Hello my name is John Oceans (very distant relative of Joan Rivers), and today I will be playing judge and jury and serve you my hits and misses from the AMVCA red carpet. This is my first time writing, enjoy and feel free to disagree.
HITS
Genevieve Nnaji: If anyone doubted who the queen of Nollywood is, this picture laid rest such dissension. This lady is a star and is proof that even if you are not born with class, you can acquire it.
Kate Henshaw: This is a woman in her 40s giving the 20-year-olds a run for their money. She knocked it out of the park.
Temi Dollface: Only she can pull off such a quirky look. She always makes it work!
Eku Edewor: One word – SLAY!
Jeremiah Ogbodo: Listen up, men. This is how to do color and not making a jacket out of ludo. This is a man after my fashion heart.
Mrs. Dakolo: This lady picked an amazing dress. The color is great for her, the embellishments are just okay and she did not put on too many accessories. She nailed it.
Osas Ighodaro: Okay, I hate this chick because she broke my heart when she snagged Gbenro, who is my boo, off the market. However, Osas brings it on every red carpet, and this dress is perfection. She looked like a mermaid and she had the ultimate accessory – a hot, well-dressed man. Some women do have it all.
Funke Akindele: I am reluctantly including her on the hit list. This is a beautiful dress for a woman in her 40s, and not for a young woman like Funke. The dress ages her, and so does the hair. She is a pretty girl; she should just hire a good stylist, or get a gay best friend.
Betty Irabor: This woman is like wine; she gets better with age. This is a very tasteful look; she doesn’t try to dress young, she dresses her age and manages to ooze class each time.
OC Ukeje: This is the best dressed man at this event! I want to control my thirst, but I can’t, so let me just shut up! OC, please retain the services of whoever put you in this suit.
Iyabo Ojo: I don’t even know who this girl is or what she does, but she was my best dressed girl at this event. This is a simple tasteful dress with just enough embellishments. She should have skipped the dropping earrings of course, and gone for stud diamonds, and allow the dress do all the talking. I am sorry, Genny baby, but this girl gave me life.
MISSES
Nkiru Anumudu: *sigh* With all the money this woman has, she always looks like she fell out of a Harry Potter set. I think this picture can be used to scare children into eating their vegetables, you know, Eat your veggies, kids, otherwise the woman in the picture will come visit them at night.
Eucharia Anunobi: I hear she is now a pastor, abi? Surely her congregation can contribute money to buy her a mirror. From the hair to the hideous dress to the make up – Epic fail! It looks like a wild animal will jump out of her clothes any minute!
Eniola Badmus: *holds laugh* All the spanx in the world cannot save this one lol. She should learn how to dress as a fat woman, otherwise she will always end up looking like a plate of amala.
Korede Bello: These are the cheapest satin pants I have ever seen. Where does he shop? Under bridge? And Dennis Macaulay, yes I love you, but surely you can buy your boy an iron. If he has to wear cheap satin pants, at least tell him to iron it. That is what daddies do, no?
Denola Grey: Another Dennis’ boy in ‘Akwa oche inspired.” This is an epic fail, it looks like he robbed someone and ripped off their furniture to make this jacket. Dennis, do something about this biko!
Dakore Akande: This is a beautiful princess dress, but unfortunately she looks like ice cream served at Cold Stone Creamery; the top is strawberry flavor while the bottom is pineapple flavor. Nne, mbanu!
Denrele Edun: This guy is just an attention seeker so I don’t take him seriously. He likes being in the news, and this is one of his antics. Neeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxt!!!!
Da Prince: Alaba boys, oye! He looks like those rich nna-bobos men who live in Festac, travel to China often, and talk loudly on the phone. This looks like something Kcee would wear; they now shop at the same store?
Yvonne Ekwere: Hey look y’all, its RuPaul . . . or not.
Belinda Effah: Somebody must have thought it wise to invite the Yoruba goddess, Yemoja. Oya, let us bow before her o, else you will be childless.
Susan Peters: She is the biggest miss of the night! She looks like a drag queen going to a Halloween party as big bird from Sesame Street. I even read yesterday that she said this was “high fashion”. *holds laugh* She even wore a tiara? #DiarisGodInEverythingWeDo
I had to keep it short, guys, so you don’t burn all your data! I would like to know your best and worst picks each!
This is it until the next time our celebrities play dress-up, and KD’s Fashion Police can storm that red carpet with arrest warrants. Ciao Bella!
‘Dressed like ice cream served in coldstone creamery… Dressed like Yoruba goddess, yemoja…’
ROTFLMAO!!! This John Oceans, you’re just as bad as your ‘distant relative’ Joan Rivers.
Damn! I’d drop my views later (hides KDFP ID card)
As at now, I can’t! I just can’t!
Lmsfao!! Rotb!!
OK, am in a public place but I just can’t help it, I can’t!
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Jisox! Who wrote this abeg! Thanks for making ppl give me he is crazy look!
I think the best dressed is Mrs Dakolo! Check her out naa! Genny was good but her popularity made everyone notice her!
Did someone fuck Swanky the night b4 d show? He looks like………never mind.
Korede and Denola Grey, Like father like Sons!
Susan Peters……….smh @ you!
*Singing* Belinda bsby…… Belinda.
D’Prince……….. Hit and miss artist.
As for Nkiru, Woman is d queen of d coast that got washed up on a stoners beach!
LOOOOOOL!!! Almost dropped my phone cus I was laughing so hard! ur analysis was spot on for the most part, my igbo brothers and sisters were living up to expectations as usual…ndi prince na Eucharia, igbo kwenu! Although I liked Denola’s jacket, and the bitchy look on his face and I thought Funke’s outfit was nice as was her hair. And that Temi -Kini’s outfit was my fave…if I did drag I’d wear that! and the only problem with Betty’s was har face. it looks like its molded from cement- botox much?
Korede Bello…sigh I mean guurrl? the bitch is clearly still a newbie so she’s forgiven.
meanwhile Denrele’s case…im sorry, I love him and all but why does he constantly make a buffoonery of not just himslef but gay guys in general. his outfit caused a serious debate at work yst and for once I couldnt defend our gay folk cus of this man. I want to smack some sense into her.
anyways I hope this FP thing becomes a main stay! PP make it happen!
Lol
Yvonne Ekwere’s cape tho. She shud av left it to the male super heroes
Frankly, I do think Eniola Badmus wasn’t a miss. She wouldn’t stand out on either extremes. She’s ok.
Belinda Affah looks divine. The fabric pattern and design is great and it was daring enough to impress me. Hey, I love things African…not so much the porcupine hairstyle buyt it fits d theme
Susan Peters looks like the angel that got lost bearing the news of Jesus’ birth. She looks right at home at a Deeper Life Retreat
i love eku’s outfit. its amazing what makeup can do. i travelled to uk with her in december- lets jst say this is definitely not the real eku. lol
Denrele outfit is just disturbing…..
Oh, God! The analysis from K’Dians ehn…
Still LMAO!! …
Hahahhaha…I just cant ! ..am saving that lady’s pic tho, my kids have to eat their vegetables.
Seen
I’m probably in the minority here but i think Kate Henshaw’s dress was off. It seems like it was made in a haste or something, it doesn’t fit her properly, and the lower part of the gown is just a mess. This dress does that her gorgeous age defying fit body, no justice. Fail.
Belinda Effah, I think your dress is different and that doesnt always mean terrible, it was a welcome difference, as for that chukuchuku hair that your carrying, fire your hair stylist and get new friends because, people that will allow you to leave the house like this can poison you.
I thought Dakore Akande was gorgeous. Didn’t see anything wrong with the outfit.
Korede Bello…do something about that mushroom cloud hair. As for the suit. The less said the better.
As for Denrele, Susan peters and that chick in the pink cape, y’all realise this isn’t Carnival right?? Okay.
Nice work. But when criticizing fashion, you should always try to add corrections. Belinda Effa gave a traditional look in a contemporary way which was quite lovely. Eucharia Anunobi gave this english wicked step-mother look that is divine. Eku Edebor had a Taylor Swift Grammy look. Who better to wear a vintage print jacket if not Denola Grey (With the cheekbones that cut glass). Kate Henshaw looked so masculine! The dress was lovely though. As for Jeremiah Ogbodo, monochromatic is the word you are looking for, the hue is perfect for the red carpet. Temi Dollface gave a classy goth look with the shoes and bag. As much as I love Korede Bello (that child is do gay, he spittle is rainbow coloured) He lacks originality, DM please hire a fashion stylist for your bomboy.
Bia John Streams abi John Lakes your head there! Korede and Denola are loves of my life and they can do no wrong. Nansense
***singing godwin***
Guess denrele didn’t get d memo, he thought it was Halloween …..bitch be looking like a shekere with mask. he needs Gayvention seriously.
love funke’s dress…….but she seriously needs a new hair stylist.
Miss dakolo dress is just splendid……the kind of dress that can change a woman from d kind a man cheat on to the kind a man cheats with.
Sweet baby jesus in the gay unicorn… John Ocean you’re just a hot mess for this… Everything you said was spot on
Me thinks Eniola Baggage oops I mean Badmus and Susan Peters should have swapped clothes. By the way who was Eniola vexing for on the red carpet biko. She looked like she was about to (sweetly) bitch slap someone
Dakore Akande looked gorgeous, yes it looks like a prom dress and wasn’t really “out there” like Genny et al. But I still think she nailed the look.
As for Eucharia and Belinda, they would have looked good as part of the cast for Katy Perry’s Dark Horse video…
I laughed uncontrollably at this post….I just hope this series or section will continue….but wairraminit ! how come my ever classy Rita Dominic was not on the HITS list? She looked so sweet and classy at the awards. Biko edit this post and include my Rita before I get angry….
But Korede why did you do me like this eh? You have reduced your daddy to an object of ridicule! You shall be punished!!!