It’s Grindr. It’s Manjam – No, It’s FACEBOOK!

It’s Grindr. It’s Manjam – No, It’s FACEBOOK!

Recently, I decided to reactivate my Facebook page.

I use the word ‘Reactivate’ because before July, I usually only get on Facebook once in a year – on my birthday. Anybody sending me messages or friend requests then would just be wasting their precious time.

So, I got back on, changed my profile picture, uploaded new pictures, started sharing posts, and BAM! Friend requests started pouring in. I set about attending to the requests, accepting some and rejecting a few others, those accounts with names and pictures that seemed really dubious.

And then it started: the ‘Hi’ message I’d get from a male, who would suddenly want to know ‘Everything about me.’

There’s nothing really bad with getting acquainted with someone on Zuckerberg-ville, but it’s unnerving when someone forms an opinion of you just because you’re perhaps good looking or share a certain kind/amount of mutual friends with him. The worst part is that they actually drop some lame lines, coming on to me and wanting me to be the person to out myself on Facebook!

I’ve had quite a number of really messy chats. Most times, I’ve just learnt to ignore them, but then, it would be nice if we residents of the gaybourhood learned some decorum on the social media platforms that are not designed for gay hookups.

How would you ask someone his role when you don’t even know his orientation, often times blurting out the question without any preliminary? How can you out-of-the-blue compliment someone’s lips and tell him how you want a taste with no prompting from him? How can you want to know him more, and your leading question is ‘Do you like guys’?

And all this is playing out on the Facebook messenger no less!

And don’t even get me started on my Instagram drama.

Facebook is a social networking site and not a hookup site. Even if you would love to get with the person you’re networking with, be guarded. Engage him properly first. Without prior knowledge of his sexual orientation, try to maintain your initial acquaintanceship with some decorum. Look for the green light, those tell-tale signs that welcome the naughtier inquiries you want to make. Request for the person’s BBM pin or Whatsapp number and go private. And for heavenssakes, do not lead with the ‘What’s your role’ question!

Sometimes, when I get so blatantly propositioned on Facebook, I wonder at such recklessness. Is this how some gay people out themselves unnecessarily on Facebook? While I salute such bravery, I often want to opine for my own ‘cowardice’ to be saluted as well.

I get that the gay clime in this country has severely constricted the dating pool and so, gay men must randomly search for love sex anywhere they feel they can get away with it. And good luck to you when you stumble across that Facebook-er who shares your enthusiasm to get raunchy once the ‘Hello-Hi’ is out of the way.

But not everyone is the same. Not everyone is looking for the same things. More often than not, these Facebook flirtations is seen for what it is – a prelude to sex. And not everyone wants the offering of a quick shag. Some people are actually looking for something more lasting, meaningful and qualitative. And you don’t encourage the impression that you want the same things when you follow up your ‘Hi’ with ‘You’re cute, what’s your role?’

Well, I’m still waiting for a role in one of Quentin Tarantino’s movies. How about that?

Written by Hema (Formerly known as Enkayced)

Previous Photo Of The Day XLIV
Next What’s On Your Mind… IX

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 10 Comments

The Thirst Trap In My Bed

Sometimes, I feel like my aunt has clued on to the fact that I am a homosexual. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not that much of a

Profiles 106 Comments

Kenny Badmus Comes Out

This is a mistake a lot of us make. We all want to change people to conform to our preferences. We find it easier to play god in the lives

Our Stories 26 Comments


I met her first. I met her during a presentation/seminar a client company made in the company where I work: my company is a construction/geotechnical firm that takes up many


  1. ken
    October 02, 05:30 Reply

    *Eyes on Super Roll*

    Nagging that someone who’s interested in u actually made the effort to reach you…..smh. Worefa, Bubbles!

    • Mandy
      October 02, 05:49 Reply

      LOL. This one pain Ken wella. Shey you know Hema will come for you regarding this your comment, right? 🙂

  2. Hema(formerly Enkayced)
    October 02, 06:20 Reply

    Ken, you haven’t put into consideration the fact that I probably already have who I want or what I’m looking for. If I wanted to meet someone, I would be on Gaydar or Manjam.
    Then again, I’m not on either of the two.
    Obviously Ken, we are not searching for the same things.

  3. Masked Man
    October 02, 06:25 Reply


    It’s either you want to fuck or not.
    It’s not that serious. You have a choice to either reply messages or not.

    • ken
      October 02, 06:32 Reply

      Gbam! You said it all my dear

      cc: Hema

    • KryxxX
      October 02, 06:51 Reply

      Yes!!!! Its that serious! Extremely!

      • Pink Panther
        October 02, 06:52 Reply

        Now now, Kryxxx, don’t be getting your panties in a wad. 😛

      • law
        October 02, 07:57 Reply

        Saying its Extremely serious is an understatement…. All this horny hoely mofos need to take a chill pill and cool it down like really… Truth is that its not helping our movement and acceptance… My kid bro has been approached sumtimes online… and he is disgusted by it… He accepts that they are homosexuals amongst us cus am out to him and we are more closer after he found out that I am… But wen my friends start sending him request cus they see him in my pix and start asking him stupid questions…. I feel his pain…. I feel pain for me too… Really hema has said it all

      • Pink Panther
        October 02, 08:10 Reply

        So kacee has officially bae-ed MM, eh? Issorait. This yucky thing you people are now doing on KD

        • Masked Man
          October 02, 08:21 Reply

          Abeg park well, and come and wed us in a very pink way

      • Masked Man
        October 02, 08:19 Reply

        Sweetheart, I was slightly angry in a horny way. How are you?

        • kacee (MM's Bae)
          October 02, 08:47 Reply

          sweetie i’m missing u, the other side of the bed is so cold…. LMAO

  4. Francis
    October 02, 06:31 Reply

    ??? Make una calm down small na. He’s only asking that you guys restrict the hookups to them Grindr, badoo and 2go. That’s all.

    • Masked Man
      October 02, 06:36 Reply

      And who decides where I want to hook up?
      People are even hooking up on LinkedIn.

      • Pink Panther
        October 02, 06:38 Reply

        That is eh! That LinkedIn own surprised me o, when a friend told me. And it’s not just the gays propositioning themselves there. Straight people too. Like whadda — is everybody now horny everywhere? lol

        • Masked Man
          October 02, 06:46 Reply

          It’s all business na.
          The market must sell.
          Niggas are improving their marketing strategy. Enlarging their outreach.

          • Pink Panther
            October 02, 06:47 Reply

            Hahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!! Oh MM, I’ve missed your slutty wit around here.

            • Masked Man
              October 02, 06:56 Reply

              Nne m, I have missed you people too.
              Somebody said I have been on an eastern Nigeria conquest. I did not know that I am now Alexander the Great.

        • Ace
          October 02, 07:29 Reply

          LinkedIn? Seriously? Lol!

        • ken
          October 02, 07:09 Reply

          Exactly….eeeeeeeew! lol

  5. KingBey
    October 02, 06:42 Reply

    Darling, you will always be getting those messages….as long as you’re gay….whether you’re in Nigeria or any other part of this world. We act basically same. So it’s better you relax, ignore them or better still, just delete your Facebook. And yes, having mutual friends is a good way to know your orientation. So relax. It is what it is. I used to complain but now, I have learnt how to ignore funny messages. It’s not that serious.

  6. KryxxX
    October 02, 06:49 Reply

    ….After I realized that they would rather pick my ass rather than my brain(not that am Einstein anyways), I removed all my pictures nd my frequency dropped to a trickle till someone bought my matter(Hi Mac! Lol)! And guess what, everything stopped! No more wooing, love @ first sight, likes nd all! At least I still got real buddies still left in there! Thank God!

    I am more than my body or what you see online(far different world from reality). Everybody ain’t same! How about you try getting into d brain of d fellow u like, there ass might follow suit! Make them your friend! At least just pretend to be interested in other tinz apart from d obvious!

    The one that annoys me most is the “were do you stay” question! Mba, I stay in Mars! Right turn after Venus! How about we shag on my dad’s bed!

  7. KryxxX
    October 02, 06:54 Reply

    ….After I realized that they would rather pick my ass than my brain(not that am Einstein anyways), I removed all my pictures nd my frequency dropped to a trickle till someone bought my matter(Hi Mac! Lol)! And guess what, everything stopped! No more wooing, love @ first sight, likes nd all! At least I still got real buddies left in there! Thank God!

    I am more than my body or what you see online(far different world from reality). Everybody ain’t same! How about you try getting into d brain of d fellow u like, there ass might follow suit! Make them your friend! At least just pretend to be interested in other tinz apart from d obvious!

    The one that annoys me most is the “were do you stay” question! Mba, I stay in Mars! Right turn after Venus! How about we shag on my dad’s bed!

    • ken
      October 02, 07:13 Reply

      ALERT: Wailer Spotted!

      If you want someone to appreciate u for your brain instead of looks, how about becoming a rocket scientist instead of posting nude/suggestive pics online??

      • KryxxX
        October 02, 07:34 Reply

        Ah! This Ken shaa! I haff turned awon wailing wailers abi! Do I look like PDP to you?!

        Am very sure that with your analysis, all models(maybe d underwear ones) should be judged by just their bodies right? They should just b termed “props”! I wonder how it would sound to you if you go to d pool nd someone approaches u with these words “Hi! I like your body! I like ur ass! Are u gay, bi or straight? Where do u stay?”. Or even worse “I want to fuck you!”. And by the way, maybe mine r suggestive but Hema never said he posted nude or suggestive pictures! Just pictures!

        Well, lets just say I was naive then but I now know better!

        • ken
          October 02, 08:47 Reply

          Well isnt that basically how all gay chats go??

          Whats the point of being shady pretending like u want something u dont. Guess what, not everybody is looking for relatnship all the time, some pple just wanna shag and be done with it. If u not game, u can always politely decline.

          Dont be telling guys to pretend they interested in some other part of u (like your brain or amazing cooking skills) when its obviously not on display.

          And yes, I would consider it a compliment if a guy said he is attracted to me. Not bcos am a whore, but it simply means someone finds me attractive….hehehe

          You can form all righteousness from here till thy kingdom come, its not like u guys are gonna end up married. So stop whinning already, its beneath u!

          • Pink Panther
            October 02, 09:00 Reply

            PREACH, ken! PREACH!!! *waving hands Hallelujah style*

          • KryxxX
            October 02, 11:15 Reply

            Thank God the word “Tact” hasn’t disappeared from d English dictionary! It helps………..a lot!

            And aunty Pinky, be shouting upandan oh! Thats how u will not talk now but LSTC will now do d talking! Just continue! Lol!

      • Hema(formerly Enkayced)
        October 02, 07:59 Reply

        Ken and MM,
        Pinky and DM know me a bit. At least they know what my Instagram and Facebook looks like.
        I run very professional accounts because of what I do.
        Even my Twitter is saintly.
        So Ken, I’m not judging you for having very creative ways of stalking prey on Facebook, I’m only saying it would be nice if you avoid potential Kito by getting to know people personally before asking some senseless questions.
        I wish I could share some screen grabs but it would be flogging a dead horse.
        Anyway, it’s my take.
        Who knows… Yours can be right.

        • Pink Panther
          October 02, 08:01 Reply

          ‘So Ken, I’m not judging you for having very creative ways of stalking prey on Facebook…’

          Dang! LMAO!!!! A shade inside a politically correct statement. Jisox! Hahahahahaaa

          • ken
            October 02, 08:40 Reply

            Em, whats funny??

            I dont stalk prey on facebook or anywhere. I dont have time for all those trash. My point is if u log into facebook, I would think the whole point is to communicate with others. And if u dont like the chat u can easily ignore/ block the person rather than cry crocodile tears that smone is chasing u for sex! Like really???

    • Francis
      October 02, 07:16 Reply

      ??. Straight to the point na. Makes dem avoid wasting data on potential conquest wey dey out of town.

    • Masked Man
      October 02, 07:31 Reply

      Kryxxx, I just don’t want to pick on you regarding this your comment. Let me keep quiet. I’ll settle your matter later

      • KryxxX
        October 02, 07:53 Reply

        If am actually thinking what you r thinking, then that “your picking” would be for the other KryxxX. Am done and dusted! Tired of d ish! And pls dont stare too long @ my Twittosphere, might go down soon! Thank you nd pls stop using d word bitch or bitches, makes you less a gent.

  8. Henrie
    October 02, 07:24 Reply

    I think it mostly has to do with how you run your account. If your Facebook page is an extension of your IG account, then surely that’s what you’ll be assumed to be searching for. Just like kryxx said, “…go after the brain.” But when there’s nothing coming out of the brain to be seen on your wall, they’ll definitely come after what you’re advertising…

  9. Dennis Macaulay
    October 02, 07:30 Reply

    I hate being objectified so this sort of thing annoys me.

    Luckily the settings on Facebook for Android allows you to avoid this kind of bullshit!

    The LinkedIn I experienced it personally, it was grotesque because my resume is posted on my LinkedIn and my resume has my phone number, so after ignoring the guy he came on WhatsApp.


  10. Ace
    October 02, 07:35 Reply

    Oh my inbox on Facebook. I don’t even want to go there. I have implemented every security setting for my wall and prevented pictures I am tagged in to go straight to my wall. One thing I know is that I will never ignore a message on Facebook but if you come they yarn many-many, I go just off you.

  11. james bruno
    October 02, 08:05 Reply

    i actually don’t think it’s that serious. you are not required to reply messages or accept friend requests. ignore and move on.

  12. kacee (MM's Bae)
    October 02, 08:25 Reply

    Some people are So ANNOYING on facebook one even sent me a direct message asking if i was a lesbian ( who says that), see me see trouble as if Lesbian is written on my forehead. This days small small boys who aren’t my type and will NEVER ever be my type are always sending me dm’s saying “hi babe”, “I’ll like to know u better” WTH. I just wish I could just add dyke to my profile… mchewww

  13. JustJames
    October 02, 08:38 Reply

    The only thing I have to say is that I am grateful to whoever invented the mutual friends thingy… There’s So much you can gather from that information.. *snuggles with deaf cat*

  14. Francis
    October 02, 08:42 Reply

    Beware of mutual friends, the greatest of con artists sabi use am die.

  15. Chizzie
    October 02, 08:55 Reply

    Actually I think facebook is a better way to meet guys than conventional gay sites because you get to see thier full names and pictures, plus the schools they attended and what not. You’re privy to alot a information so you can tell that they are legit and aren’t out to blackmail you which is a good thing. Usually when a guy msgs me on Facebook, I instantly know he’s gay, ’cause straight guys don’t go chatting guys up at random, and the fact that we end up having a ton of mutual friends also helps; If they’re hot, I ask for their pin and the rest becomes history.

    Sometimes its good to hit the nail on the head, If you find someone sexually attractive and there’s the slightest inclination that the feeling is mutual then by all means commence with the necessary shag preparations. At the end of the day you aren’t Mother Theresa . So girl don’t be such a prude

    • Ace
      October 02, 09:12 Reply

      Lol… Chizzie and his matter-of-fact opinions. True words though.

  16. Max
    October 02, 09:17 Reply

    This sounds like it was written by me. ??? applause.
    But wait oh @Enkayced, you’ve changed oh. I certainly would’ve liked you more while we were in school if I had seen this side of you.

    • Hema
      October 02, 09:28 Reply

      Unfortunately, I don’t know you. Anyway, I’ve never changed. You didn’t know me.
      For those saying it’s not serious, how will Heteros take us serious when we are always propositioning every fine guy we see on Facebook?
      It doesn’t help when we say we want acceptance yet it seems we are on a mission to bed everyone who replies our messages.
      To each his own but if I manage to accept your friend request and see a ‘What’s your role?’ Question in my inbox, it will remain unanswered.

      • Max
        October 02, 12:50 Reply

        Lol, you know me. You just don’t know my KD monicker. ☺

        • Hema
          October 02, 20:36 Reply

          Nice. I assume it will remain that way for a long time.

  17. Uziel
    October 02, 09:38 Reply

    I’m one of the people who aren’t offended by this. If someone sends me a message and I don’t like them or what they are saying, I tell them or just ignore them. If you don’t like being popular, you can change your settings to make you invisible to a range of people. That should solve all of una wahala.

  18. sensei
    October 02, 09:42 Reply

    This is about tact and decorum.
    It’s either you got it or you don’t.
    Some people don’t care how you approach them. Some do. We aren’t all the same. Those who don’t care will blend, those who care will not. That’s the Law of attraction at work and all is well with the universe.
    And is it smart to allow “shag fever” grip us to the extent that we throw all caution to the wind? That’s the question.

    • Hema
      October 02, 09:55 Reply

      Thank you Sensei… And Max… And Law.
      It seems only you guys get what I’m trying to postulate.

  19. Max
    October 02, 09:49 Reply

    The world will never be free of crime… It doesn’t mean we’ll retire all the cops and military.
    Gay people will never stop being cheap, desperate, worthless and trashy hoes.. Doesn’t mean we’ll stop speaking against it.

  20. Kerr
    October 02, 09:59 Reply

    The one that shocks me is how people hook up on INSTAGRAM … Like seriously…!!???
    LinkedIn? That’s another wowzer.

  21. sinnex
    October 02, 10:31 Reply

    To each his own. What works for you might not work for the guy next door. This won’t stop me from stalking guys on Facebook and looking at pictures. If you interest me, I would send you a request and chat you up. Your response determines the next line of action, if you are not into me, I would move on to the next, you are not the only cute guy around. The only issue I have is that one should know when to stop. If someone is not into you, the person is just not into you. I still think Facebook is the best way to meet guys. It is less stressful and drama free. The only grouse I have is that someone might decide to act funny by screenshoting my conversation with them while blurring their names and sharing it to the world. I often wonder what happens when I become a known face…

    • Danish
      October 02, 15:02 Reply

      This fear of what happens when one becomes popular is what has kept me from chatting up dudes I like. So sad.

  22. Khaleesi
    October 02, 11:21 Reply

    Awww Hema, nice one, well facebook like most other social media channels has been eagerly embraced as a means of hooking up, not just by gays, I also get hit on a lot by straight women on facebook.

        • Francis
          October 02, 13:12 Reply

          *side eye* person no fit ask innocent question again? Hian. I no sabi throw shade like una abeg ?

  23. Khaleesi
    October 02, 11:35 Reply

    Nothing really wrong in reaching out to someone you find attractive and wish to get to know better. The keywords are tact and decorum as someone else said; you’ve got to keep it decent and guage the mood of the person you’re reaching out to. I get hits on FB all the time from guys, if i odnt like you, i simply ignore you till u fade away … Hema, no need breaking your head over this issue, you have however made a valid observation ..

  24. Teflondon
    October 02, 11:37 Reply

    All I could read was Drama, Drama, Drama!!
    Facebook I beleive is still the best place to meet a potential shag or love interest. By far the best if I may add. With facebook you don’t need to be on any Gay-hook up site or be roaming around different hook up sites. Just like myself I use only Facebook and it’s been serving it’s purpose wonderfully for years now. I’ve never been on Manjam, Gaydar, Grindr and the likes and thanks to Facebook am not missing out on nothing.
    Long story short, Facebook gives you back what you allow it. There are settings you can use to allow what you want and block what you don’t. If all you have are slutty Facebook pals that just want to shag, it’s your fault. Cause you added them there. By their Pic and a little info on people’s profile you would know if one is discreet and responsible.
    If you ask me, I think today’s rant wasn’t necessary one bit. It’s a problem you could have fixed without raising a fuzz abt.
    For those that like slut shamming on here all the time… We all have one skeleton or the other in our wardrobes you know.. No one is a saints!

    Adjust my **Team Slutty and proud** badge on my chest.

  25. Colossus
    October 02, 13:29 Reply

    ait, let me get this straight. Tact and decorum is right for Facebook but not for manjam and grindr?
    Does it matter? People are ultimately different, you get to choose how you play it. When he propositions without tact on Facebook, why don’t you ignore? Yes you’ll be irritated, I always am but still, ignore. Give a cold shoulder, move on. Not everybody would have the decorum you speak, not everyone even feel it’s necessary. You seek friendship first, he seeks sex immediately so clearly, your priorities don’t align and if you can’t get it to align, move on.

  26. Delle
    October 02, 14:18 Reply

    Criosly its irking 2 say d least! D mst irritating of it all is nw d ‘marriage’ ish. Nigerian men hv gone past askin 4 ‘roles’ (like we r in a Nollywood set), stating hw delicious one’s lips taste (online oh!) nd all worth not, jux 2 get in d pants of someone dey lust after. D trending is nw ‘I wnt 2 marry u’. Nigguh pls! In as much as m d ‘lovey-dovey’ type nd wud so love 4 an anti-homophobic country…I knw no gay man in Nigeria is willing nd ready 2 get married 2 his fellow man…at least nt nw. So whts d self-deceit 4?
    Pls dis post shud be put on dat social village called facebook…d minions dere hv 2 understand dat dere r berra ways of gettin one’s attention dan usin ur arm pits 2 fink instead of d original organ, brain!
    Gayism isn’t jux about d sex… honey, love cud be attained…

    • Colossus
      October 02, 15:09 Reply

      Gayism? Well there is a word I never thought I’ll see here

    • Colossus
      October 02, 15:10 Reply

      Gayism? There is the word I never thought I’ll see here

      • Pink Panther
        October 02, 15:40 Reply

        Lol. The day I see ‘homosexualism’, I’m packing up Kito Diaries. Aswear.

      • Francis
        October 02, 15:55 Reply

        TB dey feature well well for here so why won’t gayism make an appearance. Lol

      • Heiress
        October 02, 20:28 Reply

        I refused to be associated with anyone who uses that word “Gayism”. Smh just ruined my day mschew

  27. iamcoy
    October 02, 19:21 Reply

    That TB thing cracks me up everytime and it’s the pronunciation. . T is pronounced with a rising pitch on G scale on the solfa notation and B is pronounced with a descending pitch with a B minus scale on the solfa notation.
    Btw I think this post was a bit unnecessary until tact and decorum came into the comment section. Tact and decorum should be applied everywhere (manjam or hornet or bla bla). Facebook still remains one of the safest ways to meet a consort, I am yet to read of a kito story where Facebook was the amalgam. I stand to be corrected

  28. PP's bae
    October 02, 23:59 Reply

    the truth is that…most “homosexualists” who practice “gayism” not care…as long as you have up to twelve mutual friends..ur automatically gay…if you come fine join…the rest they say….is history
    hi PP.

  29. Delle
    October 03, 01:13 Reply

    *I laff throway handbag*

    Lol Dennis. I believe its English m keying in here. Well dere are words I form just so I’d stay within my comfort zone. D word ‘homosexuality’ is kinda ambiguous 2 me, so I prefer using ‘gayism’…sorry 2 dose who take strong exceptions 2 d word and my way of expressing myself.

    I dnt want 2 believe I sensed spite in some peepo’s comments tho.

Leave a Reply