IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE OKAY

IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE OKAY

Every single time I do a HIV test (an RVST), I spend the fifteen minutes before the result is out thinking about every nasty, skanky-ass, ball-slappingly-shady piece of sex I’ve ever had.

And everyone’s got a few of those.

Like the time the condom wasn’t enough or you had cuts on your groin. “What if that one time I skinny-dipped that month was it?” “What if I’d gotten a small prick at work?” “What if this and that?” Every time, I go through the same mental anguish and then the result comes back negative.

I had another test done recently with a negative result, but before that happened, I had the same existential crisis, primarily because you never really outgrow the dread, but also because, what if by some sliver of chance, this was it?

You see, I have a partner of sorts. Amazing man, kind, warm, thoughtful and more things than words can say.

He knows I’m unconventional and he makes no complaints or demands. He’s a friend first who genuinely cares about me before he’s a partner who I occasionally have sex with.

A few days ago, on what would was about two months after we first met, we were lying down with him nestled in my arms, when he said, “I have something I would like to tell you.”

My mind raced through a thousand and one things it could possibly be, but before I could settle on one, he said, “I am HIV positive.”

The next few seconds were pivotal and I wouldn’t let silence eat into them.

I drew him close, kissed him on the cheek and asked gently in his ear, “Are you on medication?”

He said, “Yes, since the very first day.”

“How long ago?” I asked.

“Over a year now,” he replied.

“Have you done a viral load?”

“The last one was undetectable.”

I pulled him in closer still, taking in all of his essence as I embraced him, kissed him all the way from his neck to his cheek and whispered in his ear, “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, a little hesitant at what seemed to be a curt reply with little or no drama.

“Yeah,” I replied. “People don’t get HIV because they’re good people or bad people. It’s just a matter of chance. As long as you’re on medication and your load is undetectable, anyone can be safe with you. I can be safe with you. That’s what matters.”

We’d been having protected sex for the two-month stretch. He had insisted on it every single time. And it made sense now (even though it would make sense even for a negative person).

And he is an absolutely amazing man. Someone I’ve been lucky to meet in this quirky town.

So, I pulled him close and had him sleep on my chest that night. So he could know just how special he was to me.

And today, we will have dinner together.

Like nothing happened.

Because absolutely nothing did.

Written by Vhagar

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20 Comments

  1. Colossus
    March 30, 07:55 Reply

    This is the way it should be, no judgements, no condemnation, just acceptance.

  2. Realme
    March 30, 09:34 Reply

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  3. Jason
    March 30, 14:12 Reply

    Only if my ex boyfriend was like this, nigga put a dick and cummed in me on 3 occasions knowing fully well he’s Hiv+, prior to that i’ve always been asking him about his status and he stay lying.
    Even the night before we had sex I looked this nigga in the eyes and asked if there’s anything I need to worried about, oga looked me right back in the eyes and lied to me.
    Only for me to find his pills the next day while he was out cheating on me( he’s a chronic cheat). Lol

    I confronted him and we had a big fight about it, I asked him why he didn’t tell me and uncle started shedding fake tears saying he was scared of losing me, blah-blah-blah. I asked what happened to condoms and he said he was allergic… (Can you imagine ?)

    Anyways I went to the hospital, got on pep and kept on going for tests while uncle was busy having bareback sex with the whole of Aba and sleeping with anything thing on 2 legs and a pulse.

    I still continued with the relationship despite the toxicity and infidelity, but the funny part is that this nigga don’t even go for a viral load test, I opted to go with him and he refused. He kept on saying he have been having bareback sex with alot of boys before dating me and none of them have complained to him, that he’s sure he’s undetectable ( nigga don’t even go for check-ups, all he does is just take his pills which he kept on forgetting).
    While I started taking pep instead of prep just so I could be with this boy who won’t stop embarrassing me, I struggled for 11 months till my weak body gave up and realized he’s not even worth douching for. I dumped him 2 weeks ago and blocked him everywhere, while I’m here alone dealing my a chronic ulcer ( complications from my pep abuse) while oga is out there living his best life.
    According to him, he wants to enjoy whatever time he got on earth. Lol
    I just really wish he’s really undetectable and not infecting people out there.

      • Jason
        March 30, 14:25 Reply

        The funny thing is that this is some Instagram fine boy whom a lot of boys are in his dm’s planning hookups (which I saw with my own eyes when I was snooping through his phone, I almost fainted that day).
        Even the ones the ones he did already, about to do and the future intended ones too.

        Honestly I walked through hell for 11 months, I’m just glad my test been coming out negative.

        • Cedar
          April 02, 19:13 Reply

          This is what I was waiting to hear, that you’re negative! Some guys are worse than animals!!😏

    • Eddie
      March 30, 17:26 Reply

      That’s evil yo!!!
      Kinda dumbfounded.
      You’re really lucky. Your ex sounds like a real douchebag!

      • Jason
        March 30, 19:39 Reply

        He doesn’t sound, he is a DOUCHEBAG!!!
        A self-hate projecting piece of shit.
        What really motivated me to dump him was because he opened his mouth and asked me to get over the HIV debacle because I wasn’t infected, and saying I have an unforgiving spirit.
        I mean this is the same bastard sneaking out of our hotel room at 1am to go smash a hoe he lodge in the opposite room, just imagine the disrespect and humiliation I had to put up with for months.
        I just pity the unfortunate hoe he’s brainwashing right now.

        • Pink Panther
          March 30, 22:13 Reply

          God, this guy is the worst. I can’t believe what I’m reading.

        • Demi
          March 31, 04:38 Reply

          Wow.. This is quite disturbing to read.. Honestly I just try to avoid sex as much as I can, that guy is d scum of the earth, d absolute worst.. But I’m not surprised there are people like that, av had sex with someone who removed condom towards d end and guess what I didn’t know and sex can be so intense u wouldn’t even know whatsup, smh (thankfully he wasn’t pos). So when people talk about always using condom (which is unnegotiable), know that there are unscrupulous ppl that might have sinister intentions..

          • Jason
            March 31, 09:13 Reply

            That’s how they all behave and honestly speaking I don’t trust condoms for any reason whatsoever.
            Niggas be ripping and slipping shit.
            That’s what I hate doggy and during sex the only place your hands should be are on my hips/ass, once you let go I’m pushing you off. Lol

            I remember the last sex I had with my ex that made me closed my legs for months, I noticed him flickering the condoms with his nails before wearing, but there was nothing I could do because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I went ahead with the awful sex that was so painful because I was tensed and terrified.
            I had to take the condom to the bathroom and fill it up with water after he was done drilling a hole in me, but luckily it wasn’t broken,
            So since then I took a break.

      • Rudy red
        April 03, 06:29 Reply

        Being HIV positive is really not the end of the world..
        I have been a carrier of the virus for 11 years and am still counting …
        The only thing I get scard of is the that I don’t want to date anybody that is negative…
        Instead I want someone who is positive ,reason being that ,it will be less dramatic and we both will be keeping up on each other’s health..
        Guys pls always get tested ,know your status and practice safe , and most importantly when your result comes out negative, pls continue to practice safe sex and if your result comes out positive, pls take your drugs and move on .las last we go dey aiit…..

        • Francis
          April 03, 07:49 Reply

          The drama it can generate no be small thing 🤣😂 BUT don’t limit yourself in the search for a life partner sha. It’s a matter of dating someone negative who has sense. PLENTY SENSE!

        • Jason
          April 03, 09:15 Reply

          Don’t you think I know that already?
          But the fact it’s not the end of the world doesn’t mean someone who tells me he loves me everyday should be so reckless with me, despite the fact I’ve asked him countless times and he kept on lying to me.
          Honestly, call a spade a spade and don’t try justifying shit. What he did to me was outrightly evil!

          I don’t have a problem with HIV positive people, I sure as hell can date one as long as we practice a healthy lifestyle, not someone who doesn’t give a shit about his health, cheats on me with any mammal he sees above all stays lying to me every damn time.

          That nigga lucky as hell I ain’t start no drama yet…
          Because tbh, I ain’t forgiven him.

          • Francis
            April 03, 10:05 Reply

            @Jason Be calming down oh. I don’t think he is attacking you 😂. He’s just yarning his own

  4. Eddie
    March 30, 17:58 Reply

    Very heartwarming. I wish a lot of guys could be this accepting.
    👌👌

  5. Tristan
    April 04, 10:17 Reply

    With what I’m reading here , I’m so scared of dating again. I mean, when you compromise and give your all, you end up getting cheated on.

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