reply

    My brother better mind ur business, busy body u wan fuck ur cousin now …
    If it is just curiosity u have . Seek d aid of that Tommy dude to help chat up with ur TJ cousin in order to confirm ur suspicion. .. he shouldn’t start with his fone number … He should start with Like his face book name. …. Then see how things play

  9. ROCK
    January 19, 11:09 Reply

    Lol.This is what they call Infoforthefuture. Discreetly find out more and verify the genuineness….and the file it away.
    Don’t tell your cousin anything.
    Sometimes it feels good to just know,you know.
    Same thing i have going on with my own coz

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